319 Winesap Lane - 14. Chapter 14 - I Can't Be Your Boyfriend

Jamie’s POV

It seemed like I’d been in the group home in Lyons for over three months before that dude from Warnton finally got off his ass and came down to pick me up for a visit. I was waiting in the lobby and when he came in the door I wasn’t impressed. For one thing, he was old; not decrepit old, but old enough to be my grandfather if I had such a person in my family. He went to the counter and filled out my release slip. When he came over to me I didn’t know what to expect.

“Are you Jamie?” he asked.

“Ain’t no other kids here, so I suppose I am.”

“Ready to go?”

“Sure, might as well.”

We went out the front door and as we were going down the walk toward a black Mercedes SUV this kid jumps out of the front passenger seat. Talk about a shrimp, he couldn’t have been much more than twelve and my social worker said there was a kid my age already in the house.

When we got to the car this little kid said, “Hi, I’m Erik; come on, you can put your bag in the back.”

He walked with me to the back hatch all the while running his fingertips along the side of the car as if he was in love with the thing. When we got to the back he felt around on the door and said, “Do you see how to open the door? Dad! How do I get in the back?”

“Stand back and I’ll open it,” the old dude said.

It opened and I tossed my bag in. The kid kicked the switch under the bumper and the door closed. He said, “Isn’t that weird? I can’t open the damned door, but I don’t have any trouble closing it. Come on, let’s get in.”

I got in the backseat and Erik returned to his spot up front.

“Erik, you should’ve let Jamie sit in your seat,” the old dude said.

“Why would I want to do that?”

“Jamie’s new; he might want to enjoy the view. Oh, Erik, damn it, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, sir, I’ll stay in the back,” I said.

“No, I’ll go, since I can barely see past the front bumper, I’m just being inconsiderate to someone with full visual capabilities,” Erik said.

Was the kid blind and did the old dude want him to sit in back so I could see where we were going? I didn’t know if I was going to like this placement. I undid my seatbelt and slid across to sit behind the old dude. I wasn’t about to sit up front just because the blind kid couldn’t see.

Erik opened the door and said, “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Sitting over here,” I said. “Come on get in.”

“Hey, I got seniority here you got to let me be polite.”

“Fuck you, get in so we can get this show on the road.”

Finally, Erik got in and buckled his seat belt. He said, “Does this satisfy you, fucker?”

“Hey, now, enough of that swearing,” the old dude said.

“He started it,” Erik said.

“What’s your problem?” I asked.

“I’m going blind. Does that satisfy you?”

“Just checking out where I stand in this family.”

“You’re junior to me; that’s where you stand,” Erik said.

“Maybe I should try another family,” I said.

“You aren’t getting away that easily; Dad’s been looking forward to you comin’ to our family, so you better just try to fit in.”

“Maybe, I don’t want to try that hard.”

“What are you some worthless wuss?”

“Fuck no; if I hadn’t fucked up and gone AWOL from Centerhaven, I might’ve had a chance at a real placement.”

“But, you fucked up; didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I did,” I said softly.

“Well, if you mind yourself and listen to what Dad says, you might fit in at our home,” Erik said.

“He’s your dad?”

“He’s gonna be as soon as we get all the paperwork done and we convince the people at Social Services that it’s in my best interest.”

“I’d like to have a dad.”

“Well, you mind yourself and maybe Dad will be willing to adopt you, too.”

* * * *

When we got to the house Erik took me upstairs to pick out a bedroom. I couldn’t believe the size of the house and when we got to the second floor there were four large bedrooms and two smaller ones. There were three bathrooms that were between each pair of bedrooms and a small lavatory in the hall. Erik and the other boy in the house lived in bedrooms on the north side of the house with an adjoining bathroom, so I took one on the other side of the hall. There was one that had windows on the front and south side of the house. I picked its companion that only had south facing windows.

“Why don’t you unpack and put your clothes in the dresser and closet,” Erik said. “You can put your toiletries in the bathroom. Dad said you were up here last spring, but the placement didn’t work out.”

“My therapist said I should go into an institution for psychological treatment and then my foster parents were killed in a car accident.”

“Shit, that’s a shame. Were you in school at Warnton?”

“Yeah, I was a freshman, but that was because nobody knew my correct age. I’m actually a freshman, again, this year.”

“They should’ve let you move up.”

“Yeah, but when you’re institutionalized you do what they say.”

“That’s not right.”

“You in middle school?”

“No, I’m a freshman at Warnton.”

“You’re kidding, you don’t look a day over …”

“Twelve, I know; that’s what everybody says, but I’m taking shots so I can grow up. I have a hormone deficiency, among other things.”

“What other things.”

“I’m going blind.”

“You seem rather calm about it.”

“There’s not much I can do about it. Accept it or kill myself and that isn’t an option.”

“No, that’s not an option. Do you know how long it’s going to take?”

“Well, normally I wouldn’t go completely blind until I was 40 or so, but for some reason the doctors don’t understand I’m going bad faster than normal and will be totally blind before I’m 20. I’m practically totally blind right now.”

