Still You Want Me - 9. Chapter 9 - Fight, sex, fight

* * CHARLES * *

I’ve been awake for a while and I’m smiling like a fool. We’re both morning people, but I tend to rouse earlier than Colin, except this morning. Nope, I’m in no hurry to get up.

This may not be the first morning I’ve woken up next to Colin or even the first morning I’ve laid in bed admiring him. It is, however, the first morning I can look and touch, as much as I want. It’s not a preview anymore…it’s my very own movie.

I’m admiring the sleep creases on his face and the cute way his brown hair is tousled from the night. He’s so adorable with one of his legs pulled to his chest, revealing his dark leg hair.

His pillow’s gone, it’s likely been discarded onto the floor. His head is resting on one arm while his other arm drapes over the leg that’s pulled against his chest. He usually wakes up like this; face down with the sheets pooled at his waist.

Contrary to myself, he’s a messy sleeper. He always teases me about it by saying I’m too tense to relax in bed, and that’s why I barely move at night, never disrupting my sheets. Well, he can disrupt my sheets, anytime.

Last night was amazing. It couldn’t have been any other way because I was with Colin. We spent most of the night pleasuring each other. My mind is blown (along with one other thing). I didn’t think he’d be so skilled, but he is. Either that or love really makes a difference.

Being in love with someone is new territory for me and I’m unequivocally in love with Colin.

I want to wake him and snuggle against him. I've wanted this forever and, now that it’s here, I want to make up for lost time. But it’s early and I know he’s tired so I’ll let him sleep longer. Instead I go to fetch myself some coffee.

Of all the times we’ve slept in the same bed, this is the first morning I’ve woken up in Colin’s apartment. I’ve only been here a handful of time, period. As of yesterday, we’re officially dating which means I’ll be waking up here a lot more often.

I can’t help but look around his apartment on my short walk to the kitchen. It’s very…Colin. Simple and beautiful, but not flashy.

I’m used to homes that are dressed to impress. ‘Oh, let me show you this very expensive blah’. and ‘Have you seen this new, top of the line, blah?’

When you walk into Colin’s apartment, it’s more like, ‘let me impress you with my ability to make you feel freakishly at home. Would you like a ham sandwich?’

Yes, I want a ham sandwich. I want his ham sandwich.

I break from my exploration of his apartment to the startling revelation—Colin doesn’t own anything that can potentially make me coffee. This is Portland! What kind of bullshit is this?

Then I remember the apartment’s best feature and the attraction above all others—Brew’d Awakening. It’s literally right under my nose. I wasn’t planning to get dressed, though, or straying too far from Colin for that matter….so coffee will have to wait. Instead, I go back to the bedroom.

Colin’s bedroom is large. It has the same hardwood that’s found in the rest of the apartment. He has a giant wooden bed frame that looks like something out of Pottery Barn: Farmhouse Edition. The bedding is various shades of grey and there’s a large, multi-colored shag rug under his bed.

As I stand here, looking at the beauty sleeping before me, I realize I can’t crawl in and snuggle up to him without having his knee jam into my dick and his head bump my stomach. He’s sleeping in the most unwelcoming position ever.

I take a few quick steps, leap onto the bed (landing on all fours), and trap him under my body.

“Wake up call!”

Colin’s eyes shoot open and he tries to get his bearings, “What the fuck!”

I can see all of these thoughts flash in his eyes. Is there an emergency? Should I panic? Am I late for work? Finally, everything clicks, he smiles, and he looks at me hovering over him.

“This is the worst, and best, way to wake-up.”

I dip my feet under the sheets that lay around his waist and Colin pulls them over me, covering us in a thin layer of protection against the rest of the world. Dipping down to give him a quick kiss.

“Good morning.”

He’s adjusting all of his morning muscles by stretching his arms and legs as a cat does after waking up on a window sill.

“Good morning.”

He finishes, pulls my body to his, and closes the distance between us. We adjust ourselves against each other, with me resting between his legs, propped up on my elbows so I can look down at him.

Colin in the morning— will forever be the perfect view.

I can’t help leaning down and gently pressing against his soft lips. I want to feel his lips against mine forever. Colin presses himself against my body and the kiss quickly escalates into something far more intense. He pulls my hips hard against his until we’re hungrily grinding.

“Fuck, this feels so good! How can you feel this good?” Colin grips my ass, encouraging me to grind harder, and moans. “Ugh Charlie. Don’t stop, ever.”

He’s making all sorts of adorable noises under me. Yeah, come apart for me. I’ve waited so long for this.

“If you continue making those noises, I’m going to be toast.”

The feeling of him writhing and mewling under me is going to bring me to the finish line faster than either of us want. I shift my weight to my left arm and run my thumb slowly over the erogenous zone on his hips and lower belly. He arches his body and throws his head back in pleasure.

“Ah shit. Your touch is driving me crazy.”

Shit. Fuck. I’m so done. His sounds are going to be the death of me. My thrusts become jerky as I feel my body contracting as the orgasm rips through my body. I clamp my teeth on Colin’s shoulder as I start pumping jets of semen into my underwear. Colin lets out a strangled cry and his whole-body tenses.

“I think my heart’s going to beat out of my chest! I might hyperventilate.”

Colin chuckles at my breathlessness and I continue to pant.

“I thought I might actually fly apart.”

I drop my head to his shoulder, but continue to softly push my hips against his, which creates sensitive tremors. Colin grips my arms and ever so innocently says.

“Dude, you need to stop moving or I’m going to rip your dick off.”

His eyes are closed, but I can feel him smile against my cheek.

“Okay, fine,” I chuckle and stop my movements as I look at his beautiful, sated body while I run my finger over his shoulder where there’s a slight indent from my bite.

“Oh, shit,” I whisper as I cringe slightly.

“What?” His face is as panicked as you can be when your body is jello. I can’t help myself as I let out a small laugh.

“I bit you. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I did that,” I lean down and kiss the mark.

Mine.

He smiles like he doesn’t have a care in the world. “Whatever. That was the fucking hottest thing ever. It made me cum, instantly.” He closes his eyes, again, not worried about any of it so I ask.

“Did you like that?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Do you like that stuff? Pain and what not?”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment as he contemplates his answer.

“No, I don’t like pain. I’m not into BDSM, but I am into you.”

I arch my brow with question while seeking an explanation when Colin continues.

“You were so turned on and your orgasm was building so intensely that you needed a release before the release. You did the only thing your body could think of…you bit me. It’s not the pain that felt good, it was the reason behind it. The pain was a symptom of the exorbitant amount of pleasure you were experiencing...because of me.”

He smiles because he’s proud of his ability to make me crazy.

“I physically felt how overcome you were with pleasure and that was fucking hot. It’s the same when your fingers dig into my hips or when you grip my hair when I’m sucking your dick.”

I think about what he’s saying and decide he has a point.

“You’re right, that is hot.”

His his body tenses slightly.

“Hear me when I say this. I don’t want you to hurt me during sex. I don’t enjoy pain. I’m not into that—”

I cut him off. I’m not an idiot, I get what he’s saying.

