Rehabilitation - 13. Summer's End

“Hey Billy! What's wrong?” Dustin asked. He must have noticed that I was acting different than usual. It's hard to act normal after your heart's been ripped out.

 

“Nothing's wrong, Dustin. I've just got a lot of stuff on my mind,” I said.

 

“Stuff?” Dustin asked. “Stuff like what?”

 

“Oh, you wouldn’t understand,” I said.

 

“Try me,” Dustin replied.

 

“Okay… Well, Brett hates my guts now because I'm friends with you again.”

 

“Billy, you don't have to be upset about that. Forget about Brett. I love you. I've always loved you. And I want to show you how much I love you.”

 

Dustin kissed me. I thought about making him stop, but I couldn't. He reached down and started to massage my privates. I couldn't help it, I started to kiss him back. Dustin managed to pull down my pants and underwear. He leaned down to my dick.

 

“Trust me, you don't need Brett,” he said before taking my dick into his mouth. It felt so good. I lost any thought of making him stop. I wanted him to do it. I loved the feeling of his mouth on my dick. I loved the feeling of my white stuff flowing out of me, into his mouth. I rolled over, and felt it smear against my belly. I felt… wet… and cold… and… That's when I woke up.

 

“Whoa…” I said as I jerked awake from the dream. I sat up and felt the cold slimy wetness on my belly. Perfect. Just perfect… I had to get up and clean myself off. I slipped out of bed and stood up. I’d once again messed up my sheets.

 

I walked to the bathroom and washed myself off. I hadn’t had a wet dream in ages. It was so weird. I quickly dried myself off and went back to my room. I grabbed a new pair of shorts and slipped them on. Then I went out to the living room. I sat down in my dad’s chair and closed my eyes. He was coming home that day. I could hardly believe it. It seemed like he’d been gone forever. I snuggled into his chair. Sitting there, I could smell him, that strange mix of Old Spice aftershave and Salem cigarettes. I had convinced myself that once he got home everything was going to be back to normal, even though mom warned me that dad was going to need a lot of help and have to use a cane for the rest of his life. I still idolized my dad. Even though he’d been knocked down, I knew he was going to get back up again. Nothing could stop him. My dad wasn’t going to let a stroke keep him down.

 

I thought about the dream I’d had. Dustin… What was I going to do about him? I had to do something. I had to save him. But how? I hated when problems seemed too big to conquer. I didn’t even know quite where to begin to attack this one.

 

Mostly, my thoughts centered on Brett. I missed him terribly and it’d only been a couple of hours since we’d blown up. I couldn’t bear to be without him. Had I really screwed up or what?

 

Mom woke me up in the morning. She smiled when she saw me in dad’s chair. She asked me if I wanted to go with her to pick up dad later in the evening, but I said I had some stuff to take care of. Mom would have invited the whole neighborhood over to the house to welcome dad home, but dad didn’t want a bunch of people making a big deal about him. Mom did tell me that Brett could come over if he wanted, since dad thought of him like a son. I quietly said that Brett might like that. I wondered if I could use that as an excuse to call him.

 

I tried to call Brett’s house, but there was no answer. I hated when Brett did that. I cursed the man who invented caller id and hoped someone beat him over the head with a phone. How immature was Brett? I mean sure I’d called him a stupid bastard and accused him of stealing my pills, but that was no reason to be rude.

 

I decided to return Joey’s phone call, and he asked me to come to his house. Since there was nothing else going on I decided to go ahead and visit him. It was a bit of a walk, since he lived on the other side of town, but there wasn’t much else going on. When I got there he was waiting on his porch.

 

“Hey,” I said.

 

“Hey, Billy,” he replied cheerfully. “You want to come inside?”

 

I followed Joey in the front door and into his family’s living room. Their living room was somewhere between Brett’s and mine in size, with many nice furnishings. I sat on their couch. It was incredibly comfortable.

 

“You want a drink or anything?” Joey asked.

 

“Sure,” I replied. Joey hurried out to the kitchen while I looked around at the pictures on the walls. It was weird seeing the younger Joey who I’d been friends with staring out of those pictures while the current Joey who I had come to loathe was getting me a drink. Most of the pictures were of the three McKenzie family members in portraits. There was a large picture of Mr. and Mrs. McKenzie’s wedding on the mantle of their fireplace. It was a typical happy wedding day photo. Mr. and Mrs. McKenzie gazed happily from the picture. I assumed the best man was Mr. McKenzie’s brother. He was very young, and looked about my age in the picture. He looked kind of like Joey. Jenny Reilly smiled happily next to the bride.

 

Wait, what?

 

I looked closer at the maid of honor. Holy shit! It was Dr. Reilly! I knew that Joey’s parents and Brett’s mom were close friends but I never imagined they were that close!