“Shit!”

“Yeah, tell me about it.”

“Probably makes it hard as far as finding a girlfriend.”

“Who said anything about getting a girlfriend?”

“You’re gay?”

“We’re all gay here.”

“You mean the old dude is gay?”

“He’s not an old dude, he’s my dad and you’d better remember that.”

“Hey, no offense intended.”

“That’s why you’re here, too.”

“What?”

“You’re gay, we already know that.”

“Do you have a problem with that?”

“With what?”

“That I’m gay”

“Have you ever done it with a guy?”

“Yeah, lot’s.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was a sex slave when I was younger. I’ve been fucked by lots of men.”

“Does it hurt?”

“It can, but it can be real nice if the guy who’s fucking you knows what he is doing.”

“Will you fuck me?”

“Hey, I don’t want to get in trouble here. I don’t want to mess this up by fucking some little kid.”

“I’m not a little kid and I want you to fuck me. How ’bout we do it tonight after we go to bed? I’ll come over to your bedroom and you can do it. What do you say?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean, you don’t know?”

“Look, when I was here the first time I was in two different relationships and in both I came out the loser. I’ll fuck you, but you gotta promise not to make a big stink about it.”

Erik paused as he thought about that. Obviously, he wasn’t expecting me to put a condition on fucking him.

“I gotta think about this,” Erik said.

“As well you should,” I said.

“Let’s go downstairs and see what’s going on.”

When we got down to the first-floor Erik led me down a hall to this room where the old dude and this other kid, who looked to be at least eighteen were sitting on these easy chairs over by a fireplace, where a nice fire was going. Erik sat in a wingchair, but there wasn’t anywhere for me to sit.

“We need a chair,” the other kid said. Once I was up close I could see he had been in some sort of accident because nearly all of the front quarter of the right side of his head was all scarred up. Frankly, it looked really bad.

“I’ll be right back,” the old dude said.

“Erik, you go help,” the other boy said.

“What about you?” Erik asked.

“I’m, uh, I’m recuperating from surgery. Not supposed to overstress myself.”

“Well, I can’t see worth shit!”

“I’ll help,” I said.

“Okay, it’s probably best anyway, since you’ll be able to pick out the chair you want,” the old dude said.

I followed him into the living room where there were three wingchairs.

“Which one do you think you’ll like?” the old dude asked.

“Why do I need one of these chairs?” I asked.

“In the evening everyone gathers in my study to read before going to bed. You’ll be able to have something to drink and then after about an hour, we’ll all go to bed. It’s a tradition in this house.”

“Why isn’t there a woman in this house?”

“Well, because I’m gay; and, I’m not in a relationship with another man, to answer your next question.”

“What do you know about me?”

“The short history or the long one?”

“That man I lived with abused me for nearly six years.”

“I have no desire to have sex with you.”

“How can I be sure of that?”

“You’ll just have to take my word for it.”

“I still have a tight ass if you want to fuck it.”

“I don’t want to have sex with you.”

“What about that other boy?”

“Jerry? He’s too old for you. He could get in trouble with the law for having sex with you, but that isn’t his problem.”

“What about Jerry?”

“I don’t know what his desire for you would be. He has a very low libido right now because of the drugs he’s taking.”

“He has a lot of scars.”

“He was shot in the head and is receiving a series of surgeries to restore his appearance.”

“How old is he?”

“I believe he’ll be nineteen in February.”

“Do you think he might have sex with me if I asked?”

“Maybe, maybe not; he already has a friend with whom he has some sort of sexual relationship.”

“A girl?”

“No.”

“Is he gay, like Erik said?”

“Yes.”

“Then he might fuck me if I asked nice?”

“Why do you want him to fuck you?”

“I like getting fucked, sometimes.”

“When will you be fifteen?”

“In January on the twenty-first.”

“Ask him then; if you’re living here.”

“I had a friend when I was living in Warnton last spring.”

“Then, maybe when you decide to live here, you and he can reconnect.”

“You’d let us?”

“Look, Jamie, I don’t care what you do as long as you don’t fuck up your life. I know you’ve had the shits, but I can offer you a chance to turn out okay. That’s all I can do.”

“What do I call you? Dad, like Erik does or what?”

“You can call me Geoff or Dad; whatever you prefer.”

“How about if I call you Geoff for now?”

“Whatever you prefer.”

“You’re being awfully easy about this.”

“Look, Jamie, I’ve got Jerry who is supposed to be my houseboy and a student at Warnton College, but was shot down in the Bronx three months ago and is having a pretty bad time of it. Plus, I’ve got Erik who has a hormone deficiency and is going blind. I’ve got my hands full and I know you’ve had the shits for a childhood, but I can offer you a home and a chance to grow up to be someone special. All I ask is that you try as heck not to mess up your life and blame it on how you were raised. I’m offering you a fresh start. You can take it or leave it.”

