Mr. Brightside - 17. Chapter 17

Mr. Brightside

Chapter 17

After leaving Shane’s apartment, Jason was feeling unsettled and anxious to get back to the peace of his own home. Unfortunately what he found there was chaos. His front door was gone and off to the side, workers were painting what he assumed was the replacement. More painters were busy inside, as well as people installing the new alarm and burglar bars. Diana, still looking as crisp and unrumpled as that morning, met him at the apartment’s entrance.

“Hi, Jason,” she said with a smile. “Sorry about all the chaos, but since our deadline has been moved up to tomorrow evening, we’re calling in all the forces. We’ll be here late, so I’ve had my assistant book a hotel room for you at the Ritz.”

“Okay…..” Jason said, uncertainly. After Thomas’s unexpected appearance, the conversation with Viktor, and the retrieval of a gun for Shane, the “improvements” to his apartment had almost slipped his mind. But observing the chaos around him, he realized arguing would get him nowhere. And Viktor had succeeded in making him aware of just how vulnerable Shane and he were, so he was now happy about the increased security.

“I’ll just go grab a bag and head out,” he said. Looking at the painters in the living room, he continued, “I didn’t know you were planning to do anything out here. I thought you were just decorating Shane’s room.”

“Well, these projects just sort of snowball. This landlord white was so dreary, I thought a fresh coat of a more soothing color would be nice. Plus, you didn’t have a real place to eat, or curtains, or anything, really. Just wait, you’ll love it all, I promise.”

“Sure,” he said. “But…..my room’s fine just like it is. You’ll leave it alone, right?”

She smiled. “I haven’t even opened the door, and I promise not to.”

“Thanks,” he said and hurried off to pack an overnight bag.

The hotel was luxurious, and Jason had tried to enjoy the experience of staying in a 5-star establishment, but he couldn’t. He was too aware of the gun locked in his trunk, the chaos at his apartment, his excitement over Shane’s moving in, and his uncertainty of what was happening.

After a sleepless night, Jason headed straight back to the hospital, certain that his apartment was still in disarray. He was anxious to see Shane again. Jason was disappointed in that, however.

Before releasing Shane, his medical team insisted on a final battery of exams, appointments, and tests. Jason, likewise, was inundated with care instructions on proper diet for Shane’s recovery, how to help Shane get around, how to properly secure the cast covers necessary for showering, how to help him in and out of a wheelchair, etc.

By early afternoon, Jason’s heading was swimming, and he was actually relieved when Viktor sent him home to go over the new security system with Ramon. Jason was stunned when he arrived back at his place.

The new door, painted a gleaming black with brass accents, was in place, and a matching door had replaced the one leading to his neighbor’s upstairs apartment; the black was a smart contrast to the house’s white painted siding. Black urns filled with yellow flowers flanked the entrance to the porch, and Jason saw that a removable ramp had been built and place over the stairs, allowing for wheelchair access. A porch swing, also planted black, had been hung on the porch and piled with yellow pillows.

As Jason approached his front door, it opened, and the decorator greeted him with a big smile on her face.

“Welcome back, Jason,” Diana said.

“Wow,” Jason said, looking around at his updated porch. “This looks great. I didn’t think you’d pull it off so quickly.”

“Wait till you see inside,” the decorator said. She took his arm and led him through the door.

It didn’t look like the same apartment. The walls had been painted a soft, indistinct color. Somewhere between blue and gray, it was soothing. Plain white linen curtains hung at the windows, filtering the light coming through and hiding the burglar bars.

His leather couch and chair, a graduation gift from his parents, still sat in the living room, but the thrift store coffee table had been replaced by an oversized ottoman. “It’s for Shane to put his leg up on,” Diana explained.

His empty dining room had been filled with a round table of dark wood with modern chairs of steel and leather. A sleek teak console with buffet lamps completed the furnishings. It had been dressed as a bar, complete with top shelf alcohol and shiny stainless bar tools.

Shane’s room was painted a darker gray, and here the draperies were heavy velvet that matched the wall color, creating a cocoon. The headboard was of padded leather, and sleek dark wood end tables, a matching dresser, and a flat screen completed the furnishings. Even the kitchen and bathroom had received fresh coats of coordinating paint, with the later receiving a crisp white shower curtain, piles of white towels, and gleaming chrome shelves.

It all looked like something out of a magazine, but what really made the rooms sing was the art. Jason recognized the paintings that decorated the rooms, mainly abstract landscapes in glowing greens and blues. He had seen them only yesterday in Shane’s apartment.

“That’s Shane’s work, isn’t it?” he asked.

“Yes,” Diana smiled. “He’s so talented. I’ve tried to get him to do some pieces for clients, but he always says ‘no’. But I got his permission to use them here. Maybe seeing them up will change his mind.”

