The Art of Being Gay - 8. Visiting

Visiting

By the time Roy and Chad reached the parking garage, the evening light had faded away. There were prolonged shadows from the last vestiges of daylight and they didn’t see Peterson until they got to Roy’s vehicle. He stepped forward and Chad gasped in surprise.

“Sorry about that,” Peterson said immediately. “I guess I freaked out a little.”

“You promised not to wig out on us,” Roy laughed. “But- I would have felt the same way.”

“It was such a surprise seeing Paul there. I never imagined seeing anyone I’d know,” Peterson said in a rush.

“He was as shocked as you,” Roy said. “Don’t worry. He promised not to tell anyone.”

“Oh!” Peterson exclaimed. He pushed his glasses up his nose. “Okay, I guess.”

“Just don’t rat out the poor kid to his parents,” Chad said with a smirk.

“I wouldn’t do that,” Peterson shot back. “What kind of guy do you think I am?”

“You don’t wanna know,” Chad chuckled. Let the guy wonder a little, he deserved it.

Roy looked back and forth at each of them, a grimace twisting his face. “I don’t know why you two can’t get along.”

“It’s obvious he doesn’t like me for some reason,” Chad said in a huff.

“Feeling’s mutual I’m sure,” Peterson said scowling at the bigger man.

“When have I ever-” Chad started angrily.

“It’s always, ‘poor Chad, with the horrible life,” Peterson interrupted. “I’m sick of hearing about it.”

“At least I’m not some bitch constantly riding other people for nothing. Is your life so emptythat harassing me is the only thing that gives you any satisfaction?” Chad yelled. He clenched his fists and glared at the other man.

“Fuck off, Chad,” Peterson bellowed. “You don’t know anything about me.”

“I know you’re a loser who has to tag along with his coworkers because his life is so empty,” Chad snorted and waved his hand dismissively.

“And you have to go running to Roy every time I say something you don’t like,” Peterson hollered back, his voice echoing off the concrete. “You’re the pathetic one.”

“Both of you, shut up,” Roy snapped. “I’m sick of your bitching about the other. You ruined a perfectly good evening.” Roy hit the opener on the SUV and climbed inside. “Either get in or pay for a cab. I’m leaving.”

Peterson opened the rear door and climbed in. Chad snorted and marched around to the passenger side and got in. Roy was red faced and breathing heavily.

“Listen, Roy, I’m sorry,” Chad said softly. He hated when his temper got the worst of him. All his frustration with Peterson had come pouring out unfiltered. Now, his only friend here was mad too.

“I dropped a hundred dollars taking you guys here and all I get is your bickering. You’re more like a couple of drag queens fighting over a wig than anything else,” his boss barked. “I’m sick of you both.”

Chad sighed and looked at the rear view mirror. Peterson was hunched in the back seat looking forlorn. Roy was pissed. He felt like his friendship with his boss was teetering. Chad didn’t know what to do. His instinct was to make friends with Peterson, thus settling Roy down. But, the guy was as prickly as a cactus and had the personality of a hissing snake. Nothing he said would paper over their differences.

Roy drove out from downtown still fuming and an uncomfortable silence settled over the three men.

They were on the highway, only a few miles from home when they heard the bang. It was like a gun shot. Chad saw Roy struggling with the steering wheel. The SUV was thundering toward the shoulder. A loud, thump, thump, thump was heard throughout the cabin of the vehicle.

“Fuck!” Roy yelled. “I blew a tire.” Chad braced himself as Roy pulled the limping vehicle to the side of the road. “Goddamn it!” Roy shouted, slamming the dashboard with his hand. “First two assholes ruin my night and then a flat tire. Shit!”

“I can change-” Chad began.

“NO!” Roy roared. “I don’t wanna look at either of you right now. Just stay here and I’ll put on the spare.”

“Roy, let me…”

“Don’t bother,” Roy interrupted. There was fire in his eyes and his lips were snarling. “Stay put.”