I stood there looking at him and considering what he offered. It was obvious he had his hands full with Jerry and Erik, but what was I going to add to the mix. Could I behave myself? I wondered what Ian was doing this year. I’d missed football season, but could I make the team next year? It would mean behaving myself and moving in with Geoff, Jerry, and Erik, who wanted me to fuck him. I didn’t know what I should do about that.

“Geoff?”

“Yes?”

“I have a problem with living here.”

“What’s that?”

“Erik wants me to fuck him. Should I do that?”

“Can you give him a decent experience and not be too rough?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Then what is your problem?”

“I just wanted to check if it was okay.”

“Look, Jamie, I don’t care what you do with Erik as long as he has a positive experience. I know you’re a lot more sexually experienced than most boys your age, but you should be able to use that experience to give Erik what he desires. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, I think I do. Can I have the purple chair?”

“I think that will be a good choice.”

* * * *

That night Erik taught me how to brew a cup of herbal tea. Then we went into the study where Geoff and Jerry were reading books. Erik had his own book, so I was at a loss as what to do. Geoff got up, came over to me, and said, “Come over here. This bookshelf has all the fiction I own. Here read this, it’s a good place to start.”

I looked at the title and saw it was The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway. I asked, “What’s this?”

“Literature; it’s a good place to start with Hemingway,” Geoff said.

“Is there something I’m supposed to pick up from reading this?”

“Maybe, one never knows what one gets from Hemingway.”

“Why are you giving me this instead of something else?”

“Look, Jamie, I’m a scholar, which means I know a thing or two about what’s what with knowledge. You don’t have to read this book, I can give you something easier, but I think you need a challenge and this book will make you think. That’s all I want from my boys.”

“Just read the book,” Erik said. “When I first got here Dad gave me a book about a fifteen-year-old boy who was gay and was trying to deal with that. Then he gave me a story about a little girl down in the South back in the thirties. It was a real eyeopener. Now, I’m reading this. It’s real complicated ’cause it’s about this guy who is raised as a girl by his family, but, in reality, he’s a guy and his family wants him to have sex reassignment surgery to make him all female.”

“Take Geoff’s offer and read book,” Jerry said. “Geoff has a ton of fiction in house. You read what he tell you and you can get into real good university.”

I didn’t know what to do. I’d never heard of a foster parent telling a kid what he should read. It was almost like he already assumed that I would agree to be his adopted son.

I opened the book and on a page before the book actually began there was a quote:

“One generation passeth away, and another generation cometh; but the earth abideth forever. … The sun also ariseth, and the sun goeth down, and hasteth to the place where he arose. …”

The book said the quote came from something called Ecclesiastes. I wondered what that was.

“Geoff, sir, what is Ecclesiastes?” I asked.

“It’s a book in the Bible.”

“Oh, okay.”

I wondered if I should read that before starting this. “The sun also ariseth …,” “The Sun Also Rises”? What was the connection? And, then, I thought back to my own life and how I had been practically living in hell. Then on a cold, damp morning the truck stopped at the foot of an exit and my life changed, not at first for the better, but now, possibly, it might be better and all I had to do was turn a page.

I started to read: Robert Cohn was once a middleweight boxing champion of Princeton. Do not think that I am very much impressed by that as a boxing title, but it meant a lot to Cohn. He cared nothing for boxing, in fact he disliked it, but he learned it painfully and thoroughly to counteract the feeling of inferiority and shyness he had felt on being treated as a Jew at Princeton. … *

I stopped and reread that passage. I didn’t think it had anything to do with me, but, then again, I felt a connection, as if my being a child prostitute made me different from others and could forever taint my relationships in the future. I continued to read and was eventually sucked into the narrative.

Finally, just when I was getting to a good part, Geoff said, “Okay boys, time to go to bed. Big day tomorrow, we’ll be taking our little trip down to Batavia to the School for the Blind. Oh, Jamie, there’s a bookmark already in the book; use it.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Don’t worry, Dad doesn’t like turned down corners on his books,” Erik said.

“Sure thing.”

“You can take your book up to your room, if you want.”

“No, I don’t think I will.”

“Are we on for tonight?” Erik asked.

“One reason not to take my book, right?”

“Yeah.”

Up in my room I undressed and pulled the covers on the bed back exposing the bottom sheet. There was a soft knock on my door and when I opened it I saw Erik standing in the hall in his boxers.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

When he came in I shut the door and set the lock. I turned around and was presented with Erik’s naked body. I was struck by the small size of his cock, the barely noticeable bush of pubic hair, and the way he was biting his lower lip.

“Erik?”

“What?”

“Are you sure you want this?”

“I brought some condoms and lube Dad bought me.”

“Erik, I’m nervous about doing this because you seem so young.”

“But, we’re the same age.”

“Come on, let’s get up on the bed and kiss for a while.”

“Okay, but I want you to do more than that.”

“Why don’t we just go with it and see what happens.”

