Rehabilitation - 5. Dustin Loses the War

Well, it finally happened. After a week of constant supervision by Dr. Reilly, she finally left us alone! It was a beautiful Saturday morning, and it was going to be a great day! School was finished, and Dr. Reilly told us that she had some work to do in Pittsburgh and that she hoped we didn’t mind if she left us on our own for the day. We tried to pretend that we would miss her. We really did!

I felt like a brand new kid! I was starting to dig myself out of the rut my life had been in for a while. I’d been so miserable for so long that I’d almost forgotten how it felt to be happy. Now, I could finally look at that kid in the mirror who sort of looked like my mom and not want to punch him in the face again. I could actually smile. I could look into those dark green eyes and not feel angry. For so long, I thought that I was angry at my dad. But it turned out the one who I had been angry with was myself. But if dad could love me, and if Brett could love me, then maybe I could begin to at least like myself again.

Brett could tell there was something different about me. He told me so as we relaxed in his room after his mom left. I was different. The anger and bitterness I’d been suffering through seemed so far away. It was like a dark storm cloud had passed and now I could feel the sun again.

For as much as we had complained about feeling overprotected and had wanted Dr. Reilly to leave us alone, now that we had the house to ourselves we really didn’t do much of anything. Brett hadn’t bothered to get dressed after his mom left, so he was playing video games in just a pair of plaid boxers. I played around on his computer for a while wearing a pair of cutoff shorts and Brett’s Yankees World Series three-peat Championship t-shirt. We were just enjoying a quiet, lazy day with each other without a care in the world.

We hadn’t answered the phone all morning and we almost didn’t answer the door when the doorbell rang.

“Just ignore it, they’ll give up and go away,” Brett said.

“What if it’s important?” I asked.

“Meh…” Brett scoffed.

The doorbell kept on ringing.

“They’re not going away,” I said. Of course, I wasn’t feeling motivated enough to actually go and answer it myself.

“Fine,” Brett sighed. He slipped on a pair of jeans and grabbed a shirt as he headed out the door to put on as he walked down the stairs. For a few minutes, I didn’t think anything about it. I just continued lazily playing on the computer. But then I thought I could hear arguing. Brett’s voice began getting louder.

I didn’t bother with the sling for my arm and figured I’d better check to see what was going on with Brett. Then I heard Dustin’s voice echo up the stairs.

“Just tell me if he’s here!” he insisted.

“What’s it to you?” Brett snapped sharply. His voice sounded so mean and angry. It didn’t suit him at all.

“What’s going on you guys?” I asked, walking quickly down the stairs. I was hoping to defuse the situation before it turned ugly. I don’t think Dustin had ever been to Brett’s house before.

“Hey Billy! Can I talk to you for a minute?” Dustin shouted.

“I told you he doesn’t want to talk to you,” Brett fumed. “Just go back upstairs, Billy. I’ll deal with him.”

“Billy can decide for himself who he wants to talk to!” Dustin objected.

“It’s okay, Brett,” I said calmly. “I want to talk with him.”

“Fine,” Brett fumed. “We can talk in the living room.” Brett allowed Dustin inside, then sternly closed the door. He pointed Dustin in the direction of the living room, then grabbed my arm to hold me back. “I don’t think this is a good idea,” he whispered.

“It’ll be okay.” I replied. “We’re just going to talk.”

Dustin stood nervously in the middle of the room. Brett and I joined him. I sat on the couch and Brett stood next to his mom’s chair. I had to encourage them to sit down before they would do it. Brett stared icily at his enemy.

“He doesn’t have to be here while we talk,” Dustin suggested.

“Like fuck,” Brett snapped. “You pushed him up against a wall last time you ‘just talked’ to him.”

“That’s why I had to talk to you, Billy. I wanted to say I’m sorry about what happened. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, and I was just really stressed out that day. I didn’t mean to do what I did.”

“And that makes it okay?” Brett asked. “He’s got a broken hand, you dick! You could have really fucked him up.”

“Can you just let me talk?” Dustin asked.

“No,” Brett said simply.

“Why are you always such a jerk?” Dustin asked.

“Hey, I’m not the one who pushed Billy into a bunch of lockers.”

“I’m not the one who punched him in the mouth!” Dustin sniped.

“Oh please, that was like two years ago,” Brett complained. “Billy, just tell him to fuck off so we can end this stupidity.”

“Guys, please!” I said feeling frustrated. “Stop arguing!”

“I came over here to apologize to Billy, not to deal with you, Reilly,” Dustin said.

“Well you should have called first, Dustpan,” Brett replied.

