Shorts and Prompts - 4. Off Limits

Tires crunched on gravel outside just as we were about to sit down to dinner.

“He’s here!” Lea called out, running toward the front door.

He was her best friend Iggy, who was home to spend the Thanksgiving break with us.

I pushed down the sudden flare of excitement that rose within my chest, and schooled my expression into one of genial interest. That ended when Lea dragged him into the dining room. My jaw fell slack. I was vaguely aware of Dylan and Mom scraping back their chairs to welcome Ignacio.

When I had seen him last, Ignacio was graduating high school, and heading off to college. Even then, I was fully aware of my growing feelings for the boy, who had spent all of his free time in my home. He was a kid then, and now, he was … well, he wasn’t. I watched attentively as his muscles bunched beneath his shirt while he hugged everyone.

Catching myself, I rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans, cautiously glancing around to see if anyone had noticed my staring. I caught my mother’s eye, and she held my gaze for a stern second.

Before his parents died in the accident, Ignacio was a fixture in our house – just another one of the kids. His elderly uncle had stepped in to take care of him, but he too passed some months ago. Lea, Dylan and Ignacio became even closer, so Ignacio was for all purposes, family. Which was why, when I started feeling inappropriate romantic and sexual desire for him, I began to pull away.

I took my family away on their vacation breaks. Not inviting Ignacio along was a purposeful attempt at self-preservation. I foolishly thought I’d given myself enough time to get over whatever this was I had been feeling.

Before I realized it, Ignacio was beside my chair, waiting. I swallowed deeply, and by the time I could properly stand, his arms were around me. I tried to think of him as the kid he had been, not the man he had obviously become. I tried not to feel how strong his arms were. I tried not to inhale his intoxicating smell of warm sweat and spice. Desire lit up my insides. My skin tightened, and then my body betrayed me, as a shiver coursed through me and his arms tightened. I was not prepared for the puff of warm, soft breath as his lips moved against my neck. For a moment, everything fell away and I was filled with the awareness of him.

“I’m so glad to be home,” he whispered.

“It’s good to see you too, Ignacio.” I formed my lips into what I hoped was a smile.

Lea giggled, snapping me back into realization. “You’re still the only one who calls him Ignacio, Dad. So weird.”

I sought Ignacio’s eyes, and his lips twitched as his met mine. “Not weird to me. He always made me feel grown up.”

He gazed fixedly at me, and the knot tightened in my stomach.

“Let’s sit and eat, before it all goes cold.” My mother’s sharp voice sliced through the undercurrent.

Dinner was a flurry of chatter as Iggy filled us in on his classes and what he’d been up to. It allowed me to remain quiet and observe him unheeded. His hair was still a mass of uncontrolled curls. I wondered what it would feel like untangling them with my fingers, but then quickly shook my head free of the thought. His voice had deepened, but still had the same silvery quality. I recognized parts of the adolescent boy I’d been drawn to. My eyes followed every curve of his mouth as he chattered on. While my brain struggled to keep the mental image I had preserved of ‘boy’ Iggy, my libido was having no problem responding to Ignacio. I shifted uneasily in my chair and forced another bite of food into my mouth.

“It seems like you’re finding your way with Dylan still at home and Lea two hours away,” I pointed out.

“I am, but Lea and I talk almost every day, and then there’s Skype.”

“It’s torture, Dad. I’m happy Gran got sick so we couldn’t travel this year. We’re all together.” Lea cast an apologetic glance at her grandmother. “I missed being with Iggy.”

Ignacio shoved his shoulder into Lea, and she put her head on it. They really were two peas in a pod. Had I selfishly kept these two apart? Was an inappropriate crush really worth the potential damage to their friendship? Was it worth hurting my kids?

“Aww, LeeLee,” Ignacio teased. “I missed you too. All of you,” he added, his eyes sweeping around the table. My body warmed as they landed on me.

The conversation continued, in between my mother clearing the table and bringing out ice cream and pie. I listened absently, making appropriate noises when warranted. In truth, I was distracted by the upturn of Ignacio’s lip when he smiled, the way his Adam’s apple moved against his throat when he laughed, his tongue when it peeked between his teeth. As my fingers tightened around the fork for the hundredth time, I counted to ten and excused myself to my office.

I had no idea how long I sat at my desk before the knock on the door sounded. I knew immediately who it was.

“Come in,” I called. The door pushed open and Ignacio stood there, looking unsure. I waved him in.

The minute he closed the door, the room felt too small and my ears filled with a whoosh, clouding my thoughts. My body felt jittery so I stayed sitting, my fingers cramping around the beer bottle I was holding.

“Was there something you wanted?”

“Um…yeah. Lea is talking with Dyl, and Gran, but I wanted to know if it was okay for us to meet up with some friends?”

“Yeah. Sure. Just be careful, and if you’re drinking call me.”

“Robert? We’re not allowed to drink.”

I raised my eyebrow. “Just call, ok? Was that it?” I hated how I sounded.

He shuffled his feet, nodded and moved for the door. Before I could fully draw a relieved breath, he turned back around and walked up to the desk.

“You know what? No, that’s not it. I have something to say, and I want you to really listen.”

I walked around the desk to where he stood. “What’s going on, Ignacio?”

He closed his eyes, and breathed deep, summoning the nerve to say what was on his mind.

“I think you’ve been avoiding me.”

“Why is it you think that, Iggy?” I asked, deliberately using his nickname.

He eyed me narrowly. “Because you feel the same way about me, that I feel about you.” He shook his head as I opened my mouth. “Don’t bother denying it.”

“Ignacio, please. You don’t know what you’re saying.” I had said it dismissively, but my body moved closer to him of its own accord.

“I’m not stupid, Rob. You probably think you shouldn’t have these feelings for me. I know, okay. I know it would be strange for us to be together.” He went on more confidently, “You treated me as one of your own. But I am not your son, Rob. I’ve been attracted to you for as long as I’ve known I love men. I know you feel it too. I see the way you look at me when you think I don’t notice.”

“Ignacio.” My throat went dry at his admission.

“I want to be the man my parents would be proud of, and to be the kind of man you’d want. You never treated me like a kid; don’t start acting like I’m one now.”

“That’s beside the point, Ignacio. This isn’t something we should be thinking…talking about. We can’t,” I pleaded.

“It’s not the age thing, is it? I date guys my age in college, Robert, but it’s you I think about. It’s you I want.”

In that moment, he looked so vulnerable that I abandoned all good sense. I wrapped my hand around his neck and pulled him to me, silencing his surprised gasp with a bruising kiss. Reluctantly, I pulled away and rested my forehead on his. “I shouldn’t want to want this with you. I have to be the adult here, Ignacio. We’re family. You’re like Dylan’s big brother; you’re Lea’s best friend, for fuck’s sake. This is wrong. I won’t let it happen.” I was settled.

“This feels right, Rob.” He placed his hand on my pounding heart, and my chest burned beneath his palm. “You need to stop fighting it. My feelings didn’t go away from not seeing you, and neither did yours. We could have something special. I’ll feel Lea out if you want, but we’re not done.”

He kissed my cheek before walking away, leaving me appallingly thrilled. I thought briefly of my kids. God! How would I survive two weeks.

A huge thank you to @AC Benus, for reading, editing, and his continued support and encouragement. 
Thank you to tim, @mikiesboy, for reading this and for letting me know what you thought. 
 
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