Paper Walls - 21. Chapter 21

*Tyler *

We pull up to IHOP and I put the kickstand out on my bike. I let Ryder get off and lock his helmet into place, and I take mine off. “So, do you think your mom will like me?” I ask, feeling a little nervous.

He shrugs his shoulders. “She should.”

“That makes me feel so much better.”

He grabs my hand and leads me in. Walking into the building, he spots his mom and leads me over to her. “Hey Mom.”

“Hey Sweetie,” she says, pulling him into a hug and kissing him on the cheek.

“Mom, this is Tyler.” Ryder is gesturing towards me.

She extends her hand and I take it, “Nice to meet you, Mrs. Kessler.”

“Thank you, but you can call me Cat.”

We sit down, and I feel a little awkward, considering how this morning went. I look over at Ryder, who squeezes my hand under the table. “So what’s going on?” Ryder asks.

“Just wanted to see how you were after yesterday.”

“I’m okay, Mom. How was it when I left? Where is Jeremy?”

“He actually should be here any minute. He wanted to join us.”

I am getting nervous at this point, and squeeze Ryder’s hand. “So, you are a teacher?”

“Yes, I am, I have to deal with this boy all the time,” she says, smiling.

“You love it!” he counters.

“So, Tyler, I saw that you pulled up on a motorcycle. Your parents are okay with that?”

“Honestly, I wouldn’t know what my parents are okay with. I like with Dr. Decker and her husband, and they are great with it. Mr. Decker taught me how to ride, and put me through classes to learn how to drive safe, and I also take their son to school almost every day.”

“That’s impressive! I didn’t mean to offend you. It was just an observation. So are you into football, as well?”

I chuckle, “No, ma’am. I am terrible at sports. I am just tall and skinny. How is it being a teacher?”

“It’s great. I get to meet and deal with different youth. Some of their stories are incredible, and their dreams are amazing.”

“Hey, sorry I am late,” I hear a voice say behind me.

I watch as this new person sits in front of me and I start to feel my palms get sweaty. He looks so much like my ex… his blue eyes meet mine. “Sup, man, I’m Jeremy,” he says, extending a hand.

“T- Tyler,” I stutter, and take his hand.

“Sup, bud?” he says, looking at Ryder, who is focused on me.

“Not much. Why were you late?” Ryder asks.

“Traffic was terrible.” “So, are you two like, a thing?” he asks.

I just look over at Ryder, who is a bright pink. I look down at my hands because I have no idea what to say, and I do not want to say the wrong thing. I look back at Ryder, who is looking at me this time.

“Yeah, we kinda are.”

Jeremy squints at him as if he is trying to get a clearer picture of the situation. “Yeah kinda? I don’t think that’s how it works, man. Either you two are together or you aren’t.”

I finally speak up, “We are testing the waters. Neither of us wants to rush into something and end up hurting each other, and the fact we’ve known each other for a few weeks is also a big deal. To answer the question, we are not together yet, but I have every intention of changing that.”

Jeremy sits back in his seat. “So, what are your intentions with Ryder?”

“To make him happy. What are your intentions on giving me the third degree? If you think you are going to intimidate me, I must tell you upfront it will not work. I avoid confrontation, and I think having a civilized discussion will get things settled in a faster manner than hostility.”

“I like him,” Jeremy says, looking over at Ryder.

“Of course, that is, if it’s okay with you, Mrs. Kessler. My intentions, that is.”

“If Ryder is happy, then I am happy, and I haven’t seen him smile in a few weeks, so it is good to see that smile,” she says.

“Mom, what are we really doing here?” Ryder asks.

“Well, I was hoping we could put it off a little longer.” She sighs.

“Well, it’s been put off long enough,” Jeremy says.

“Your father got offered a position an UT coaching football. Mainly the quarterbacks. That, and we have also decided we want another child,” she says, looking between Ryder and Jeremy.

I grab Ryder’s hand underneath the table, because I can see him go rigid. “Is this why Dad has been so stressed out?”

“Yes, sweetie, and I am so sorry. He is conflicted about the coaching position. He wants to coach you, but this is a dream he’s had for a long time. That, and we would have to move closer to the college.”

