Saving Ezra - 6. Chapter 6

Saturdays usually passed relatively easily for Ezra. It was a day for reflection and healing. Paul always checked Ezra over Saturday morning, tending any wounds the boy might have, then they would say a short prayer. Ezra was tired, but not in pain from his therapy. His father however, wore two layers of soft clean t-shirts most Saturdays, that day was no exception. Sometimes at the end of the day, Ezra had to help Paul remove the bottom shirt if the fabric stuck into the wounds on his back. Even when it was clearly very painful and Ezra had to soak the cloth to get the shirt free, his father always thanked him for his help and never got angry.

Weekends were also a time for fasting in the Walker home. Paul was a big believer in many methods of purifying the body of sin. Fasting meant self-control and denial of the earthly body. The feeling of hunger was supposed to focus the mind away from sin and temptation. It was one of the reasons Ezra was never allowed breakfast before school. His father believed Ezra needed all the extra help he could get in avoiding the pervasive wickedness to be found in the public schools. Ezra was usually allowed lunch at school. For supper he ate with his father unless he was being punished.

Unfortunately, Ezra’s father never made the connection between how often he kept food from his son and how Ezra’s growth lagged behind other boys his age. Ezra was left slender and less muscular, dark-lashed hazel eyes dominating an almost feminine face. Paul hated that his son could pass for a girl, another sign in his eyes that the devil wanted to pull his child down the path of homosexuality and deviancy.

Paul had to be constantly vigilant.

Sunday found Ezra dressed nicely in slacks and a button-up shirt. His father was clothed similarly, though Paul also wore a simple tie. The church was usually packed to the rafters. The father and son ended up sharing a pew with a small family and a couple. Ezra found himself jealous of the cheerios the father was doling out to his two little boys to help keep them settled.

The service passed in a blur for Ezra, though he tried to pay attention to the sermon, knowing his father would want to discuss it later. The teen mouthed the words to the hymns, stood and sat when he was supposed to, took communion, and recited the prayers and creeds. Before he knew it people were shuffling out of their pews or gathering in groups to chat.

Paul and Ezra waited a few minutes, Paul greeting a few people, until the crush had mostly passed.

“I’ll see you after bible-study.” Paul told Ezra. “Be good for Sunday school and group.”

Ezra nodded jerkily, watching his father walk confidently away. Paul would go upstairs to adult bible study. They had several different study groups parishioners could sign up for with varying themes. A lot of parents with kids would go to bible study and enjoy cookies and coffee while the children had Sunday school in the basement. The kids were divided up by age up to the seventh graders. The seventh and eighth graders had a special class to get them ready to take communion and be more active members of the church with the adults. High schoolers either went to bible study with their parents or helped with the kids’ Sunday school. It was a busy church with many families. The basement was bustling with adults and teens herding kids who had been forced to sit still for the last hour and a half.

Ezra wouldn’t go downstairs just yet though. He had to go to group first.

The boy’s shoulders hunched as he wandered to a meeting room off the narthex. There were six other teens there, though the numbers varied from week to week depending on how many parents were able to drag their “troubled teen” to church. This was a special group led by a deacon named Luke who was an old friend of Ezra’s father. He had a tan face from time spent outside and brown hair with natural blond highlights. The blue in his shirt and tie brought out the same color in his eyes.

Luke’s smile was the only one in the room as everyone sat around a long table. The others’ expressions ranged from boredom to active glaring. Luke wrote down who was present on a plastic clipboard before sitting himself.

“It’s good to see everyone, though I’m disappointed so many didn’t make it this week.” The man’s smile didn’t waver. “Hopefully next week, eh?”

None of the teens responded.

“Last week we talked about finding God’s direction for you instead of pushing in a direction away from God. The assignment was to think about where you are walking towards sin and how you can flip that around so you are walking towards what God wants for you. Gabe, you can go last since you weren’t here last week. That should give you a little time to think of something.”

A sophomore with dyed green hair crossed his arms over his chest but nodded slightly.

“Who’d like to start?” Luke asked cheerfully.

Ezra’s palms began to sweat as the silence stretched.

“How about you, Ezra?”

Dammit.

“Ummm… I guess I need to listen to my dad when he tells me things. Like even if I don’t agree right away I need to listen to him and not just immediately disagree in my head because he’s not saying what I want him to say.” Ezra looked to the deacon, hoping he’d said enough to satisfy the man.