 

Joey came back into the room and offered me a glass of water.

 

“Is that Brett’s mom in your parents’ wedding picture?” I asked.

 

“Yeah. Small world huh? Mom was originally from New York. Reilly’s mom and my mom were best friends since they were little. They even went to the same college. That’s where mom and dad met. They got married before they graduated. Didn’t Reilly ever tell you?”

 

“No. I had no idea.”

 

“Well our parents did have lives before they had us,” Joey laughed.

 

“And is the best man your uncle?”

 

“Yeah. Poor guy. I guess he kind of looks like me, except for the blue eyes of course. I’m probably the only McKenzie with brown eyes. I got my mom’s eyes. Anyway, he blew his brains out right in front of my dad and his friends the summer before I was born a few years after this picture was taken. He was a real wack job. My dad never talks about him. It really hurt him. I only know about it because I found the newspaper article at my grandparents’ house. Nobody in the family ever talks about him. This picture is the only one I’ve ever seen of him. It’s like he never existed. I think they’re embarrassed because of the whole suicide thing.”

 

“That’s terrible,” I replied.

 

“Yeah. Deep dark family secrets. I guess we all have them, huh?”

 

“Yeah… So anyway, why’d you want to see me?”

 

“Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I treated you this past year, and it was wrong.”

 

“Well good,” I replied. “I’m glad you finally see that.”

 

“Yeah. Well, Sarah and I broke up. I guess I should have expected that. She dumped me for a college guy.”

 

I laughed. “Like nobody saw that coming!”

 

“Yeah,” Joey said sadly.

 

“You didn’t actually love her did you?” I said. “I mean, you were just using her to get laid, right?”

 

“I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt a little,” Joey moped. “It wasn’t just the sex, although that was really good. Great tits… I really did kinda like her a little. Anyway, I’ve got a solution to both of our problems.”

 

“What are our problems?” I asked.

 

“Well, I need to get laid and you need to fix your reputation.”

 

“What’s wrong with my reputation?” I asked.

 

“Well aren’t you tired of people thinking you’re a queer?” Joey asked.

 

“Who thinks I’m a queer?” I asked.

 

“Everybody. Well, I mean, I think Reilly’s a swell guy too and all. He’s one of my best friends, but come on, it’s pretty obvious the kid’s a queer. And the way you two are always together… you staying at his house and everything… People are starting to think you two are banging each other.”

 

“Wait a minute. First of all, Brett is not gay and neither am I. Second, you were the one who called me a queer all school year,” I replied. “You put that picture in my math book and you got me suspended from school. You were the worst of everyone. I hated going to school because of you.”

 

“I was only trying to help you,” Joey protested. “I still like you, Billy. I always have. I mean, you’re a nerd but you’re an alright kid. I was only messing around with you. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

 

“You could have fooled me,” I replied. “I almost got expelled because of you!”

 

“Well forget about that. I have the perfect way to make it up to you. You know Angela Miller, right?”

 

“The girl who fucked the whole basketball team?” I asked.

 

“Yeah, she’s coming over later on. I asked her if she wanted to have some fun and she told me to invite a friend and you were the first person I thought of! I figured this was my way of making it up to you for all the stuff I did to you this year. She’s got great tits. Hell, she might even let us do her at the same time. I’m just telling you though, I don’t do double penetration because I don’t want my dick touching another guy’s dick. So if we do anything like that, we’re using separate holes and you have to fuck her in the ass because I want her snatch,” he laughed.

 

“I don’t want to fuck Angela Miller,” I insisted.

 

“Why not?” he asked. “She’s ready and willing.”

 

“She’s a hoe!” I replied. “You might as well hire a prostitute! I’m not that desperate.”

 

“Well you should be,” Joey said. “I’m trying to help you out here. Don’t you want to prove you’re not gay?”

 

“I’m not going to prove my manhood by fucking some used-up coked-up skanky whore with you. If you want syphilis be my guest.”

 

“I can’t believe you. I’m offering you a chance to get laid. With a girl! Are you really a fag, Billy?”

 

“No, but I’m not going to fuck some bitch just to prove it to you!” I retorted. “I don’t just want to have sex with anybody. I want to have sex with someone special.”

 

“Sure you do,” Joey said condescendingly. “Someone with a penis, right? Looks like you just confirmed what I knew all along. Even when we were little you were always weird. Maybe I’ll give Reilly a call. Maybe if he tried some pussy he’d get over the thing he’s got for you.”

 

I felt a surge of anger course through me and I knew my face was turning red. No way was I going to let this prick ruin Brett. “I seriously doubt that Brett would lower himself to your level.”

 

“Oh don’t worry, I know how to get Reilly’s attention,” Joey said. Then from out of his pocket he pulled a small clear plastic bag filled with pot.