“I’ve been trying to call! You haven’t answered the phone!” Dustin protested.

“Gee, can’t take a hint much can you?” Brett sneered. “That’s what caller id is for, to weed out the riff-raff!”

“My god! Will you just shut up?!?” Dustin said, his voice rising in anger. “You’re so annoying!”

Brett smiled a sly smile. “No! This is my house and if I don’t want to shut up, I don’t have to! So there!”

“Brett, please,” I chimed in. “Just let him talk for a minute.” I knew this bratty side of Brett existed. I’d experienced it myself a time or two. It was the side of him that I didn’t like very much, the side of him that was itching for a fight. I wanted to avoid letting the situation escalate. If Dustin ever did decide to fight Brett, Dustin would slaughter him.

“Thank you, Billy,” Dustin said. “Anyway, I just want us to go back to the way we were before. I know you’re always going to like him better, and I understand. I just don’t want you to be mad at me. I want us to be friends again.”

“You should have thought of that before you tried to put him through a wall!” Brett blurted out.

“Reilly, shut up! I swear! Anyway, if you can forgive that guy for punching you in the mouth on your birthday then you can forgive me for what I did,” Dustin insisted.

“What happened at the bowling alley was totally different,” Brett explained. “I was having a really hard time and Billy yelled at me. You’re just a dick who tried to bully him into doing what you wanted. You’re such a phony! I can’t believe I used to feel sorry for you.”

Dustin scowled viciously at Brett. His temper had reached its limit. “I don’t need your sympathy, Reilly!”

“Dustin…” I started.

Brett smirked maliciously at Dustin. Through the whole conversation he had kept a remarkable coolness about the situation. He just kept baiting and baiting Dustin, and now he saw the chance to strike. “You need all the sympathy you can get because you’re pathetic! Your life is just one big pile of shit! I mean, your sister’s a fucking drug dealer’s whore. Your dad’s the fucking town drunk. And your mom’s the biggest fucking bitch in the cunt-try and I mean biggest literally. And they all beat the fucking shit out of you. Everybody knows your dad broke your arm. Everybody knows Amanda beats the shit out of you. And everybody knows how big a bitch your mom is. And now, thanks to Billy, everybody knows you’re a fucking crybaby who can’t handle it when things don’t go your way. So how could I not feel sorry for you? But you know what? Out of a big fucking family of assholes, you’re the biggest one of all. If you were my kid I’d beat you too! You’re a worthless piece of shit!”

Dustin stood up and charged toward Brett. “I am not shit you son of a bitch!” he exploded.

Brett stood up to meet him. “Go on! Hit me you piece of shit! You know you want to! But you can’t do it, because deep down inside you know I’m right! Your parents are assholes and asshole parents make shit babies. You’re a pathetic piece of shit and your family doesn’t give a shit about you except to smack you around!”

“Stop ripping on my family, Reilly!” Dustin warned.

“Make me,” Brett smirked. He knew he’d won, no matter what Dustin did. Dustin had never been so livid. “The truth hurts, doesn’t it? Yeah, I should feel sorry for you, but I don’t. You know why? Because you don’t deserve it. You deserve to be treated like shit, because you are shit. I’m glad your parents smack you around.”

“Brett, stop it,” I warned. “That’s enough.” Brett was being as vicious as I’d ever seen him, and I didn’t like at all. He wasn’t even upset. He was just toying with Dustin. In fact, Brett was enjoying what he was doing to him. He’d made Dustin completely lose his temper.

“No wonder you’re so jealous of me,” Brett added.

“Brett, please stop!” I exclaimed.

“Oh I’m jealous of you?” Dustin snapped. “Yeah, I’m jealous of a stupid little queer like you, Reilly!”

“You can’t help it! You’re a fuckin’ loser. I have more money than you. I have a bigger house than you. I have more friends than you. And most importantly, Billy loves me more than you. You accuse me of stealing him away from you. But you know what? Even if that were the truth I wouldn’t even have to try. Look how easy it was for me to show Billy what you really are. You’re a fake-ass parasite bitch. You suck the life out of whoever you touch. You’re a fucking loser. Everything about you is a fucking lie and I’ve exposed you. You wish you were me. But who can blame you really? If my life sucked as bad as yours I’d try to pretend I was someone else too.”

“Why would I be jealous of a fatherless bastard like you? I’m glad Billy finally gets to witness this. I’m glad he gets to see how evil you really are.”

Brett laughed, “Oh, so now I’m evil? Give me a fucking break. You’re such a jealous bitch!”