“Why hasn’t he taken the job?” Ryder asks.

“He wanted to talk to you about it, and he was supposed to talk to you last night, before he got a phone call. The school knows about the offer, and they told him he has one week to make the decision.”

“What about you? What do you want?” Jeremy asks.

“I love teaching, but if he takes this job, I can focus more on you boys, and adding another member to the family,” she says.

“Wait, would I still be living with y’all?” Jeremy asks.

“Where else would you be? You will be with us until you are out of college!” Mrs. Kessler says. She puts her hand on Jeremy’s and squeezes it.

“So, you both want another kid?” Ryder asks.

She hesitates for a second. “We really do, sweetheart.”

“Why?” he asks, and I can feel him trying not to lose his cool.

“It’s always been this stupid little fantasy to have a house full of kids that are happy and safe. It’s what I always wanted,” she says.

“Then it’s not stupid!” I cut in.

“Thank you, Tyler,” she says.

“I think I want to talk to Dad,” Ryder says.

“Do you want something to eat?” his mom asks.

“No thank you, I just want to talk to Dad,” he says.

“Ryder, man, come on, let’s get something to eat first,” Jeremy says.

He looks at me, and I give a slight nod, meaning I agree that he should have something to eat first.

*Ryder*

I listen to my mom and Tyler talk back and forth while they are eating. I have barely touched my pancakes. I watch Tyler, and see how animated he is while talking to my mom, but when it comes to Jeremy, he becomes this different person. He doesn’t seem so animated when Jeremy directs a question at him.

Tyler is on his second cup of coffee, and he seems so content to talk to my mom. I wish I was like that with random strangers, instead of a bumbling mess.

“RYDER!” Jeremy says.

I snap out of my thoughts. “Yeah?”

“What you thinking about over there?” Tyler asks.

“What happens if we go to state?”

Jeremy laughs., “Football is always on the mind, and what happens is that we go to state, and we dominate it!”

“Boys! No football talk at the table, and yes, Jeremy that includes when we are out to eat, as well,” Mom says, and I look at Jeremy. He shuts his mouth, but gives us a huge grin.

“I’m going to go pay for my coffee, and if you are ready, Ryder, I will take you home,” Tyler says.

Mom motions for him to sit back down. “Don’t worry about the bill, I have it. I know Ryder is ready to get back to the house. Just, please be careful driving.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Thanks, Mom. Are you coming home right away?”

“No, I have some things to take care of. Jeremy, would you like to join?”

“Yeah, just let me park the car at the house, and I will ride with you.”

Tyler and I say our goodbyes, and make our way outside of the restaurant. I grab Tyler’s hand. “Hey are you okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“You just seemed tense around Jeremy.”

He gives me a halfhearted laugh. “It’s no big deal. Come on, let’s get you to the house.”

I can’t help but think he is hiding something from me, but I put it in the back of my head and hop on the bike with him. Traffic lightened up, and it only took us about fifteen minutes to get back to my house.

“Do you want to stay for a bit?” I ask him, as I get off the bike.

He takes off his helmet, and I run my hand through his helmet hair. “If you want me to, I wouldn’t mind.”

“I would love for you to stay for a bit, if you want. While I am talking to my dad, you can wait in my room.”

I lead him into the house, and up to my room. “I would totally stay, but I want to get this all off my chest before I forget half of it.”

He laughs. “It’s okay, go do what you need to. I am just going to lay on your bed and play on my phone.”

I give him a quick peck on the cheek, and I can see he blushes. I shut the door as I leave my room, and make my way to my dad’s office. The door is pulled almost closed, so I knock and wait for him to tell me to come in. “Yeah?”

I open the door and enter the office. “Hey, Dad.”

“Rye, I am sorry about yesterday. I have a lot of things on my plate right now, and taking it out on you was not fair,” he says, looking up from whatever paper he was reading.

“It’s fine, Dad, but Mom told me you have an offer to coach at UT.”

He takes the bill of his hat and scratches his head with it. i know this is a sensitive subject when he does this. “That’s correct. I have been offered a position for the next season.”