 

“You asshole!” I cried. “Brett doesn’t do that kind of thing!”

 

“Dude, who do you think taught him how to toke? You think he’s smart enough to know how to figure it out on his own? He didn’t know a blunt from a bong until I helped him!”

 

“You son of a bitch!”

 

“Get out of here, Billy. Don’t say I never tried to help your jock-sniffing ass out.”

 

“This isn’t over, Joey.”

 

I stormed out of his house and walked down the sidewalk, fuming. I couldn’t believe how evil the cute little church boy had turned out to be.

 

I decided that the best thing to do was to go to Brett’s house and make things right. It was hot outside, and I was feeling hot and sweaty. I was surprised when Mike pulled up next to me in his Mustang.

 

“Looks like you could use a ride,” he said.

 

“Nah, I like sweating my ass off,” I replied. I gratefully accepted his offer for a ride.

 

“Where to?”

 

“Can you take me to Palmer Park?” I asked.

 

“Looking to start a new career?” he asked.

 

“Nah. There’s more to that place than drugs and sex.”

 

When we made it to the park, Mike walked with me to the pond.

 

“Wow, this is pretty. It’s a lot nicer in the daytime,” he said.

 

“It used to be a lot nicer than this. This place has kind of gone to crap the last few years. I used to come here with my grandma a long time ago. She used to sit on this bench and feed the ducks. I feel closer to her when I’m here. Sometimes I come here and just sit for a while. I miss her, you know. I could always tell her anything. I could have talked to her about Brett. She would have got it. Sometimes Brett would come with us. We kissed the first time here.”

 

“In front of your grandmother?” Mike asked.

 

“No! After she died.”

 

“Sounds like this is a special place for you. Sounds like he’s a special guy. You love him a lot, don’t you?”

 

“Yeah. I really do.”

 

“Well I’m happy for you. You seem like a nice kid, Billy. A little high strung, but you’re okay. I hope everything works out for you guys.”

 

“So do I. It’s killing me that he’s mad at me. But I guess I deserve it.”

 

“Maybe. But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a second chance. I think you’re a pretty special guy too. I shouldn’t have told you about Dustin. He told me about how you broke your hand. I can imagine being under so much stress that you’d punch a mirror. I’ve been there too. I shouldn’t have added to your stress by telling you about him.”

 

“It’s okay. I’ve been thinking of ways we can save him.”

 

“No Billy, you have to...”

 

“No, listen,” I interrupted. “If we just…”

 

“Billy, it’s not your responsibility to save Dustin.”

 

“But I can!” I replied.

 

“No you can’t!” Mike replied. “Keep out of it. I’ve got the situation under control right now. He’s not coming up here anymore. I can pay him enough that he doesn’t have to sell himself anymore.”

 

“You know Dustin’s a liar, right? He’s using you.”

 

“I’ve got it taken care of, Billy. You should worry about your boyfriend. He’s had enough time to calm down. Go talk to him.”

 

“What if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?” I asked.

 

“What if he does?” Mike asked.

 

“What if he still doesn’t want me to be friends with Dustin?”

 

“Then he’s being an unreasonable little jerk,” Mike replied. “In case you haven’t noticed, that comes with being fifteen.”

 

“I guess you’re right.” I said.

 

I left Mike behind at the park and walked toward Brett’s house. It was only a five minute walk but it felt like it took forever. I walked past the old concession stand where the rent boys gathered at night, and past the old pavilion where Max used to do business. Everything Mike had told me was rattling around in my head as I walked up Park Avenue. I stood in front of Brett’s house. This place had been like home to me not so long ago, now it seemed impossibly huge and imposing. It looked like the kind of house a doctor and her son might live in. Wealth… It made my house look like shit. It looked like Brett had mowed the grass earlier in the afternoon. I wondered if he was waiting inside that house. Did he know I was outside on the sidewalk looking at his house? Could he feel my presence?

 

I nervously walked up the sidewalk and onto the porch. I stood there for a few more minutes, afraid to ring the doorbell or to knock. My heart was beating so hard I thought it might blow out the front of my chest. That would have made an interesting scene. I imagined Brett opening the door to find me lying there with a huge hole in my chest. I was too afraid to knock, so I just sat there on the front step. Everything was really quiet. “He’s probably not even home,” I thought to myself. I stood up, looked at the door, walked up to it, and then turned around and sat back down on the front step. Man, I was such a stupid pussy! It seemed like decades passed. I didn’t know how long I was planning to stay there.

 

Then I heard the door open slowly behind me.

 

“I was wondering how long you were going to sit there,” Brett said.

 

“I was just getting ready to knock,” I replied.

 

“Sure. What do you want?” he asked.

 

“I want to talk to you,” I said.

 

“Do you have Dustin’s permission?”

