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    Cynus
  • Cynus
  • Author
  • 12/13/2017
  • 291 Words
  • 1,195 Views
  • 6 Comments
Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Musings of a Mongoose - 6. New Love

Love.
 
I've come to understand that, no matter what, it will never be the same as it was. It cannot possibly be.
 
So, I either have to accept that and embrace the newness, knowing it will never be as great as it once was, that I will never feel so profoundly again.
 
Or, I can move forward, the comfort of my memories wrapped around me like a cloak, and realize that no new exploration is required for my happiness.
 
Because I still love, and it still keeps me warm. Whether by the light in his eyes or the fire in her soul, the warmth of his body or the dance of like-minded spirits.
 
My ghosts live on in me, and how can anyone possibly compare.
 
If I say I love you, I do.
 
Just not like that. How can I? I feel I can't possibly explain to you how hard it is for me, to realize I can't love you as much as you deserve. It hurts me to see you heartbroken.
 
And yet, I am a willing prisoner to my haunting.
 
I cannot love you as deeply as you love me. I never could.
 
For you are not him, and you are not her, and you are not him, nor him either. I danced four great dances in my life and remember them all, and I don't have another dance left for you.
 
I'm sorry I was too weak to resist you, and let you pull me onto the dance floor anyway.
 
It wasn't fair to you.
 
I'll pay for that sin, with only ghosts as company. May you find a different fate, my love.
Copyright © 2017 Cynus; All Rights Reserved.
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Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Cynus
1 hour ago, BlindAmbition said:

Beautifully said and expressed. The heart knows what it does and doesn’t want. Sometimes conflicting with our mind and actions.

I've been conflicted for a long time. This was one of many attempts to get that down on paper, and I think I know precisely what it's telling me. It's time I stopped pursuing relationships, because I simply don't find them fulfilling, and it's not fair to those I enter them with because I can never commit myself fully to them. As much as I have the occasional desire to share my life with someone, I notice these moments are becoming increasingly more fleeting, and I desire the freedom from relationships even more.

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