Toto - 2. Chapter 2

Toto woke to the sound of feet passing in the hallway, and for a moment he didn’t know where he was, but then he heard male voices coming from the living room.

Of course.

He was lying on the sofa bed that Gianni and Angelo had made up for him in the small spare room that doubled as their office and studio. The early morning sun was already streaming through the slats in the shuttered window.

Toto slid out of bed and wandered to the window, pulling back the shutters from the large square opening to reveal the view back down the valley. The early morning sky was a crystal blue, the terraced slopes of Scala alternating stripes of ochre and green.

Last night, Toto had remained in the square with Gianni and Angelo through dinner and beyond. He had managed a small meal of penne all’arrabbiata, after which they had stayed on for drinks. Toto had sat largely in silence, speaking only when he was spoken to. Gianni and Angelo had not pressed him to talk and had chatted largely to each other, for which Toto had been grateful. Everything still felt too raw, and somehow unreal.

From time to time, Toto had got up to wander over to the railings where the square overlooked the valley. As dusk fell and the lamps around the square burst into life, Toto spent some time under the pine trees, watching the sky fade from powder blue to a deep navy streaked with pink.

Utterly exhausted, Toto had retired as soon as his temporary bed was ready, only taking the time to take off his shorts and socks. Now he stood looking out at the morning, yesterday’s polo shirt hanging loosely off his skinny figure, and tried to work out how he felt.

Everything he knew had changed, but last night’s pervading sense of numbness and confusion had subsided a little. He felt a little more like himself; but, with that clarity, a number of troubling questions were beginning to rear their heads in his mind. He fought hard to hold them off.

Without bothering to get dressed, Toto opened the window to air the small room and wandered out into the corridor and down to the living room, where he found the two young men sitting at the dining table. Empty plates with a few crumbs indicated that they had already eaten, and both now had steaming cups of coffee in front of them. Gianni seemed to be laughing at something Angelo had just said; the latter had a newspaper open in front of him, in which he seemed to have spotted something unusual or scandalous. Both men turned when Toto walked into the room.

“Ciao, Toto,” Angelo said. He was dressed for work again; he was apparently planning another busy day at the construction site. “How are you this morning?”

“A bit better,” Toto replied.

There was a pause as Alfredo the dog came puttering up to Toto and fixed him for a moment with a beady eye, tongue hanging amiably from his open mouth. The dog came in for a sniff; Toto felt a damp nose touch his bare ankle briefly and then a slobbery tongue came out and began to lick his leg. It was unbearably tickly, and Toto jumped back with a yelp. Angelo chuckled. Ennio the cat looked on from the back of the sofa, apparently deeply unimpressed, glancing down now and then to lick a paw nonchalantly.

“Come and have some breakfast, Toto,” Angelo said. “There’s plenty of room.”

Toto slid into a chair next to Angelo, who nipped over to the kitchen area, returning moments later with a fresh croissant on a plate and a glass of orange juice. Gianni, sitting opposite, was dressed smartly in a shirt, waistcoat and bow tie.

“We both have to work today, Toto,” Gianni said. “Will you be okay on your own?”

Toto slumped a little in his seat at the thought of a long, slow day ahead.

“Sure, whatever,” he replied glumly.

“I’m sorry, Toto,” Gianni said. He slid a spare key across the table with a sympathetic smile. “Take this – then at least you can come and go.”

Angelo glanced thoughtfully at Toto for a moment. “Maybe I can organise some company for you this morning,” he said, “if you want it?”

Toto shrugged. “Okay.”

Angelo looked pleased. “Let me make a call.”

Glancing from Gianni to Angelo, who had made his way out onto the little balcony and was scanning through the contacts on his phone, Toto contemplated his luck for a moment. He wasn’t sure yet what his future held, but for the moment he was safe. He felt he should offer something in return.

“Thanks for looking out for me,” he said to Gianni.

“No problem, Toto,” the young man replied.

“Is there anything I can do?” Toto continued. “You know… to help you out?”

“You don’t have to do that,” Gianni said, looking surprised. “But if you really want to…” he cast his eyes thoughtfully about the room, then bent down and patted his shins. Alfredo trotted over and accepted a scratch about the ears with a blissful look on his face. “You could take this little monster out for a walk this afternoon. I think he likes you.”

* * *

A short while later, as he showered, Toto could no longer keep the difficult questions at bay.

Gianni couldn’t get Papà to listen. What can these two guys really do to help me?

At least they were trying, he thought. Toto was housed and fed, at least for now, but only for the next few days. Neither Gianni nor Angelo seemed to have any real idea about what to do next. What would happen to him after he had outstayed his welcome?

Michele.

That one was painful, and Toto had to screw up his eyes to stop himself from crying again. A couple of days ago, he had had a best friend, and everything had seemed great. What did he have now?

‘Get off me!’ his friend had shouted.

He pushed me away. He actually pushed me away!

The image of Michele’s smile, the thought of his infectious giggle and all the good times that they had spent together haunted Toto’s memory.

Toto thought he would give anything just then to take that kiss back.

That stupid, stupid kiss.

