Mr. Brightside - 21. Chapter 21

Mr. Brightside

Chapter 21

Jason and Shane stayed on the sofa for a while, Shane leaning into Jason. Finally, Jason’s back began aching in discomfort, and the arm Shane was lying on fell asleep. But still, he was prepared to suffer any physical pain necessary in order to prolong this contact with Shane. But an involuntary groan from Jason as he discreetly tried to move into a more comfortable position alerted Shane.

“I’m sorry,” Shane said, sitting up and pulling away. “Your poor arm must be asleep by now.”

“No, I’m good,” Jason disagreed.

“No, I can tell you’re not. But it’s sweet of you to pretend,” Shane said, running a hand along Jason’s cheek. “It’s been a long day. We should probably have some dinner.”

Jason wanted to continue to protest, hating to break their physical contact, but a an enormous rumble came from his stomach and stopped him from replying. He stood and helped Shane to his feet, and they crossed the living room and headed to the kitchen.

Jason opened the fridge and perused the contents. Finally he shut the door and turned to Shane. “I don’t think I’m up for cooking. Pizza okay?”

“Pizza sounds perfect.”

They settled back on the sofa, close enough for their shoulders to touch, and found a movie on Netflix while they waited for the pizza. After it came, they watched another movie. Most of the evening passed in comfortable silence, as if both were unable to maintain idle chatter after the revelations of the day. It felt like their first days living together in the dorm. After the second movie, even though it wasn’t particularly late, Jason yawned.

“It’s been a long, long day. I think I’m going to turn in.”

“Me, too,” Shane said. Jason helped him up and across the living room to the hallway that led to the bathroom and bedrooms.

“You first,” Jason said to Shane, gesturing toward the bathroom.

“I’m so tired, I was going to skip brushing my teeth and washing my face, but I guess I should. Thanks for letting me go first.” He was only inside the bathroom for a minute or two before emerging. Jason kissed Shane ‘goodnight.” It was only a brief press of lips, but as always, Jason felt a surge of electricity pass through him.

When Jason let the bathroom, he was surprised to find Shane still in the hallway. Shane had an uncertain expression that Jason couldn’t read.

“Is something wrong?” Jason asked.

“No. It’s….just that….Will you sleep with me tonight? No, not like that,” Shane said hastily at the look of surprise on Jason’s face. “I just don’t want to be alone.”

“Of course I will.” With a shy smile, Jason followed Shane into his room. They had both changed into loose tees and shorts before the second movie, so they slid directly into bed. Jason made sure to be careful of Shane’s leg, still in it’s cast, and his healing arm, so it took a while to become comfortably and safely situated. They ended up with Shane nestled in the crook of Jason’s arm, Shane’s head on Jason’s chest.

“I’m going to put your arm to sleep again,” Shane protested.

“I don’t care. If that’s what it takes to make you happy, I can live with a few pins and needles. Besides….it’s my arm and my chest, and I like you there, okay?” Jason turned and kissed Shane’s forehead

“Okay,” Shane conceded, and in a few minutes, they were both sound asleep.

It was the aroma of coffee, blessedly nearby, that woke Shane the next morning. As he sleepily opened his eyes, they focused on a steaming cup sitting on his nightstand. By the amount of sun streaming through his opened draperies, he could tell it was late morning. He was shocked; he had been having trouble sleeping for as long as he could remember and was usually awake by 7 a.m. or so, not matter how late he went to bed.

“Hey sleepy head,” a voice said, and Shane forced himself to full alertness. He struggled to sit up against the headboard, rubbing his eyes.

“Hey,” he told Jason, reaching for the coffee. “What time is it?”

Jason looked at his watch. “10:30. I know you don’t have an appointment today, and I hated to wake you, but I wanted to make sure you didn’t need anything before I go.”

Shane looked at his companion, who was wearing pressed khakis, a blue button down, and a tie. He wolf whistled; causing Jason to blush.

“You clean up nice. Where are you off to?” Shane said

“I meant to tell you yesterday, but with everything….I forgot. I have to go into work to fill out some paperwork and set up my training schedule for next month. Then I am having lunch with some people from the project team I’ll be on. I’ll be out for a while. Are you good? Need anything?”

“Nope,” Shane said, holding up his mug. “I have coffee, that’s all that matters. Besides, I’ve gotten pretty good about hobbling around, and I’m looking forward to some leftover pizza for…” he paused, considering. “Well, I guess it’s too late for breakfast, so I guess it will be brunch.”

“Well, in that case, I’ll head out. But there’s something I need,” Jason said.

“What?”

