Mr. Brightside - 12. Chapter 12

Mr. Brightside

Chapter 12

Remembering the horror of that long ago day, Jason shuddered and took a sip of his beer. He felt moisture gathering in his eyes, and he scrunched them tightly together, willing the tears not to come. Eventually, he felt able to look at Paul, into those blue-green eyes that were so like Shane’s.

Jason had been afraid that anger was going to be what he saw in them, and he was prepared for that. Maybe even welcomed it as penance. But sadness was what he saw.

“Well,” Paul drawled, breaking the silence. “Ain’t that some shit.”

“That was some shit,” Jason agreed.

“So, what happened after the big scene? Shane would never talk about it.”

“I freaked out, Jason said, looking back down at his beer and picking at the label. “I knew I had fucked up big time, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I just wanted to get away. I couldn’t face Shane or Thomas, and I half figured campus police would be after me. I had a friend from engineering who lived off campus not that far, so I went to his place.’

Jason fought back more tears before continuing. “I spent the night on his sofa. I just told him I had a fight with my roommate and needed a place to crash. I couldn’t sleep, and first thing next morning, I went to find Shane to ….I don’t know…. Apologize I guess, even though I knew that ‘I’m sorry’ wouldn’t fix anything.”

Now, the tears finally came. Jason couldn’t check them, so he closed his eyes and left them come. “When I got back to the dorm, I saw the ambulance leaving….but I really didn’t think anything about it…..I just wanted to see Shane. I made it upstairs, but when I got to our floor, I saw Billy at the end of the hall with some Tech police…..”

Jason broke down in sobs. He felt Paul’s hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him, and it helped. Jason managed to calm down enough to continue, though he couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes.

“That’s when I found out Shane had slit his wrists. Thomas heard them talking to me; he must have been waiting by his door…”

Eyes still closed, Jason relived that moment. Thomas’s door opening, and the other boy launching himself at Jason, oblivious to campus security and Billy.

“You fucking, asshole” Thomas had screamed, “you ruined everything….everything!” He had punched frantically at Jason before the cops had pulled him off and dragged him back into his room. Jason, numb with guilt and sadness, hadn’t tried to defend himself, accepting the blows as his due.

Billy had led Jason back to the R.A. apartment and had administered first aid, including stopping the bleeding from Jason’s split lip. Billy had sighed deeply as he dabbed ointment on Jason’s battered face.

Jason had tried to wave his ministrations aside. “I’m fine. How is Shane? Where are they taking him? I need to see him.”

“Well, you can’t. At least not right now.” Billy had taken pity on Jason. “He should be fine. I went to check on him, and I must have found him right after he did it. They have to hold him in the hospital for a few days...suicide watch….but the paramedics had stopped the bleeding by the time they left.”

Jason had tried to stand. “I need to see him...to say I’m sorry.” Billy had forced him back down.

“And I am telling you that you can’t right now. For one thing, you’re not family so the hospital won’t let you in to see him. And more importantly for the time being,” Billy had said, “Thomas’s dad is waiting for you in the President’s office. I’m supposed to call security to escort you over as soon you showed up. I tried to call you to warn you, but no answer.”

“I forgot my phone in my room yesterday,” Jason had said. “The Senator is here? He wants to see me in Dr. LeBlanc’s office? Shit.”

“They’re trying to keep everything hush hush, but Jesus, Jason,” Billy had said in some exasperation, “you assaulted Senator McAlpin’s son in public after calling him a ‘faggot.’ What did you think would happen?” Billy had shaken his head.

“I wasn’t thinking,” Jason had said.

“Obviously,” Billy had replied.

“So what happened when you talked to the Senator?” Paul asked. “He must have left town before I got there. I know the university called Shane’s dad,” here Paul’s eyes darkened in anger and disgust curled his lip, “but the son of a bitch told them that he no longer had a son, that Shane was over 18 and no longer his problem. That little douchebag Charlie had called to warn his uncle that his son was a pervert.

“Oh God,” Jason murmured putting his face in his hands. “That was all my fault.”

“Not really,” Paul said. “Sure you acted like a right asshole, but Shane’s dad was always a sanctimonious jackass. Especially after he married that holy roller wife of his. They would have found some reason to disown Shane. A bit later down the road maybe, but eventually.”

“I know the university offered Shane some sort of deal. Taking his current grades as his final ones for the quarter so he wouldn’t have to make up final exams. They also said he could skip next quarter and start again in the spring without impacting his scholarship. But to get the deal he had to sign some paperwork absolving the university of any blame and agreeing to never speak of the incident again. If they found out he talked about it, they could pull the plug. But it all happened before the hospital tracked me down, and I could make it over. He was so upset about everything, I never pushed him to find out exactly what happened.”

“That’s pretty much what they told me when I made it to the President’s office,” Jason said. “The thing about taking my current grades and starting break early and not ever talking about what they kept calling ‘the incident.’ I was so scared.”