When Erik left my bedroom three hours later I was still amazed at the blow-job he gave me. Although he didn’t have much of an erection, I did the same for him. He seemed satisfied with the results. We agreed to get together tomorrow night.

Not too surprising, I wasn’t sleepy enough to having any hope at slumber so I put on my boxers and went out my door, leaving my nightstand lamp on, which provided enough light to the head of the stairs. Then I saw that there were nightlights all the way down to the main floor. I supposed they were for Erik’s limited night vision. I turned on the hall light and went back to the study where I turned on the ceiling light.

I looked at the bookshelf containing all the fictional works and noticed all of the books were sorted according to the author’s name and then by some other category. But, on the top shelf there were a bunch of paperbacks when all the other books were hardback or that paperback covers that were made to look like hardback. I wondered what was up there that Geoff didn’t want us reading.

“What are you doing in here?” a voice said behind me. I turned and saw Geoff standing in the doorway in his pajamas.

“I was looking for a book to read,” I said.

“I gave you a book to read.”

“I know, but I was looking for something, else.”

“Okay, it’s late and I don’t have energy to argue. Go get the footstool and bring it over here.”

I did as he asked and placed it beside the bookshelf.

“Take the first book off the top shelf and read that. When you finish with that one read the next. They’re all in order and make more sense if you read them as they’re shelved.”

I took down the book and looked at the cover. It was The Colour of Magic by Terry Pratchett. “What’s this?” I asked.

“It’s fantasy and very good, too. The books are in order. Don’t get them mixed up.”

“Why can’t I pick out a book I want to read on my own?”

“Because that isn’t how it works here. Take it or leave it; and, by leaving it I mean talk to Bill Daniels about finding some other foster placement if such a thing is possible with your history.”

I didn’t know what to say. I looked at the book and I looked at Geoff; and, then I thought of Jerry and Erik and their problems. I thought of my own problems and how Geoff was willing to take me in when he didn’t have to. I thought of what Jerry had said earlier about reading everything Geoff gave me and being able to use that to get into a university.

“Okay, you win,” I said. I put the stool back where it belonged and walked out of the study.

* * * *

Saturday morning, I woke to the most incredible sensation. A warm, moist feeling enveloped my cock. It might have been very pleasant except for the fact I needed to piss something bad.

“Erik, stop,” I whispered.

“Uh, uh.”

“I need to pee; if you don’t stop doing that, I’m going to pee in your mouth.”

“Ew, ick!”

He was off of me in a flash and I hurried into the bathroom where I struggled with my hard-on and the need to urinate.

“Having a problem?” Erik asked. “Need a hand? Maybe if we get rid of the rigidity, you’ll be able to pee easier.”

“Erik, don’t.”

“Why? I thought you liked what we did last night.”

“I did, but I don’t think we should do that anymore if I’m going to move in here.”

“Why?”

“Because it’ll be like we’re brothers and I’ll feel uncomfortable having sex with my brother.”

“But, we won’t be real brothers.”

Erik’s constant need for sex was disconcerting, especially after so long without that kind of closeness. I flushed the toilet and slipped my boxers off.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take a shower,” I said.

“Can I take one with you?”

“Erik, please quit trying to get so close to me.”

“But you have a real cock and in not so many months I’m not going to be able to see it.”

Well, there it was; his hormone starved cock and impending total blindness. He was able to get around the house fairly well, but I didn’t know how bad his vision was. I guess our little trip down to the School for the Blind was so Erik could see where he would be going once he was eligible. I guess from what he told me they were rather sticklers that their students be totally blind.

“Okay, you can shower with me, but no messing around.”

“Ah, you’re no fun.”

“Look, there’s someone here in Warnton I know and if I get to move up here, I’ll be looking to hook up with him, again.”

“But, what if he already has a new boyfriend?”

“Then I’ll have to find a new one.”

“But, what about me?”

“You can’t be my brother and my boyfriend; it just wouldn’t work out.”

“Well, fuck!” he exclaimed and walked out of my bathroom. I heard a thunk sound and Erik exclaim, “Oh, shit!”

I went out into my bedroom and saw him down on his knees.

“What happened?” I asked.

“I forgot your room is laid out different from mine. I think I hurt my ankle.”

“Where’s Geoff this time of morning?”

“He should be down in the kitchen drinking coffee and getting things ready for breakfast. Please tell him to hurry, this is starting to hurt bad.”

“Be right back.”

“You better put on your boxers first.”

“Oh, yeah, thanks.”

I was back with Geoff and Jerry in a few minutes. In the meantime, Erik had moved himself off the floor and up onto my bed. While Geoff checked out Erik, I stood in the hall with Jerry.

“What did you do to him?” Jerry asked.

“Nothing, honest.”

“I heard about you and how you were before here in Warnton. If you screwed with Erik, you can forget coming to live here.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I went back into my bedroom and sat on the bed across from Erik.

“How’re you doin’?” I asked.

“It doesn’t hurt as much as it did at first.”