Roy got out of the vehicle and Chad listened to the banging and swearing as his boss pulled free the tools from the back. He looked back and Peterson was curled against the car door. He had the saddest look on his face. It was like his world had crumbled into little pieces.

Chad turned back around and pulled out his phone. No messages. His heart sank. He thought he’d hear from Justin this evening. With Roy mad and Justin incommunicado, Chad felt a deep sadness fill his gut. He sat and wondered again why he was here.

“I’m sorry,” Peterson said, his voice sounding reedy and thin.

Chad didn’t say anything at first. He was afraid he’d say the wrong thing again. His own nature didn’t allow that. He opened and closed his mouth and finally said, “I’m sorry too.”

Peterson didn’t respond at first. After a minute more of Roy’s distant swearing and kicking the vehicle with muffled bangs, the other man spoke. “No, I’m sorry I butted in and invited myself along. I shouldn’t have.”

Chad turned. “Don’t worry about it. We invited you.” He tried smiling at Peterson, but he wasn’t looking at him anyway.

“I should have kept my big mouth shut.” Peterson said. Chad thought he could hear a little catch in his voice.

“I don’t know why you wanted to come,” Chad said. He paused and thought. “Let’s try this from the beginning. I don’t dislike you, Peterson. Can we be civil? If not for us, we should do it for Roy.”

Peterson turned and looked at him. A thin smile crossed his lips. “Okay. I’ll try.”

“Why did you come with us?” Chad asked, truly wanting to know. Peterson’s face screwed up as a mix of emotions seemed to compete. Chad watched as the other man’s eyes dropped and his facial muscles twitched in confustion. The sight was a familiar one, though he hadn’t seen it in quite some time.

When Justin was a boy, pre-kindergarten in fact, he’d have that conflicted look on his face quite often. Usually what followed was a temper tantrum or an explosion of anger. It was so unlike the otherwise sweet little boy. Chad remembered all the talks he had with Eileen about Justin’s fits. His son’s outbursts were short-lived and followed by tearful pleas for forgiveness. Neither of them knew what to do about it.

Then, one day Chad realized what got his son so upset. He was frustrated. Justin was trying to express something and he couldn’t find the words to say it. As his temper rose, the frustration grew worse. This epiphany changed everything. The next time Chad saw Justin begin to lose control, he tried something different. When he saw his son’s face begin running through the gamut of emotions, he took a different tack.

He asked him questions.

Justin had responded quickly and positively to this new strategy. Chad would ask him what he was feeling, using questions to uncover his state of mind. Justin would say he was a little mad, and a little hurt, and felt sad, all at the same time. Chad explained he was feeling embarrassed. Justin soaked up the word like he was parched. The word gave him power over his emotions.

The next time, Justin said he was a little scared, slightly fidgety, and somewhat shaky. Chad told his son he was feeling anxious or nervous. Justin had beamed at learning this. Suddenly, his strange mix of emotions had substance and meaning. From that point on, his little boy would come to Chad and ask what word he was feeling.

Chad figured it was at that point his son fell in love with words. Justin would tell his father he was being “stormy” and wanted help with it. Sometimes, Chad struggled with what the little boy said, but he tried and that seemed to be enough. Eventually after he started school and learned to read, Justin would go to the dictionary and find the word. He’d come running to Chad to tell him of his discovery.

What Chad saw on Peterson’s face was that the man felt “stormy” too. Would that work with an adult like Peterson? Sure, the guy would probably lash out at him, but he had to try. The image of Roy’s angry face was haunting him.

“Are you still angry?” Chad asked softly.

“No. Not really,” he said with a pout. “I’m more hurt than anything else.”

“Do you feel lonely at all?” Chad asked watching the man’s face begin to relax.

“I guess,” was Peterson’s response. “I didn’t want to get left out, again.”

Chad smiled. “Did you enjoy the show?”

Peterson’s face began twitching again. Chad could see a brief flash of anger, then resignation. “I did. I was nervous about it, but I didn’t want to miss out. I couldn’t go to my empty house knowing you and Roy were out somewhere having fun.”

“What about your wife?” Chad asked without thinking.

