Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
Suicide Note - 1. Suicide Note
Suicide Note
Today I am beyond tempted, more than ever before. This empty feeling in my heart has not gone away. It’s not just because of him and the one he is sleeping with; it’s me. I hate myself right now. This pain, this hatred… all my fault.
I do like relationships, both God's given and those I built throughout my life. Why is my Life so miserable? Was I made with God’s wrong hand? Was God upset or moody when he was creating me?
I have ruined all my relationships beyond repair. My parents feel I am worthless. They really do. My sister decided I shouldn’t have anything to do with her family, and my brother confessed he can’t fight with me anymore. I have nothing to do with any of my family members anymore...
My buddies are all extremely selfish. They only deal with you if they are going to get benefit.
My boyfriend, if you can call him that, was straight at first. Then he began flirting with me, making me question his sexual identity. One fine day he goes all romantic on me, makes me believe he adores me. The very next day I walk in on him with another guy, and he behaves like nothing happened.
I have made up my mind; I am not going to be anyone's fall guy. No one is going to make me feel that way again. I'd deal with my feelings in my own way.
I used to have faith in love, I used to believe it was true... not anymore. To have loved and lost is the most painful feeling that anyone can possibly bear.
To have that warm glow inside and suddenly realize that you may never feel that sensation again… that's a torture that no one else can possibly understand. Not even me.
This is my miserable life. I have been total wreck thinking about everything. I really put my heart in every relationship I have, and I get more hurt and pain every time as a result. The hope of 'God's help’ vanished a lifetime ago.
This pain, this empty feeling inside of me is telling me I need an Escape. A great escape, one that will get me out of all this. Out of nowhere, a word hits my brain like a perfect solution.
END...
Yes an end...
An End to all miseries, to all the tearful nights, to all the depression, to all the pain; an end to my f***ing life...
Yeah, 'Death' was my only escape, from all these feelings and relationships; from all these miserable things.
This is no longer an idea that is building from my teenage angst. The thought of suicide is now going to be a reality. A tear drops from my left eye, traveling south on the suicide note, where I am signing my name, 'Davy.'
My little Al used to call me that, a name that excited pure love. The flood of tears began. I finally let it down, all the way.
These are not just tears. They are a result of betrayal, of the pain of abandonment, of complete loneliness. Finally, I look back at the Suicide Note...
********
“I can't do this anymore...
And I don't wanna do this anymore...
Living with the pain and betrayal is not my thing anymore...
-Davy”
********
This suicide note, to who in particular I don't know, is written.The first step to the end has been taken. And now the main step...
How? Why? Why suicide?? Why do I have to kill myself??? I have been thinking back about my life, which has led to my decision to end it. I’m now thinking back, trying to find a reason to stop. Do I deserve this? All I can think about is how lonely I have been till this point...
Thinking back, I pick up a pocketknife I always have with me, ready to cut my wrist.
Suddenly, from the dead silence I heard a loud beep that startles me back into the present. It is my computer, telling me I have a new e-mail, an e-mail that temporarily halts my misery and gives me an inkling of hope. Finally, I may have something to prove. Something to live...
Thank you all for putting time to read my story. Feel free to Review and Comment. I'd Love to hear from You All
- 16
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
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