Freshman Year - 5. Baby Steps

Wesley And Seamus

By: Wesley Lewis

Chapter 5: Baby Steps

WES’ POV

It had been a week since I woke up from the coma. The doctor said I needed to start physical therapy on my legs because I had been in the bed for so long. He said it will help strengthen the muscles in my good leg, if I have one, as well as serving to get exercise. I agreed with the doctor on this part. If I was going to be with Seamus I was going to lose weight so I’d be with him for a long time to come without having to worry about health problems.

Seamus had told me that he loved me just the way I am, he may like the way I look but I don’t. Seamus has it easy he’s tall and is toned in the right places. He’s not some muscle head but if need be, he could take care of himself. He was so fit and masculine everything I wanted to be. Now I’m not saying I’m like a flamer or anything nut if you asked a random person who they thought was gay me or Seamus, they would pick me every time.

So now I’m waiting impatiently for this physical therapist to come and roll me down and probably push me the limits. Boy, was I surprised when he walked in. This guy was big, I don’t mean like me big, he was big and tall. He was easily six foot six, probably weighing in at two hundred forty pounds of pure muscle. He had this gorgeous shoulder length blond hair tied in a ponytail. His face was clean shaven with eyes that were like silver moonlight. He looked about the same age as my father is which was late twenties.

“Hi I’m Jesse and I’ll be your therapist.” His voice said deeply. If I was single, and able to walk, I probably would have jumped in his arms.

On the way, out of the room we bumped into dad as he was coming in. there was something odd about the way they looked at each other as they passed, almost as if they knew one another.

“Was that your father there we ran into?” he asked with a little hesitation

“Yes, that’s my dad the wonderful Pastor Jason Oates”

“You said Jason Oates” he asked really excited, “did he go to school in this area?”

I told him I think he did but I wasn’t entirely sure and asked him why he wanted to know.

“Well it’s kind of embarrassing but if it’s the Jason whose father was a minister then that was my first crush”. By now he had turned a shade of red and looked away from me like he was embarrassed.

“Well my grandfather was a minister at our current church up until he retired. Wait, are you by any chance a quarterback on the varsity team senior year?”

He looked mildly embarrassed and responded telling me “Yes I was QB my junior and senior years, how did you know that I’ve never talked about that to anyone.”

When I told him that my dad had always talked about this big guy named Jesse who played football when he was in school but during the first game of the senior year he had been tackled and somehow his leg got broken. As I looked at Jesse he had tears in his eyes and a painful look on his face when I asked him what was wrong he brushed it off telling me it was nothing. The thing that I hadn’t told Jesse about was the way my dad would look as he talked about Jesse. It was almost as if there was some longing in his voice like it hurt him to talk about it. I never really understood why my father looked that way before but I was bound and determined to find out why.

We made our way to the training room where I would be spending a lot of time over the next few weeks. I thought that he would have me trying to walk on crutches the first day, but once again I was wrong. He started me out doing simple leg lifts. He told me this way I could get used to using those muscles again. At first there was pain but after about the tenth repetition I could feel the muscle strain start to fade. We took a break after an hour of this my leg was burning but Jesse told me that would pass. He told me usually he would try and doing leg kicks in the pool but seeing how I had a cast on my left leg that would be impossible. After the food break we went right back to the leg lifts for about another hour before he wheeled me back to my room where daddy was waiting.

JASON’S POV

I couldn’t believe it after all these years I run into Jesse. He was one of my best friends in school and when he couldn’t play ball that last season in school I was the one that had been there for him. I had always talked about Jesse to Wesley hoping maybe he would try out for the football team, but that would never happen, sadly Wesley wasn’t athletic. What he lacked in athleticism though he more than made up for academically.

Jesse was always kind of shy and reserved as a kid. To my knowledge, I was his only friend, but what others didn’t know was we were more than friends. When we were younger we would always play together doing what kids usually did. When we both started puberty, we started mutual exploration with each other. For some reason though I was always the one who had initiated the activities and I couldn’t figure out why until our senior year.

It was just a week after his injury and Jesse, for some reason, had been avoiding me for the whole week. When I finally confronted him about it and asked him why he hadn’t come around his answered was not what I was expecting.