 

“Brett, come on. You want to talk?”

 

“Sure, come inside.”

 

I followed Brett inside and we sat at the dining room table. Brett and his mom could afford to have entire rooms in their house that they didn’t even use. What was a guy like me doing with someone like him?

 

“You really hurt me,” Brett said, interrupting my thoughts.

 

“I know.”

 

“I don’t have your stupid pills, Billy.”

 

“I know.”

 

“You do? What? Did you find them or something?”

 

“No. I still don’t know what happened to them. I just know that if you tell me you didn’t take them then I believe you.”

 

“Oh really? You believe a retarded spoiled brat like me with no evidence, huh?”

 

“I have to, Brett. We can’t have a relationship if we don’t trust each other. If you say you didn’t take them then I believe you.”

 

“So you’re figuring all this out now, after the way you treated me? Wonderful. You totally disrespected me. I’m so tired of you taking me for granite!”

 

“It’s granted…” I started.

 

“Shut up! You took my heart and stomped on it. And maybe I deserved it, but it still hurt! I fucking bawled half the night because of you. You believe that? I fucking bawled my eyes out because of you. I hope you’re happy! I feel like such a fucking ass.”

 

“I’m sorry, Brett.”

 

“You should be! You are so fucking frustrating sometimes. I love you, but sometimes you don’t make it easy.”

 

“Well you’re not exactly a ball of sunshine all the time either,” I replied.

 

“There you go again!” Brett complained. “I hate that. You have a smart ass answer for everything. You can never just let things go without taking a sarcastic little swipe. You think you’re being clever when you do it but it’s really annoying sometimes. You can be such a jerk!”

 

“Well you make things into a joke,” I replied.

 

“But I’m not trying to be hurtful, Billy. You are. You get mad and you just blast whoever is in your way. Well this time you blasted me, and you really hurt me! I’m trying to be a better person than I have been. I’m not very smart. I know that. All I have to do is look at my report card to see that. I hear it from my teachers and the kids in school all the time. I don’t need to hear it from my boyfriend.”

 

“Okay, I get that. I know that sometimes I can come off as a condescending dick.”

 

“That’s an understatement,” Brett chirped.

 

“I don’t mean it. You have skills and intelligence in places that I don’t. You have people skills. People actually like you. I hide behind my snippy little sarcastic comments because I don’t want to get hurt. That’s my shell. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It just means that sometimes I’m too dumb to tell how you’re feeling. Look what I did to my hand. Someone who can deal with his emotions appropriately doesn’t do this to themselves. Sometimes I don’t know how to express myself in appropriate ways, so I say stupid stuff. I’d rather hurt myself a hundred times than hurt you.”

 

“I don’t know, Billy. Maybe we weren’t ready for sex. Ever since we did it things have gone crazy.”

 

“But that was going to happen whenever we did it because it changed us from two guys fooling around with each other into lovers. I don’t regret what we’ve done at all. Heck, I’m proud of it. If my parents weren’t going to kick me out if they found out, I’d tell the world about it. We were eventually going to have to deal with these feelings anyway, Brett. Just like we’re eventually going to have to deal with coming out.”

 

“I guess so.”

 

“And I’m going to be Dustin’s friend. If you want me to respect you, then you’re going to need to respect me too. I’ve only got a few friends. I need Dustin and he needs me.”

 

“I know you do. I guess I sort of always knew that. I guess I am kind of jealous of him sometimes. I mean, yeah his life sucks, but he’s smart and he’s tall and he’s a good athlete and from what I hear his dick’s fucking huge. If his parents didn’t suck he’d probably be too popular to be your friend. And if I’m being honest he is kind of cute. I mean if you like a guy who looks like he got his head dunked in a barrel of motor oil.”

 

“So you’ve seen him lately?” I asked.

 

“Yeah. I didn’t even recognize him at first, which I think was the goal. I don’t know what he was thinking about with that hair. I liked his hair when it was his normal red and when he used to spike it. Now he looks like a child molester.”

 

I laughed. “I think it’d look nice if he wore it in a ponytail.”

 

“I think it’d look nicer if he cut it off and started over. You know he’s going to break someday, Billy. Someday the mask is going to shatter, and that scared little boy inside him is going to snap. He’s going to hurt somebody. I don’t care if it’s his family, I just don’t want it to be you.”

 

“I’m trying to help him so we can avoid that. So what are we going to do about us?”

 

“I don’t know. I know I was being a selfish brat about Dustin. I had good intentions. I didn’t want you to get hurt. But I also know that I didn’t handle it in a nice way. I’ll try to keep my opinions about Dustin to myself from now on.”

 

“Okay. And I’m sorry I accused you of stealing my pain pills.”

