How I Live Now - 5. Day 5.

Day 5.

I've been thinking about this job overnight, maybe it's not the worst idea. I should keep it in mind in case nothing else comes up for me. I realize- I need to start making money. Just to make this loud and clear… I have nothing against country folks; I've always had that cheesy dream of some cute country boy in a plaid shirt and blue jeans coming by on his stallion to take me off into the sunset and fuck… or is that just a stereotype? Maybe porn has fried my mind. I should stay away from the big burly men category for a while to get things on track; plus, my mobile data would thank me. I've been finding since I have nothing to preoccupy my mind, I've frequently been masturbating. And no- not in the shared bedroom with all those other hostel guests, I'm not that demented. Does life always get more depressing the older you get, or possibly it's just me? I reckon things are demoralizing compared to the bigger picture when you've lived with a controlling, manipulative father all your life that you miss out on what is really sad. I've googled the town multiple times since finding out about the opportunity, and I'm torn. It feels like I should be taking a risk, but at the same time, my inner critic is screaming at me to shut up, sit down and take the backseat.

I also spoke with the hot blond guy sleeping on the bunk above me this morning; he's passing through, heading south from what he said. His name is Marc; he's 21, if that's any recollection, and he is a wayward wanderer. Though he the more I got to know him, the more he seemed interesting. 'Houseless Not Homeless' is his motto, and well, I hadn't assumed he was homeless, but he made a point to tell it to me. It was his decision, and he never regretted not slipping into the mainstream way of going to college and working 9-5. Marc is self-employed; he works online as a professional life coach, but you'd think he wasn't very successful if you were to look at him. Maybe that is a good memo to learn early in life; folks can be easily deceived. If you dress rich, everyone is defective and believe the opposite about the person; or at least that's how you want it to look without people getting too close. Bottom line… assumptions are shit.

So, I got talking to Marc; he's pretty intelligent… Did I say he was hot? Blah… Okay… Anyway, he's heading south in a day or two; he's here for a business meeting, so that explains the pitstop. Apparently, he's committed himself to walk from Newhaven to Mayau in six months. Even if he still has a fair bit to go, he's already doing much more than the average person does with their life. Marc said he hiked the Appalachian trail on the east coast the year after high school. Supposedly he was to go to university after his once in a lifetime journey to find himself. Still, after he finished his trip- he had an unquenchable thirst for adventure afterward. I feel like I've made a friend, but it sucks that he'll be gone so quickly.

Oh, yeah… my Mom. I still haven't picked up the phone to call her back, but she has been sending daily messages asking me to come home. She must be joking… HOME… to that crooked house in the middle of the neighborhood with a misogynist wife-beater and chauvinist so-called patriot. I feel bad for bailing on Mom, but she has chosen to always stand by Dad, no matter how hard the thrashing. The excuse is, "Dad can't help himself." Oh, and even if he did put down the bottle, I'd doubt it'll make a difference. The only way the people in his life would get any peace is if someone plunged a broken beer bottle into his neck, and that's not going to be me. I've decided to write a letter and send it to Mom just to let her know I'm okay, but also to show that I don't want to talk. I'll mail the letter tomorrow. I've also been checking the Missing Person's website over and over to see if they reported me as missing. No such luck on that front… maybe they really don't care.

Look, I've got to go; I need to get stuff done before the hostel shuts down for the night, and people get all grump about sneaking around at bedtime.

Talk soon,
Kyle