“No, no. I get it,” I lean down and capture his lips in a long, sensual kiss. “I like it, too. I mean, I like it when I can feel, or in your case, hear how overwhelmed you are with pleasure. You’re noisy as fuck and I love it!” I kiss his nose. “It sets me off. It’s not that you’re too loud—although that wouldn’t bother me.” I smirk and gently kiss his cheek. “It’s just that, the more turned on you are, the more verbal you become. It’s like playing Marco Polo. If I’m going in the right direction, then your noises pick up, but if I’m going in the wrong direction, then the noises lessen,” I smile mischievously. “And the noises you make when you start to orgasm—”

I thrust my hips forward, hard and deep, against his.

“I could orgasm by only listening to you.”

I softly rock my hips against his for a few more seconds before flipping the sheets off, jumping off of the bed, and giving his thigh a nice, hearty slap.

“Come on. It’s time to shower and get ready for work.”

I smile as I saunter off to the bathroom, knowing Colin’s frustrated and lying on the bed alone.

* * *

“It appears things are going well for you and Colin,” Ryan glances up from his fries.

Hell, yes. Things have never been better. I don’t want to come off as a total pansy so I do the manly thing and down-play the situation.

“Yeah, it’s alright, I guess,” I try to say as nonchalant as possible.

Gawd, I need to stop with the dopey smiles, it’s been two weeks since the fateful Karaoke sing off that cemented our relationship. Holy shit, Colin’s been my boyfriend for two weeks! How can I not smile at that?

Ryan takes one look at my ridiculous dopey-in-love smile and rolls his eyes.

“Mm-hmm. And the sex? Was it worth waiting for eight months for it?”

I blush.

“Definitely.”

“I can’t believe someone got you to bottom. I guess it’s not someone, it’s Colin, but it’s still impressive.”

Uh, about that. He reads my face like a book. His eyes widen with surprise, followed by disappointment.

“You haven’t bottomed, yet?”

“Well, no, but he hasn’t, either. He hasn’t bottomed for me, I mean, we haven’t gone there, yet.”

“Why the hell not?”

“I’m not going to talk to you about this, it’s stupid.”

I take a giant bite of my burger so I don’t have to talk.

“Um, yeah, you will! What’s the hang up? Does Colin want to wait? I know it took three or four months with Jesse.”

I regretfully finish swallowing my useless burger and shoot him a look that says, don’t talk about Jesse.

“I don’t think so? I mean, he hasn’t said anything and we haven’t talked about it. It’s only been two weeks so, you know, what’s the rush?”

He waves his hand indicating that I need to hurry this along.

“Charles, spit it out. I hate dragging these conversations out.”

I let out a loud huff.

“Fine. I don't know if I’m ready to bottom. It’s really quite terrifying.”

There, I admitted it.

“No, it’s not and you know what—fuck you. You’re willing to pound every ass that walks by, but you’re too afraid to take it. You’re the worst kind of top. You’d significantly increase your topping abilities if you knew what the fuck you were actually doing. It’ll expand your horizons.”

“I know what I’m doing, asshole.”

“No, you only think you know what you’re doing. You’ve never bottomed so you don’t know what the fuck feels good or great or fucking mind blowing. Theoretically, maybe, but not in a practical sense.”

Maybe he has a point but I’m not ready to admit it.

“Whatever, man! You can continue looking at Colin’s d-fucking-licious, round, succulent ass forever. Me? If he wants me on all fours for a year, I’ll do it, just to take his ass once! You’re a damn moron.”

I know he’s trying to bait me and I hate that it’s working. He continues.

“I bet his ass is smooth! It’s so thick and grabbable. Fuck, I bet he’s as tight as shit, too. Does he make a lot of noise? I bet he does, doesn’t he? I bet he’s a screamer, like, really fucking loud when he’s getting pounded.”

He looks past me as he mentally daydreams about being deep inside of Colin’s ass. I’ve had enough so I interrupt his instigating.

“How about we not talk about this. Specifically, how about you not talk about pounding Colin’s ass or better yet, anything to do with Colin’s ass.”

It belongs to me and I’m starting to get hard from thinking about it.

“No way. An ass like Colin’s was made to be appreciated. You’re not appreciating it so I’m damn well going to appreciate the shit out of it! Every day is going to be Colin’s Ass Appreciation Day until you pull your head out of your dick and let him fuck the shit out of you.”

He shakes his head at me and says.

“Such a waste.”

We finish our lunch in silence and start walking back to work.

“Seriously, Charles. This isn’t simply sex with a random hookup…this is love. This is Colin!”

He’s not wrong, I’ve been teetering on the fence for a while, I just needed this moron to knock me over. I do want everything with Colin.

“You’re right. I’m ready. I’m being a coward. I’m not going to wait anymore. It’s time for Colin to deflower me.”

Ryan let’s out a loud whoop, gives me a powerful high five, and yells.

“Hell, yeah!”

 

* * COLIN * *

Hiking is a favorite weekend excursion of Charlie’s. I like doing this stuff, too, but I don’t love it. I do, however, love the way Charlie looks while doing it. It’s late fall, almost winter, so the weather’s getting cooler. Charlie’s wearing Adidas jogger-style athletic pants and a long sleeve Under Armour shirt. The pants are tight on his thick, muscled thighs and his shirt is equally tight and displays his strong arms and chiseled abs. His blonde hair is sweaty and his blue eyes are, as always, breathtaking. He’s a frustratingly beautiful specimen of a man. As we’re finishing the hike, Charlie asks.

“What are you doing tonight?”

“It’s Sunday so I’ll be having dinner with my parents,” I reply, tripping over a tree root. Luckily, Charlie saves me from faceplanting into the dirt.

“Ah, yes. Tell them I say hello. Speaking of which, I found out my parents will most likely be in town next weekend. I’m hoping you’ll come to dinner and meet them?”

“Yes, I’d definitely love to meet your parents.”

Charlie looks taken aback by my response.

“Really?”

“Yeah. They’re the people who made you the way you are so, hell yes, I want to meet them.”

He looks slightly peeved with my answer and lets out a small huff. I don’t know why, I thought my response was cute.

“I’d like to meet your parents, too, Colin. You know, the people that made you the way you are.”

Although a minute amount, I definitely sense a trace of sarcasm and mockery, which I don’t understand. It’s possible I’m overthinking, that’s something I tend to do.

“Well, maybe we can all have a giant ‘meet the Parents’ dinner together when your parents come.”

He’s silent for a moment.

“Why not tonight? I mean, you’re going tonight and I already know your parents, it’s not like they’re complete strangers or anything.”

He’ very matter-of-fact and doesn’t appear to be picking a fight or is he? This conversation is starting irritating me.

“Yeah, but if your parents are to come next week, we might as well wait. Then, as official boyfriends, everyone will be meeting each other at the same time.”

 

“As ‘you’ wish.” Charlie’s response is curt, each word is dripping with annoyance.

We’re walking out of the trail head and toward my car. Normally, we drive Charlie’s Jag (his preference), but my car is more suited for scenic drives like this.

“As ‘I’ wish?” I repeat.

He’s obviously emphasizing my role in the statement. What’s the implication here? He looks at me and smiles.

“Yeah, whatever you want.”

There it is again! What do you call it when it’s so insincere it looks as painful as letting a mud mask dry too long on your face?

I start the car and turn on the heater while he puts the backpack into the back. He opens the passenger door and, as he gets situated on the passenger seat, I try to sound neutral, but I know my words are icy.

“Charlie, I’m sensing some hostility in your words. Can you elaborate why that might be?”