“My wife?” Peterson asked, confused. “I’m not married. I’ve never been married.”

“Oh,” Chad said. He paused. “Paul, the guy from the club, said something about Mrs. Peterson.”

Peterson shook his head slowly. “Paul’s been gone a while. He probably didn’t know.”

“Know what?” Chad asked.

“My mother died last year. We went to church together. That’s who he was talking about,” Peterson said. “She’s gone now.”

Chad watched as the man continued to struggle. He seemed to want to say something else.

“You can tell me anything and I won’t say a word,” Chad said.

“What do you want me to tell you?” Peterson snorted. “Do you want me to tell you I’m a thirty-something man who lived his whole life with his mother because he’s scared to be alone? Is that what you want me to say? Are you and Roy going to laugh at the pathetic momma’s boy who has no life of his own?”

Chad pulled back instinctively looking away. The other man’s cross eye was bearing down on him and it was unnerving. “Peterson,” he said calmly. “I’d never laugh at you.”

Peterson looked away out the window. “You know it hurts when you do that.”

“What hurts?” Chad asked, genuinely confused.

“When you look away,” he said. “Roy never looks away. He’s the only person I know, besides my mother, who doesn’t look away when I talk to them. Of course, now my mother’s gone so I guess Roy is the only person left who doesn’t see me as a freak.”

Chad saw the man was crying now. It wasn’t the whimpering kind but the proud tears of a man in silent pain. Peterson didn’t even wipe his cheeks. Instead he looked defiantly at Chad, his one eye focusing on him and the other peering to his left.

Chad forced himself to look the man square in the face. “Then I’m the one who should apologize. I’ve never thought you are a freak.”

“No one admits it,” Peterson said looking down.

“That waiter didn’t think you were a freak,” Chad said, suppressing a grin. “He came back before you left and wondered where you’d gone.”

Peterson didn’t say anything at first. “He works for tips. Of course he wonders where his customers went.”

“He bought your first drink. You hadn’t tipped him at all, but he was flirting with you,” Chad said.

“The waiter was being nice,” Peterson said though, he didn’t sound quite as sure.

“The waiter was hitting on you. He thought you were hot,” Chad chuckled. “Does that bother you?”

“No,” Peterson said, the ghost of a smile passing over his face.

“Peterson, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but are you gay?” Chad asked carefully.

“I don’t know,” Peterson said quickly. After a few uncomfortable moments he said, “It’s possible I’m bisexual.”

Chad chewed on his lip. “You mean like Elton John in the eighties, bi? Or are you bi, as in attracted to women and men?”

Peterson’s lip quivered. “You’re making fun of me.”

Chad laughed. “Actually, I’m making fun of Elton John.”

Peterson grinned. “I’m Elton John, bi. But, I’m not ready to tell people. Whatever you do, don’t tell Roy.”

“Why? Roy is as gay as a bag of bows. He won’t care,” Chad said.

“Don’t betray my trust,” Peterson said, his face growing stormy again.

“I won’t,” Chad said shaking his head. “It’s your tale to tell when you’re ready.”

“Thank you,” Peterson said. He scooted forward in the seat and tentatively held out his hand. “Are we good?”

Chad grinned and shook, pulling the man forward. He hugged him awkwardly with one arm. “We’re friends. Roy will be relieved.”

“Roy’s mind will be blown,” Peterson chuckled.

“Alright you two,” they heard as Roy climbed into the driver’s seat. “I’ve got the spare on. Let’s end this godforsaken night.”

“It’s early,” Chad said, smacking his boss on the shoulder. “Instead of calling it a night, let’s play cards.”

“Not with you two,” Roy groused. “I want some peace and quiet.”

Chad looked back at Peterson. “Wanna play cards and drink some beer?”

“Sure,” Peterson said. “Now that we’ve mended our fences, I think that would be fun. Roy, wanna join us?”

Roy stopped putting the key in the ignition. He looked up into the rear view mirror at a smiling, happy Peterson. He glanced over at a grinning Chad. “What the hell?”