“I don’t think anything’s broken; we’ll ice it and watch it until it’s time for us to go down to Batavia,” Geoff said. “You stay here and I’ll be right back.”

After Geoff was gone for about a minute, Jerry came into the bedroom and said, “Erik, you know what Gerry said. What he do to you?”

“Nothing, I tripped over the chair.”

“You are trying to protect him. You want him to fuck you. I will not allow it. Do you hear me? I will not allow it.”

“Well, fuck you, get out of here with your craziness.”

“You remember where you stand in family.”

“Fuck you! Get out of my life.”

Jerry left and Erik said, “He got shot in the head and suffered a TBI. He used to be the nicest guy around, but now it’s like he’s crazy all the time. Geoff said he might be like this the rest of his life.”

Geoff came in and said, “What did Jerry say?”

“Oh, the usual shit,” Erik said. “He was blaming Jamie for what happened and said he wasn’t going to allow him to become permanent with us.”

“Jamie, don’t worry about Jerry, he doesn’t know what he’s saying most of the time,” Geoff said.

He wrapped up Erik’s ankle and I helped steady him as he tried to put some weight on it. He seemed to be okay, so I let him lean against me as he limped into his bedroom.

“Since I can’t take a shower, could you wash me?” Erik said. “I’ll suck your cock if you want.”

“No payment required, brother.”

“Oh, phooey, you really are no fun.”

“Like I said, I can’t be your brother and your boyfriend, too.”

* * * *

Geoff decided Erik’s ankle was too bad for him to go on the tour of the School for the Blind and Jerry pitched something very close to a tantrum over it. If he’d have done that at Green Meadows or Centerhaven he’d have been given an injection and sent somewhere to sleep it off. I could only assume his reaction was caused by his brain injury when he was shot. While I was eating my breakfast, I said, “Geoff, since we’re not going to Batavia, could I go see if I can find that boy I knew last spring?”

“Sure, why not.”

“You cannot let him wander around Warnton unescorted,” Jerry said. “He might get in trouble with police.”

“He’s not going to do anything that will cause the police to arrest him,” Geoff said. “You worry too much.”

“There is something distrustful about him. He was in New York last summer. He could have made contact with a member of Granite and Gneiss League and will let them know he plans on moving here. We are not far from Canada and you know Granite and Gneiss League is looking to expand across the border. I bet they could lay a bridge right across lake tonight and invade Toronto and Montreal before Canadians know what is up. You have to do something. We cannot let him contact the Granite and Gneiss League. You know what they do if they get foothold up here.”

“Jerry, where is your iPod?” Geoff asked.

“In my room charging. I have backup ready. Should I go get it?”

“I think that would be a good idea.”

“Okay, be back soon.”

“What’s the Granite and Gneiss League?” I asked after Jerry left the kitchen.

“I haven’t a clue, but I suspect it’s something Jerry’s made up in his mind to deal with your presence here in the house,” Geoff said. “He gets carried away sometimes.”

“He’s crazy, now,” Erik said. “He scares me sometimes.”

“I shouldn’t be out too long; if I do find Ian and he wants to hook up with me, I’ll bring him up here,” I said.

“That wouldn’t be a good idea,” Geoff said. “Jerry doesn’t deal well with strangers right now. If you’re going to be detained for any length of time give me a call.”

“I don’t have a phone.”

“Oh, just a minute, I’ll be right back.”

Geoff left and I looked at Erik, but he acted as if no one had left the table. Maybe he was more blind than I thought. Jerry came back with his iPod in his pocket and earbuds in his ears. He slid into the dinette next to me and resumed eating his breakfast. With his music taking up most of his attention, Jerry wasn’t that bad of a guy. I kind of felt sorry for him.

Geoff came back and handed me an index card that was folded in half. He said, “Here, this is my cell number and Erik’s if you can’t get in touch with me.”

“Thanks,” I said. Since I was done with breakfast, I asked Jerry, “Excuse me, can I get out?”

He looked at me strangely and said, “Not done eating. You can wait.”

Since Geoff didn’t say anything, I just assumed I’d have to follow Jerry’s instructions. I didn’t know if it was because of the shooting or the way he was before. Finally, Jerry finished eating, but he didn’t move. He just sat there bobbing his head to whatever music he was listening to. Geoff reached across the table and touched Jerry’s hand. He looked up at Geoff and then over at me. He looked down at his empty plate and over at mine. He seemed to be puzzled by the situation.

“Erik, are you finished with breakfast?” Jerry asked.

“Yes.”

“You did not eat peaches.”

“Where is the bowl. I don’t want to knock anything over to get to it.”

“Geoff, can you help Erik?” Jerry asked. “Once he done, we can all get up and I can clean kitchen. I think new guy can help me.”

“Jerry, you know this is Jamie’s first visit,” Geoff said, “so, he shouldn’t have to do chores.”

Jerry sat there staring down at the table and said, “Yes, you right. We decide what chores new guy do when he move in permanently. I will clean up kitchen alone, today.”

“I can help, if you want,” I said.