“I’m not jealous of you. If anything, I feel sorry for you! You have all this stuff and you think it makes you happy, but you have to steal from people like me to feel good about yourself! You rip on my dad, but you don’t even have a dad so you have to try to steal Billy’s. What do you really have, Reilly? You take away the money and the fancy clothes and the nice house and what are you left with? Just some stupid autistic bastard with a mother who doesn’t give a crap about him and a dad who abandoned him like a stray dog. You act like a hyperactive little idiot because that’s the only way your mother will pay attention to you! You can’t even read! Have you learned to tie your shoes yet or do you still need a teacher to do it for you? You call me a parasite? You’re the parasite, Reilly! You’re just a lonely, sad, scared little boy who clings to Billy like a leech because you’re afraid that once he sees you for the stupid retard you really are he’ll abandon you just like your dad did!”

“Fuck you! I’m not a retard! I’m dyslexic not autistic, you idiot!” Brett exploded.

“Who gives a crap what’s wrong with you! Maybe, if you had a dad maybe he’d teach you some respect for people instead of your mom letting you act like a spoiled little brat,” Dustin smirked.

“Don’t talk about my mother, asshole!” Brett shouted, his face turning deep red. “Just shut the fuck up entirely! Get out of my house!”

“Or what? Are you gonna cry now, retard?” Dustin sneered. “Come on, Reilly, cry for me! Remember how the kids used to call you ‘Cry-ly’ because all you ever did was bawl in school all day? So let’s see it! Cry, Reilly! ‘Oh Billy, Dustin was so mean to me.’ ‘Oh Billy, Dustin hurt my little feelings...’ ‘Oh Billy, can you tie my shoes for me please?’”

“SHUT UP!” Brett screamed. “SHUT YOUR STUPID FUCKING MOUTH YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!”

Dustin laughed, “Are you going to try to hit me now, retard? Jesus, you’re a joke, Reilly! You think you’re so much better than me, but you’re not. You hate me because deep down inside you don’t really know if Billy likes you or if he likes your money. You’ve blinded him to the fact that you’re just a selfish stupid spoiled little brat. But I know exactly what you are. You’re a scared little bitch and if I wanted, I could destroy you. You can throw all the crap you want at me, you can call me shit, but it can’t erase the fact that when you couldn’t hack it in the world you had to use dope to escape your problems. I may be a lot of things, but I’ve never touched pot in my life and I never will. Can you say that Anthony? Or should I say Tony? Billy thinks I’m making this all up because I don’t like you, but you were buying pot from my sister’s boyfriend, you lying little bastard! So let’s finish this crap once and for all. Tell Billy the truth, finally, so he can finally see the lying little weasel you really are!”

“I don’t have to defend myself to you. I’ve never lied to Billy!” Brett replied. “It doesn’t matter what I do on my own time because Billy loves me! You think you know Billy? You think you know me? You come into my house and insult me? How dare you! You come here and you play your games and try to break us up, but you can’t. Billy loves me, not you. You lose, you fucking piece of shit! You lose and I win! Billy and I are together and you’re so fucking jealous it makes me sick!”

“What do you mean you’re together?” Dustin asked. He looked at me and I looked away.

“We’re boyfriends, idiot! Billy loves me and not you! Billy sucks my dick and not yours! Billy wants to be with me! Not you! Me!!! So fuck off!!!”

I stood up. “No. Actually, after all this, I don’t want to be with either of you.” I bolted toward the kitchen, quickly slipped on my shoes and ran out back door.

I ran out the back door and into the woods. I couldn’t believe what I had just witnessed. How could Brett be such a jerk? He was so determined to win his fight with Dustin that he had just totally used me. He took our love and flaunted it like it was some kind of cheap toy. He took my heart and stomped all over it just because he wanted to hurt Dustin. I wasn’t something that he owned that he could play around with. I wasn’t his damn property!

Well I wasn’t going to just sit around and be the ball that the two of them were going to kick around. I was pissed off. They could argue and fight all they wanted, but I wasn’t going to be put between them anymore. I was going home. I kicked a lot of trees on my way through the woods too. Nothing would be spared my wrath. I hoped nobody got in my way or they were going to suffer too.

When I got to my house, I found the spare key hidden under the porch hanging on a nail. I opened the back door and stormed into the empty house. I was in a rage and I just wanted to throw something. I stomped to my room. I grabbed my pillow off the bed and punched it as hard as I could. Not thinking, I hurled it across the room. It skirted the top of my dresser and I heard a loud crash. My mood quickly changed into one of concern. I knew right away what I’d done. I’d knocked the picture of me and my dad on our fishing trip onto the floor. The glass had shattered. The picture was all scratched and ruined.