“It’s nothing serious. We’ll do it on your terms.”

He finishes arranging himself so he’s comfortable then grabs the bar above the door and relaxes while looking everywhere, except at me.

“My terms? That’s a pointed statement if I’ve ever heard one.” I raise my voice sarcastically and mockingly draw out the words, “Myyy terms.”

“It’s not pointed, it’s just the way it is, Colin. I’m not complaining.”

He says it with the neutrality I tried to find earlier. It’s almost as if he’s being sincere.

Almost.

“You’re definitely complaining and how, exactly, do we do things on my terms? I call bullshit.”

There’s been a tension between us for the last few weeks and the buildup has me ready to fight. I can see him looking at me, but he’s not saying anything. Okay, two can play that game. Silence it is, buddy!

The silence continues and the tension is almost suffocating. Eventually, Charlie speaks.

“Okay,” he says, then pauses for so long I think he might’ve forgotten he said anything to begin with. When he finally speaks again, his voice is so calm…to calm. “We hangout on your terms, we have lunch together on your terms, we sleep over on your terms, and I apparently get to meet your parents on your terms. Even though I already know them.”

It’s hard not to start a fight because the first rule of a Fight Club is—there is no Fight Club! Fight, fight, fight!

I feel my voice rising.

“What are you talking about? None of that’s true. We do everything thing together.”

He’s such an entitled asshole. This is what I was worried about. He’s getting upset because he can’t have everything he wants. Please, Bitch! Come at me. I’ll shut this down so fast, it’ll make your head spin.

“No, we did do everything together before you pulled way back.”

My brain begins to stutter. What? I didn’t pull back he pulled back! At the very least, we both pulled back. After I don’t reply, he breaks the silence.

“Yeahhhh, exactly. On your terms.”

“That wasn’t really my terms. It was more our terms,” I said, finally finding my voice.

I think? I’m sure of it! Eh, maybe? ‘My terms’ versus ‘our terms’ is a tricky definition.

“Okay, Colin, please explain your thinking on that one.” He faces me and gives me his full and undivided attention as I sit up and try to regain my composure.

“Yeah, um. It was clear that you were struggling with the top/bottom issue so I was giving you the space you needed to figure it out,” I have both hands wrapped around the steering wheel at the ten and two positions. You know, safety first—not a distraction from this conversation. Nope.

Charles lets out a huff of indignation, but doesn't say anything for a minute or two. Finally, in a soft tone, he apologizes.

Huh? I mean, yeah. Wait, something's not right. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop because I’m sure it will. Charlie continues, every word thick with sarcasm.

“I’m sorry for not being coherent during all of these conversations when ‘I shared my struggles and the preceding conversations when ‘we’ decided ‘I’ needed ‘space’ to deal with my said problem.”

His eyes are full of annoyance as he looks at me. If I’m honest, he might have a point, but I’m worked up and ready to fight so logic isn’t exactly in the driver’s seat at this moment.

“Well, you didn’t want to have sex, Charlie. You’re so against being bottomed that you’d rather not have sex at all. So yes, I pulled back to make it fair. I’m sorry you’re upset about not getting your way. It must be so hard when someone tells you no!”

I know I’ve messed up. Is back peddling a possibility?

Charlie’s face transforms from annoyance, to shock, and to hurt.

“Fuck you, Colin! You decided you were judge, jury, and executioner? I’ve spent the last month savoring the little time you let me spend with you. When apart, I’m trying to figure out what I’ve done wrong or why you don’t want to spend time with me. We spend less time together now than we did when we were only friends. You do know we’ve been dating for six weeks, right?”

I nod.

“You took Jesse to meet your parents the first weekend you were officially boyfriends and then every Sunday afterward. I already know your parents, but I don’t get to officially meet them as your boyfriend? Yeah! That makes me feel real good,” he rolls his eyes, unbuckles, and exits the car before turning to look at me, “And just so you know, I did have an issue with bottoming, but I got over it pretty quickly because it’d be with you! I’d already made the decision to—you know, let you fuck me, but then you started ghosting me.”

He pauses, but not long enough for me to say anything, not that I have anything to add at the moment.

“I’m not about to lose my virginity to a boyfriend who doesn’t want to spend time with me and I definitely won’t for a boyfriend who makes all kinds of decisions that affect me without actually talking with me…first. Have a wonderful dinner with your parents, tell them I say hello, and call me when you get your shit together. I love you. Bye.”

He closes the door and walks to his car as I sit here for a minute before driving home so I can shower and get ready for dinner with my parents.

There's only one thing I think about…Charles. He’s not wrong, in fact, he’s completely right. What is it about Charlie that brings the worst out in me? I’ve been so worried about myself that I completely forgot he’s always been strictly a top. I’m such an ass for trying to rush him or pressure him!

[Colin] Can I come over? Please?

[Charles] It’s Sunday afternoon.

[Colin] ?

[Charles] Your Sunday afternoon plans don’t involve me.

[Colin] Shut-the-fuck-up. I’m coming over dickwad.

[Charles] Always the sweet talker. How’d I get so lucky? Swoon.

* * *

As soon as Charlie opens the door, I hold up a bottle of real, top shelf and expensive as shit Bourbon.

“I’m sorry.”

“Really? You’re trying to buy my forgiveness with an expensive bottle of alcohol? How very hypocritical of you,” he hesitates, “but thank you.”

I see a small grin on his face as he takes the bottle and walks into the kitchen. I don’t miss the fact that Charlie has changed out of his hiking clothes and is wearing a dry pair of jogger sweats and a fleece pullover. Jogger sweats always do all of the right things on him because they’re snug on his thighs and muscular ass and they sit low on his hips. His blonde hair is dark and wet from the shower. He’s been growing it out so it looks more shaggy than usual, but he still keeps it short on the side so his overall look is clean.

“Well, I’m already an ass so I might as well be a hypocritical ass that brings you expensive gifts because I’m shit and you’re not.”

I smile and walk toward him. He puts the bottle down, leans back against the counter, and crosses his legs and arms. If I’m going to ask for forgiveness, I’ll need to get rid of his defensive body language. I remove his hands from his chest and use my foot to uncross his legs so I can stand between them.

“You’re totally right, you know.”

I’m holding each of his hands in mine and rubbing my thumbs in lazy circles on them as he offers a tight smile.

“Yeah, I know.”

Internally, I roll my eyes because he’s a cocky s-o-b.

“Honest to God, I didn’t realize what I was doing. I mean, I knew, but not really. I’m not usually this selfish and I’m usually so much more aware.”

Charles nods in agreement, he knows me so well.

“I’ve been exclusively thinking about what you said and what I did ever since you left. I think I figured out why I behaved the way I did. I’m not trying to make excuses, but I’m wondering if I can try and explain so you can understand my unintentional intentions?”

I raise my hands up in silent prayer and Charles nods with agreement. He could teach college classes on how to give a proper silent treatment because he’s killing it right now.

“Okay. I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just go. I think I was worried you’d end up like that guy back in college, that a role reversal would be too big of a deal for you. Instead of talking about it, like the mature and responsible adult I should’ve been, and then waiting for you to be ready, like the respectable boyfriend I should’ve been, I put distance between us. I’m not sure, but I think it was to protect me? As if I’m not already fucking obsessed with you and attached to your damn hip. God, I’m so stupid!”