“No, Jamie, general kitchen cleanup is Jerry’s job around here,” Geoff said. “He can handle it by himself.”

“I don’t know how it works around here; I was just offering,” I said.

“The new guy is guest; he should not have to do or help with chores,” Jerry said. “That is good.”

Finally, Erik finished his peaches. Geoff slid out of the dinette followed by Erik. Jerry didn’t move.

“Jerry? Everybody is finished with breakfast,” I said. “Can I get out?”

“Be quiet! Song has not finished. Have not heard in ages.”

And, so, I sat there until Jerry’s song came to an end. It was more than obvious that he had suffered some degree of brain damage from being shot so I couldn’t fault him for his abrupt behavior toward me. After a while he slid out of the dinette and began to remove the dirty dishes from the table. I got out and Jerry turned to face me.

“Did you fuck Erik last night?” Jerry asked.

“No.”

“He was in your room long time. What you do to him?”

“None of your business.”

“If you hurt him, I swear I hurt you.”

“I wouldn’t think of hurting him. He’s too precious.”

“Precious? Precious. I have never heard anyone describe Erik as precious. You sure he precious?”

“That’s one word I’d use to describe him, if I thought more about it I suppose I could come up some more.”

“You make fun of me?”

“No.”

“You better not. I do not like people who make fun of me. Not my fault I was shot. You go now; I think I get mad at you.”

I walked out of the kitchen and down the hall to Geoff’s study. He was working on his computer, while Erik was sitting in his chair with a braille practice book.

“Excuse me, Geoff, I’m leaving now,” I said.

“Okay, try to keep out of trouble. Do you know where you’re going?”

“Yes, down to the hardware store to start. That boy I knew, his father works there. If that doesn’t work out I’ll probably go up to the high school and see if some boys are playing football.”

“Okay, you be careful.”

“Can I go with him?” Erik asked.

“It’s okay with me,” I said.

“With that ankle you’re not going anywhere,” Geoff said.

“Phooey!”

“You can go next time,” I said.

“Well, as long as you’re out, find me a boyfriend,” Erik.

“Sure thing.”

“Are you still here?” Jerry asked at the door with a piece of paper in his hand. “Can you go by this address and tell Clarence I cannot see him tonight.”

He handed me the paper. There was a badly scrawled address on it.

“Jamie, don’t worry about that,” Geoff said. “Jerry you know Clarence is aware of your condition. He was here on Thursday.”

“He was?”

“Yes.”

“Oh,” Jerry said. He turned and walked out of the room.

“Will he get better?” I asked.

“They don’t really know,” Geoff said. “In all likelihood, he’ll be like this for the rest of his life.”

“What will he do for a living?”

“He’s been taken care of.”

“Geoff set up a trust fund for him,” Erik said. “When he no longer wants to live here.”

“That’s nice,” I said. “Well, I shouldn’t be gone too long.”

* * * *

I walked down Winesap Lane until I got to the downtown area and then started looking for the hardware store. I think I remembered it being up on the highway, so I went south two blocks and there it was. I went to the front door, but it wouldn’t open. Thoughts of it being permanently closed passed through my mind until I saw that the store didn’t open until nine o’clock. Without a cell or a watch, I had no idea what time it was. Reluctantly, I turned away.

I hadn’t gone more than a few steps when I heard behind me, “Hey, Will, what are you doing here?”

I turned and saw Ian MacArthur, the boy who almost became my boyfriend last spring, standing at the door to the store. I went up to him and said, “Hi, I didn’t realize I was here too early. What are you doing here?”

“I work here Saturdays and two afternoons a week.”

“Oh, then I guess I won’t be able to see you until tomorrow.”

“Sorry. Where are you living? Do you have a new placement here?”

“I’m just visiting a family this weekend. They’re real interested in having me move in, but I guess we have to go through the steps before I’ll be allowed to move out of the group home down in Lyons.”

“Have you had a chance to play football?”

“No, not yet, maybe I’ll be able to play next fall. There’s been some changes in my life.”

“How so?”

“They found my real parents, but they’re in prison. And, they found my real birth certificate. I’m actually a year young than I was last year. I’m still a freshman.”

“Then you’d be perfect for my little brother Curt.”

“Why not you?”

“Will, when you went away and with the Jenkins dying I assumed you’d never be back. I have a boyfriend my age. I’m a junior this year.”

“Oh, that’s nice.”

“I’m sorry, Will, but you know you could stop by our house and get with Curt. Maybe you guys might hit it off.”

“Well, maybe, where do you live?”

“202 Jonathan Lane.”

“Doesn’t Jonathan run parallel to Winesap?”

“Sure, does, just one block north. I’m sorry this didn’t work out for you.”

“I can’t expect everything to stay the same when I’m not here. Oh, by the way, I’m going by my real middle name now. It’s Jamie.”

“Jamie sounds nice. I think it suits you.”

“Thanks, well, I’ll see you around.”

“Jamie, go see Curt; he’s not half bad.”