“Are you going to take it?”

“I haven’t decided one way or the other on it,” he says and leans back into his chair. He lets out a sigh.

“Why not? It’s pretty much been your dream!” I tell him, and I can see a little smirk play on his lips, because he knows I am right.

“What about you?” he asks.

I shove my hands into my pockets so he doesn’t call me out for fidgeting “Dad, I love you, but I am going to be just fine with or without you as my coach. Besides, I think it would be nice to have a dad and not a coach at the house.” I say, and I mentally prepare myself for the backlash.

He lets out a sigh. “I guess I deserved that. Ryder, I know I am hard on you, but I just want you to be the best player you can be, and provide a stable environment for you. I worry that one day you are just going to give up on yourself, and cave to your dark past, and I don’t know what I would do.”

“I need a dad, not a coach, and you want to bring another kid into this family? Dad, I know you don’t want to hear this, but a lot of my pressure is caused by you. I want nothing more than your approval. It already kills me that I have this thought that, deep down, you don’t like the fact I am gay, so I double my effort in football to make you proud of me, but it’s exhausting, and I don’t know how much more I can keep this up. I am tired of living up to your expectations.” My voice cracks. He doesn’t say anything to me; he just looks at me. and I feel myself start to shake. He gets up from his desk, and I flinch as he moves towards me, but he wraps me up in a hug. “Damnit, Ryder, I don’t care that you are gay, and I never knew how much pressure I was putting on you! You should have told me how you felt.” I hold my breath for a minute so I don’t trigger a panic attack, because I can feel it coming.

“I wanted to, but I was scared that you wouldn’t love me,” I say quietly because I don’t trust my voice.

“I would love you no matter what, and we do want another kid, me and your mother. Maybe this time, I will know better than to put a ton of pressure on him.”

“Why do you want another kid?” I ask. As he releases me from his hug, I sit in the chair, and he takes a seat in the chair next to mine.

“I was having lunch with a colleague of mine and he was telling me about a kid who was just placed in the system, and the kid could really have a great future, but given the shape of the foster system, that could ruin it.”

“How does your colleague know the kid?” I grip the arm of the chair, trying to stop the fidgeting.

“He lived in the same neighborhood as him. From what he says, the kid is good as gold.”

“What happened?” I ask.

“Drug bust. His family was deep into it.” From the look on his face, I know he is disgusted with the parents.

“That’s awful, but you didn’t answer. Why do you want another kid?”

I hear him sigh, “I don’t really have an answer for you, Ryder. I just want another kid. I have always wanted more kids, and so has your mother. With this job opportunity, it would give me more time at home, and your mother could also stay at home.”

“Why are you dancing around the issue?” I ask, getting a little angry.

“Ryder, I can’t explain why I want to have another child. Being a parent is something I cannot explain. It’s something you just feel, and it’s just an amazing experience.

“Is he involved with drugs?”

“Who?”

“The kid you want to adopt.”

“Wilder?”

“What?” I ask, confused.

“Wilder, that’s his name.”

I look at my dad, confused. “His name is Wilder? Like, who in the hell names their kid Wilder?”

Dad chuckles. “The kind of people that don’t care about their kids. I don’t know to what extent he has done any drugs or anything. He doesn’t talk much about what happened. We know he wasn’t sexually abused, but he was abused physically. He wouldn’t even shake my hand when I would visit him.”

“You have gone to see him?”

“Yes, Jeremy and your mother are visiting right now.”

“But she said she was doing errands,” I counter.

“Ryder, we didn’t know how you would react to this. Lately, we are unsure of what we can say or do, because we don’t know what’s going on inside that head of yours.”

“Wait, you’re scared to say things around me, but you will be a complete asshole when you’re in coach mode? Maybe that’s why you want another kid - so you don’t have to walk on eggshells around me!”

“Ryder! I have already told you that is not the case! I just think it’s time that I start separating work from my family. While you were gone, me and your mother had a long conversation and I believe this will benefit the whole family. I know I will not be winning father of the year, but I hope that by separating work from home, we can work on our relationship. I haven’t been there when you really needed me the most, and that’s something I have to live with,” he tells me.