I groan at my own immaturity.

“I guess it snowballed from there. In my head, I blamed you for making a decision you didn’t know you made, I blamed you for the distance you didn’t know you needed, and I’ve been unconsciously angry with you for insecurities I worked up in my head. You’re not the guy from college! I know that!

“And about meeting my parents. Fuck, I’m an ass! I can’t believe I screwed that up so badly. I don’t know what to say, but I promise there’s no correlation between you and Jesse meeting my parents. I think it had more to do with the other thing and me putting distance between us, but I honestly don’t know for sure. Have I talked enough? Are we good?” I ask, feeling as though I’ve been babbling for way too long.

He smiles his genuine, show-stopping smile and gives me a peck on the cheek.

“Yeah. I love you, too.”

“Thank fucking, god. Can we please go two weeks without an issue? So far, I prefer the seven months before we were dating because there was so much less drama.”

I toss my head back in faux frustration when I feel Charlie’s body tense up.

“Oh, sure. Let’s go back to when I was secretly in love with you while you were in love with—and fucking, another guy. Yes, so much less drama...”

Oh my God! Can’t I stop being stupid? How can I be so dumb and still be alive? I fall to my knees and wrap myself around his legs.

“I‘m trash! Please don’t leave me. I’ll stop talking, I promise. Just don’t leave me.”

He laughs and pulls me up.

“Get up. I’ll give you the number for foot-in-mouth anonymous meetings. I think they hold them bi-weekly.”

I pull him into a much needed tight embrace, rest my forehead against his, and stare into his beautiful eyes. I’m so undeserving. I genuinely don’t deserve the love and affection that Charles gives to me. I’ve done nothing to deserve it.

“Charles, you’re better than me in every way.”

He smiles and then growls in a deep voice of need.

“I know. I love you, too.”

Without a moment's hesitation, we kiss. Weeks’ worth of garbage between us is finally thrown out and now we want nothing more than to ravage each other. At least, I want to ravage him and give him all sorts of apologies.

I want Charlie more with each passing day. At this point, it’s almost unbearable because we’ve barely touched for a month, which is totally my fault that I’m a fucking asshole.

Regretfully, I tear myself away from him, which is the last thing I want to do. The separation of our lips and his fingers against my flesh is almost painful. Despite the inconvenience I manage to speak.

“I have two questions.”

He tosses his head back and a deep groan emanates from his chest.

“Ugh. You sure know how to kill the mood. Four weeks, Colin!”

I pout as he looks at me with a devilish grin, God he’s such a cocky bastard! Finally, he sighs his resignation.

“Fine, ask away.”

He leans back against the counter. His hands are wrapped around my waist and I can feel his fingers strumming my lower back.

“Would you like to go with me to my parents’ for dinner tonight?”

He rolls his eyes and looks at his watch.

“Obviously, I do, but that means we should probably get going.”

He takes his hands off of my body, which makes me rethink dinner plans or anything that revolves around leaving the house.

“What’s your second question?”

He asks while adjusting the bulge in his pants. Other than seeing my dad at work, he’s going to see my parents for the first time since we’ve been dating. Actually, since we’ve been friends. He doesn’t need to go with a hardon.

“Can I blow you, right now?”

I reach for his waistband and slightly push it down.

“No. I hate it when you touch my dick,” he replies without hesitation.

Surprised by his response, I look at him. He rolls his eyes and chuckles.

Cocky fucking bastard.

That’s all I need. I waste no time pulling his pants down and taking him into my mouth. He’s already hard from the intense make-out session and maybe a little from my request to blow him.

Ideally, I’d make this last and edge him a few times before finally bringing him to completion in my mouth, but we need to get ready for dinner. So, I do my best work to make him cum as fast as possible.

My head’s bobbing and the only sound in the kitchen is the wet slurping of my mouth on his cock and quiet groans and hums from Charlie. It’s not long before I can feel his fingers tugging my hair, his abs starting to tighten and contract, and his hips buck forward as he shoves his hard cock down into my throat. My eyes water slightly from the unexpected depth as he thrusts, again, but this time, I’m ready and I let him fuck my mouth. I love knowing he’s close because of me.

“Colin--Oh god, Colin, you feel so good.”

I feel him trying to relax so he will last longer.

Oh no you don’t, Charlie.

I take him as deep as I can, then relax and swallow his hard cock until my nose hits his pelvis.

“Ahh! Ho-ly shit!”

I continue sucking hard and I slowly pull back. His fingers grip clumps of my hair as he bends over me, shoving my face into his groin again and spurts all of his cum into my mouth. I suck until the final ropes of cum finish landing on my tongue before I pull his pants up and gently put everything away. I stand and wipe the last of his cum from my lips. I’m as nonchalant as anyone can be when they still have fresh cum in their mouth.

“Alright, why don’t you change for dinner? We really need to be going.”

He leans back against the counter and, with an exhausted huff.

“Give me thirty seconds.”

I smile to myself as I look at Charlie, whose face is flushed and breathing is labored. Fuck, my boyfriend is so hot. I did that to him.

 

* * CHARLES * *

“I can’t believe this is you.”

I’ve seen these family pictures several times before. I’ve stared at pictures of their son countless times, but now, it’s as if I’m looking at them for the very first time. Who knew I’d been looking at pictures of the man I’d one day be in love with.

“It’s true.”

Colin’s blushing because he hates reliving his youth, but I don’t care because I want to know and see it all! I tease him.

“You were adorable. A pocket version of your current self. Similar to a Polly Pocket, except a Stanley Pocket.”

“I don’t like that reference.”

His dad barks at the comment, “Oh, but I do! That’s perfect.”

“Dad, don’t encourage his behavior,” he looks at his dad and then back and me, “and I wasn’t cute. Not even a little.”

“Yes, you were. Look at this,” I point at a picture on the wall.

It’s a candid photo of him and his dad. He looks to be about fifteen, but it’s hard to tell because he looks young in all of his pictures.

“Look at that face. Your laugh is beautiful and those hazel eyes. Sheesh, they’re shining like a thousand stars.”

I can’t look away. I don’t care what anyone says, he’s Colin and he’s perfect. He always was and always will be. He looks at me, skeptically.

“And the braces?”

I smile.

“Endearing.”

“The glasses?”

I shoot him a surprised look which quickly turns to a deep fire of desire. He knows what he does to me when he wears glasses.

“Seriously? Especially the glasses.”

He blushes, again, and his dad interrupts our foreplay of words to tease Colin.

“I agree. Stanley Pocket was the cutest.”

Collin whines. Clearly embarrassed, he slides his hand down his face.

“Daaaaad!”

I smile as my eyes dart from photo to photo through the timeline that is Colin’s life. From baby, to happy toddler, to goofy pre-teen, to ultra geeky teenager, and now, super hunky boyfriend of mine.

* * *

“Your parents are really great. I like them better as my boyfriend’s parents than I do as my parent’s friends or as my boss,” I tell him as we drive down the hill from his parents’ house.

“Yeah, being my boyfriend does have some perks.”

I pat the dash of his car, “Like riding in this badass grocery getter?”

“Don’t be jealous, Charlie. This car is awesome and you know it.”

His hand rubs the steering wheel, consoling her against my vicious insults.

“Yes, I love that I can eat in here and not worry about ruining this fine, made in China, interior.”