“Yeah, but is he gay?”

“As a matter-of-fact he is and he doesn’t have a boyfriend, either.”

“Ian, you’re clocked in, you need to get to work,” Ian’s dad said.

“Oh, sure, Dad; you remember Will don’t you?”

“Oh, yes, how are you doing, son?

“Okay, I guess I’ll see you later, Ian.”

I didn’t know what to do, so I gave in to Ian’s suggestion and walked down to Jonathan Lane. 202 was a large Victorian with a broad front porch and a turret on the southeast corner. I walked up to the front door and rang the bell. After a minute or so the door opened and I saw Mariah in full goth regalia.

“Web! What are you doing here?” she asked.

“It’s Jamie now; I’m on a weekend visit to a possible new placement.”

“So, what can I do for you?”

“Ian said I should come over here and meet your brother Curt.”

“Why would he do that? Oh, yeah, you and Ian can’t so he’s trying to hook you up with Curt, but you’re a year older.”

“No, actually I’m only fourteen. There was a mix-up with my birth certificate.”

“Sure, come on in.”

“Mariah, dear, who was at the door?” a voice called out from somewhere in the house.

“It’s Web, Mother. You remember me talking about him.”

“Oh, yes, the boy who was living with the Jenkins. What does he want?”

“Ian sent him over to meet Curt.”

“Isn’t he your age?”

“I guess there was some problem with his birth certificate. He’s actually Curt’s age.”

“That’s nice; Curt needs a nice boy to know.”

“Come on,” Mariah said, “or she’ll talk your leg off.”

“Where is she?”

“The kitchen, I think. Yes, the kitchen. Come on, Curt’s bedroom is on the third floor.”

We went up the stairs until we topped out at what would’ve been the attic in most houses. There were walls and doors at what I supposed were the gable ends. We went to one of the doors, which had a sign on it that said, “Keep Out! Entrance by Permission Only”. Mariah knocked on the door and after a while it opened and revealed a boy that didn’t resemble Mariah or Ian a bit. He was skinny, about five foot eight, shoulder length green hair that hung over his eyes in front. There was just a glimpse of intense steel blue eyes.

“Curtie, this is Jamie,” Mariah said. “I used to know him as Web and Ian knew him as Will. Ian sent him over. He’s all yours.”

“Come on in,” Curt said.

“Thanks.”

“I take it you’re gay.”

“Guilty as charged,” I said.

The room was long and narrow. It ended with a small window of which the lower half was taken up with an air conditioner. On the left side there was a full size bed and on the other a desk, dresser without a mirror, and a low wardrobe that had been built against the slope of the ceiling. When he shut the door, I saw a smallish mirror on the door.

“Let’s sit on the bed,” he said. Only he laid down with his legs pulled up leaving space for me at the foot.

“Ian’s always trying to find me other gay boys to hang out with, but frankly I don’t give a shit,” Curt said. “I figure I can just as easily find a guy just as easily as him. Did you just move into Warnton?”

“Not exactly, I’m on a new foster placement this weekend.”

“So, I’m not going to see you until next weekend. Right?”

“That’s about it.”

“What’s your number?”

“Pardon?”

“Your cell, give it here and I’ll put you in …”

“I don’t have a cell.”

“So, what’s the purpose of this visit; other than to satisfy Ian’s weird sense of brotherly love?”

“I guess that’s just about it?”

“Are you going to move into this foster placement on a permanent basis?”

“Probably.”

“When?”

“I don’t know.”

“Look, uh …”

“Jamie.”

“Yeah. You see, I’m not interested in just getting together with a guy on a casual basis. I suppose you came over here expecting to get in my pants, but that isn’t who I am. So, you might as well go away and don’t come back until you’re here permanently.”

He got up from the bed and held out his hand. “I’ll escort you to the front door. It’s the least I can do, considering the circumstances of your visit.”

I stood up and placed my hand in his. It was a soft, delicate grip. He led me out of his bedroom and down the stairs to the front door, which, for some unknown reason, he didn’t open.

“How about a kiss goodbye?” he asked.

The full-mouth liplock, with tongue, surprised me and I tried to keep up with him. His hands were all over my back before coming around to rub my pecs. For not wanting to get involved, he certainly seemed to be inviting me back, when I came back. Finally, he broke the kiss and simply smiled at me.

“Good?” he asked.

“Very good, too bad you don’t want me to hang around,” I said.

“Yeah, but I have my principles. When can I see you next?”

“I don’t leave until tomorrow evening.”

“Too bad, my family does things on Sundays.”

“Maybe next weekend?”

“Okay, if you don’t come by next Saturday, I’ll know this is a bust.”

He opened the front door and just as quickly I found myself standing on the front porch. I didn’t know what to do, so I went back to the house.

* * * *

At the house, I went up to my room and lay down on my bed to read my Terry Pratchett novel. It was a fun read and helped keep my mind off what happened with Ian and Curt. After an hour or so Erik came in and climbed up on the bed. He snuggled up against me, but that seemed to be the extent of his interest in me. After another hour there was a knock at the door.