“Thank you so much,” Jason said, regretting his decision to ask her stay out of his room. “It all looks amazing, and I know Shane will like it.”

“Good. I do believe attractive, peaceful surrounding make you feel better, so I’ve tried to make everything as soothing as possible. Well, Jason, this has been pleasure. I hope you and Shane will be happy here. Enjoy.” And with a quick hug, she was gone.

Ramon had been patiently waiting in the living room during Jason’s tour, and once Diana was gone, he walked Jason through the security system. Cameras had been placed at both the front and back entrance and at the other two sides of the house. A monitor had been installed in the kitchen. An app allowed the cameras to also be viewed through Jason’s phone and laptop.

The front and back doors had been replaced by a steel ones with reinforced hinges. Burglar bars had been placed on all the windows, and Ramon demonstrated to Jason how the interior latch worked to open them in case of fire. The smoke detectors had been upgraded, and carbon monoxide detectors had been added.

An alarm had also been added, and Ramon demonstrated the arm/disarm system to Jason, as well as how to program new codes. The alarm also featured a panic button. The panic feature could also be activated via an app on Jason’s phone.

Jason was overwhelmed. Luckily, Ramon had compiled the various instructions and manuals into a binder which he gave to Jason.

“Jesus,” Jason said. “This place is like Fort Knox.”

Ramon gave him a look that was equal parts contempt and pity. “Hardly,” he said.

After Ramon left, Jason was sitting on his sofa staring at his transformed apartment, still overwhelmed by this latest episode of surrealism, when a buzz sounded. Startled, he went to open the door, but at the last moment, he remembered Ramon’s admonition about not opening the door without checking to see who it was first.

Feeling a bit foolish, he removed his hand from the knob and checked the image on the small monitor beside the door which featured a picture of the front porch. It was Paul and Laurie, Shane’s nurse. She was holding cake box, and Paul had a small cooler.

“Hey,” Jason said, surprised, as he opened the door. “What are y’all doing here?”

“I thought Shane needed a little welcome home party,” Paul said, “And Laurie agreed.”

“Let me put this cake down,” she said. Jason stood aside so she could reach the dining table. “Do you have plates and things?”

“Honestly,” said Jason, looking around his newly decorated apartment. “I have no idea. Let’s go look.”

As he had suspected, Diana had fully stocked his shelves with new matching dishes and glasses. Paul and Laurie seemed to know what they were doing, so Jason contented himself with finding some music. Soon, the cake, with it’s “Welcome home, Shane” motto, was in place, champagne was icing in a bucket, and a “Welcome Home” banner, hung by Paul, stretched across a wall in the dining room.

It wasn’t long before the car arrived with Ramon, Viktor, and Shane. For ease, Ramon wheeled Shane down the walkway and up the temporary ramp to the porch, but Shane, who had increased his mobility, insisted on walking over the threshold himself, limping on one crutch.

It took Jason all his will power to refrain from rushing to Shane’s side to help him, but Jason knew his friend wouldn’t appreciate the reminder of his dependence.

Shane was surprised and seemed touched by the welcome home party, and they spent the next couple of hours eating cake and drinking champagne. Laurie only allowed Shane a few sips, reminding him that pain meds and wine don’t mix. He pouted, but complied.

Jason enjoyed himself; well, he mainly liked watching Shane enjoy himself. But he was selfishly pleased when the others finally left, Viktor doing so with visible reluctance. Jason was looking forward to having Shane all to himself.

After everyone left, Jason helped Shane take a shower. It was awkward, but initially not as awkward as Jason had expected. Part of the reason was because Shane treated his own nudity so nonchalantly, stripping off his track pants with no apparent thought.

Noticing Jason’s surprise at his swift disrobing and figuring out the cause, Shane smiled. “Sorry if I shocked you, but I don’t have much modesty left. Side effect of being a go go boy. I don’t dance naked, but close enough, and I’ve learned to strip down backstage no matter how crowded it is.”

“No worries,” Jason said as he wrapped Shane leg cast in it’s plastic bag while averting his eyes from Shane’s groin. After securing both of Shane’s casts, Jason pulled Shane’s arm over his own shoulder and helped his friend limp into the bathroom.

It was then, then that Jason felt Shane’s flesh against his own that it became difficult. He felt like a creep, perving on his sick friend. Shane, though he had begun to regain some of the weight and muscle tone he had lost, still looked frail, and Jason felt like an asshole as he felt his own cock hardening beneath the swim trunks he wore. Thank god, he had knonw better than trying to shower naked with Shane. Gritting his teeth, Jason made it through the shower, distracting himself by mentally reciting the lyrics to ‘Battle Hymn of the Republic” anytime his thoughts took an impure detour..

After the shower, Shane, though tired, wasn’t ready to sleep They settled in on the sofa, and Jason found some chill music on Pandora. Relaxing on the sofa, chatting about nothing in particular reminded Jason of old times.

