Storms - 5. Michael

Almost the moment I’d left the nurse’s office, I wanted to go back. I still felt slighted. I had tried to be nice, to help him, and he had just rejected me. Pushed me away. It didn’t seem fair. But part of me also realised that this was not about me. Of course it wasn’t. How selfish and narcissistic was it of me to behave like he somehow owed me something, just because I’d done the decent thing?

My cheeks burned with shame, and I made a quick stop by a bathroom to splash some cold water on my face. I wanted to go back. Should go back. But he might not even be there anymore.

I was half an hour late for Maths at this point. Mrs. Lawton would not be happy with me, but Miss Carter, the nurse, had written me a note when I had asked if I could stay until Daniel woke up.

I knocked on the classroom door and went inside.

‘Mr. Storm,’ said Mrs. Lawton in the overly formal fashion she tended to use when she was displeased. The old lady was pushing retirement, and knew exactly how to be scary. ‘I’m disappointed in you.’

‘Sorry, miss,’ I said. ‘I had to go to the nurse.’ I handed her the note, and she read it.

‘I see. Take a seat, then.’

I went to sit next to Deacon, who leaned over and whispered, ‘You all right, mate?’

‘Fine,’ I whispered back. ‘Headache. All better now.’

Deacon nodded, and we turned our attention to Mrs. Lawton who was for the fifteenth time attempting to explain logarithms to the dimmer elements of the class. I zoned out almost immediately, and the graph I’d been copying from the board quickly turned into a doodle of a face with a button nose and way too big eyes set in a melancholy expression. I imagined them to be hazel, and then I imagined them smiling instead of sorrowful. I soon found myself wondering whether hazel eyes were common in black people, and whether asking Amy about it would seem racist.

I noticed Deacon glancing at my notebook, and quickly crossed out the doodle. I wasn’t a terribly good artist, so it’s not like he’d be able to tell who it was even if he did know Daniel, but I’d rather not have to explain why I was drawing boys in my notebook, regardless of who they were.

I started copying down the graph again, letting the curved line continue on forever, onto the next page of the notebook and until I ran out of paper. A continuous forever curve, disappearing into nothing.

* * *

Julie set down her dinner tray opposite me and sat down. I smiled, surprised but not unhappy to see her joining us so soon.

‘All right, guys?’ she said, smiling around at Deacon and Siobhan. Then she looked at me. ‘I talked to Daniel yesterday.’

I swallowed a mouthful of jacket potato. ‘So did I, actually.’

‘We chatted in PE. He’s nice.’

‘Who’s Daniel?’ asked Amy, taking a seat at the end of the table. She’d opted for just juice today. Claimed to be on a diet. We kept telling her she was fit as hell, but she never believed us.

Julie shrugged. ‘New kid in my year. Gets bullied a lot. I feel bad for him.’ She looked at me. ‘So, you talked to him too?’

I looked away. ‘Yeah. Didn’t go too well.’

‘Aww . . . What happened?’ Julie asked.

I hesitated. I didn’t want to tell them about how he’d fainted. It didn’t feel like it was my story to tell. ‘I dunno. I tried to be nice to him, and he kind of pushed me away . . . Said he didn’t want my pity. Then I guess I got kind of defensive and . . . Yeah. Like I said, didn’t go too well.’

Julie took a bite of her dinner, looking thoughtful.

‘If he gets bullied a lot,’ Siobhan cut in, ‘he’s probably just insecure. And if his bullies are mostly guys, then . . . It might not be too easy for him to trust you.’

I glanced at her and, not for the first time, got the feeling that she knew more about me than I’d technically ever told her.

‘Well, I’m not a bully!’ I said, and I knew I sounded petulant. ‘I’ve been trying to help him all this time—’ I cut myself off. It felt strange to be talking about this. I cleared my throat. ‘I mean, I don’t let bullies get away with it.’

Amy raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow. ‘Don’t you, now? I’ve not seen you directly calling anyone out.’

I felt myself blush at that. ‘Yeah, well . . . It’s a bit of a balance act.’

‘Isn’t everything?’ said Deacon. ‘I don’t know what the situation is here, but . . . Maybe it’s better left alone. Might not wanna rock the boat.’

Siobhan gave him an irritated look. ‘What, leave some poor kid out for the wolves just cause you don’t wanna risk getting bit? Sounds pretty cowardly to me.’

‘Aww, babes, I didn’t mean—’

‘You’re right,’ I interjected. ‘I fucked up and I’m . . . I’m being a coward. I should try talking to him again.’

‘Maybe leave it for a few days?’ Julie suggested. ‘Let him think things through for a bit. I can talk to him if you like. Try and gauge how he feels about it all?’

I almost laughed. It was as if my friends were helping me plan some delicate operation. Or trying to set me up on a date. I tried not to blush. Daniel was adorable, it was true. It was hard not to think about what Patrick had said, about Daniel being gay. It was natural to be intrigued by the idea of falling for someone who might like me back. But then again, that was just a standard insult. Most likely it had no basis whatsoever in reality.

‘I love your earrings, Amy,’ said Julie, changing the subject. ‘Never seen gems like those before.’

Amy pulled back her frizzy dark hair to show her earrings off better. ‘Green amber. My dad got them for me in Poland.’

‘Wow, I didn’t know amber came in green!’