He looks at me in horror and runs his finger across his throat in a threatening manner.

“If you spill food in here, I’ll murder you.”

I’ll never understand the love affair he has with this car. He quickly changes the subject and asks.

“Are you going to stay the night, tonight?”

I shrug, “I don’t know, it’s Sunday. You never want to stay the night with me on Sunday.”

He may have apologized and I’ve definitely forgiven him, but I’m still hurt. Sue me for being a flawed man. He looks over at me and arches his brow.

“I’m sorry about being a dick. I really want you to come over. I’ll make it worth your time.”

“Oh. Well, that does give me something to consider,” I look at him with a teasing smile. “What, exactly, am I considering?”

With a serious face, he says, “I’ll let you have my ass. I need a good pounding after the way I’ve behaved today. You can slide your thick dick in and out of my ass tonight and have your way with it. I’ll make all of the noises for you, just the way you like it.”

Oh, sweet Jesus! I wasn’t expecting that. Instantly, all of my blood bee lines south of the border and I feel the need to adjust my pants.

“Colin, you don’t have—”

“I know I don’t have to, but don’t you think I want to? I’ve wanted you in every way possible since the week before I moved back into my apartment and it feels like it’s been years since then. Don’t get me wrong, what we’ve been doing is awesome, amazing, and earth shattering, but imagine how much better it could be. I think about it all of the time! I’m going to get fired for public indecency because I have a perpetual boner at work because of you. Dammit, Charlie!” He slaps his hand down, hard, smacking the steering wheel for effect. “I think about fucking your brains out in the shower and you pounding my ass in the bed and that’s only for starters. I won’t be okay with exclusively bottoming forever, but come on, Charlie!”

He starts to imitate a toddler’s temper tantrum by bouncing in his seat and crying out.

“I. Want. Your. Dick. I’m hard as hell from thinking about it. I’ll beg you, I’ll blow you, and I’ll do anything you want!” His hands slide over his bulge as he adjusts himself into a more comfortable position.

Damn. Between his begging me to take his ass and watching him squirm with arousal, I’m about ready to bust a nut! He’s right though, he does need a little punishing so I think I’ll tease him for a while.

“I want to be clear. I don’t want any misunderstandings.”

He’s watching me, intently, and ready to confirm any question I have.

“What you’re saying is—you want me to come to your house—”

He nods.

“Take you to bed—”

His nodding increases.

“Slide my hard cock inside of you, while your knees are pulled to your chest, and hit your prostate over and over while I’m passionately filling your mouth with my tongue or maybe running my tongue down your neck and leaving love bites all over your body…marking you? You want me to slowly caress your cock while you writhe under me? That’s what you want?”

His head drops back against the headrest and he groans out his response.

“Yesss.”

I slide my hand toward his knee and slowly inch my way toward his erection.

“Or do you want me to flip you over so you’re lying on your stomach? I’d hook my arms around your shoulders as every part of my body touches every part of your body as I grind my cock deep into your ass and slowly burrow further and further inside. Each thrust will move you forward enough for you to taste the friction you desire, but not enough to bring you to orgasm.”

My hand brushes hard enough over his denim bulge so he can feel it, but not enough to offer the stimulation he so desperately wants. I'm watching him closely as he desperately nods his head.

“Sure. That sounds like fun.”

We’re minutes from his house so I innocently pull my hand away from him and back to my lap, leaving him high and dry. Sensing the sudden loss of my hand, he growls.

“Fuck you.”

I lean toward him and run my finger slowly down his cheek and, dropping my voice to a deep, gravelly husk, I say.

“No, Colin. I’m going to fuck you.”

I hear him moan as he pulls into the garage, after which, I get a good look at Colin’s ass as we practically run upstairs.

Damn, he has a beautiful, round booty. I can’t wait to take it.

Colin waiting for me and we collide the second I step into the kitchen.

“Hmpf.”

Our lips meet and I hope they never part as we savagely rip jackets and shirts from our bodies. Colin forcefully grabs me and backs me against the hall wall. I feel his soft lips moving down my neck as he slowly makes his way to my collarbone.

Overwhelmed with passion, I take over and push Colin to the opposite wall. We ping pong down the hall while taking turns to passionately slam and dominate each other with all of the lust and desire that’s been building for months. We unzip pants and grope each other along the way so, by the time we reach the bed, we’ve completely eradicated ourselves of any barriers.

I throw Colin onto the bed, wrap my tongue around his cock, and start licking it like a kid with a five cent lollipop. I take his hard cock into my mouth and simultaneously, and slowly, apply suction to it, swirl my tongue around it, and twist it with my hand as I bob my head up and down over it.

I can hear Colin quickly losing himself as his fingers stake claim of my hair and his legs are failing to find solid ground. His moans get louder and his breathing quickens as I suck him closer to completion.

“Charlie. That feels so good. Oh, my god.”

His cries grow louder and longer the more I work him. I wet one finger and slide it over his perineum and toward his bud. I can feel his breath intake sharply as I apply pressure without actually penetrating.

“Ah. Ugh. Hmf!”

All I hear is strangled cries as he releases rope after rope of cum into my mouth. I continue softly sucking until he’s completely done, then I slowly let his cock slip out of my mouth.

“Sleepy time.”

As he smiles and lays one arm to rest over his face, I climb over him and plant kisses along the way. My dick is harder than ever.

“You have thirty seconds before we go, again.”

He laughs and I smile at his reaction. Thirty seconds has become our universal time frame for everything.

“Colin, the night is young, there’s no work tomorrow, and you promised me big and wonderful things that I’ve been craving for the better part of a year.”

I kiss and bite his neck and shoulders. He’s pretty much goo on the bed, but he still reacts to my touch and he murmurs.

“Oh, yes. I want you so bad. I want you inside of me, so bad. I want it, give it to me. I want everything.”

As I explore every inch of him, I continue to tell him all of the things I want to do and all of the ways I want to take him. I do this for a while as I simply love and savor every inch of his body.

I never thought this moment would come. I never thought I’d be here in bed, with Colin, and getting ready to make love to him.

He’s already starting to get hard, again, from all of the gentle touching and listening to the dirty talk. I start to softly grind our cocks together, making sure he’s really worked up. With no emotion in my voice, I whisper into his ear.

“Colin, I don’t want to fuck you.”

In a panic, Colin tries to sit up, but I have him pinned down. He’s clawing at me and peppering my face with kisses as he begs me not to leave him high and dry.

“What! Charlie, no! Please. I promise, I want this so bad. I’m so sorry for everything I said. I promise. Please!”

I reply firmly and without room for negotiation.

“No. You said you’d make it worth my time if I stay the night.”

Colin starts pleading, but I put my mouth on his and kiss him deep and hard.

“I will. I promise!”

Finally, I release his lips and enunciate each word carefully and clearly as I say.

“Colin, I want you to fuck me.”

 

* * COLIN * *

“Oh.”

Oh, fuck.

If it’s possible, my erection has reached diamond status. Charlie’s voice is filled with arousal as he purrs his confirmation.

“Oh, yeah.”

I feel him kiss all of the sweet spots on my neck which makes me go wild. I’m so excited, but I have to be sure.

“Oh, fuck yeah. Are you sure, Charlie?”

I don’t want him to feel pressured, but I definitely want this. He stops kissing me.