“Drop me off at the store and I’ll get some munchies,” Peterson said. “We can meet at Roy’s house.”

“I’ll get a twelve pack. It’s about seven o’clock now. How about we shoot for eight?” Chad answered him.

“What happened in the last ten minutes?” Roy asked.

“We’re friends now. Join us playing cards and we’ll get you all caught up,” Chad said. “Your house okay?”

“Yeah,” Roy said with a sigh. “My house works just fine.”

*************

Roy wasn’t sure what he expected when Justin stepped from the car, but it wasn’t that. He was about as tall as Chad, almost as broad. His coloring was lighter. There was a boyish fleshiness to his face and an open innocence Chad didn’t have. When the girl got out of the other door, he was even more shocked.

The girl was gorgeous.

Roy had always wondered about what brought couples together. Sometimes, he’d sit in the mall or a bar and try to figure out what drew them to each other. There were couples that looked like couples. Sometimes they were older and seemed to resemble one another, like siblings more than a relationship. They wore clothes that didn’t exactly match, but they went together, like a set. He had two teachers in high school who were married. They were both always dressed in similar colors and it was strange how they looked like a television advertisement couple. The perfect set of coordinating figures, dressed by a costume designer to look like they fit.

Other times, he’d see a couple and they didn’t look alike, but they seemed to work. Both were plain or beautiful. Again, it was like a cosmic organizer placed these matched sets together using attractiveness, or lack thereof, as a kind of glue. When the couple was ugly, he imagined how they settled on the partner they could get who didn’t over shadow them. If they were both beautiful, he could see what drew them together without much thought. Who wouldn’t want a partner as physically attractive as yourself?

The couples that didn’t make sense were those so mismatched it made your jaw drop. There would be this fit, handsome man with the perfectly proportioned body and he would be married to a fat cow. Or, this svelte, curvy woman, who could be a model, would be coupled with a skinny, gaunt man with a face only a mother could love. It perplexed him.

As did Justin and Candy.

Candy was the perfectly formed woman with a generous perky bosom and an hourglass figure. She had lovely brown hair that looked healthy and bounced with each step. Her face was open, expressive, and lovely with a small nose, full lips, and big, beautiful eyes.

As they walked together toward him, Roy almost shook his head. Justin was as ordinary as dirt. Next to the amazing Candy, his plainness was almost accentuated. His oval face was smiling, but it was placid and dull.

“You must be our host, Roy. My dad has said you offered your home to us,” Justin said, and that’s when Roy saw it. In the young man’s eyes glowed the kind of vitality and intelligence his face couldn’t relay. There was a generosity about his look. The young man exuded genuine thankfulness. Candy moved closer and hugged his side like a shadow.

“Justin, it’s great to meet you,” Roy said, minding his manners. “And you must be the lovely Candy.”

“Nice to meet you,” she said flickering her eyelashes. “Thanks for having us.”

She was a stunner.

“Let’s get your bags and I’ll show you to your room,” Roy said, breaking away from her hand. He looked up and Chad had already pulled the luggage from the trunk. He shut it and smiled at Roy broadly. That’s when he saw the jolt of Justin’s genuineness. He inherited that directly from his father. Until Roy met Justin, he’d missed what it actually meant. The look he’d come to trust was right there. How had he missed that?

“Justin? How many bags did you guys bring? Is the kitchen sink in the back seat or something?” Chad shouted at them. His face was filled with mirth.

“Don’t blame me,” Candy laughed. “Only one bag is mine.”

“I didn’t know what we’d be doing,” Justin chuckled. “I may have gone a little overboard.”

Roy watched as Chad loaded himself up with two gym bags and a suitcase in each hand. His face was beaming. “Come grab the last two bags, son,” he called out.

“He’s such a clothes-horse,” Candy giggled into Roy’s ear. “He needs the perfect outfit for every situation.”

“I’m not that bad,” Justin laughed as he walked back to grab two suitcases on wheels.

“You’re staying a weekend, not for a month-long vacation,” Chad said, his eyes flashing. Roy smiled without noticing it. Candy looked at him and smirked.