Jason continued, “but it didn’t take long to figure out that all they wanted to do was make sure the whole thing went away. The only thing the Senator cared about was whether or not I had proof that his son was gay. I told them that I saw texts and emails, and had smashed Shane’s phone. But he kept grilling me about whether or not there was anything else.”

Jason paused for a moment, remembering how upset McAlpin had been. “I think somebody searched our room. By the time I went to pack, it had been cleaned up, and there was some disarray from the EMTs, but stuff inside my drawers was messed up….like somebody had been looking through them.”

“But,” Jason said, lost in thought, “I was so upset, I can’t be certain it happened or I was imagining things. Anyway, after McAlpin was satisfied I wasn’t going to try to blackmail his son, they let me leave. By then dad was there. It hadn’t occurred to me that they would call him.”

Jason’s father had been so cold. He had walked in near silence with Jason back to the dorm and to Jason’s room. Jason had been so worried that there would be blood everywhere, he had hardly been able to think of anything else, not even his father’s reaction. Mercifully, by the time they reached it, the room had already been cleaned; the floor mopped and Shane’s mattress removed.

Only after they had entered the room did Ted Reid say anything related to the incident. He had turned to Jason. “Son, they told me that you showed up at the student union, called Thomas and Shane ‘faggots’, and hit Thomas. Is that what happened?”

Jason had hung his head in shame. “Yes”

“You look a bit banged up, boy. What happened?”

“When I came back to the dorm this morning, Thomas jumped me.”

“Can’t say that I blame him,” Ted had said, his words like icicles. “Did Shane ever try anything with you? Did he or Thomas ever try to force you to do something you didn’t want to do? Did they ever do something to make you uncomfortable? Did you walk in on them fucking in your room or something like that?”

Jason had gulped out a “No.”’ His father had stared at him, eyes boring into Jason’s until Jason had lowered his gaze.

“So, let me get this straight…..two boys who were your friends, two boys who never did you any harm as far as I can tell….and let me know if I’m wrong about that…..two boys who minded their own business…….and you decided to out them to the school, making sure that as many people as possible can hear you do that? And you decided to hit one of them….and I’m betting you cold cocked him like a coward? Is that right?”

“Yes, sir,” Jason had croaked, his heart that he had thought broken fragmented into even smaller pieces.

“And because you had to stick your nose into shit that didn’t concern you, your best friend slit his wrists?”

“Yes, sir,” this time came in a whisper.

“Look at me, son,” Ted had said. “Look at me, I said.” Raising his eyes to meet his father’s had taken more effort than anything Jason had ever done.

“Jason, I know we’ve never seen exactly eye to eye, but I guess that’s not unusual for fathers and sons. But until now I’ve always been proud to call you my son, even if I never told you that enough. But today, for the first time, I am ashamed of you. I am ashamed to be your father.”

Ted had turned from his son and walked to the door. “I’ll leave you to pack,” he said without turning. “Your mother has heard an abridged version of what happened. I expect you home by 3 pm.” And with that, Ted Reid had walked out of his son’s dorm room..

Paul’s voice broke through Jason’s reverie. “What happened to Thomas?”

Jason sighed. He had to think about another person’s life he had helped fuck up. “The Senator pulled him out of Tech, and he eventually ended up going to some hard core evangelical based college somewhere in Oklahoma.”

“That must have sucked,” Paul said.

“It’s worse than you think. Thomas didn’t start back to school until the summer."

“What was he doing?”

“Supposedly he spent the rest of the school year in one of those ex-gay conversion camps.”

“Jesus,” Paul exclaimed. “That’s awful.”

"Did you ever talk to Shane about this before the other night? I mean I know you can to the hospital and he didn't want to see you...." Paul trailed off.

"I tried to. But his number was changed, and when I tried calling his dad's place, every time I asked for him, they hung up. I sent him some letters to your address.....they all came back unopened. And when he came back to school....every time I went near him he freaked out." Jason closed his eyes against the pain of the memories.

"I don't blame him," Jason continued. "Anyway, I realized I was just causing him more anquish, so I decided to hold back and wait until he was ready. And then he just....disappeared."

Jason looked up at Paul. "I know he moved here with Corey Crowder. Do you know what happened?"

Paul became guarded. "What happened to Shane after he moved to New Orleans is his own business. It's not my story to tell." He stood up and walked to the large window, silently staring out and sipping his beer.

Jason sat in silence, drained. He had not let himself think about how badly he had wronged Shane and Thomas in years. Even after running into Shane that fateful night….Jason had managed to avoid thinking about exactly how much damage he had caused.

Finally Jason broke the silence. “Do you think Shane knows how I felt about him? How I still feel?

Paul rose and went to the fridge for another beer, opening it and returning to the seating area without replying. Only after he sat and pulled a long swallow out of the bottle did he answer. “I think so. I know even right after it happened when he was in the hospital…..I know he was upset, but I never got the sense he hated you.”

“When this is all over…..if….when he’s well, do you…...do you think I have a chance?”