“Aw man… Why did I do that?” I moaned to myself. “What an idiot!”

I went to the kitchen and grabbed the broom and dust pan. I swept up the glass as best I could. Then I threw it away along with the ruined picture. My eyes started to burn and everything got all blurry. I let the tears come. I felt really stupid crying over a dumb picture, but I couldn’t help it. I looked in the mirror and saw myself looking all sad and pathetic. I stood up and walked toward my reflection. “You’re a real asshole, Billy,” I said to myself. “Why is this happening to me? Why can’t I have just a little happiness in my life?”

I tried to get myself under control. I closed my eyes and rested with my face down on the top of my dresser. I felt embarrassed about crying like a dork. I was fifteen years old! I was getting too old for stupid temper tantrums. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and looked in the mirror again and I saw Dustin standing behind me. So now I was having visions as well as having stupid dreams. I was going to have to tell somebody to check my brain.

“So what did he mean?” Dustin asked.

I jumped about a foot in the air and turned around. Dustin really was standing there! I could feel my heart beating through my chest.

“Jesus Christ, Dustin! You scared the crap out of me! How’d you get in here?”

“You left the door open,” Dustin said flatly.

“Where’s Brett?” I asked.

“I don’t know and I don’t give a crap. All I want to know is what’s going on with you. What did he mean when he said you’re together? Please tell me he was just lying to get to me. Please tell me it doesn’t mean what I think it does.”

“I… I guess it does,” I replied.

“Are you sleeping with him?” Dustin asked.

“No,” I replied honestly. “Not yet.”

“Was he telling the truth? Have you sucked his cock?” he asked.

“That’s really none of your business,” I replied.

“Aw, Billy, no! Not him! Anyone but Reilly! I always knew he was a faggot. I just knew the first time I met him. I knew he was going to take you away from me! I know you like him but it doesn’t mean you have to be a faggot too.”

“But I am,” I admitted. “I love Brett and I want to be with him. If that makes me a fag then that’s what I am. I love him.”

Dustin scowled in disgust. “I see. So what does that mean about me and you?”

“I don’t know. Why does that need to change things? I still want to be friends.”

“You know what I think it means? I think it means you’re a GODDAMN LIAR!!!!!!”

“Dustin…”

“You lied to me, Billy!” Dustin shouted. “You made me feel like an idiot! You’ve been lying right to my face!”

“So I lied!” I protested. “What was I supposed to do, Dustin? You’re all like, ‘play with my dick, Billy. Jerk me off and make me cum!’ Fuck, dude! I didn’t know what you would do if you knew I was gay! Guys have been killed for less than that! That’s why I stopped you before either of us came. But that’s not even the point! Brett shouldn’t have told you anything anyway!”

“So you can’t jerk off with me but you can suck Reilly’s cock?” Dustin asked, almost sounding defeated.

“He’s my boyfriend, not you,” I replied.

“You’re such a liar! How long were you going to keep your little secret away from me, huh? How long were you going to string me along like an idiot?”

“It’s not like that, Dustin!”

“Then what’s it like Billy?” Dustin yelled. “What is it like? How long have you guys been laughing at me behind my back? How stupid do you guys think I am? You must have had a real good time laughing at me. God, I can’t believe you! You must have had a good laugh telling Reilly about that night! You sure had fun telling the rest of the town about it!”

“I never told anybody we jerked each other off!” I protested.

“SHUT UP!” Dustin screamed. “I’m not talking about playing with each other’s cock! You promised me you would say anything about what happened in the woods, but then you did! I’ve never opened myself up to anybody like that before! I thought you were the one person I could trust! But you betrayed me! You’re a miserable lying bastard, just like him! In fact, you’re even worse than Reilly! At least he’s honest about being a douche bag! You’ve been lying to me since that bastard moved here! You ruined my life!”

“How did I ruin your life?”

“You know what you did. You played me like a sucker. I thought I could be real with you, but you’re just like everybody else. You think you’re so smart, don’t you? You think you can just skip along through life and play both sides and make everybody like you. Well you can’t! I loved you, Billy! You were like my brother! I trusted you with everything I have! But you didn’t care, because you were too busy trying to get into Reilly’s pants! I need you more than him, but none of it mattered to you. You just wanted to get your cock wet. God, I’m such an idiot! You can’t be friends with two people who are enemies. You’re either with me or with him, and since he sucks your cock, I guess you’re with him! That means we’re enemies too.”

