Cornucopia - 3. Letting Go

Colt sat quietly, looking over the sea as the sun started to slowly dip below the horizon. The Florida air was comfortable if a little humid as twilight approached. A hint of a breeze occasionally wafted over the back porch of the beach house as the gentle rolling sound of the lapping surf invited the listener to relax, breathe and feel at peace. The combination of a full day spent on the water with friends and neighbors, along with a good meal and his companion created a mood which was almost perfect.

Almost.

“Well, when did he say he would be by to pick up the rest of the apples?”

Colt’s eyes darted to his side as the last few rays of evening shone on the handsome face of his partner. David wasn’t paying attention. Distracted by the phone call from his son he received just as they were wandering out to the porch with two glasses and a bottle of whiskey. A fitting end to a wonderful day where they could relax and have a few drinks before retiring to bed for the night.

At least that had been the plan.

His idea had been to take David on a real vacation for once where there were no children to look after, things to do, or demands on him. It had taken Colt a week just to convince him that it was something he should do now that he was “semi-retired.” He took a sip of the whiskey in his glass and checked a sigh as he stared out at the calming, quiet sunset from the porch of his vacation home. It would have been a great moment to share with just the two of them.

The house itself was comfortable. A two story bungalow built on stilts in a quiet neighborhood away from the usual crowds and noise that was common on most Florida beaches. He and his wife had bought the house years ago, long before their divorce and he had gotten it along with the home in Savannah that had been in his family for generations. One corner of his lips tilted up as he thought of the irony of the moment. He had never felt totally comfortable in this house until the last week he had shared with David. Before that, the memories here had been tainted with quiet arguments, rushed trips to activities with the kids when they were younger, and lonely nights spent quietly reflecting on a marriage he had entered into only as a career move.

“Alright then. But you keep calling him. There’s nearly a quarter of the harvest left to ship out and I don’t want it spoiling. Light a fire under him if you have to… Oh, don’t give me that, Kyle. Just pretend you’re in a courtroom.”

Colt took another measured sip of his whiskey to cover his frown. It wasn’t a deep frown, but after spending two weeks in Pennsylvania with David and his family, he knew his partner was already able to discern his mood from the slightest twitch of Colt’s lips. He was having a good night and he understood that this was just a temporary thing that would pass. Just like the other calls.

They had been two very interesting weeks. He had expected to spend most of that time alone with David, getting to know each other more while he used up his final weeks of leave before settling into retirement. What he didn’t account for was that David’s orchard was in full swing with hundreds of people coming to visit and pick their own apples. Colt had initially imagined it would be a very quiet atmosphere with at most a handful of people coming through that his sons could handle on their own without David having to be personally involved. The reality was completely different. Dozens of people at a time flocking to the orchard and David was almost always in the thick of things as he seemed to go out of his way to greet everyone. Colt witnessed for himself how much effort and energy David put into those two weeks, leaving him very impressed but also worried that he would stick out.

Kyle and his husband had been inviting to his presence in the house and treated him like an honored guest. The evenings were spent with David comfortably resting and looking forward to the next day. Just when Colt thought it would all be over, David closed up the orchard for a day and had his family and all their friends invited over for a private party. While Kyle and his friends certainly did their part, Colt was again witness to David’s constant efforts to see to all their needs, talk to everyone and play with all the children around him. By the time he had to return to Washington, Colt had certainly seen many sides of the man sitting next to him now.

“Fine. Get back to your kids and I’m gonna get back to my drink… Yes, I’m being careful. God, Kyle, I’m sixty. I’m not frail… I love you too. Give Matt and Aaron kisses for me and tell Jacob I’ll text him in the morning about his remodel of the back bedroom.” A heavy sigh, that almost sounded like relief came as David put his phone away and picked up his drink which was sitting on the small table between the two of them. “I’m sorry,” he said to Colt.

Colt shook his head dismissively. “Nothing to be sorry about. Just glad he didn’t call later.”

David gave him a suggestive smirk as he relaxed in the patio seat and looked out at the sea in front of them. “Do we have plans for later?”

“No plans on going anywhere, if that’s what you’re wondering.” The local area didn’t offer much for visitors. It was, in truth, one of the things that had made Colt want to bring David here. No big city nearby, no sightseers, and no interruptions. A couple weeks’ worth of groceries and they could stay here and do nothing but relax and spend time together without the needs of children and grandchildren. “So, what was that call about this time?”