“What?” Roy asked following her toward the front door.

“Nothing,” she said and followed Chad into the house.

“You are bunking back here,” Roy said, waking from his reverie. “I’m not sure there’s room to unpack all your stuff.”

“We’ll be fine,” Candy said patting his arm. “Are you sure this isn’t putting you out?”

“No. It’s a three bedroom house. I like actually using all the rooms once in a while,” Roy said.

“We feel bad about separating you and Chad for the weekend,” she said quietly. “You know neither of us minds.”

“Oh. No.” Roy’s brain slowly clicked putting the suggestions into context. “Justin’s dad and I are friends. That’s all. We’re not together like that.”

“Oh,” she said, her eyebrows knit closely. “Okay. That’s cool.”

“No, really,” Roy said in a rush. “Chad’s great and everything…”

“I’m sorry,” Candy said. “We don’t want to be a problem.”

“You’re not,” Roy assured her. “I’ve got some snacks ready when you’ve gotten settled. The kitchen is right down the hall.” He wandered down and wondered what they thought about him and Chad. Had Chad suggested they were more than friends? Candy certainly thought so.

“Thanks again for this, Roy,” Chad said behind him. “I’m so excited for this weekend.”

“I hope you guys have fun,” Roy said evenly. “I’ll stay out of your hair.”

“Come to dinner with us tonight,” Chad said. “It’s the least we can do.”

“You should have time alone with your son.” Roy shook his head. “I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“Come on, Roy,” they heard behind them. “I wanna get to know my dad’s new squeeze.” It was a grinning Justin.

“Justin, we are not together. I’ve told you that,” Chad smiled and shook his head. “He’s just teasing me.”

“Mom’s got a new boyfriend so if my dad does too, I think that’s pretty cool,” Justin said. Candy was grinning behind him.

“Eileen’s dating someone?” Chad said, his mouth dropping open. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It’s supposed to be some big secret,” Justin said.

“He even played her for some extra cash for this weekend,” Candy giggled. “He said he couldn’t go because of the cost of gas. She couldn’t get her wallet out fast enough.”

“Eileen’s seeing someone,” Chad said, looking off in the distance.

“It’s about time. You’ve been divorced for seven years,” Justin said. He popped some cheese curls into his mouth and munched happily.

“That’s good,” Chad said after a moment. “I’m glad.”

“I think when you came out of the closet it gave her the feeling she could move on,” Justin said. He moved over to the plate of pickles wrapped in cream cheese and dried beef. “She hasn’t been as much of a bitch lately.”

“Who is she seeing?” Chad asked, ignoring his son’s remark about his mother.

“Toby Gilliam. I think he sells insurance or something,” Candy said, helping herself to the chips and clam dip. “Do you know him?”

“I do,” Chad said. Roy moved closer and patted his friend on the arm.

“Are you okay?” he asked his employee.

“No. I’m good. I mean, I’m glad she’s moving on,” Chad stuttered. Roy watched as his friend’s face broke into a smile. “It’s a relief, actually.”

Roy smiled back and looked over at Justin and Candy. They were both looking at them. Roy stepped away like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t. They looked at each other and smiled knowingly.

“These are awesome,” Justin said, taking a bite from a deviled egg. “We never get these except at Christmas.”

“I’m glad you like them,” Roy said. The two teenagers were devouring the snacks like a cloud of locusts. He made a note to bring more groceries home.

“Dad, can we stay in tonight? It was a long drive,” Justin said. He sat at the table and pulled the plate of pickles in front of him.

“We could order a pizza,” Roy said. He, too, sat at the table and watched as Candy finished up the bowl of chips.

“Do you have any games?” she asked Roy after pushing the empty bowl away from her.

“I have Risk and Monopoly, oh, and Win, Lose, or Draw,” Roy answered.

“Are you sure? We don’t have to stay out late,” Chad said, looking happier than Roy had ever seen.

“We can catch up here and chill,” Justin said with a burp. He pulled the deviled eggs closer and picked up one. He turned to Candy and fed it to her. Her face bunched with delight.

