How I Live Now - 8. Day 9.

Day 9.

I cycled to that job because I'm determined to keep the cost down. I got to do my first full day, and I'm beat already. I'm wondering if this is what it really is like to work. No wonder people are moody all the time. I didn't get to see any sun all day; Organtico should tailor the roof and put some skylights in to keep the employees happy. I didn't actually wear a store outfit yet, which is this horrible burgundy color shirt with black pants. I kept thinking all the employees looked like a large piece of fruit from a distance. I've been trying to picture myself all day wearing it, looking like a pomegranate, all plummy and round.

Besides the horrible attire, the first few hours went okay. I got assigned stocking shelves. The manager paired me up with this woman Amy, who, next week, will be 5 years with the franchise. I never considered big box stores a long-term solution, more like a passing at crossroads kind of thing. Though she was incredibly sweet and helpful, I think I gained an actual friend. The woman made me feel so welcome and tried to be patient with me while learning how to order specific stuff. It was mostly kitchen utensils, and wow… there were so many different variations of a potato masher that I'll never want to see another one of them in my life.

Amy must be in her mid-thirties. From the diamond ring on her finger, I suppose she is married. I figure she has at least one kid; I overheard her talking to this other employee called Derek about her daughter needing new cleats for soccer.

Amy said, “she can’t hold onto a pair of cleats to save her life.”

Plus, I skipped breakfast to save on pennies. By 11 AM, I had this horrible gnawing pain in my stomach, and I tried snubbing it for as long as possible. I ended up having to ask the manager if I could get something to eat as I hadn't gotten a chance to eat breakfast. It was a lie, of course. I choose to actually avoid it, but I never considered hunger would come on so quickly.

The manager, who’s this forty-year-old, wide-shouldered feminist type with an attitude, blatantly said, "no." Apparently, you can't take a break when you're not feeling well, or you risk losing your entire days' pay. So, I waited until lunch to eat, and when the time came, I tore through the food so quickly I got hiccups and some indigestion afterward. I can already say I don't like the manager, Angela, and if she treats me like that again… I'll be all over her about that workplace bullying.

Keeping my mouth shut, nodding and smiling seemed to be the most logical thing to do at the time. Yet, it made me feel lesser of a person for being treated rudely. It reminded me of when I asked to use use the restroom at school, and the excuse the teachers all came up with was, "you had a toilet break an hour ago."

I didn't think one of the most essential things as a human could be revoked so effortlessly, but I don't see how any adult would stop me from going to the bathroom now if I needed to. I'd just go. So, what stopped me from getting food…?

I called up that guy's house I checked out the other day. Initially, I said I'd steer clear of the apartment, but I figure I don't get to be picky with my current situation. A building with a roof of my head is my main priority, so I ought to just toughen up and take the opportunity. I slowly dialed the creepy guy Doug, and after a bit of explaining, he remembered me. I felt a bit hurt at first; how could you forget a face like mine? I'm cute… right? Either way, I'm not sure to show how you'd misplace the memory from the previous day. Where a teenager came knocking on your door, looking for a place to live. To me, it's something that would stick around for a while as it's not something you'd typically see. Is it possible that this thing happens more in St. Clement? Who knows.

Well, the good news is I have a place to crash. Rent is $1000 a month, and Doug wants a deposit of $1500 upfront for security. I'll have to find out how to make that money; I don't get my pay until the end of the week. One problem; I'm not on any special incentive at Organico, meaning I am paid an intern salary until they decide to take me on full time. I might be able to make the rent payment weekly, but not the deposit. My head is drowning with all the swimming thoughts of how to proceed. Doug said, if I am still interested, I can swing by tomorrow evening between 5–8 PM with the deposit, and I know I won't have it by then.

I hope this is the last night I have to stay in this hostel. I'm not saying I hate hostels, but now I have a general distaste for them, as it makes me feel horrible for not having a home. Well, I do/did, but I don’t feel like getting into that whole fiasco. I'm just going to crash for a bit; I've been feeling sleepy since I got back from work, and I'll need all my energy for tomorrow.

Talk soon,

Kyle