Toto felt dirty. He scrubbed his arms hard under the jets of hot water. It seemed as if nobody really wanted him any more – not his father, and not his friend. Gianni and Angelo may have taken him in, but even their kindness wouldn’t last forever.

Am I so worthless? So horrible that everyone just wants to be rid of me?

* * *

A short while later, a quiet and withdrawn Toto emerged from his temporary bedroom dressed in a fresh shirt and shorts and joined the others in the living room. Both men were nearly ready to leave. Gianni was adjusting his uniform using a mirror by the door, while Angelo was on his knees receiving a slobbery kiss from Alfredo the dog.

“See you later, you great ball of fuzzy love,” he cooed in his dopiest voice.

Gianni snorted. “Are you feeling all right, Angelo?” he asked.

Angelo stood at once and sidled up to Gianni. “We were just showing our mutual affection,” he said, “like this.”

Toto watched as Angelo leaned in and gave Gianni a slobbery kiss on the cheek just like Alfredo’s.

“Eeeuw!” Gianni ducked, brushing Angelo away in mock sternness. “Children present.”

Angelo grinned. Unwilling to be left out, Ennio jumped up onto the dining table to demand a stroke and an ear rub from Angelo, who complied.

“Later, pussycat,” he said. Apparently satisfied, Ennio jumped down and preceded them through the front door via a cat flap at its base.

When everyone was ready, the three of them left the apartment together. Gianni said goodbye at the fountain and disappeared through the arched entrance to the hotel to begin his day’s work. Angelo took Toto gently by the shoulder.

“Come with me, kiddo,” he said. “I’ll fix you up with that company I promised you.”

Toto accepted this without complaint and walked with Angelo as they retraced the steps he had taken with Gianni the previous night. Soon they had reached the bottom of Via Roma, where a small knot of youths had congregated next to row of Vespa scooters that were lined up against one of the high stone walls. Toto paid them no heed as he walked with Angelo up the narrowing street towards the construction site.

A beautiful young woman with long dark hair was standing in the entrance to the restaurant, looking cool in a light summer dress. She smiled as Angelo approached.

“Buongiorno, Angelo,” she said. “Come on in. Pietro’s inside.”

“Ciao, Anna,” Angelo replied. He paused to glance back at Toto. “Don’t go too far away, Toto,” he said with a friendly goodbye wave. “My sister will be here soon.”

Your sister?

Toto remained where he was for a moment, nonplussed, but then he wandered idly back down the way he had come.

“Hey, it’s Toto the fairy,” came a jeering voice.

Caught off-guard, Toto looked up. He found himself facing the group of youths he had passed a few moments before, and realised at once who had spoken.

His name was Enzo. Sixteen years old and brutish, Toto knew he fancied himself the toughest kid in school. Today he was wearing a leather jacket and seemed to be preparing to head off somewhere on one of the Vespa scooters. He was flanked by his usual followers, two preening idiots by the name of Filippo and Antonio. And – lurking at the back, avoiding Toto’s eyes and trying to look inconspicuous – Michele.

“What were you doing with Angelo Rossi, Toto?” Enzo mocked. “Looking for a new boyfriend? Sorry, but I heard that queer boy is taken.”

“Shut up,” Toto said quietly, backing up towards the far wall.

“Or what? You’ll tell your father?” Enzo laughed.

“SHUT UP!” Toto shouted, hands balling into fists by his sides.

“Hey, look, it’s the captain of the moron squad,” said a new voice.

Both boys glanced off to Toto’s right to see the new arrival. It was a girl of about Enzo’s age, lanky in figure with very dark eyes and a long plait of black hair running down her back. She wore jeans and a checked blouse which was open at the collar and cinched about her waist. An expensive-looking camera hung around her neck. She was approaching Enzo with a complete lack of fear.

“Oh, ciao, Claudia,” Enzo replied in a much lighter voice.

“Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” the girl called Claudia said offhandedly. “Or better still, get lost and take your lame-brained crew with you.”

Enzo shrugged. “Whatever. We were going anyway. Saddle up, Michele.”

Enzo took a seat behind the handlebars of one of the Vespa scooters. Michele, looking miserable but still avoiding Toto’s eyes, hopped on behind Enzo and grabbed onto his waist. Neither were wearing helmets. Toto and Claudia watched as they set off up the street for destinations unknown, closely followed by the other two boys.

“Michele?” Claudia asked Toto. “Was that your friend? Are you sure he’s worth all this trouble?”

“Yes, but…” Toto replied uncertainly.

“I wouldn’t be so sure, if he’s been telling tales to those meatheads.”

Toto gave the new arrival a suspicious glance, looking her up and down. “Are you Angelo’s sister?” he asked.

She smiled, and Toto thought he could see a shade of Angelo in her features after all. “You got me,” she said. “My brother seemed to think you could use some company today.” Lifting up her camera, she added, “Want to help me with my photography?”

Toto gave a neutral shrug. “Sure, okay.”

“Then let’s go,” she said brightly, gesturing up the street with her free hand.

* * *

Claudia led Toto back up the narrow street. Soon they had passed the construction site and were threading their way once again between the shoppers and stores.

“So how long have you known?” Claudia asked.

“Known what?” Toto replied.