“If you’re sure,” Chad said, pulling out a chair.

“Got anymore chips?” Candy asked shyly. Roy laughed and went to the cupboard.

**************

“Justin, you grab the game console and I’ll order the pizzas,” Chad said, getting out of the chair.

For the past hour and a half, Justin and Candy had finished off the table full of snacks and half the pop Roy had in the fridge. He’d grabbed a couple more twelve packs and was putting them in to get cold. Chad was off in the living room with the phone, shouting orders for three pies while Candy quietly watched as Roy worked.

“I see the way you look at him,” she said after Roy closed the refrigerator door. “It’s sweet.”

“We’re not…”

“I know, I know,” Candy said, smirking at him. “You ever thought about it?”

Roy stood up and was about to respond when he realized he hadn’t. Chad was a nice guy, friendly, and easy to get along with. He liked being around the big lug and he felt a little responsible for him. Roy never considered him seriously as dating material, even given his admission to Tyrell.

“I haven’t,” he finally said. “He’s a good guy.”

“He is.” Candy looked at him, dissecting him. “They are so much alike. Justin’s as much a live-wire as his dad.”

“They are a couple of Energizer bunnies, aren’t they?” Roy chuckled.

“You know what I like about Justin?” Candy asked. Her face was guarded now. Roy shook his head.

“I like his laugh. It makes me feel happy for some reason. Even when I’m mad about something or feeling down, Justin gets me going. That’s not a bad thing, is it?” she asked. “I mean, we’re young and so I wonder if that’s enough.”

Roy plopped back in his chair. “I really couldn’t say.”

“I sometimes feel like I’m addicted to him. That sounds weird, but I do. When Justin said he was coming up here to visit his dad, my first thought was what would I do without him for a whole weekend? Isn’t that crazy? I mean, we’ve only been going out a year now,” Candy said. She looked up. “They’re coming back. Don’t say anything, okay?”

“I won’t,” Roy said. “I really won’t.”

For the rest of the night, Candy’s words kept coming back to Roy. He found himself looking at Chad in a different light. It wasn’t like he was suddenly fiercely and passionately attracted to the man, but there was something there. Justin and Chad had the same laugh. It was full-throated and passionate. They teased each other mercilessly. Sometimes those jokes would drift to Candy, but never Roy.

At times, he felt like the odd man out. Then, Chad would look at him or make a face, pulling him in. Roy responded. He couldn’t help it. By the end of the night, Roy’s thoughts of Chad had become more intimate. They weren’t sexual, not exactly, but they weren’t as innocent as they were previously.

Roy pulled the covers up to his chin when he got into bed. He sighed and refused to think about Chad. All he needed was some rest. Sleep came easily. He dreamt of a man with a lopsided smile and a glint in his eye. When he woke up the next morning, Roy was shocked. His sheets were sticky and damp.

********

Sunday, about noon, Roy stood next to Chad waving as Justin and Candy drove away. He really couldn’t remember a weekend where he’d laughed so much. Chad and Justin played off one another like a comedy team. Roy’s feeling of distance had faded away each day. The kids would tease them about being an old married couple. Chad joked about ‘the old ball and chain,’ each time his twinkling eyes showed it was all in good fun. Roy relaxed as they became even closer, or like family.

He hated that thought. He and Chad were friends. Feeling like he was part of their group had crept up on him. Roy realized he needed to separate himself from that feeling. Saying goodbye was his last act, then Chad would leave and this weekend would be over. They were gone. He was just the guy they stayed with.

“I suppose I’d better go,” Chad said, smiling at him. “I’ll get my stuff and get outta your hair.”

“I guess,” Roy said. He couldn’t look at him right now. Looking down he saw an envelope in Chad’s hand. “What’s that?”

Chad shrugged his shoulders. “I’m not sure. Justin gave it to me right before they packed up to leave.”

“Oh. Any idea who it’s from?” Roy asked. Chad just shook his head walking toward the house.

"Not a clue."