 

“Thanks. That means a lot. I know I kinda deserved it after the way I behaved this summer. I didn’t give you much reason to trust me, and I’m really sorry. I don’t want to be like that anymore, so… I… I took my medicine this morning. I don’t know what it’ll do to me. I don’t feel any different. But if it helps me to not hurt you then it’ll be worth it.”

 

“That’s great, Brett!” I replied. “I’m really proud of you.”

 

“I’m only doing it for you.”

 

“So do you want to get back together?” I asked.

 

“I wasn’t aware that we’d broken up,” Brett said. “We had a fight. That doesn’t mean we aren’t boyfriends anymore. It means we had a fight. I’m not going to stop loving you just because you act like an asshole sometimes. If I did that we’d have to break up constantly! I hope you feel the same way about me.”

 

“I do. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. Were you really up half the night crying?”

 

Brett blushed. “Yeah, my ‘precious feelings’ as you put it? Well, maybe not half the night… More like three-quarters… Or one quarter? Whatever. Look, I’ve been called worse things than what you called me. And I’m no angel myself. I mean I made up a song about my mom being a cunt and hoping that she dies. I don’t think I’ve ever had a teacher who hasn’t lost it with me at some point. I know I deserve the shit I get because of the way I act. I’m trying to change but it’s not easy. But what really hurt me was that it was you who said it. If I didn’t love you I wouldn’t care. But the fact that you had lost respect for me was what hurt the most. I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me. I’ve never cared about anyone’s opinion about much of anything. Except for you. When you said the things you said it hurt me. I can’t live without you.”

 

“Well… What do you say we head up to your room and show each other how happy we are that we have each other?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know, Billy,” Brett said seriously. “Joey did just call and invite me over to get high together and fuck some bitch.”

 

“Tell me you didn’t say yes!” I replied.

 

Brett smiled. “I told him I had plans. You want to have plans together?”

 

“Is that what we’re calling it now?” I laughed.

 

We went to his room. Brett closed the door behind him. We kissed each other passionately. My good hand found its way into the rear of his shorts and I squeezed his ass. His hands slipped up my sides, pulling my shirt off.

 

“God, I know it’s only been since yesterday, but it’s so good to touch you again,” Brett said between kisses, fumbling with my belt. “Being mad at you sucks.”

 

“I know what you mean,” I said, helping Brett with my belt.

 

Brett tugged his shirt off and threw it across the room. “Let’s never fight again.”

 

“I don’t know,” I said as I yanked down his shorts and boxers with one swipe. “I hear make-up sex is pretty awesome.”

 

“Really?” Brett asked, pushing me onto his bed and pulling off my shorts and underwear. “Let’s find out.”

 

He climbed on top of me and pressed his naked body against mine as me kissed. Our dicks jostled against each other as they stiffened between us. Brett’s lips were so tender and sweet. He gently kissed my neck right under my ear, which kind of tickled, but felt so incredible. I gripped him tightly around the waist and just enjoyed being able to hold his body against mine, as pure and open as two people could be with each other. Everything was so wonderful.

 

“I could just do this all the rest of the day,” I said. “If we didn’t go any further than this, just holding each other like this, I could die happy.”

 

“So you’re saying you don’t want me to blow you?” Brett joked.

 

“I’m saying I’ve never felt closer to you than I do right now,” I replied. “Now let’s suck each other’s dick.”

 

Brett laughed out loud. “I love it when you talk dirty.”

 

Brett rolled off of me and spun himself around so that we could sixty-nine laying next to each other. I mimicked whatever Brett did to me, because if what he was doing to me felt so awesome, I assumed he would enjoy it too. I could see our reflection in Brett’s darkened computer monitor.

 

Brett stopped. He got on his knees and reached over to his nightstand. He pulled out a small bottle of lube and flipped open the cap. He squirted some onto his fingers and started to reach behind him toward his ass.

 

“No,” I said, grabbing his hand.

 

“Don’t you want to fuck?” he asked.

 

“It’s not that. It’s just… I think I want you to do it to me.”

 

“You want me to fuck you?” Brett asked. “Seriously?”

 

“Yeah,” I replied.

 

“In the ass?” he asked.

 

“Where else would it be?” I said.

 

“Well I’m just remembering you flipping out about the time I just barely licked your asshole. This is a really big step. Are you sure about this?”

 

“I think I am. Yeah, I am. I want to do this for you. I want you to make love to me.”

 

Brett smiled. “Okay. If you’re sure… Let’s do it quick before you change your mind! How about you lay on your back? I want to do it face to face.” I did as he asked and he pushed my legs up. “I better loosen you up a bit. I’ll bet you’re really tight. This might hurt a little.” He gently massaged my hole with his lubed fingers. It felt kind of nice as he slowly slipped his middle finger inside me. He slid it in and out for a while before he slipped a second finger inside of me and then a third.