David’s cheeks reddened slightly in embarrassment at his words. He knew Colt had wanted to give him a real vacation to get away from his life for a few weeks and had gone out of his way to keep it a surprise even through the two day road trip down to Florida. David had just assumed Colt had meant his house in Georgia and had been surprised to find out he owned a second house along the western Florida coast. The day they arrived David had been impressed by the quiet beauty of the area. Rows of small houses stood quietly along a small strip of sand and grasses that gave way to the Gulf of Mexico. The neighbors had met them shortly after they arrived, most of them already knowing Colt. David found them all to be kind and polite and kept mostly to themselves with the occasional invitation to cookouts further up the beach which they had done. He was feeling more relaxed than he had in a long time. But there were the calls from home that would intrude at odd moments. The call tonight had come from Kyle just after they had finished dinner and were planning on spending the final moments of sunlight together sharing a bottle of Irish whiskey. “Trying to move out the last of the apples. He was worried the company that usually comes to pick them up wouldn’t show up this time for some reason.”

Colt kept his eyes on the horizon as he held his glass in his hands. “He’s never ran the place before on his own?”

“No,” David answered, having a good idea where this was heading. “We’ve only just spent the last two years doing it together with him learning how the business end of it all works out.”

Colt nodded. “Well, I’m sure he’ll manage.”

David caught himself from laughing. He knew that was Colt’s way of saying, “tell him to stop calling all the time.” In their relatively short time together, he had learned that Colt could be a master of passive aggressiveness if the moment called for it. “He’ll be okay. Just needed a little pep talk.”

“He’s not a little kid, Davey. Just toss him into the deep end and he’ll manage to swim.”

David chuckled at the irony of the statement. “Yeah. He can swim for sure.” He took a drink from his glass, finding it slightly watered down from his time on the phone. “Okay. I promise no more phone calls the rest of the week. Just you and me.”

“That’s the plan.” Maybe, deep down where he might be hard pressed to admit it, Colt was a little jealous of David’s relationship with his son. During his time in Pennsylvania with David he saw for himself the many times Kyle, Jacob and all their friends had been over to the house with their children and how close they all seemed to be with him. It was something, he had to acknowledge, that he lacked in his own relationships with his two children. He loved them, but his time in the Marine Corps had taken him away from them more often than maybe it should have in the last twenty years. All those missed opportunities to connect and bond with them were lost and, while he had no question of his love for them and them for him, there was a distance between them that sometimes seemed impossible to overcome. “What were we talking about after dinner?”

“We were sharing stories. I told you about Travis. You told me about your wife. You never did mention any men you’ve been with in the past.” He poured more whiskey into his glass and took a drink. The mix of the alcohol with the melted ice was acceptable enough to let it swirl a little in his mouth before swallowing.

A grunt that was Colt’s approximation of a chuckle came from his mouth as he continued to stare out at the darkening sky before them. “Not much really to tell. No relationships. Just random occurrences. There were one or two guys who stuck around for longer than a night or two, but there were no real feelings there.”

David listened to the rolling water lap at the shoreline a few yards in front of them. “But there was that one guy…” He had no real knowledge of Colt’s past, but his instinct told him that there was something he was holding back. One of the most enticing aspects of Colt was how quiet he could be. In their short time together, David had already come to understand that it was what Colt didn’t say that spoke volumes about his mind and his heart. Talking wasn’t a problem for him, but he always kept his tone modulated and low. Perfectly calm and cool. Some people might see it as being apathetic or unemotional, but to David, it showed a man who was completely comfortable with who he was and didn’t have to explain himself.

There was a silence between them before Colt blurted out, “Shane. He was a contractor in the area I was stationed as a young lieutenant in California. I was twenty-eight, just barely out of the OSC. Full of piss and vinegar. Then I met him, and things just got… weird.” David listened without comment as Colt went on. “He had a kind of charm that kind of pissed me off at first. He flirted with no shame. And this was way back during ‘don’t ask, don’t tell,’ so it put me on edge.”

He took a drink before he continued. “Then he invited me over to his place and, well, you can imagine how that turned out. I kept going back for four years. He wanted more, and if I hadn’t been hell-bent on being an officer, I probably would have stayed with him. But the job, along with the headaches, made it impossible and we went our separate ways. A year or two later I met Marcia and I decided to just settle down and put it all out of my head.”