Jason noticed Shane check a notification on his phone and frown. “Something wrong?” Jason asked.

Shane looked up. “No, not really. That was Thomas; he wants to come visit.”

Though the thought made him uncomfortable, Jason forced himself to say, “Sure. This is your place, too. So If you want him to visit, it’s cool. Just let me know when, and I’ll make myself scarce.”

“That’s sweet, but I’m not so sure his visiting is a good idea, whether you’re here or not. He’s…….different. He’s not the same guy.”

Jason felt guilt wash over him. “God,” he said, “I’m so sorry. I sometimes wonder if you’d still be together if I hadn’t…..you know.”

“If you insist on rehashing the past, I do have question. Why did you do it? Especially that way? I mean, you were never exactly a liberal, tree hugging hippie, but I never knew you to be homophobic.”

Jason decided to go with honesty. “I read your texts to Thomas, and I was jealous, and I lost my temper.”

“Jealous of me or Thomas?”

“What?” exclaimed Jason, startled at the question.

“Who were you jealous of? Me or Thomas? He told me y’all fooled around some your senior year.”

“That fucking asshole! He swore he’d never tell anyone. Jackass.”

“You didn’t answer the question.”

“Thomas. I was jealous of Thomas. I mean, I kiss you and you pretend like it never happened, and the next thing I know, you’re texting that little man whore love notes…” Jason stopped, startled and ashamed at his vehemence.

He spoke again, “Sorry about that...it.. I…..I was out of my head jealous and I lost my temper.” Jason looked away from Shane, unable to face him.

“I wondered if it was something like that. And I’m sorry about leaving that way. I was just confused and scared. As far as I knew, you were as straight as an arrow….and all my life, every Sunday I kept hearing about how evil the homos were, how being gay was the worst sin… I freaked...I chalked it up to you being drunk and I thought that if you figured out I was gay…...not that I was able to fully admit it to myself then, you’d hate me just like my dad and stepmom did, so I decided to go with the basic “I was so drunk I don’t remember routine.”

Jason turned back to look at Shane. “Did you? Did you love Thomas? Did I ruin that, too, when I ruined your life?”

Shane sighed. “You didn’t ruin my life. Sure, I’d have preferred a different coming out, but, honestly I’m not sure I would have come out of the closet without being forced. I’m not sure I wouldn’t have clung to my closet with both hands. Maybe gave in and found some poor, clueless girl and gotten married. I’m not going to pretend it’s been all puppies and sunshine, but I’m glad I’m out.”

Jason had spent so many years certain he had destroyed Shane’s life, that even after their time together in past weeks, and Shane’s declaration of forgiveness, he found it difficult to wrap his head around Shane’s words. “But….you tried to kill yourself…:

‘Baby,” Shane said, putting his uninjured hand on Jason’s cheek. “Look at him. Look at me,” he repeated. For a long time, Jason couldn't. He could only look at the tattoo on the inside of Shane's wrist, and elaborate Celtic design that hid the scars Jason knew were there.

Finally, Jason brought his hazel eyes to Shane’s aqua ones. With Jason looking at him, Shane continued, “You didn’t make me try to kill myself. Nobody really that power. I was unhappy, and I had been unhappy for a very long time and that had nothing to do with you or anything you had done. If it wasn’t the outing…..it would have been something else. I had decided that suicide was my way out, and eventually something would have triggered my exit plan. And the funny thing is….”

Shane broke off and laughed bitterly. “...the funny thing is that as much as try to avoid being a cliche, I keep being one. I didn’t really want to die. It was a cry for help. It took me a long time to realize it, but that’s what it was.”

“What about Thomas? Were you really in love with him?”

“I thought I was, but not really. And I know he thought he was,too. In fact, I think he’s convinced himself that it was some great passion destroyed by fate, but it was never that. I was a confused kid; I was afraid, ashamed of what I was, desperate for somebody to love me, so when a hot guy acts like I’m the best thing he’s ever seen…..sure, it’s no surprise I fell head over heels. And as for his part, well, he was the big player who convinced himself this naive virgin was the One Who Was Going to Be Different. But I have no doubts that once I’d given up my ass like he wanted, I would have been dumped by Winter Quarter.”

“You really think so? I remember those texts…...it sounded like he really cared.”

“Awww, Baby,” Shane said, touching Jason’s face again; Jason winced at the cynicism he saw in Shane’s eyes. “You’re so sweet. Once I moved in with Corey and started really dating guys, the first thing I learned is that they’re all Prince Charming until they get into your pants; then they all turn into toads.”

Unbidden, the question came to Jason’s lips, and he spoke before he could stop himself, “Did Nikolai turn into a toad?”

A steel gate slammed down on Shane’s face and eyes. “No. Nikolai was a snake from start to finish.”