 

“How’s it feel?” he asked. “Are you okay?”

 

“It’s not bad. It’s a little weird, but it’s okay,” I replied. “I’ve never had a finger in my butt before. It’s okay I guess. I trust you.”

 

“It doesn’t hurt then?”

 

“Not really.”

 

“Okay, I think you’re ready for my dick then. Are you sure you want me to do this?” Brett asked. “I’m not kidding, it’s really gonna hurt at first. I’ll bet your ass is really tight. The first time you did me I could barely walk the next day.”

 

“I don’t care if I can walk tomorrow,” I said. “I want to do this for you, Brett. I want to show you how much I love you. Just make sure you use a lot of that lube.”

 

Brett smiled and blushed. “Okay. I will. You ready?”

 

“Let’s do it,” I said.

 

Brett lubed his dick up and gave an extra coating to my entrance. I stayed on my back. Brett put his knees on either side of my butt, hooked his arms under my knees and pushed my legs up toward my chest. I lay there spread-eagle and exposed in nervous anticipation of what was about to happen to me. It was like waiting for the orthodontist to work on my braces. Brett lined himself up and I felt his dick pressing against me.

 

“This is it,” he said. “Your last chance to change your mind. Once I put it in you there’s no turning back. You sure you want to do this?”

 

“I want it,” I insisted. “I want you inside me, Brett.”

 

Brett blushed even brighter. “Okay. Here we go.”

 

Still holding his dick in one hand, he shifted his hips forward, I could feel his dick pressing against my hole. I looked into Brett’s beautiful blue eyes. He smiled at me reassuringly. “It’s okay,” he said. I looked at his smooth chest and belly, down to his belly button where a light brown trail of hair began to form and lead down to his dick which was now pressing with increasing urgency against my asshole. Nothing happened.

 

“You’re tighter than I thought. Okay, I’m gonna have to push a little harder now. You’re doing great though, Billy,” Brett said. I closed my eyes and waited for it to hurt. The pressure on my asshole built and it began to hurt.

 

“Relax,” Brett whispered. “You’re really tight.” He stopped pushing and grabbed the lube again and rubbed it on his dick. I could tell he was getting frustrated and trying not to show it. “Okay, I’m gonna push really hard now and I’m not gonna stop until it’s in. This is gonna sound gross, but push out like you’re gonna take a dump and I’m going to push in until I get my dick inside you. Okay, this is it.”

 

I exhaled. Brett pushed my knees up toward my shoulders with one hand and positioned his dick with the other. My feet rested on his shoulders. I pushed outward and he gave his dick a good thrust and I felt my asshole expand and give way. The instant I stopped pushing I felt a shock of pain jolt through me as the head of Brett’s dick pushed through my asshole.

 

“AHHH!!! HOLY FUCK!!!!!” I cried. I opened my eyes to see Brett’s reassuring smile.

 

“I warned you it would hurt,” Brett said. “You sure you want to do this?”

 

“Yes!” I replied. “Leave it in there, just don’t fucking move for a minute! Fuck!”

 

“It hurt the first time you did it to me, too. Don’t worry, what’s coming later is so worth it, I promise. Are you okay?” Brett asked.

 

“No, it still fucking hurts!” I replied.

 

“You want me to take it out?” Brett asked.

 

“Yeah… I mean no… I… I just need to get used to it for a minute.” I replied. It hurt a lot worse than I thought it would, but I didn’t want to ruin it for Brett any more than I already had by whining like a little bitch.

 

“It’s starting to feel better. It doesn’t hurt so bad anymore,” I lied.

 

“I know you’re lying,” Brett smiled. “It’s okay, babe.” He gently stroked my hair. “Let me know when you want more. You’re doing great.”

 

I reached down between my legs and touched his dick. He was only in as deep as his circumcision scar, the rest of the shaft was still outside of me. If it hurt this much with just the head in me, what was the rest of it going to feel like? Especially since Brett’s dick was only going to get thicker the further he pushed.

 

The longer he was inside me, the less it hurt. It still stung, but it wasn’t as bad though. “I think you can push more of it into me,” I said.

 

I closed my eyes again and felt more and more of Brett’s dick slide into me. He was so gentle. At the slightest sign that I was in pain he’d stop and let me adjust. I could feel him sliding deeper into me. His dick stretched my ass wider and wider the deeper he went. Finally, I felt his balls against my ass. Brett’s whole dick was inside me as deep as he could get. I kept waiting for it to hurt again, but it didn’t. I don’t know how I would describe the feeling I was experiencing. It had to be about the weirdest thing imaginable to have Brett doing what he was doing to me. I’d already lost my virginity with Brett and I’d fucked him lots of times, but this felt like the first time all over again. It was so weird, but I was so in love with him that I couldn’t imagine anything feeling more perfect than Brett being inside me.