Paul looked at Jason, sadness in his eyes. “Jason, Shane is going through an ordeal...and he hasn’t had time to recover from the last shit storm he went through. I can’t speak for him, but I doubt his romantic life is going to be his biggest priority.”

“I know,” Jason felt stupid for continuing, but he wanted hope, just a sliver to hold on to. “I don't mean now. I mean one day, when this all behind him. One day, do you think there’s any chance for us?”

The sadness in Paul’s eyes deepened. “Jason, even if Shane comes out of this fine, even if he wants to make a go of it with you….what then? He’s not going back into the closet, and I know he won’t be willing to be somebody’s dirty little secret.”

“But….” Jason protested.

Before Jason could speak further, Paul continued, “Are you really ready to offer him a real relationship? Are you out to anyone? A friend? Your parents?” Paul paused and stared directly into Jason’s eyes, “Your fiancee?”

Jason gasped as Paul’s arrow found it’s target. “Look, Jason, even with everything that went down, I still think you’re a decent kid. And I think you’d be a great friend for Shane, and he’s gonna need friends. But if you think that what Shane needs right now is to be chased by a lovestruck closet case…..”

Paul shook his head. He spoke again, “I know you were young and stupid and didn’t mean to hurt Shane. But you did. You have a second chance, a second chance to do the right thing. This time, don’t be a selfish asshole. Before you try to start anything, you need to handle your shit. Understand? Shane doesn't need any more mind fucks.”

“I understand,” Jason said in a low tone. There was a long silence before Paul spoke again.

“I know you’ve been here everyday, and I can tell you’re exhausted. I got this watch. Why don’t you go get some rest?” Paul said.

“Okay,” Jason said and gathered his things. He wanted to protest, but he just felt so,so tired. Defeated. At the door, he paused and looked at Paul. “Bye, Paul. I’ll see you later.” He gave one last look at Shane and left the room.

Jason ran into Nurse Nix in the lobby as he waited for the elevator.

“You’re leaving so soon?” she asked surprised.

“I think Paul wanted to be alone with his cousin for a bit.”

“Oh, I see.” She looked at Jason more closely. “Is everything alright? You look upset.”

He forced a smile. “I’m fine. Not all trips down memory lane are fun, you know?”

Nurse Nix gave him a sympathetic smile. “Don’t I, though. See you tomorrow? Usual time?”

“Yes. Bye,” Jason said as the elevator doors opened and his stepped inside.

After Nurse Nix had continued down the hallway, the concierge, Patrick, removed his cell phone and rapidly swiped through it until he found a certain contact number.

“Hello,” a deep voice answered.

“This is Patrick, from the hospital,” Patrick said in a low tone, looking around to make sure no one was near. “You wanted me to let you know if anything unusual happened. Well, Mr. O’Neal’s cousin...Paul, I think….showed up today, and Mr. Reid just left, and he’s not coming back today. He, Mr. Reid, I mean, seemed very upset about something.”

“Do you know what happened?”

“I couldn’t hear anything. Certainly no yelling or any disturbance. I do know there’s no change in Mr. O’Neal’s condition.”

“Still….it’s quite interesting,” said the voice on the other end.

“I know it’s not much, but you said to let you know if anything out of the ordinary occurred…” Patrick trailed off.

“Thank you. I appreciate your thoroughness.” The line went blank.

Patrick took an involuntary look around as he slipped his phone back into his pocket. He felt bad about spying on Mr. Reid who seemed like such a nice young man, but Patrick did have a mortgage and private school to pay for. C’est la vie, he thought and settled back behind his desk.

After reaching the lobby, Jason had texted Ramon about his change of plans. Ramon had instantly offered to pick him up and deliver him home, but Jason had refused. His half-empty apartment held no charm for him, especially with his emotions in such turmoil. It was no haven, and had few things to distract him.

Instead, Jason called a cab and headed to the French Quarter. He spent the day walking the streets until he couldn’t walk anymore. Then he would find a cafe or bar and sit sipping coffee or soda, watching the crowds with unseeing eyes. After recovering, he would continue his aimless rambling. Eventually, toward evening, he made his way to the Moon Walk, and sat on a bench looking out on to the Mississippi.

He found no peace. Every subject that swirled into his mind created more questions: what was Shane involved in, would Shane recover, was Jason fooling himself that he had felt a spark with Shane when they had kissed on Burgundy Street, what would happen with Denise and his parents? Finally, hours after he left the hospital, he hailed a cab to go home.

After arriving at his apartment and paying the driver, he noticed something unusual. Light was streaming from his windows. Jason frowned, staring at his front door from the sidewalk; he rarely forgot to turn off lights when he left. For a moment, he was afraid. He pulled out his phone, and his finger hovered over Ramon’s number. Then, he noticed the car parked in front of his house. It was Denise. What the….? he thought.

As he stood there in surprise, wondering where she was, the door to his apartment opened, and Denise stepped out onto his porch.

“There you are,” she said to Jason in exasperation. “I’ve made dinner. I think it’s time we talked.”