“I’m sorry. I just, I feel like I will never be good enough for you - to the coach, to Mom, to anyone. I have a guy that really likes me, and I am scared, because I don’t think I can ever be good enough for him! I am so uncomfortable in my own skin that it constantly nags at me!”

“Damnit, Ryder, you are good enough! You are an exceptional young man! You are one hell of a football player, you are extremely intelligent, you take care of your body, and you are learning how to take care of your mental health now, as well. That boy would be lucky to be with you, because you are an extremely amazing and resilient person. I wish you would understand that, but I think you will one day come to realize all of this.”

I get up from the chair, as well as my dad. He grabs me in another hug. “I love you,” I tell him.

“I love you, too, stubborn child of mine, and I am so sorry you ever felt you were anything less than perfect to me, because you are. No matter what happens, ever, you will be my number one. I will always be there for you.”

“Thanks, Dad. When can I meet Wilder?”

“Soon. I will make sure it happens.”

“Dad, where is his room going to be?”

My dad looks around. “I figured right here would be a good place. What do you think?”

I look around and I finally notice that the office is being packed up. “What about your office?”

“I have one at school, and besides, we will be moving to a bigger house soon, and I will have an office there.”

“That makes sense. I am going to go up to my room. I kind of just want to process all of this.”

“Sounds good. I am going to finish packing up here and go run some errands.”

“Oh, Tyler is here for a little while.”

“Okay, just text me later if he is going to stay for dinner tonight.”

“Will do,” I tell him, and leave the office.

I make my way up to my room, and once I open the door, I notice it’s too quiet. I look over at my bed, and I see Tyler sleeping.

He looks so adorable sleeping. His mouth is open just a little bit. I move closer to the bed and crawl over him to the other side. I move close to his face to take off his glasses and his hand grabs mine. What are you doing?”

“I was taking your glasses off. You fell asleep.”

He takes them off and puts them on my bedside table. “I’m sorry. It’s just, your bed was so comfortable.”

I laugh. “It’s okay. You were so adorable when I walked in.”

“You are adorable.” He takes my hand in his, lacing our fingers together.

I kiss him on the lips, and lay my head on his chest. “What are your plans for the day?”

“To be with you as much as I can. How did the talk with your dad go?”

“It was good. My mom and Jeremy are going to see the kid they want to adopt.” I feel him tense up when I mention Jeremy.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Can I ask you a question?” I look up at him.

“Yeah?”

“I noticed during breakfast that when Jeremy sat down, you became really tense and different when he would talk to you, or when he would talk to you, you would clam up. When I just mentioned him now you tensed up. Why?”

Tyler sits up and pulls his legs up close to his chest. “He looks a lot like my ex, and that wasn’t a good relationship at all. Ryder, I really do like you, but I am just not ready to talk about my ex.”

“Okay, but one day you are going to have to explain what happened. Jeremy is a huge part of my life and, well, if we are going to be together, he’s going to be around.”

He sighs. “I know, babe, and I promise I will tell you soon. I just have to work up the courage to talk about it.”

“You staying for dinner tonight?”

He grins. “Depends. Are you on the menu?”

I feel my cheeks heat up. “Perv! My dad is wanting to know.”

“There is a good chance that I will be here for dinner,” he says, wagging his eyebrows.

“On another note, are you going to come to my football games?” I ask, getting up and walking over to my desk to rearrange the clutter. I am nervous, but a good nervous around him.

“If you want me there, I will be,” he says, walking up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

I feel him kiss my neck, and I let out a little moan. “Stop!” I say, trying hard not to laugh.

“Why?”

“Because I am ticklish, and I am trying to be good!”

I try to move away, but he tightens his grip around my waist. “What good has come out of behaving?”

I turn my head to kiss his cheek. “You are going to be a bad influence on me!”

He chuckles. “No, not me!”

I turn around and face him, and kiss his soft lips. “You are driving me wild,” I whisper, as we break our kiss.

“I don’t know what it is about you, but I want to always touch you and keep you close,” he tells me, kissing me again.