Luke was nodding. “Good, Ezra. That urge to immediately disagree, that’s not God talking. That’s the devil trying to push you away from God and the ones who love you. You need to listen to the wisdom of your parents and obey them. They want the best for you and they love you.”

A snort from a brunette with a long ponytail pulled Luke’s attention from Ezra, the boy was grateful.

“You go next, Penny.”

The brunette sighed heavily. “Apparently the devil wants me to have privacy and a life and God wants my mom to read my texts and emails.”

“Let’s bring the snarkiness down a few notches, Penny.” Luke’s voice shifted quickly to chiding. “We’ll talk more about privacy as a privilege during private session. Do you want to try again?”

The girl huffed and twirled her hair around one finger, looking annoyed.

The deacon went around the rest of the teens, getting them to answer his questions with varying levels of success. Luke seemed to keep his patience, though, used to the bluster and bravado of teens in a group. He knew it would be a different story one-on-one with most of them. He found the boys especially settled down once he had them alone.

The new lesson was about obedience and respect for parents and grandparents. The assignment for the next week was to make a list of reasons the teens should obey and respect their elders. Before letting them go to help with Sunday school, each teen was given a time to come back for one-on-one time with Luke. Most of the sessions were fifteen or twenty minutes. Ezra always went last, though, his was always longest.

Penny was first that day, as the door shut behind them Ezra saw her flip her ponytail over her shoulder and cross her arms over her chest. Ezra shivered as he hurried downstairs to help with the younger kids. He didn’t want to think about the consequences he’d have if he behaved that way and his dad found out about it, especially being disrespectful to one of his dad’s friends.

Yeah. That would be bad.

The basement was noticeably more raucous, and Ezra allowed himself a small smile. The area was mostly open, class areas divided by rolling bulletin boards covered in colorful pictures and drawings. Since Ezra was in the troubled teen group, he was only allowed to help classes with an adult teaching and present. He hated how some of the grown-ups watched him. It felt like they were waiting for him to do something obscene in front of a six year-old. There were some adults who treated Ezra normally, though, he helped in those classes whenever he could.

Ezra knew there was something wrong with him. Shame always burned in his chest when someone from the congregation looked at him with distrust, or worse, pity. He knew that they weren’t supposed to know he was in the troubled teen group, but of course everyone did. He was always afraid they knew why, too, like his sin was written on his face or in the way he walked. Sometimes he thought he had a big sign around his neck that proclaimed: FAGGOT.

Ezra helped out with the third graders until it was time for his one on one with Luke. The teen’s dress shoes dragged as he went back upstairs to the narthex. He sat on a bench outside the closed door, waiting until the door swung open. Gabe stepped out. There were tears in the boy’s eyes, but Ezra looked away, pretending he hadn’t seen. It was the least he could do. Gabe hurried past Ezra, across to the hall to the restrooms. Ezra sighed and heaved himself to his feet.

Luke was standing at a shelf at the far end of the room, thumbing through a book. The middle-aged man looked up as Ezra came in.

“Ah, very good. Shut and lock the door please.” The deacon put the book back on the shelf.

Ezra did as he was told and stood uncertainly in front of the door.

Luke sat at the head of the table and gestured the teen to come over to the chair next to him. “Have a seat.” The older man smiled. “You know the routine.”

Ezra sat gingerly at the edge of the chair.

“How have you been, Ezra?”

“Good, sir.”

Luke smiled. “How have things been going with your… problem.”

Ezra’s eyes burned and he blinked fast. “I’ve been trying really hard.”

“It’s very difficult for you, isn’t it?” The deacon reached out, resting his hand on the boy’s knee. “To know that your very existence pulls men to sin in the most vile ways. Have you tempted anyone to sin this week, Ezra?”

The teen thought of Joshua, of the warmth of his hug. That hadn’t been bad, had it? It hadn’t been sexual, just comforting. Ezra hadn’t made Joshua do anything gay.

“N-no.” The slender teen shook his head. “I didn’t… I promise.”

“You don’t sound sure.” Luke raised an eyebrow. “I think you did.” The man continued to speak even as Ezra shook his head. “It’s bad enough that you sin in your own thoughts and deeds, but to play the whore and pull others down to hell with you… What would your father say?”

Panic washed over Ezra in a tingling rush, the tears he’d been fighting spilling over.

“Please, don’t tell him that.” The boy begged.

The deacon looked appraisingly at the teen, then up at the clock. “I think we have just enough time to absolve you…”

Look, someone new to hate!

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Joshua will be back next chapter to give poor Ezra some warm fuzzies.