Shorts and Prompts - 7. Chapter 7- Prompt 689- If you die on me, I'll never forgive you.

“If you die on me, I will never forgive you.”

I wanted to take the words back as soon as I said them.

I saw the alarm and wild panic in his eyes, but I also saw what he was trying desperately to say without any words.

He loved me. He was sorry. He didn’t want to die.

Desperately trying to control my quaking voice, I whispered, “I love you. I will always love you. I’m not leaving you. I’m right here.”

His eyes shone bright at my words. Tears rolled out of the corners of his eyes. I squeezed his hand tightly.

The EMT in the ambulance tried to say something, but I cut him off. I didn’t want to hear him say it. I knew. I knew Dex was leaving me. I knew I was never going to have him hold me again. He was never going to remind me to eat, or put my drink on a coaster. I knew I wouldn’t ever hear his laugh, or hear him call me ‘Sweets’ in that teasing way of his.

Dex knew it too. He still had that fearful, pained look, and I felt powerless to help him.

I went to my knees, still gripping onto his hand. I looked into his eyes. Hard as it was, I tried to be strong. I started telling him about when we first met. I told him how his smile was the first thing I fell in love with. That I’d already known by the end of our first date, I’d love him forever. I reminded him of all the things he already knew I loved about him, and all the things I loved that we’d done together. I told him how happy he’d made me every day, and I was proud of the life we’d had together.

“I love you…I love you.” I kissed his lips.

Then I told him he could go.

My heart cracked.

I told him it was okay to let go.

I was lying when I told him I’d be okay, because I knew I’d never be okay again. But I wanted him to be okay with leaving, so I lied.

My heart shattered.

Dex was fading. I stroked his arm, rested my head on his chest, gave him a cuddle, and I continued talking to him.

I stopped for a moment when the EMT looked at his watch. He caught me, before briefly making some notes. I ignored him as he slowly switched off the monitors, leaned over, and whispered to the driver. I felt the vehicle slow down. Heard the sirens turn off.

Even though his eyes were dull and Dex’s fingers felt slack, I kept talking. I kept talking because if I stopped, I would hear the silence in the ambulance and it would be real.

Dex was gone.

I’d have nothing. I swallowed down the bile, and kept talking.