“Jason I haven’t come around because I didn’t want you to find out about me and stop being my friend” he was on the verge of tears while telling me this.

“Jesse, you are my friend I’m not going to stop being friends with you for any reason you are like my brother and I love you”

“Jason your more than a brother to me. There’s something you should know,” he tried to turn away before I made him look me in the eyes, “Jason I’m gay and I’ve been in love with you for long time but I can’t hide that anymore.” I stood there silently just trying to comprehend what he told me before I made one of the worst decisions of my life.

“Jesse, I meant what I said about being your friend but I’m sorry I don’t feel that way about you, the love I have for you is the kind that you want.”

He then told me “I know that Jason but I couldn’t lie to you anymore, you mean too much to me not to deserve the truth.” He then kissed me which after the initial shock was over I admit I had enjoyed.

After five minutes of this I pulled away from him shouting at him “What the fuck is wrong with you? I just told you I didn’t like you like that and you fucking kiss me. I’m not some little fag Jesse!” I instantly regretted the words after they left my mouth. The look on his face still haunts me to this day and I’ll never forget.

A few days later I went to go to Jesse’s house to apologize and try to make things right but that wouldn’t happen. It turns out that that weekend Jesse and his dad moved to another town for his job. It had been in the works for months, or so my father said. When I told pop, what happened he calmed me down trying to make me see that maybe it was for the best that it happened that way. When I asked him what he meant he explained to me that maybe by Jesse admitting his feelings it was a way to make it less painful to say goodbye. Personally, I think that was a load of bull but I thought I’d never know the reason.

There was one thing that nobody knew though. I had lied to Jason when I said I didn’t feel that way. I did love him the same way he did me, the problem was I was too scared to admit what that meant. I was too much of a coward to even try and find him after what happened. I was so confused that first few days without him. I had promised myself though I would never treat any other person the way I had Jesse. Another thing I had promised was that I ever saw Jesse again I would make things right.

JESSE’s POV

It was him. The one person who broke my heart to a million pieces. I couldn’t believe the one person I never wanted to see again would the father of my newest patient. The truth is though I had wanted to see him just once so I could tell him how he hurt me. But when I went to do it all those feelings I had once resurfaced. He might have been a total ass to me that day but somehow, I never stopped loving him. But I now knew that love wouldn’t be returned that way. The man had a kid for goodness sake.

When we were about to leave town for dad’s new job he asked me why I didn’t want to tell Jason we were moving I lied and told him I had and we already said goodbye. My father was always smarter than I gave him credit for and asked me the real reason. I broke down and told dad what happened he just stood there and held me. He never once acted like he was embarrassed of me or ashamed.

Wesley was amazing while we were doing his therapy he told me about everything that had happened. He explained that his father was there for him where his mother wasn’t. he also confided in me that his dad was filing for divorce. The very first thought in my mind was YES, HE’S ON THE MARKET!!!!! Of course, my second thought was what he had told me all those years ago, but then when I looked at him he looked sad. Maybe he was remorseful over what had happened, or maybe he was depressed because of his son’s conditions.

Even though what he said to me then hurt I had found love a few times. Granted it wasn’t the love I had for Jason but it was love. The first guy I dated was in college we were both freshman when we started. Brad had problems though. I didn’t find out until after we broke up that he was a recovering addict and he ended up overdosing and nearly dying. The only other time was with a former patient. He was a wonderful guy. Teddy was everything I wasn’t. He was a spitfire that would standup for anyone who was being picked on. We were together until he passed away from complications with AIDS. He was the guy that I thought I would marry I had even planned proposing to him on his birthday, but life had different plans. Teddy died two years ago, and I haven’t been on a date since and have thrown myself into work.

Wesley reminded me of Jason when he was younger. He had this determination to push himself harder than he needed to be. Jason did the exact same things. He had always pushed himself academically always ensuring he was the very best. That was one of the reasons I think I fell in love with him back then. Another thing was he was so cute with his wiry frame. Sure, he had been on the small and waif-like but there was a saying that went it’s not the size of the dog in a fight, but the size of the fight in the dog’, and believe me Jason had a fire in him. Even though he was small he never allowed him or any of the other smaller kids get picked on. Wesley had confided in me that he wish he could lose weight so he wouldn’t have to deal with some bullies. I told wesley that when he was better id help him lose the weight because I was also a trainer at a local gym as well.

