How I Live Now - 22. Day 36

Day 36

I still can't believe how the whole week has passed so quickly. I thought I'd have more time to do things, but it feels like I just get up to go to work, sleep, work, and repeat some more with work. I've been thinking about what Matias did all week, and the more I reflect on it, I can feel myself going a little more stupid and crazy. Why does it feel like Matias enjoyed what he did at the bakery? I don't want to be with someone who gets pleasure from causing pain and destruction. Yet, I'm conflicted. One moment Matias is this other person, the next… he is this really sweet guy. Matias invited me to a family dinner. Naturally, I thought it was a bit forward, and I didn't wish to intrude on personal family time. But… I caved and said yes.

Yeah… blame me all you want, but you try to say no to a cute boy with puppy eyes. He showed up at my doorstep after lunch with that cute awkward standing around thing... that seems to sweep me off my feet. So, I agreed, and Amy was thrilled to see me. There was a little surprise as she didn't realize that Matias started hanging around with me a lot. I sat at the table opposite Matias; I felt conscious of everything. Is this what it feels like to be invited to your boyfriends' parents' home? I was sweating out a hernia from all the decisions I made. I didn't want to make a laughing stock out of myself. As I was seating myself, Hudson walked into the dining room. Amy introduced her younger son, and she ended up dumbfounded to hear that we met already. Now I felt even more nervous than I had before I sat down.

"We met already… He gave me a baseball," Hudson said, as he withdrew the chair beside me.

“The baseball that you lost in the park?” Amy asked

"Yeah, that one…." Hudson said.

Amy withdrew her chair with one hand and placed a bowl of potatoes on the table. Her husband followed from the kitchen with a gravy boat and took his seat at the head of the table. It felt weird being so accepted by the family. For a moment, I almost believed I was part of something very special. This is all I wanted when I lived at home. Just a nice quiet meal with a little chit-chat, mainly without chairs flying or visits to the E.R. With the announcement of losing the baseball, Hudson peered down at the table from shame. It sucked to hear that he lost it, but these things happen. I wasn't too annoyed at the fact, so I smiled.

Hudson peered up with a sympathetic look on his face, and I said, "It's okay."

Matias reached out for the gravy boat and started pouring some of the liquid out over his mash. I grabbed some extra veggies and piled them onto my plate. Matias plate was crammed to the edges with an assortment of food. That boy really likes food. If I ate the same amount that he did, I'd end up the size of a house. Amy's husband mainly stayed quiet. The man seemed friendly but somewhat reserved. I'm still not sure what to make of him yet. I can't quite get a handle on the type of person he is yet.

"How did you meet?" Amy said, looking at Hudson.

I peered across at Matias, and he grinned.

Matias cut in, “Bilbo Baggins here walked home alone that day when he got the black eye.”

Amy scowled at Hudson, and I held in my amusement at what Matias called his younger brother.

“Nobody tells me anything in this family,” Amy added, looking across at me, and pointing at her two boys.

She was correct; she has no clue. I wonder what Amy would say if I said that Matias smashed in a bakery's windows? Would she be angry? Annoyed? Sad or disappointed? Would it be like one of those movies where people lay on the floor, and it's cold, and they are all alone? Amy is proud of her boys; if she found out, somehow, I know it would crush her. But I dropped the notion and dug into the food sitting in front of me. I didn't want to start another headache from all the thinking I've been doing lately.

Dinner was roast beef, mashed potatoes with some veg and mini mince pies. The food was scrumptious, and I devoured the plate just as quick as Matias. With her dinner finished, Amy sat back in the chair and pushed her plate away. Hudson did so next, and then Matias and me. The man of the house is the slowest eater. Hudson even got his mom to dish out some dessert, and I was more than happy to oblige with dessert. As I plucked up the spoon to burrow into the ice cream dessert, Amy came back with a question I wasn't expecting to hear.

“So, you two have really hit thing offs,” Amy added.

I glanced across at Matias for help; he said, "I guess so…."

There was a second silence, then Amy came back with a smirk, "So… are you two…."

“No!!!” Matias cut in.

Amy obviously knows her son is gay. Maybe Matias is already out to his family, and that's why Hudson made that off-topic joke the other day. I wasn't expecting to hear something like that from Amy, though. It was cute how Matias got embarrassed when Amy insinuated that we were dating. Hell, even my cheeks felt warm… maybe I was blushing too. All Amy could do was sit back in surprise, then, with a bit of giggle, she ate a spoonful of her ice cream. When I looked over at Matias's father, his dad had this wry smirk on his face, and he was staring across at his wife.

I think they know that there is more going on between Matias and me. I'm not even sure what is happening with us to be sure. I've never thought about what our friendship is becoming. Are we more than friends? Have we become viable candidates for this thing called love? I'm unsure how this is all supposed to play out, but I'm comfortable without making it all messy for now. Maybe Matias wants to be more. Why else would he take me out all the time and spend time with me? On the other hand, Matias certainty likes me… so perhaps I have to take the next step to get us to dating material.

Afterwards, we just spoke about petty stuff, and I called it an evening. Amy drove me to Doug's house with Matias in tow, and when they dropped me off outside the apartment block, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with all these good feelings since they left. I'm feeling terrific. Maybe it's because Matias's parents are welcoming and accepting. Perhaps it's because it feels like I belong to something nice. Who knows… all I know is I’m going to go to bed, curl up in the middle of the mattress with this intense sensation in my stomach and try not to puke a rainbow.

Talk soon,

Kyle