Walking Through Darkness - 3. Darkest Thought's

Oh now this one was very good. There was a rhythm here, which made it easy to read. You got your point across beautifully.
Try to watch using the same words more than once, in a short poem like this one. For example here:
life ended.....
How great for all if that's where it ended.
Maybe just as effective would be:
life ended.
How great for all if that's where it ....
Just a thought.. anyway, watch your grammar and the use of ellipses (... or .... at the end of a sentence).

Angel -- I don't know how I missed the rest of your poems! I'm sorry!!

This poem was definitely tragic. In fact, no offense to your writing because it is terrific, I did like Tim's ending better; it's definitely more effective leaving off the last 'ended'.

Your writing is beautiful, and your poems always evoke strong emotions in me.

I just wanted to point out some spelling errors in case you wanted to go back and fix them:
'thought's', 'seem's', and 'lesson's' don't take and apostrophe, but 'lifes' does. The words should be written: thoughts, seems, lessons, and life's because the first three words are plural, not possessive and not contractions, so there are no apostrophes. 'Life's' takes the apostrophe because it's a possessive word, in the case of your poem, 'lessons'' belongs to 'life's', as in 'life's lessons'. The same as Angel's poems -- the poems belong to Angel.

Also, with 'problems to great, life to short', the 'to' should be 'too'.

Anyway, sorry for pointing these out, but even though the poem is wonderful, it'll read better with the proper spelling. =)

On 11/27/2015 at 2:25 PM, Mikiesboy said:

Oh now this one was very good. There was a rhythm here, which made it easy to read. You got your point across beautifully.
Try to watch using the same words more than once, in a short poem like this one. For example here:
life ended.....
How great for all if that's where it ended.
Maybe just as effective would be:
life ended.
How great for all if that's where it ....
Just a thought.. anyway, watch your grammar and the use of ellipses (... or .... at the end of a sentence).

I took your advice and changed it, thank you for pointing out things that I didn't notice when I wrote this.

Thank you for reading.