I zoned out a bit, gazing out across the cafeteria while the others talked. Daniel wasn’t eating dinner today either, it seemed. My thoughts wandered to the story Liz had told me, about that girl collapsing because she’d stopped eating. But eating disorders were a thing girls got, right? I’d never heard of a boy with one. Maybe he just avoided the cafeteria. I was sure I’d seen him in here before, though. I hoped he at least ate at home. Was it strange worrying this much about someone I didn’t really know?

‘Don’t you think, Michael?’

I looked up at Amy. ‘Huh?’

She rolled her eyes. ‘Don’t you think Julie should come with us to Trev’s this weekend?’

‘But I’m not invited. I mean, he’s only invited year elevens, right?’

‘You’ll come as my plus one,’ said Amy with a shrug. ‘Or Michael’s date. Doesn’t matter. You’re a pretty girl, Trev won’t mind.’

Julie blushed and refused to meet my eye. I glared at Amy; I had told her all about the conversation Julie and I’d had. Using the word ‘date’ was a dick move.

I turned to Julie. ‘I think that’s a great idea, if you want to come.’

She gave me a lopsided smile. ‘I doubt my mum would let me, actually . . . Maybe some other time?’

When we left the cafeteria I elbowed Amy in the ribs, a bit harder than necessary. ‘Are you trying to hurt her feelings?’ I hissed under my breath.

‘Ow! What? I just think she should hang out with us. I like her.’

‘Then don’t use words like “date”! We’ve been over this, I don’t want to—’

‘I know that! I didn’t mean anything by it . . .’

I somehow found that hard to believe. While Amy was never malicious, she liked fucking with people’s heads, and she could be a bit thoughtless as to how that affected them. I decided to let it lie, however.

‘God, I can’t wait for the next series of Jessica Jones to come out on Netflix!’ Deacon was saying behind us.

‘You are such a nerd,’ said Siobhan affectionately.

‘You do not have to be a nerd to enjoy the awesomeness that is JJ,’ said Deacon.

‘Luke Cage is hot!’ Amy called over her shoulder, loudly and shamelessly.

‘My mum’s put a maturity filter on our Netflix account,’ said Julie, sounding miserable. ‘She won’t let me do anything.’

‘Well, that’s easy,’ Deacon reasoned. ‘You can come to my place and watch it.’

‘Yeah, like my mum would let me go to some boy’s house. She barely let me go see that movie with you guys.’

‘No, no, we’ll fix it,’ he insisted. ‘Siobhan’s parents were like that in the beginning as well. Just have your mum call my house at a pre-appointed time, and my sister will pretend to be my mum. Their voices are dead similar.’

As we exited out into the school yard, I heard loud voices coming from the narrow space between the school building and the football field fence, where the bins were. We headed towards the commotion to find a couple of boys from Julie’s year standing over a dark-haired, chocolate-skinned someone who was curled up on the asphalt.

Daniel.

‘Say sorry, you wanker!’ one of the boys was saying, and he lifted his left foot to deliver a kick to Daniel’s stomach.

My blood boiled and my hands balled into fists. I opened my mouth, about to break up whatever was going on, but Julie beat me to it, taking a step forward.

‘Hey! Jason, what the hell are you doing?’

The guy apparently called Jason looked up at her and scoffed. ‘Hey, Jules. Teaching a maggot a lesson. What’s it look like I’m doing?’

Julie folded her arms across her chest. ‘You are so grounded when I tell your mum.’

‘Try it, bitch!’ he shot back.

Now I stepped forward. ‘Say that again, dickwad. I dare you.’

Julie gave me a look halfway between exasperation and amusement. ‘Thanks, but I can handle this.’ She turned to Jason again. ‘Take your friend and leave Dan alone, or I’ll tell Aunt Moira about this, and the booze you nicked from her last week.’

Jason looked like he wanted to argue, but then he sighed and grabbed his friend’s shoulder. ‘Fine. Come on, Alec.’

‘Are you really gonna take that from her?’ the boy called Alec asked incredulously.

Jason looked conflicted, but this time he stood his ground. ‘You try having your stupid cousin tell on you to your mum, see how you like it,’ he muttered sullenly, and Alec relented.

They pushed past us and left, and Julie dropped to her knees next to Daniel. ‘Hey. Can you get up?’

She got him into a sitting position, and he looked up to see us all. His eyes, wide and shining and too big for his face, seemed to rest on me for a second longer than the others before looking away. His cheeks were wet, and he wiped at them angrily with his sleeves. I had the sudden and perhaps not so inexplicable urge to hug him.

‘I’m fine,’ he muttered. ‘I don’t . . . I don’t need help.’

Julie rolled her eyes. ‘Yes you do. Come on.’ She stood up and offered her hand. ‘Let’s get you inside, okay? Get your face cleaned up.’

I wanted to say something, but now was not the time to apologise for the previous day. Julie was right. I needed to give him some time. Some space. So when Julie walked him past me and into the school building, I didn’t follow.

‘So, that’s Daniel?’ Amy asked. ‘Tiny, scrawny thing, isn’t he?’

I shrugged. ‘I guess.’

‘Kind of just makes you want to protect him, doesn’t he?’ said Siobhan. ‘Like a lost puppy or something. Like you just wanna feed him.’

‘Looks like he could do with someone feeding him, yeah,’ Deacon commented casually.

‘So I take it you wanna, like, adopt this puppy,’ said Amy to me. ‘Bring him into the fold?’

I shrugged again. ‘Maybe? He doesn’t really have anyone.’

‘He’s got Julie now,’ Siobhan pointed out. ‘That’s a start.’

I nodded. ‘Yeah. It is.’ Still, I couldn’t help feeling a little bit jealous.