David nodded. “Never tried to look him up after all this time?”

“Nope.”

David smirked a little to himself. “So, no competition then. That’s good to know.”

Colt’s voice became more relaxed which meant the surf, the sunset and the company had his guard coming down. “Wouldn’t be a competition anyway.” He leaned over to take the bottle and refresh his glass.

David forward and turned his head to look at him with a growing smirk. “Oh? Why’s that?”

Colt met his gaze and smiled in a rare show of emotion that was reserved just for him. “Because I like you better.”

David’s face brightened at his words. Not just because of what he said, but because he knew Colt meant it as more than just a casual fondness that they shared. “Well, I like you better too.”

They both settled back in their chairs as they watched the last few rays of the sun slide under the waves. In all his years, David had never felt so calm and at peace. So much had happened in the last two years, he sometimes felt tired trying to keep up with it all. Two weeks ago, he was blinking back tears as he and his family celebrated his grandson’s first birthday. Taking pictures and sharing the moment with the family that he felt so blessed to have. Whenever he thought of the image of Kyle and Jacob with their two boys, it gave him a sense of accomplishment.

At least once every day, he would open his phone to look at the picture of himself with Aaron on his lap and Matt hanging on his back. Sometimes he worried it was all just a dream and he would wake back up to find an empty home. Quiet and still, with the dust of time covering everything that had once meant something to him. But he would see those young faces with those bright smiles and know that he had created something that would last forever.

Colt’s voice brought him back to the present as he asked with a note of curiosity. “You never mentioned Kyle’s mom. Is she still alive?”

David laughed a little louder than he probably should have. “Oh, she’s definitely alive. More than most.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Colt’s eyes sparkled in the fading sunlight, which only reminded David of the passion and energy that Colt kept locked up behind his stiff exterior. It was a part of the man that David had come to enjoy seeing in the fine cracks of his armor that only he knew were there. “Helen is a very vivacious and outgoing woman. She is unapologetic about her opinion and tends to go full steam ahead once she’s made her mind up about something.” He took a sip of his whiskey, starting to feel the effects as he smirked. “And she’s very curious about you.”

A shiver went up Colt’s spine when he heard that. “You still talk to each other?”

“Frequently. More so now since Kyle and Jacob got married.”

“So, what is she like?”

David chuckled silently. “You’ve met Kyle. Imagine him but as a woman with more money than you’ll ever have.”

Colt’s face showed his confusion. “I don’t get it. How is Kyle so much like her if she hasn’t been around?”

David shrugged. “She’s his mother. And he did spend summers with her as a boy. He is a mix of both of us, I’ll admit. But there’s more of her in him that I think even he’s aware of. It’s complicated.”

Colt waved his arm at their surroundings. “We’re not going anywhere. Go ahead and tell me about her.”

David took another drink before he went on. “She and I met when I was in… eighth grade, I think? Well, before that we knew of each other. We were in the same classes and stuff, but we weren’t in the same circle of friends. But that was about the time her and her best friend Emily started to hang around with me and Pete and a few other guys in class. We became friends and about halfway through high school, she started getting flirty. Not just with me, mind you. She was attracted to Sam first, but he was fresh out of high school and busy working. His dad gave me my first job the summer before my junior year and him, Pete and me got pretty tight. Somewhere in all that, Sam and Emily started to date, and they married not long after I went into the corps. Helen was hinting at it with me, but I set my sights on being a marine and I left town. But I kept in touch with them all.”

There was a pause as David’s mind replayed those memories from a time that was long gone. Despite his outward appearance, he felt a heaviness in his heart as he thought about all those faces that he would never see again. “Then Travis happened. You know about all that. I went back home at twenty-six and decided I wanted my old life back. But, of course, I couldn’t get it. I was young and stupid, but I wanted a family. Bigger and better than what I’d been given as a kid. Helen was still interested, so we married.” He started to take a drink and found his glass empty. “Hold on.”

Colt waited patiently as David got up to go back through the screen door into the kitchen to retrieve more ice before returning and taking his seat again. He resumed his story after he poured two fingers of the amber liquid into his glass. “Looking back on it, I know how stupid I was to think I could just come home and pretend eight years of my life never happened. My marriage didn’t even last half that long. But I had Kyle and in a lot of ways I feel I got the better end of it all just from having him.”