“Yes. I’ve been as ready as I’ll ever be for a while. I want you to have every part of me and I want every part of you.”

Oh, sweet Jesus. This man is going to kill me.

We change positions so Charlie’s on his back. Now it’s my turn to love him and show him pleasure beyond anything he’s ever known.

Fuck.

At least, that’s the plan. Suddenly I’m very aware that Charles’ sexual experiences far outnumber my own.

Besides a terrible three month stint in college, my only sexual experience was with Jesse and we were both as inexperienced as they come. Our lack of experience made everything we did seem amazing, but now I’m talking about Charles Gabett, the professional playboy and Casanova of many men.

Shit. I’m nervous as fuck.

I feel my insecurities start to get the best of me and I sit up and stare at him. My chest begins to tighten and it’s becoming harder to breathe.

Oh, god! Do NOT have another anxiety attack right now. This has got to be the worst kind of performance anxiety there is.

“What’s wrong, Colin?”

Don’t tell him. Pull yourself together. I take a deep breath before speaking.

“Nothing, I’m only looking at you. You’re too good for me, you know that?”

I know my smile is strangled, but I’m not lying. Charlie really is a cut above the rest and that’s part of the problem.

“I doubt that.”

His blue eyes are on fire with lust for me. It’s a concept I still have a hard time grasping. He has his arms folded behind his head and his blonde hair makes him perfectly yummy. Without breaking eye contact a small smirk appears.

“Well, maybe, yeah.”

Cocky bastard.

I’m straddling Charlie’s hips and our cocks are rubbing against each other as I lean forward and run my hands over his hard torso. God, his muscles! Yum!

“Charlie, you’ve had numerous sexual partners and, by the way, that’s a very conservative number.”

Knowing it’s true, we both laugh.

“Yet, here you are with me, letting me love you! Have you seen yourself lately? You’re fucking gorgeous, Charlie. You’re a thirteen, hanging out with a six and a half.”

I scour his body to see his beautifully sculpted arms, muscular tummy, and sexy waist. Everything about him is perfection. I’m jerked from my intense study session when Charlie starts talking.

“Not from where I’m lying.”

He starts to run his hands up my stomach, which sends a heatwave through my body. He sits up so we’re face to face.

“Colin, if I’m a thirteen then you’re a fifteen. Everything about you drives me crazy in the best possible way. I love your brown hair and how it looks when it’s styled for work, or sweaty at the gym, or ruffled in the morning.”

He runs his fingers through my hair, moves his hands to my face, and runs his thumbs around my eyes. His eyes dart back and forth between mine so as to soak in every ounce me.

“Your eyes have so much depth, I can easily get lost in them, forever. The colors dance and change like a chameleon and they show all of your emotions.”

He’s staring at me with so much raw emotion, I almost have to look away before I burst into flames. His touch, his words, and his eyes are too much for me.

“You have enough Greek in you that your perfect skin has a slight tan all year.”

His hands sensually move down my arms and every time his fingers move across my skin, a new line of dominos is set off within my body.

“Charlie, you’re the perfect size for me. You’re tall, but not so tall that I feel short. You’re muscles are perfect, your arms are beautiful, and your stomach is hot.”

He tosses his head back and moans as he runs his fingers down my stomach. I’m watching and trying, desperately, to see what he sees when he says.

“I’ve always been naturally muscular, I can’t help it, but it’s your incredibly strong, but not bulky, lithe body that I prefer. Every time I touch you, I can feel all of your muscles, your strength, and please don’t get me started on your butt!”

He reaches around and squeezes my ass, which makes me jump forward and causes our cocks to rub together.

Oh, fuck.

I let out some sort of an animalistic growl as a result.

“You have the best ass I’ve ever seen and that’s the honest truth.”

He runs his hands up my back and pulls me down with him. We start kissing, again, and get lost within each other. Any insecurity I had has evaporated with Charlie’s words of affirmation and gentle touches, but it figures, Charlie always knows what to say and do.

With my confidence back and the eminent threat of an anxiety attack neutralized, I take control of the situation. I start by kissing Charlie’s body and savoring and enjoying all of the things I love about him, such as his smooth and creamy skin, playing connect the dots with his moles, his strong chest, and amazing hands.

I inch my way down until I meet his throbbing cock. He’s been hard for quite a while so I can imagine how uncomfortable he must be. I begin to lick up and down his shaft and taste the precum that’s been leaking. I slide down to his balls and take my time as I begin to lick each one.

I hear Charlie making cute noises and he’s right…it is sexy. He props up on his left elbow so he can watch me and I can feel the fingers of his right hand tangle in my hair.

I’m watching him watch me service him. His blue eyes are darker than usual and full of heat, desire, lust, and primal need. I can see a flash of fear in his eyes as I push his knees up, but more so, I see trust and love.

He thinks I have a perfect ass? Shit, mines nothing compared to his. I move down and begin to run my tongue around his tight bud and Charlie gasps at the sudden contact.

“Holy, shit.”

No longer able to keep himself propped up, he flops onto his back and arches it as I continue to run my tongue in circles and figure eights which, while hitting all of the right spots to drive him wild, causes him to feel a pleasure he’s never experienced before.

“Oh-my-god, Colin. I never knew. Argh! Colin, Baby. Argh. Oh-my-god, oh-my-god.”

I run my finger tip through Charlie’s precum and hold it against his asshole, return my mouth to his shaft, and run my tongue around the perimeter. He thrusts his hips forward as I gently press my finger forward until it’s completely inside of him as he groans.

“Oh, mmm.”

I continue sucking his cock as I add a second finger to his asshole and, eventually, a third. I’m tempted to press against his prostate, but I want to wait because he’s already so close to cumming and I’m not ready for him to cum…yet. He pants hard as his chest heaves uncontrollably.

“Colin, I’m going to cum.”

“What do you want me to do?” I ask. I want him to be so hot he begs.

“I want you.”

“You want me to—what?”

“I want you to sweetly fuck me. Make love to me. I’ve never wanted a dick in my ass, but you make me want it.”

Hearing him begging sends my body into overdrive. I start kissing him, whispering sweet things, and keep my hips away from him because I’m afraid any extra stimulation is going to make me cum. I reach for the lube on the nightstand, put plenty of it inside of him, and slather my cock with it before I line up, lean forward, and ask.

“Are you ready, baby?”

“Oh, god yes.”

He grabs my face, pulls me down, and kisses me long and hard. I take advantage of his distracted state to slightly press forward and it causes him to moan, but he doesn’t stop kissing me.

I can feel his resistance as his anal sphincter clamps down on my cock. I’m already on the edge so if he continues to do that, this whole thing is going to end before it starts, it doesn’t matter that I already came once, I’m rapidly approaching the finish line for a second time.

“Don’t worry, baby, relax and try to push me out.”

I feel him relax, only slightly, but it’s a little easier to push past his sphincter. His facial expression tells me he’s experiencing pain so I pause because I want this to be enjoyable for him. I don’t want him to hurt more than he has to.

“Do you want me to stop, baby?”

“No, it’s not that painful, it’s just uncomfortable. I don’t want you to stop, please don’t stop.”

From my own experience, I know he’s feeling pain. I also know he’s feeding me bullshit, but he’s also looking at me with eyes full of passion and desire. Pain versus pleasure? It’s a fine line.