“Dustin please…”

“Please what, Billy? Please don’t tell everybody you’re a faggot? Please don’t be mad at you for being a liar? How about please don’t tell your crippled dad or your clueless mother that you like to suck Reilly’s cock? Please tell me what you’d like me to do, your majesty! Please tell me what role you’d like me to play in your damn life!”

“Dustin…”

“Shut up! I’m through with your crap, Billy. I got so mad when you stabbed me in the back in front of everybody! I asked for one thing: Please don’t tell anybody about that night on the hill. I was at the lowest point in my life, I thought I could trust you. But the first chance you got, you humiliated me in front of everybody because of that stupid bastard! And I used to think that I wouldn’t be like you if I had the chance. I thought, I would never do something like that to anybody, not even to Reilly. But now, I don’t care anymore. No more mister nice-guy! I’ve been the person everybody wanted me to be and where did it get me? Nowhere! I’m all alone! Everybody just thinks I’m poor and stupid. I’m done playing your stupid games. You broke my heart, Billy! So now, I’m going to break yours!” he turned to leave. “Have fun having everybody know you’re a cock-sucking faggot, asshole!”

I thought quickly. I had to stop him before he ruined everything! I blurted out the only thing I could think of to keep him from doing what he was going to do. “If you tell anybody about me and Brett, then I’ll tell people about you and Mike!” I said.

Dustin stopped dead in his tracks. He slowly turned around. “Wha… what did you say?”

“I know about you and Mike, Dustin. Yeah, I’ve sucked Brett’s dick, but you actually fucked Mike last Saturday at his house. So who’s more gay, me or you?”

Dustin grabbed me by the shirt and pushed me against the wall, just like he’d done at school. “I don’t know what you’re talking about! I’ve never…”

“I saw you through the window, Dustin. You told him, ‘just because I do you doesn’t mean I love you’ right afterward. So you know I’m not making this up! You know I’m telling the truth. You said you couldn’t trust me, well, I haven’t told anybody about this have I? But if you tell anybody about me and Brett I’ll tell them about you and Mike. And then Mike will go to jail and everyone will know about what you did.”

He let go of me. He closed his eyes and breathed very slowly. He opened his eyes and looked at me. He had a sort of angry and confused look on his face. He stepped backward away from me. His face was turning a deeper and deeper shade of red. His fists were clenched tightly.

Then out of nowhere, he kicked me right on my broken hand as hard as he could!

I screamed in shock and pain and fell to my knees. Jesus Christ, it hurt worse than any pain I’d ever felt since I broke my eye socket. I held my arm close to me and tried to protect it with my other arm in case he wasn’t done trying to hurt me. I felt like I was going to pass out. God, that hurt like a motherfucker!

He leaned down close to me. “Oh, did that hurt, Billy? Did that fucking hurt? Good!! It doesn’t hurt nearly as bad as what I’ll do to you if you tell anybody about Mike! You hear me asshole?” He grabbed a handful of my hair and yanked my head upward. “Do you fucking hear me you goddamn faggot?”

“I hear you!” I cried.

“Shut the fuck up!” He let go of me and pushed me down. “You don’t want me to say anything about you and the fucking bastard? Fine. Because, unlike you, I can respect other people’s private fucking business. You were my best friend! I loved you! Don’t you understand that? I fucking loved you! You were like my brother, but all you’ve done is hurt me! Go ahead and fuck Reilly for all I care. I don’t give a fuck anymore! Fuck each other’s goddamn brains out! I don’t care, you hear me? But if you tell anybody about Mike, I swear to God I’ll do a lot worse than kick you in the fucking arm. I’ll kill you. You hear me? I will, I swear to god, fucking kill you! And as far as you and me are concerned? We’re through. Whatever friendship we had, it’s fucking over! I don’t want to see your fucking face again! I don’t want to even know you fucking exist! Do you hear me you fucking faggot? I hate your fucking guts! Stay the fuck away from me! Stay away from me forever! If you don’t, the next time I see you I’m gonna break your other fucking arm! You fucking hear me, you piece of shit?”

I knelt there clutching my arm and trying to keep my composure. I was in a lot of pain, physically and mentally. But I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing it.

Dustin stood up to his full height, towering over me. Tears streaked his cheeks. “Fuck you, Billy. Fuck you and fuck Reilly. Hell, fuck each other! You sick fucking faggots! I can’t believe I’ve wasted so much of my life on you. Stay the fuck away from me! I hate you!”

And then he was gone. Probably forever. I heard the back door of the house slam shut and I knew that I was alone again. I tried and failed to not start crying again. I couldn’t help it. The pain in my arm was bad, but the pain in my heart was a lot worse!