“So, was Travis why you divorced your wife? Helen, you said?”

David nodded, even as a little discomfort showed on his face. “Yes. But she divorced me. Not the other way around. She…” He hesitated for a moment, not wanting to say too much. “…found out about Travis. Confronted me and we had a long talk. A couple days, really. She talked to her friend, I talked to mine. Eventually, we decided it would be best for everyone involved that we part ways. The main sticking point was Kyle and what was best for him. It took some doing, but she managed to come around to the idea that him staying with me was the best option.”

Colt’s lips ticked down in his signature frown again. “She wanted to keep him?”

David nodded. “She had her reasons. But, in the end, we both knew she was not going to stay in the area and that her future was uncertain. Of course, had she known then what she knows now, things might’ve been different.”

“How come?”

David took another drink, letting the warmth of the alcohol take over. “Because she went out to the west coast, got her real estate license, and before Kyle was in first grade, she was making million dollar sales all on her own. None of us were shocked, really. She always had a very outgoing personality and knows how to put her best foot forward. Had it gone down any other way, I probably would barely know my son.”

“Did she remarry?”

“Three times,” David replied. “Divorced twice, widowed once. Arnie, her current husband, is a good guy, though. And he can keep up with her.”

“So, I take it, she’s got all the money.”

David chuckled. “She made a small fortune working in real estate. She almost opened her own business, but then she met Charles. Who, it turns out, wasn’t the best guy around. They divorced after a year and then she met an older man named Ben. He was sharp. Was a high priced entertainment lawyer out in L.A. They were like a power couple in some circles, though Helen liked to be a gentle touch more often than not. They were married for about fifteen years and then he got cancer and died. That hurt her, though she played the strong one back then. She met Arnie about six years ago and they’ve been married for five so I’m pretty sure she’s met her match.”

“Never had other kids?”

David shook his head. “No. I asked her about it once and she said it wasn’t something she was all that interested in. ‘I already made a perfect child. Why would I want to just disappoint myself?’”

“It sounds like you two talk a lot, that’s for sure.”

David sighed and smiled slightly to himself. “There isn’t a thing she doesn’t know about me. Or anyone else whenever she puts her mind to it. We talk about Kyle and the kids. I keep her up to date on what’s going on at home and she tells me about what she knows about Tyler.”

Colt looked at him. “The boy who was Stewie’s best man?”

David’s lips widened in a prideful smile. “The same. He’s doing fine, by the way. Getting used to his new environment.”

Colt shook his head slightly and let a small frown show. “You spend too much of your time worrying about other people who can take care of themselves.”

David was a little surprised by his words. “Well… maybe. But it’s just in my nature.”

“Yeah,” Colt scoffed. “I was there long enough to see it. You said at the wedding that you felt like they didn’t need you anymore. Didn’t sound like that made you too happy.”

David was quiet for a long moment. Colt’s words had been unexpected, and he found himself unsure how to answer. Since they met, he and Colt had stayed in regular contact through texts and the occasional phone call. While their initial meeting had been somewhat quicker than he had expected, and things had gotten both physical and personal between them, he was more attracted to Colt because of how honest he was. Now he was finding that his honesty was blunter than he could have imagined. “I guess, in a way, I do,” he replied diplomatically. “I’ve been a part of their lives for a long time. I just want what’s best for them.”

Colt continued to stare out at the horizon as the stars slowly began to light up the dusky sky. “You gotta let go, Davey.” His voice was devoid of admonishment. Just a firm, impassive resolve of a man seeing a tactical situation in front of him and knows that he is right. “They’re grown now, and they can handle whatever life puts in front of them.”

It was David’s turn to frown. “So, what, I should just leave them?”

“No.” Colt finally turned in his seat to look directly at him. “But you’ve done your duty. You accomplished your mission and now it’s time for them to do the same.”

David shrugged helplessly. “I’m not the kind of guy who just sits around. And I want to spend time with my grandkids.”

“Not saying you shouldn’t. I’m just saying…” Colt sighed in exasperation before reaching over and taking his partner’s hand in his. “David… Who takes care of you?”