I inch forward, wanting to thrust, but knowing it’s not time, yet. As I begin to think it’s too much for me to go any further, I bottom out against his pubic bone…I’m all of the way inside of him.

“The hardest part is over, Charlie. You’re officially not a virgin anymore.”

I smile and kiss his lips.

“Just so you know, I’m so fucking close. Try to stay relaxed because if you flex your ass I’m going to be a goner and you’re going to be very disappointed.”

I laugh, although it’s not really funny. I’m trying to impress Charlie so maybe humor will take my mind off of the fact that I have my dick all of the way inside of his tight, virgin ass.

“Okay, I’ll try to remember. You can fuck me now, if you want.”

“Well, that’s good and I’m happy for you, but I’m not waiting for your approval. I’m trying to calm myself down.”

I can’t look at him because his messy hair and blue eyes aren’t helping my situation! He’s too fucking sexy! I allow him to get used to my size, first, before slowly starting to slide in and out of his ass. It’s not long before I’m thrusting and pumping at a steady rhythm that feels so good, I can’t help but moan.

“Oh, fuck, baby. Your tight ass feels incredible.”

Charlie’s clawing my back and the look on his face is nothing short of unbridled pleasure. I love feeling him lose control. I continue to thrust between his legs as I try to go deeper and harder each time and I begin to feel the beginning stages of my own climax.

“Charlie! Shit! The way you make me feel—”

I begin to pound harder toward my own orgasm, but I don’t want to leave him high and dry so I bend him a little more, pressing his thighs to his chest so I can, hopefully, hit his prostate.

“Me, too. I love— Shit, argh, what was…ugh. Oh, my god.”

Thank fucking God.

I want to keep this angle so Charlie will come apart before I do. He arches his back, his eyes are closed, his mouth is open, and I can feel his fingers digging into my hip. Knowing he’s losing control because of me only fuels me on.

“Oh-my-god, oh-my-god. I need to cum, Colin. Oh--”

I start pounding him harder and harder as my own impending climax causes my stomach to tighten and my balls to pull tight. I reach for Charlie’s cock and the second my fingers touch it, he explodes rope after rope after rope between our bodies. He releases the deepest, sexiest sound I’ve ever heard as his fingers continue to dig into my hips so hard, the pain from his pleasure sends me over the edge. I thrust a few more times before cumming deep within Charlie’s body. I ride the orgasm for what feels like an eternity before my body gives out and I collapse on top of him.

I prop myself up for a moment as I collect my breath. I haven’t ever cum that hard. Watching Charlie in the throes of passion is, hands down, the most erotic thing I’ve ever seen.

I stare at his totally relaxed, sated, and completely at peace face. I can’t help myself as I lean down and gently pepper his face with kisses and he simply smiles. Beads of sweat have gathered along his hairline and his face is glistening with a light layer of perspiration. His chest is rising and falling quickly as he recovers from our intense love making. I can see his chest vibrating from his heartbeat, his arms are lying lifeless next to his body, and his legs are barely propped up on either side of me. Charlie’s breathing is labored as he tries to catch his breath, but he finally manages to speak.

“Oh, baby, that was nothing like I’d imagined. It was so much better, but then again, everything’s better with you.”

I smile. He’s fucking adorable.

“Mm-hm. Charlie, you’re amazing, watching you is amazing, making love to you is amazing, and being able to experience this with you is amazing.”

He finally opens his adorable blue eyes and I can see a future for us in them, no doubt about it. I start to get up, but Charlie pulls me back down and frowns.

“I didn’t peg you for a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy.”

“No worries, I’m only going to clean up. Is that okay? I’ll be back in thirty seconds.”

I wink and walk to the bathroom. After I finish cleaning up, I crawl back onto the bed and burrow against Charlie.

I don’t know why I can’t say it. Why can’t I tell him that I love him? I know I do and I know he knows it, too, but the words get lost on my tongue. I have no doubt that this is right and Charlie is the end game.

 

* * CHARLES * *

I open my eyes and it only takes a moment to remember where I am and why. I pull the comforter up and cover part of my face, so as to leave only my eyes exposed, and smile as last night’s events flash through my mind.

It’s not a fantasy…it’s real. My movie is coming along nicely. Production was slow, at first, but it’s working itself out and I’m more than happy with the results. I watch Colin for a moment because I can, because he’s mine.

Eventually, I have to stop and use the bathroom. If there’s any chance I’d forget what went down last night, getting out of bed forces my body to remember.

Ouch.

I feel guilty about all of the men I smashed and dashed. Did they feel as alone and sore as I do when they woke up the next morning?

I try not to overthink the complex nature of bottoming. Being a top is so simple, but last night was nothing I’d ever experienced before, yet something I’d be okay getting used to…at least with Colin.

As much as I’d love to lay with Colin all morning, I know I’ll go stir-crazy waiting for him to wake up plus, I want coffee. Of course, there’s nothing here at Colin’s apartment to help me with that and I don’t want to get dressed to go downstairs to Brew’d Awakening because I’m feeling rather lazy this morning, and sore. No need to walk around in public like a cowboy after a long ride.

I turn on the news and walk to the kitchen. Maybe I’ll have tea. Ugh, it’s not ideal, but, whatever. My eyes see something that’s not been here before and I stop in my tracks. Ha! On the counter is a brand new coffee maker—a nice one, too. I remember one day when Colin said he’d never own one.

His exact words were, I shouldn’t have to buy a coffee maker for the random guest that might have a craving for coffee. If they want coffee they can walk their happy ass downstairs. Their addiction is not my problem. Yet, here I stand, in his kitchen, opening a brand new coffee maker he bought for me. I believe this says something about how he feels. He must plan on me being here enough to justify his purchase. At least I hope so.

No, Colin hasn’t told me he loves me, yet. At least, not with his words. Not outside of his teasing and joking, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t told me by other means. He absolutely says it every day with his actions, the way he looks at me, the things he does for me, and the way he touches me.

I sit on the couch and watch the news while I drink the coffee that I hope signifies so much more than caffeine. I’m hoping this coffee is his way of telling me that he loves me. How desperate is that? I try not to think about it because I’m on a high from finding his gift. I’m feeling confident, at this moment, about how Colin feels about me because it’s not always like this.

Most of the time, I feel insecure. I’ve told him how I feel, heck, I told him I loved him on day one so he knows I’m all in. By this point, in his relationship with Jesse, he was bubbling and barely able to contain himself with the love he felt. I know I need to stop comparing, but it’s so hard not to. I silently berate myself.

Suddenly, Colin interrupts my thoughts with his deep morning voice, which makes me jump, slightly.

“I see you found the newest thing to clutter my kitchen,” he lifts my blanket, crawls underneath, and settles next to me.

“Yeah, I’m surprised. What happened to making everyone ‘walk their happy ass downstairs’? I used air quotes to emphasize his hypocritical nature.

“Well, I was hoping it would keep ‘someone’s happy ass’ in my bed, but I’m starting to think I’ll never wake up to a warm body,” he leans over and kisses my shoulder.

“I see. Coffee for sex, huh? For a minute there, I thought you might actually like me.”

He chuckles lightly, snuggles his body closer to mine, leans into my ear, and whispers, “We don’t want you thinking crazy things.”

That definitely would be terrible. I know he’s teasing me and it makes me smile, but insecurity is a tricky thing. It knows how to wedge itself into the exact spot you don’t want it.

