A Spell I Tell You! - 4. The Night Escape

You have a good outline, but I think it would be good for you to get an editor and beta reader. A beta reader first to tell you where you could clear something up or add more to or where something doesn't make sense.

Some such comments might be how these two boys get magically taken to another world. They just start working with the towns people without getting together and saying 'what the hell just happened?' Most people would be wildly thrown off by this and scared. It seemed odd that they just started working right away with the people without a discussion like 'we have to survive here and find a place to sleep tonight so lets try to find some work so we can pay for it.' just something to justify them acting like locals and re-building homes within hours of getting sucked into a cauldron.

They didn't seem to have a conversation about trying to get back to their world. I'd at least have had them collect the herbs and try to make the potion and have it fail or something. They seemed to accept it and work which is fine. but, have them agree to it. Never once did they say "I wonder what our families are doing? They must think we just took off."

What had them in such a hurry to leave? shouldn't they have tried to collect information about the other places they wanted to go. Obviously, they were in a world with a lot of unrest. It would make sense to ask about the other places as they talk to people and not just pick names off a map and head toward them. They don't have weapons or know the risks of traveling without them. They were in a big group last time. two boys are easier to attack.

Why would their leaving be such a big deal? they are two young kids. But, now they were shot at and he has an arrow in his stomach. That is a big deal. They have no anti-biotics and were in some pond which is very unclean. how do they get this out and know they won't puncture something. i'd be ready to say they put herbs on it which the other kid knew would clean the wound or keep it from getting infected in the next chapter.

You just have to pick up these little things that the reader might say 'this doesn't make sense. wouldn't this happen? shouldn't they have done ___? So a beta reader would help. I'm not ripping you apart...just trying to help as you go forward.

The editor you choose can get the spelling and grammar mistakes. I liked the changes in perspective which gave you more info on things from the two viewpoints. Good to get both their thoughts on such crazy events. Keep writing! You have a good start here!

I think you sped up a lot at the end. Why were they in such a hurry to leave and if you wanted to go to another

On 02/02/2015 06:51 PM, Cannd said:

You have a good outline, but I think it would be good for you to get an editor and beta reader. A beta reader first to tell you where you could clear something up or add more to or where something doesn't make sense.

Some such comments might be how these two boys get magically taken to another world. They just start working with the towns people without getting together and saying 'what the hell just happened?' Most people would be wildly thrown off by this and scared. It seemed odd that they just started working right away with the people without a discussion like 'we have to survive here and find a place to sleep tonight so lets try to find some work so we can pay for it.' just something to justify them acting like locals and re-building homes within hours of getting sucked into a cauldron.

They didn't seem to have a conversation about trying to get back to their world. I'd at least have had them collect the herbs and try to make the potion and have it fail or something. They seemed to accept it and work which is fine. but, have them agree to it. Never once did they say "I wonder what our families are doing? They must think we just took off."

What had them in such a hurry to leave? shouldn't they have tried to collect information about the other places they wanted to go. Obviously, they were in a world with a lot of unrest. It would make sense to ask about the other places as they talk to people and not just pick names off a map and head toward them. They don't have weapons or know the risks of traveling without them. They were in a big group last time. two boys are easier to attack.

Why would their leaving be such a big deal? they are two young kids. But, now they were shot at and he has an arrow in his stomach. That is a big deal. They have no anti-biotics and were in some pond which is very unclean. how do they get this out and know they won't puncture something. i'd be ready to say they put herbs on it which the other kid knew would clean the wound or keep it from getting infected in the next chapter.

You just have to pick up these little things that the reader might say 'this doesn't make sense. wouldn't this happen? shouldn't they have done ___? So a beta reader would help. I'm not ripping you apart...just trying to help as you go forward.

The editor you choose can get the spelling and grammar mistakes. I liked the changes in perspective which gave you more info on things from the two viewpoints. Good to get both their thoughts on such crazy events. Keep writing! You have a good start here!

I think you sped up a lot at the end. Why were they in such a hurry to leave and if you wanted to go to another