David was struck speechless. Looking back on the past thirty years, he couldn’t think of a time when he wasn’t getting Kyle ready for school. Going to PTA meetings. Driving Kyle and his friends to practices and competitions. Helping Jacob adjust to a new home. Comforting Sam when Emily died. Caring for Brian when his family had thrown him out. Giving Troy and Andy’s babies the unconditional love that came so naturally to him. And in all that time, he had always been the giver. The one to make the sacrifice. No one had taken advantage of him or forced him to do any of it. He had done it all out of a sense of… of what? Giving them what he had never had?

Colt’s thumb gently rubbed the palm of his hand and David knew he was in love. The best part about their trip together had been seeing a new side of Colt. Where the smiles come a little easier and his laugh a little louder. Watching him in just a pair of shorts and a beer in hand as he spoke with his neighbors around a firepit. See him relaxed and not caught up in his uniform. They were sides of the man that he knew he was being invited to see. What the men under his command had likely never seen. When Colt showed up for the wedding that fateful night, he was buttoned up and a man in full control of himself and his surroundings. But over the last week, David has seen the tenderness, the heart and soul of this man and he couldn’t imagine wanting to be this close to anyone else.

He grasped Colt’s hand a little tighter in acknowledgement of their shared feelings before he spoke. “I get the feeling you have something in mind.”

“What if,” Colt began cautiously, “we spent part of the year down here?”

David gave him a dubious look. “How much of the year did you have in mind?”

Colt shrugged. “Three, four months. Maybe more, depending.”

“Depending on what?”

“On what you want.” Seeing his chance, Colt decided to go for broke. “I’m not saying move away from your orchard. I’m just saying, when things are quiet there, let’s go do something. We can go anywhere you wanted. We can afford it—”

“You mean you can afford it,” David broke in. “I don’t want to feel like a dependent.”

“You wouldn’t be.” Colt’s eyes darkened slightly. “You deserve someone who wants to put you first. I want to be that person.”

David felt chastised for his words. He knew Colt meant what he said. But the thought of his routine being changed made him wary. “What months would we do this? I mean…. I know there’s not much to do around winter an all. But there’s Christmas and Thanksgiving and other things going on.”

“We can work that out,” Colt replied. “But isn’t it time you started doing things for yourself instead of sitting at that house waiting for the next problem to be handed to you?”

David was quiet as he drank his whiskey. His eyes took in the twinkling stars that were starting to dot the nighttime sky overhead. It was not an easy thing for him to contemplate. To be away from his home. His family. The life he had spent decades to build. And yet, in all those years, he never felt as at peace as he did in this moment and in this place with Colt. Like two sides of himself try to decide which would win. Either way, he felt he would lose something and was loathed to give it up.

And yet…

“If I decided to stay here with you,” he began in a careful tone, “you would have to agree to a few things yourself.”

“Let’s hear it,” Colt replied bluntly.

David thought on it a few more seconds before turning to him. The fact that they were still holding hands was not lost on either of them. “There would be times when I would have to be home. For the harvest season, holidays, birthdays, things like that.” When he saw Colt nod in agreement he continued, “the rest of the time we can just leave up in the air. I’ll admit, I’d love nothing more than to spend winters in some place warm for a change and I wouldn’t mind seeing more of the world. But my family will always come first.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything else,” he replied as a small smile began to form. “All I ask is that we spend our time together.” He squeezed David’s hand, to drive his point home. “I don’t want to stop feeling this.”

David knew this wasn’t the end of this. He would have to talk to Kyle and Jacob. While it would ultimately be his choice, he wanted to hear their opinions and assure them that while things would be changing, some things would never change. But for now, all that mattered to him was to spend these warm quiet nights with the man next to him. He smiled before finishing the last of the whiskey in his glass and put it down on the table. “If I have my way, it’ll just get better.”

Colt felt David’s hand tug his slightly right before they both stood up. “You wanna stay out here a little longer?”

If David had his way, this moment would never end. But he had bigger plans. “I think we should rest up before tomorrow. Get up early, go get some breakfast, and then maybe see about renting a boat and go out on the water for the day. Just the two of us.”

It was still early, but David’s words brought a brief smile to Colt’s lips. With nothing left to say, they retreated into the house, shutting the door behind them. Only a mostly empty bottle of whiskey, two glasses and a cellphone were left behind.