Colin produces my phone from under the blanket and hands it to me before curling up into a ball and resting his head on my shoulder.

“By the way, you’re phone’s been buzzing.”

I smile when he tries hard to hide his curiosity as he watches me unlock my phone. Jealous are we?

“How am I supposed to sneak around if you’re spying on me?” I tilt my phone away from him and continue, “It’s probably Grindr Guy, anyway. I’ll meet with him later on.”

“Funny.”

He grabs my wrist, pulls my hand, so he can see my phone, and reads my text aloud.

Char Char. Won’t be in Portland next weekend. Had to postpone the trip for a few weeks. Looking forward to meeting Colin. I’ll keep you updated. xoxo Mommy Dearest.

He releases my hand and smiles, “Grindr sure has changed a lot.” He looks at me with an evil grin and teasingly asks. “When was the last time you were on Grindr, Char Char?”

“This isn’t gonna be a ‘thing’. You’re not calling me Char Char.”

I get off of the couch to refill my coffee and start water for Colin’s tea.

“I’ll call you whatever I want.”

“Okay, but know this. I’ll never pop a boner again if you’re calling me Char Char. Too many connections to my parents. Not sexy at all.”

Colin’s whole demeanor changes.

“Okay, so Char Char is off of the table. It’s been officially trashed,” he’s zipping his lips and tossing the invisible key as he follows me into the kitchen where he sits down at the island across from me. I can’t help but smile. He’s so cute.

“But you didn’t answer my question.”

I look at him, confused, so he refreshes my memory.

“Grindr.”

“Ah.”

I have to think for a second because it’s been a while. I don’t have the Grindr app on my phone anymore, for obvious reasons.

“Our friendiversary was in October?”

He nods his head yes and smiles.

“Well, I guess a few weeks before that. Four months ago-ish?”

“Oh.”

He doesn’t sound happy and he’s anxiously tapping his fingers on the surface of the butcher block.

“I thought you hadn’t had sex since May or whatever?”

“Correct,” I confirm as I clean up some coffee I’d spilled.

“I’m confused. You haven’t had sex, but you’re still on Grindr?”

“Grindr isn’t exclusively sex. I’ve definitely done other things since May.”

Colin looks at me with surprise and a humorous smile stretches across my face.

“Colin, you didn’t think I was completely celibate from May until we started fooling around, did you?”

“Yes, I definitely thought that. When someone says they’re not having sex, it usually means everything. All things that are sexually related are mutually inclusive.”

“All things are sexually related, yes, but not all things are sex, as in, sexual intercourse.”

“Charlie, anything that’s said or done to sexually arouse someone, whether they’re a partner or yourself, is a sexual act. Fucking a butt with your cock is the ultimate of all sex acts. So blow jobs, hand jobs, passionate kissing, feeling, licking, fingering, and etc. are all sex!”

I laugh. He’s certifiably nuts! He furrows his brows and with a stubborn huff.

“Whatever.”

I’m very surprised by the direction this innocent conversation is going so I turn to face him completely.

“Are you actually upset about this?”

“Yes! I mean, you’ve been going on and on about how you haven’t had sex, but it’s a total lie!”

I take a calming breath. I don’t want to start a fight and Colin isn’t his best self in the morning.

“Colin, there were several times, while you were with Jesse, when you talked about waiting for sex. Yet, you were raving about a killer blowjob you gave him. Same with you and me. According to you, we’ve been doing everything except sex. Those were your words specifically. So which is it? Because according to the definition you’ve been personally applying to yourself, last night is the first time I’ve had sex since May.”

He looks at me for a minute before he sighs and his body relaxes.

“Fuck. Maybe, but it really sucks to know you were with other guys doing other shit.”

“Yeah? Well, at least I didn’t tell you all of the details.”

He cringes, “Why didn’t you?”

“Because I loved you and I knew you already thought I was some rich douchebag that only cared about sex and money. Even as friends, I didn’t want you to look down at me. Plus, I didn’t do it often—three or four times is all! It was always a knee jerk reaction to something you said or did. I worried it’d be too obvious and you’d connect the dots.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. Not only is it stupid, it’s in the past where I’d like it to stay.”

I smile as I’m hoping to drop this whole thing.

“Please, tell me?”

Ugh.

“Okay,” I sit down on a bar chair. “I hooked up with Grindr Guy, his name is Eric—”

“La la la la! I don’t need to know any details!”Colin covers his ears with his hands.

Confused by his response, I ask, “Isn’t the whole point of this conversation because you want details? You can’t keep cherry picking. It’s all or nothing.”

He reluctantly motions for me to continue.

“Okay, then. I’d call Eric for blowjobs and such when I needed to distance myself from you.” I think back to the most frustrating times during the first six months of our friendship. “The first time was when you told me you were in love with Jesse. The second time was when you said you two were going to have sex. The third time was when you told me you were going to ask Jesse to move in with you. Oh, and the fourth time was after the Bend trip. Yes, four times.”

“Okay, so you’ve only messed around with him four times, but never had sex.”

He reiterates the information to himself and I shake my head.

“No. I messed around with Eric three times and we had sex a couple of times. I found a different guy, in Bend, after you and Jesse left the lake house.”

Colin’s face is turning red and he shouts.

“I thought you weren’t having sex!”

“Oh, my god! Stop yelling at me! Eric is Grindr Guy. I had sex with Grindr Guy! You know that! The night you bought your car…remember? Twice before that night and a couple more before I stopped having sex. In fact, he was the last person I had sex with. He was still okay with fooling around, so I called him when needed.”

I’m frustrated because he’s getting upset about this. At the time, we were only friends and he had a boyfriend.

“I understand this conversation isn’t awesome, but you don’t have the right to be upset with me. Yes, my past sucks, compared to yours. I’ve reformed myself. I’d say four sexual encounters over an eight month period is fucking amazing. To take it one step further, since I’ve met you, I’ve only been with three guys…including you! I’m proud of that so please stop looking at me as if I still only care about superficial things. You don’t get to judge the Charles you didn’t know!”

As we look at each other for a moment, our eyes are locked and his are as hard as stone. I’m not wrong and I’m not out of line. I won’t back down from this. Suddenly, all of the anger leaves his body and he says.

“Dammit, you’re right. You’re always fucking right!” He walks toward me and stands between my legs. His eyes are no longer hard with anger, but soft with morning sleep and framed by his glasses. “I feel as though I’m always apologizing to you. Honest to God, I was never this stupid with Jesse. I don’t know why, but you terrify me.”

This concept takes me by surprise as he wraps his arms around my waist and rests his head on my chest.

“You’re terrified of me? I can’t imagine why?”

“Yes. Terrified. I don’t know why, either. You constantly affirm me and, yet, I’m always scared I’m not good enough for you. I do know it makes me do and say stupid shit. I was insecure with Jesse, but nothing compared to how I feel with you. Fuck, I’m such a cry baby.”

He laughs and gently pounds his head against my chest.

“Yeah, yeah. I love you, too.”

He looks at me, rolls his eyes, and tries to walk away, but I pull his arm toward me as I bend forward and propel Colin over my shoulder.

“You're not getting away that easy.”

“What the fuck are you doing?”

He swats my butt as I start carrying him to the bedroom.

“I’m going to give you something to cry about.”

“Fuck.”

“Precisely.”