Our embrace is interrupted by my phone going off. I try to ignore it, but it keeps going off. I groan and reach for it. “Yeah?”

“Dude, are you home?” Garret says on the other end.

“Yeah. Why what’s up?”

“Well, I will be there with Callen in like, five minutes. Is Jeremy there as well?”

“No, he’s out with my mom running errands, what is this all about?”

“Patience, young one,” Garret says, and hangs up.

“What was that about?” Tyler asks.

“That was one of my teammates, and I guess, a friend. He said he is coming over, but there is one problem.”

“What is the problem? Does he not know you’re gay?”

“No, he knows that. Just, he’s bringing his younger brother, Callen, who is my ex.”

I can see the look register on his face. “Oh… this is going to be awkward, isn’t it? Do I need to leave?”

I pull him close to me again. “No, you don’t need to leave. We just might have to keep the PDA to a minimum until I get to talk to Callen.”

“Yeah, I can do that for you,” he says, kissing me again.

We break apart and I have to readjust myself. I can see Tyler has that problem, as well, and I can’t help but giggle. “You are the worst!” he says.

“You like it,” I tell him.

I hear the doorbell ring, and motion Tyler to follow me out of the room. “Didn’t think I’d be meeting people so soon.”

“Garret is kind of an ass. He doesn’t mean it, but he is. Callen is nice.”

I finally get to the door, open it, and Garret smiles, “About time. What where you doing, jerking off?”

I can feel myself blush. “You ass.”

He smiles and shakes my hand, pulling me into a one armed hug, and walks into the house. Callen comes in next. We just smile and he hugs me. “Hey.”

“Who are you?” Garret asks, looking at Tyler.

“I’m Tyler, Ryder’s friend,” he says, putting his hand out.

“Garret, Ryder’s teammate, and that is Callen, my younger brother.”

He says taking Tyler’s hand and nodding to Callen.

Callen nods as Tyler, and gives me a look. I just shrug and lead them into the living room. “So what gives, Garret?”

“So, have you talked to Shawn lately?”

“No, not recently,” I tell him.

“You are a terrible friend,” he tells me, sitting on the couch. Callen is still standing by me and Tyler is on my other side.

“I have been busy, fool. Why, what’s going on? Is he ok?”

“Yeah, but he has invited us all up for winter break. Apparently, his aunt and uncle have this huge farm up there!”

“That’s awesome, but that’s really far. How are we going to get there?”

“Easy, we take a plane!” Callen says.

“So, you down or what?” Garret asks.

“Possibly, I mean, I’d have to ask and all.”

“You think you’d be able to go, though?” Callen asks.

“Jeremy would probably have to go with me, though,” I tell him.

“Well, yeah, that’s why I wanted to talk to Jeremy as well,” Garret says, getting up from the couch.

“Well, when he gets back, I will tell him to call you.”

“Cool. Well, we gotta get going. I will hit you up later. Nice to meet you, Tyler,” Garret says, heading for the door.

“You, too,” Tyler says.

“Hey, are you down to go running after school tomorrow?” Callen asks, as he starts for the door.

“Yeah, that sounds good, man.”

Once they leave, I turn back to Tyler, who has a smile on his face. “What?”

“He’s cute.”

“Who?”

“Callen, and I could tell he was jealous.”

“Yeah, he’s cute. Just, me and him are better as friends.”

“Good! ‘Cause I think I am going to love being your boyfriend.”

“Oh. Boyfriend, huh?” I ask.

He pulls me in close. “Yes.”

“Is this you asking?”

“Ryder, will you be my boyfriend?”

“I don’t know. I’d have to think about it,” I say, trying not to laugh.

“You are impossible!”

“I think it would be fun being your boyfriend.”

“You are so cute when you blush.”

“I am not blushing!” I say defensively.

“Oh yeah? Then why are your cheeks red?”

I bury my head in his chest. “You are such a bully.”

“Nah, I could never be a bully. You are way too adorable.”

“Want to watch a movie?” I ask.

“Yeah, that sounds good. Doing anything with you sounds good.”