“A goodbye kiss.” With a grin, Jason leaned over and gave Shane a quick kiss. “Goodbye, baby.”

“Goodbye,” Shane replied, his heart warming with the kiss and the endearment. A smile split his face.

Shane had gotten more confident with his mobility, especially with the recent removal of the cast from his fractured arm. He still wore a brace on it and had to be careful not to place too much pressure on it, but it made dragging his leg cast around much easier to be able to use two crutches if he wanted.

He also felt, after the revelations of the night before, almost physically lighter. Shane had told Jason everything; all of his dark secrets, all of his ghosts, and Jason didn’t care. Jason loved him anyway. Shane was practically humming as his did his morning routine and limped to the kitchen for his brunch.

A couple of hours later, his phone buzzed, alerting him to a text. It was from Thomas:

Hey. I know it’s short notice, but I have a cancelled lunch appt. Can I see you?

Shane paused and reflected before replying. He was still upset a bit from Thomas’s last visit and the changes Shane had observed in his onetime boyfriend. But….still, he felt guilty saying “No.” After all, when you felt like he did that morning, like the world is smiling on you, it’s hard to begrudge another person’s simple request. Shane felt like with Jason’s declaration of love, he had been given the world. He could manage a potentially awkward visit with an ex, even an ex with as much baggage as Thomas.

Shane replied:

Sure. 5556 Cincinnati.

Thomas arrived so quickly that Shane was surprised. And he was also pleasantly surprised with Thomas’s appearance; he looked much more like the boy Shane remembered. There was a glow to his rich olive skin, and he was wearing a more casual outfit than the suit: fashionably skinny gray trousers and a tailored shirt of black and white check. Even his hair had relaxed from stiffly combed to a deliberately disheveled style.

Shane was so happy to see something of a return to the Thomas he had known, that his warm greeting was unforced.

“Thomas. It’s good to see you. I’m glad you texted.”

Thomas’s smile was broad, but somehow didn’t reach all the way to his eyes, but his words seemed genuine.

“You look great,” Thomas said. He moved into hug Shane, but stopped as he became aware of the crutches. He continued the embrace, but gingerly. The aroma of Herrera clung to Thomas, and for a brief moment Shane was brought back to the good times they had shared.

Moving away and back into the living room, Shane said, “Would you like something to drink? We have bottled water or juice. Or I could make you some coffee.”

“No thanks, I’m good. Unless….would you like to grab some lunch?”

“I’m not hungry; I had a late breakfast, but...if you want to go somewhere, I’ll be happy to sit with you. Just as long as there aren’t too many stairs,” Shane said with a chuckle.

“I’m good,” Thomas replied. “I came to see you, not eat.” He followed Shane into the living room and examined it. “Nice place you have,” Thomas said in a strangely cold voice.

With the beginnings of doubt about whether this visit had been a good idea, Shane replied, trying to keep his tone casual, “Thank you, but I can’t take credit. It’s Jason’s apartment. He’s letting me stay while I heal. All I contributed it was the art.”

“These are yours?” Thomas asked, sounding surprised.

“Yes.”

Thomas walked over to the large abstract hanging over the buffet in the dining area. He stared at it for a moment as if transfixed; then a hand hesitantly reached out to touch the thickly layered paint. After another long moment, Thomas turned to look at Shane.

“You’re really talented. I remember you doodling all the time, but this….” Thomas gestured toward the painting, “...this is fantastic.”

“Thank you,” Shane said shyly. Somehow, no matter how much his art was praised, it was hard for him to register that people liked what he created. But he also felt relief that Thomas seemed to have relaxed a bit, but the relief was short lived.

As they moved to sit in the living room at Shane’s suggestion, Thomas’s glance happened to fall upon a snapshot of Jason and his parents on an end table. Shane saw Thomas’s face darken.

“I can’t believe you moved in with that asshole,” Thomas said in a thick voice. “After what he did to us.”

“Thomas,” Shane said, “it was shitty, but it was a long time ago, and it’s time to move on. It’s great you’re here, but I don’t want to talk about the past. Jason made a mistake, a bad one, one with serious consequences for everybody involved, but it’s all done. I only care about the future.” And even with the discomfort Shane was feeling with this visit, the thought of a future with Jason; it was enough to make him smile.

“Fair enough,” Thomas said, breaking Shane’s brief reverie. “In fact, that’s why I came to talk to you...about the future.” Looking at Shane, no longer the pale, fragile, broken creature Thomas had seen a few weeks ago, Thomas’s mask slipped, and warmth bloomed in his eyes as he looked at the handsome blond.