 

“You okay?” Brett asked softly.

 

“Yeah…” I replied. “I can feel you in me. It feels weird, but kinda good.”

 

“Yeah, this is weird for me too. It’s like losing my virginity all over again. It feels good, though. It’ll get better for you though, trust me. It’s gonna start to feel really good,” Brett said reassuringly. “I’m going to try fucking you a little bit now, babe. Let me know if you want me to slow down or speed up or anything. Okay?”

 

I felt him sliding his dick back out of me. It felt like I was losing a part of myself as he pulled out. Not the feeling I thought it would be. I grabbed his hips to keep him close to me. Brett thrust into me again, a little harder than the first time. I grunted when his hips bounced into me.

 

“You like that?” he asked.

 

“Uh huh,” I replied.

 

“Open your eyes, Billy. Look at me.”

 

I did as Brett asked. He smiled, his blue eyes sparkling with delight.

 

“Feels good now, doesn’t it? It’s gonna feel even better real soon. You’re gonna want more. You’re not gonna want to stop,” Brett pulled out a little bit again and then pushed in even harder. Again I grunted. Then he did it again. And then again. He did it a little harder and faster with each thrust. Soon he had built up a steady, rapid rhythm and started to pound my ass. I moaned in pleasure with each thrust of his hips. I locked my ankles behind his back and ran my fingers through his sweaty hair. Brett leaned forward so that we were belly to belly and his forehead touched mine. Drops of sweat dripped from his dark brown hair and tickled me. Brett leaned closer to me and kissed me. I held his body against mine. The heat of his body was like fire. I gripped his butt and felt it flexing and thrusting. I was so in love with him, I never wanted this moment to end. I wanted him inside me forever. Our love had found full expression in the merging of our bodies. I never wanted to forget a second of how it felt.

 

“I love you so much, Billy.”

 

“I love you too,” I panted. “I always have and I always will.”

 

“I’m gonna cum, babe. I’ll pull out and shoot it on your dick and then you can fuck me with it.”

 

“No. That’s not what I want. I want you to cum inside me,” I insisted.

 

Brett stopped thrusting. “Really? You sure?” he asked.

 

“Yeah. Don’t pull out,” I insisted. “You have to cum in me, dude. I want to feel what it’s like. I need you to cum inside me.”

 

“Okay,” he said. “If you’re sure.” His thrusts resumed with more urgency. With one hand he grabbed the pillow under me and with the other he squeezed my shoulder. He looked down at his dick and then he looked at the headboard of his bed, and then he looked into my eyes. “Dude this is so awesome. I’m so fuckin’ close.” He rooted himself deep into my ass, closed his eyes and grunted loudly. His whole body shuddered. “I’m coming, babe!” I grabbed his ass and felt its tight muscles flexing powerfully. I felt a warmth deep inside of me. “Oh fuck, babe!! Oh shit! Oh fuuuuuuck!” Brett slammed his hips into my body as he planted his seed inside me. “Oh Christ, Billy!!” He threw his head back and moaned in absolute ecstasy. “Oh Jesus! That’s so fuckin’ hot!” He slammed his hips into me a few more times, then he collapsed on top of me. His seed was inside me, and I’d never felt closer to him than in that moment. Everything about our love made perfect sense in that moment.

 

Brett’s sweaty weight felt warm against my body. I relaxed my legs and felt him slip out of me. I lightly stroked his back from his neck to his ass. Then he pushed himself off of me and got on his knees. He looked down at our nakedness and beamed with pride at what had just taken place between us.

 

“Dude, I just fucked your ass,” he smiled. “You’re so gay!”

 

“Yeah, I am,” I replied. “What did you think?”

 

“That was fucking amazing,” Brett sighed. “I’ve never felt anything like that in my life! Thank you.”

 

“Why are you thanking me?” I asked.

 

“Because I know what you went through to reach this moment. I know you weren’t sure about getting fucked. I’m honored that you let me. Why’d you decide to do it?”

 

I gently stroked his belly. “Because I love you,” I replied.

 

“Did you feel it when I came inside you?” he asked.

 

“Yeah. I love how excited you get when you shoot.”

 

“I can’t help it,” Brett smiled. “You do things to me that drive me wild!” He squeezed my ass. “Sometimes I feel it when you cum in me and sometimes I don’t. It just depends, I guess. I love you so much. I still can’t believe I actually fucked you. Like, my spooge is inside you right now, dude.” He pointed at my belly below my belly button. “Yeah, I’m right in there. I’m always going to be a part of you now.” He grinned, then he kissed me. “So did you like it? After it stopped hurting? I mean you were kind of quieter than usual.”