Wesley tried to ask me about his dad and why they never hung out if they had been such good friends. I told him simply that my family had moved away and I recently moved back to the area. I couldn’t tell Wesley what his father had said to me because to this boy he was a hero. Of course I probably should give Jason more credit. The way Wesley described his coming out to him made me think that maybe he had changed, and maybe we could be friends again.

When the session had ended I rolled Wesley back to his room and Jason asked if we could talk for a few minutes, I told him to let me get wesley settled and then we would see.

JASON’S POV

My stomach was in knots trying to come up with the words to tell Jesse how sorry I was. He was still the same kind person I had known then. Of course he had changed some as well. He was a little more defined than I remember but it was when I saw his eyes that I remember the hurt I had put him through.

“Jason its good to see you, its been a while.” He was so calm and level headed. Truthfully if it had been me I would have blown up seeing the guy who had broke my heart.

“Jesse, its been too long and that’s on my part. I would like to explain why I did that back then. You deserve to know the truth and ive been a coward keeping it locked up in me for so long.” He stared at me with kindest smile I had ever seen. I continued on saying “Jesse when you kissed me I was shocked, and I am ashamed of what I said to you. The hurt on your face broke my heart and when I went to apologize to you after a few days you were gone. I don’t blame you for hating me and I wish I had done it sooner, but the way I acted was because I was too afraid to admit to you that I did love you that way, I have regretted every day the pain my words caused you. I promised that I would never hurt someone like that again.”

“Jason, you did hurt me, but I never hated you, you were my best friend but I just couldn’t face you. You aren’t the reason I moved away though and its partly my fault for not keeping in contact after that. Truthfully, I never wanted anything to do with you or this town again, but after my last boyfriend died, I decided to move back to my old house. It never crossed my mind that you might still live here. I wanted to hate you when I saw you earlier, I wanted to scream, but when I looked you in the eyes and saw the sadness there, all of those feelings came rushing back.”

By this time, we were both crying like some babies until I finally asked him if he was seeing anyone. It was the first time in eleven years I had seen his smile.

“No, I’m not seeing anyone, I gave up on that after Teddy I can’t take the heartbreak of losing someone else again.”

Shakily I asked “What if you found someone who you had lost, would you try it again, that is if you don’t mind a guy who has a gay kid and is going through a divorce all while being the local youth pastor at church?”

He looked up with tears streaming down his face “ Do you really mean that, I’m telling you I can’t take that kind of pain again, I felt like I died when you said that to me and that you hated me, if you are serious then I will accept under a few conditions, it has to wait until wesley is out of the hospital and your divorce is final, I’m not going to be looked at as a homewrecker, the last condition is I want it to be a double date with Wesley and Seamus, can you accept those conditions?”

For the first time in a long time my heart wasn’t aching and I felt like I may be happy I told him that I did accept his conditions but would hope we could hang out and get reacquainted before having a date. He agreed with me and said he got off in about two hours and he’d meet me in the cafeteria after I explained everything to Wesley because he would not have any secrets. We parted ways and I now had to try and figure out how to tell Wesley.

WESLEY’S POV

As dad sat there explaining to me his and Jesse’s history I was gob smacked. I would never had thought in a million years that my dad would be interested in a guy. Although if I’m honest him and mom never did seem right for some reason. They were always arguing about something for the past few months and I had heard more than once mention of a divorce. As he described how he was so sorry about how he treated Jesse and how he had promised to never treat another person the way he did I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed at how my father acted. The way his face looked as he explained why he did it the more I believed him.

When I couldn’t take anymore of daddy’s story I just put my hand over his and said “Daddy I don’t care who you date, if it makes you happy then I’m happy. And for what it’s worth Jesse does seem like a great guy, but you do need to be patient with him he has been hurt before and he may be a little cautious”

After a few moments, Seamus came in the room my dad left saying he had an important meeting in the cafeteria. When he left, I explained to Seamus what all had happened he was just s amazed as I was. I began to tire and before falling to sleep Seamus gave me a kiss and covered me up.