“Shane,” Thomas said, “I know you don’t want to talk about the past, but I have to a little. The months with you were the best in my life, and it was thinking about you….and them…..that’s the only way I got through that first year. Through the goddamn reparative therapy and the pious bullshit they crammed down my throat. When I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, all I had to do was think of your face, and it gave me strength.

“I knew if I was strong enough...one day, I’d get out and find you. When I finally did...and you were gone, it crushed me. I thought you didn’t care, but after finding out the truth…what my dad did....I want a chance, Shane. That’s all I’m asking. I know you’ve been through alot, and maybe you’re not ready, but I want a chance for us….the chance they took away.”

Looking at the earnestness in Thomas’s face, Shane felt overwhelmed with emotion. He, after learning the harsh realities of live and “love,” had really come to belief that he had been nothing more than a passing fancy for Thomas, but now….he realized the other man truly cared. Maybe if things had been allowed to run their natural course, it would have been different, and Thomas would have tossed him aside. But, for whatever reason, Thomas had come to see him as The One.

And it filled Shane with remorse that he would have to make Thomas suffer more, but he knew it would only be worse to instill false hope.

“Thomas, I treasure what we had. You were my first for a lot of things, and I’ll never forget that. But..” and at that word Thomas’s face began to tighten. Shane winced inwardly, but plowed on “but I can’t offer you anything but friendship. But I do want that. I want us to be friends.”

“Friends,” Thomas said in derision, rising from his chair. “Friends…..I’m not good enough? Why not? I suffered for you; I waited for you: I went and found you. That’s not enough? What else? Money? Connections? My dad’s a senator….close to a billionaire...and I have my own fucking trust fund. I know I’m at least as rich as your ex-fiance.”

“Thomas, stop.”

Thomas began pacing, turning to look at Shane often. “I think I deserve to know why I’m not good enough for some fucking go go boy.”

“Thomas!” This time the name was harsh on Shane’s lips. Shane felt his own anger rising, but observing the other man’s real pain, Shane fought to control himself. “It’s not….it’s not about you…you’re right…..I’d be lucky to have you, but….” Shane trailed off uncertain how to continue, knowing that bringing up his burgeoning relationship with Jason would only incite Thomas more. It didn’t matter, the brunet somehow knew.

“Oh my God,” Thomas said in a disbelieving voice. “It’s true...you and Jason motherfucking Reid. I don’t get it,” he said, “I really don’t….I can offer you love, loyalty...and if those things don’t matter...the world… and you pick that asshole. And is he even gay? I mean I know he apparently likes to go to gay bars even though he has a fiancee….you know about her, right? You know your precious boyfriend is engaged?”

“I know he was engaged, and yes, Jason told me about Denise. How do you know about her?”

Thomas ignored him. Shaking his head and speaking almost to himself, Thomas said, “Karma….everybody talks about Karma….but I look around and see all these assholes like my dad and Jason….they shit on everybody….do whatever they goddamn please….and what’s their punishment? My dad becomes a Senator….Jason ruins both our lives, cheats on his fiancee…..and what does he get? The degree he wanted, the job he wanted, the girl he wanted, the boy he wanted…everything he wanted...I don’t do anything wrong ….and all I ever end up with is the fuzzy end of the lollipop.”

“Thomas,” Shane pleaded, “it doesn’t have to be like this. You’re still young, you have everything you need to be happy.”

Thomas looked at Shane sadly. “Not everything.” He turned and walked to the door. Shane struggled to get up to go after him, but was hampered by his leg and the crutches. Thomas was already opening the door, by the time Shane was upright.

“Don’t go,” Shane said. “Stay, and let’s talk.”

“Sorry,” Thomas said. “I have things to do. Maybe I can give Karma a hand.”

His face a mask of rage, Thomas walked to his car, pulling out his phone as he went. He was shaking so badly with rage that he almost couldn’t find the right contact. But by the time his assistant answered the phone, Thomas’s hard earned control meant that nothing amiss was noticeable in his smooth voice.

“How busy is my afternoon looking?”

“A couple of meetings, but nothing terribly important.”

“Good. I have a situation in Baton Rouge that I need to take care of. Reschedule everything.”

“Sure thing.” She rang off.

After reaching Baton Rouge, Thomas made his way to an apartment complex near the university. After parking in the guest area, he made his way to door on the first floor. A pretty blond in her early 20s opened the door at his knock..

“Denise,” he said. “You were right. Jason is in terrible trouble. We need to help him, and I think I know how we can.”

She looked at him, eyes starting to glisten. “Thank you, Thomas. Thank you for being such a good friend to him.”