 

“Yeah, I liked it. It really hurt at first. Your dick really stretched me. You were real gentle, though. It felt really good by the end. We’re definitely going to do that again. I never thought I’d like being fucked, but then, I’ve never loved someone like you.”

 

Brett beamed. I’m convinced if it was dark in the room he’d have glowed. For a while he just stared happily at me. “I love when you smile, Billy,” he said. “I love your smile. I love the way you try to smile without letting people see your braces, except with me. With me you don’t hide your braces, you really smile. I just think it’s cute. I’ll miss that when you get them taken off.”

 

“Well, I know you think braces are cool, but then, you’re weird.”

 

“I may be weird, but I just shot my spooge inside you so now part of my weirdness is going to be inside you forever,” he laughed. “I really love this, just you and me hanging out naked together. This is how I want to spend the rest of my life. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. You just want to lay here naked with each other forever?”

 

“As much as I would like that, I’ll have to go home soon. My dad’s coming home. You can come over if you want.”

 

Brett propped himself up on his arm. He gently stroked my inner thigh with his other hand. “You know, I think I’ll pass. I’ll bet your dad wouldn’t want a lot of extra fuss about him. I’ll come see him tomorrow after he’s had a chance to relax a little bit. Besides, the little bit of me that’s in you now will be there!”

 

Before we finished, Brett blew me and insisted that I cum in his mouth. After that, we cleaned ourselves up and put our clothes back on. I spent the rest of the afternoon playing computer games with him and wondering about how Brett’s little sperms were somewhere inside me in a fruitless search for an egg. Sorry guys, you’re in a different world. I understood what Mike had been talking about, and I think that was part of why I finally got over my fears about bottoming. I felt closer to Brett, but I also felt somehow gayer than I’d been before. No longer could I pretend that I wasn’t really gay because I’d always been the top. I’d now burned my last excuse. I’d been fucked. I had my boyfriend’s semen inside my body. I didn’t care though. I didn’t want a girl, I wanted Brett. If I had to be gay to be with him for the rest of my life then I guess I was going to have to be gay. I was okay with that. I was still the same guy I’d been before I had Brett’s spooge in me, except maybe now I was a little more sure of who I was.

   

As evening was settling in, I needed to make my way home. Brett walked with me all the way to the top of the hill. He seemed to be walking with a lot more confidence than usual, almost like he was taller than before. When we got there he sweetly kissed me.

 

“I love you, William,” he said.

 

“I love you, Anthony,” I smiled.

 

Brett laughed.

 

“You sure you don’t want to come with me?”

 

“I already came in you, isn’t that enough?” Brett joked. “No, it’s cool though. Go be with your dad.” He kissed me again. “Tell him I’m glad he’s home.”

 

“I will,” I said. “I love you, Brett.”

 

“I love you, Billy,” said Brett. I watched as he started back home, whistling a tune.

 

I walked home. Mom and dad weren't home yet, but they showed up about eight o'clock. Dad was using a cane and he looked incredibly worn out, but he was happy to be home. Mom had a little cake and ice cream which she had bought because she had expected Brett to be there. I wondered if the reason he had decided not to come over was because he felt kind of like I had felt after the first time I’d had sex with him. Brett had fucked my mommy’s little boy. I guess it can be difficult to face the parents when you know your spooge is still in their son.

Dad relaxed into his chair. “I’m glad that’s over. It’s good to be home. I missed this chair.”

 

“Not as much as we missed you,” mom said.

 

“I’m tired,” he said. “You want to hit the hay?”

 

“Sure,” mom smiled. “If you think you’re up to it.”

 

“Oh gross!” I opined.

 

“Hey, it’s been a while, boy,” dad laughed. “I’m sure you understand.”

 

“Don’t forget to turn out the lights, Billy,” mom said as she helped dad walk into their room.

 

I sat in dad’s chair and turned on the television. I could hear the sounds of my parents happy voices in their room. I knew those sounds would eventually turn into expressions of the love they still had for each other after so many years. I had no intention of hearing that. I turned off the television and went to my room. I pulled off my shirt and pants and put on a pair of night shorts. I took out my contacts, put on my glasses, and grabbed a book. My dad was home, everything was going to be okay. I could feel it. I ran my tongue over my braces. They had almost completed their work. I flexed my fingers within my cast. I was scheduled to get the pins taken out and the cast removed soon enough. Like my life, my teeth and my hand had found themselves transformed into something better in the last few months. It hadn’t been an easy journey, but it had been worth the pain to get to the place I’d arrived. Dad was home. Mom was happy. Dustin was my friend again. Part of Brett was still inside of me, and part of me was inside of him, and always would be. I never did find those pain pills. But I didn’t care. Brett and I were closer than ever. It was easy to slip into a peaceful sleep, dreaming of Brett and the future.