“Come in,” I said.

The door opened and I looked up to see who it was. I saw Jerry standing in the doorway. He had his iPod and earbuds plugged in.

“Yes, can I help you?” I asked.

“I am looking for Erik.”

“I think he’s asleep.”

“Okay; do not hurt him.”

“I wouldn’t think of doing anything like that.”

“Good; no, I better stay.”

“Whatever.”

“You keep reading.”

Jerry sat down at the desk and nodded his head to whatever song he was listening to. I went back to reading. And, Erik continued to sleep or, maybe, he was just lying quietly at my side taking comfort in my presence. There was a knock on the door jamb and I looked up and saw Geoff.

“So, this is where everyone got off to,” Geoff said. “Jamie, next weekend is Christmas. Would you like to spend it with us?”

“Of course, I would.”

“Good; I’ve made some sandwiches for lunch; after which we’ll go down to the tree farm and pick out a tree. So, come on everyone, let’s get busy.”

Jerry didn’t join us on the expedition to the Christmas tree farm, which was about ten miles southwest of Warnton. The place was packed with tree hunters when we arrived. We were given a bow saw to remove the beautifully festive top of the tree from its life-giving roots. You could almost hear the faint screams from the poor defenseless saplings as hardened carbon-steel teeth tore at their trunks. As we walked among the decapitated roots I wondered what kind of tree we were looking for.

“What about this one?” Geoff asked. He was standing next to a tree about six feet tall. I walked around it and saw a blue plastic ribbon with the price tied to a limb.

“It costs fifty dollars,” I said.

“Do you want it?”

“Why are you asking me?”

“It’s fairly simple: Erik can barely see it and Jerry won’t care.”

“What exactly is wrong with Jerry, if I’m not being too personal.”

“He was shot in the head and his psychiatrists believe some form of schizoid personality disorder has developed because of that.”

“Will he get better?”

“They really don’t know. He’s taking some drugs and I take him to a psychiatrist, but it’s mostly up to him on whether he wants to get better; or, at least, that’s what his psychiatrist says. It really doesn’t matter what comes of it as he will always have a home with me. You’d better get down under the tree and cut it away from the roots. Try to get as close to the roots as possible.”

“But, what happens when you get too old to care for him?”

“He’ll be taken care of.”

He said it as if he totally believed it would occur.

We put the tree in the living room by the front window so that it would show out onto the street. He had a pointed ornament for the top instead of the usual angel. Then we strung ropes of gold and silver beads around the tree followed by colored lights. Finally, he opened boxes of ornaments. They were mostly blown glass with shiny paint. They looked very old. Geoff plugged the lights in and replaced the ones that were out. And, then he disappeared.

“Can you see the lights?” I asked.

“A little,” Erik said. “I suppose this might be my last Christmas tree.”

“Maybe next year we can put up one you can feel.”

“Do you think Geoff will do that?”

“If we ask, I’m sure he will.”

“I don’t feel so good. I’m going up to my room.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I want to be alone for a while.”

Geoff returned with a tray with four mugs on it. Jerry was right behind him.

“Where’s Erik?” Geoff asked.

“What you do to him?” Jerry asked.

“Nothing, he went up to his room,” I said. “I think he’s upset that he might not see a Christmas tree ever again.”

“I go get him,” Jerry said.

“Be nice,” Geoff said.

“Erik my brother,” Jerry said. “I not harm him.”

After Jerry left, I asked, “Is he okay? His language seems abrupt.”

“It gets that way sometimes.”

“Geoff, when do you think I can move up here permanently?”

“That’s up to your social worker. If I had my way, I’d keep you through the holidays and every weekend after that until they said you can move in.”

“That’s fine with me.”

“Good.”

Jerry and Erik soon joined us. It looked like Erik had been crying.

“It’s a tradition in this house to have hot buttered rums when putting up the Christmas tree,” Geoff said. “Unfortunately, since we have underage boys, I am unable to give either Erik or Jamie rum, but hopefully the batter will give you some sense of the festivities. Jamie, yours’ and Erik’s are the green mugs. If you could give Erik his mug.”

“Sure thing,” I said. I gave Erik his mug and took mine from the tray. Jerry took his and Geoff put the tray on the coffee table before taking his mug.

“It’s been a hard and difficult autumn, and year for some of us, but now we gather at the Christmas tree to seek blessings from whomever we believe in for the year to come,” Geoff said. “To the next year, may it be better than the past.”

The following day I stood at the door to the group home as snow swirled around Geoff and me.

“I had a good time and look forward to coming up next weekend,” I said.

“You’re a good boy, Jamie Knowles, and I look forward to the day that I might have the opportunity to adopt you, if you so desire,” Geoff said.

“Thank you; I just might take you up on that. Goodbye.”

I went to ring the bell, but he pulled me into a hug. I returned the embrace and held him close to me, not wanting to part.