“That you were into guys,” she explained nonchalantly.

Toto felt a flush of embarrassment. “Not long. And I’m not really… I mean…”

Claudia gave him a quizzical look over her shoulder.

“It’s only been Michele,” Toto explained.

They were approaching Salvatore’s store. Toto made a concerted effort to look away, and they passed it without incident. Soon they had reached the main square and emerged into the lively buzz of a summer morning about town, where pairs or small groups of locals and tourists were drinking coffee at the bars, admiring the view across the valley in the shade of the pine trees, or coming and going from the cathedral.

These people going about their ordinary business paid little attention to the two teenagers crossing through their midst.

Claudia led the way to the old stone gatehouse in the corner, and soon they had passed beneath its pointed archway and into the dappled shade of the driveway to the Villa Rufolo. Trees arched overhead, taking the edge off the morning sun as they approached the kiosk.

Claudia handed over a few Euros and they entered the surroundings of the villa itself, a sprawling house over multiple levels which was all odd angles and humpbacked roofs and covered with tangled creepers. A tall stone tower stood at one corner.

Making their way through a maze of courtyards and steps, they entered the formal gardens. Earthen pathways meandered between floral borders which were an explosion of colour in oranges, purples and reds. Rounding a corner, they arrived at what Toto assumed they had come to see – a sunny walkway enclosed by a pergola of stone columns and roughly cut wooden branches, up which sprays of vibrant pink bougainvillea grew. Perched on top of the hillside leading down to the coast, the columns that lined the walkway framed a striking view.

Far below, the sapphire blue sea met the foot of the tree-covered mountains at a crisp rocky line. Tiny white dots ploughed back and forth as pleasure boats travelled past the twin resorts of Minori and Maiori, whose terracotta roofs glowed in the sunlight. The steep terraced slopes leading down towards the water were dotted with villas and tall pine trees.

Claudia switched on her camera and began to take snapshots.

“This photography thing,” Toto said. “What’s it all about?”

“It’s a project for my portfolio,” the girl replied. “Ravello through a tourist’s eyes. You and me, we’ve never really known anything else, but they say people travel from all over the world to see this place.”

“I guess that’s true,” Toto said.

There was a pause while Claudia turned her attention from photographing the view to look for some more unusual shots. Toto could see her experimenting with different perspectives, looking along the length of the walkway or focusing on the flowers that hung from above.

“You seem pretty keen,” Toto observed.

“I like this stuff,” Claudia replied. “I’d like to go further with it, if I can.”

“Why are you helping me?”

Claudia put her camera down for a moment with a puzzled smile. “Where did that come from?”

Toto shrugged.

“I guess I’ve seen this before,” Claudia said. “When Gianni and Angelo went public, it was this whole big thing.” She rolled her eyes. “Total family trauma.”

“What happened?”

“Gianni asked Angelo to dance at Pietro and Anna’s wedding party.”

Toto gaped. “Seriously?”

Claudia nodded. “And after sneaking around in secret all summer. What can I say? Boys are idiots.”

“Hey…” Toto replied. “Boy here.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t count.”

Toto bridled. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Claudia smiled. “Maybe you’re better than the rest. I haven’t decided yet.”

“I don’t think so,” Toto muttered. Claudia shrugged and then turned back to the view to take some more photos.

Toto watched in silence for a moment, feeling like a spare part. After a few moments, he sidled up to Claudia and tapped her on the arm. She looked around expectantly.

“You said I was going to help you with your photography,” he said. “What would you like me to do?”

“Come and pose for me,” she replied. “Pretend you’re a tourist.”

Toto wrinkled his nose and shook his head doubtfully. “I’m not sure.”

“Why not?”

“What would you want pictures of me for?”

“Come on,” she chided him. “You’re totally cute.”

“Wha…” Toto froze mid-sentence, momentarily dumbfounded.

Claudia laughed. “And now you look like a total doofus. It’s not like I’m interested. You’re, like, two years younger than me. I’m just saying.”

Now extremely embarrassed, Toto laughed and looked at his feet. When he looked up, Claudia looked pleased with herself.

“That’s the first time I’ve seen you smile,” she grinned. “Now, put your back to that view, and pose.”

* * *

Early afternoon found Toto back in Gianni and Angelo’s apartment, examining his reflection curiously in the mirror by the front door. His bright eyes looked back at him.

Am I really ‘cute’?

Toto frowned. That question was too confusing, so he stepped away and looked for something else to do.

After a long session in the gardens, during which Claudia had told Toto a little more of Gianni and Angelo’s story and had explained some of what she had learned about photography, Toto and Claudia had returned to the square and had an early lunchtime snack at one of the bars. They had parted company after that, and Toto had returned to the apartment with a bit more of a spring in his step. Now he was alone, however, some of the old questions had returned to bother him again.

Seeking further distraction, he remembered his promise to take the dog for a walk. Equipping himself with a lead and some plastic bags, Toto called to Alfredo, who came willingly enough from his bed by the French doors.

They stepped out of the apartment building and into the square with the fountain. Alfredo began sniffing around at once, and quickly found a small tree on which to relieve himself.

Toto’s feet led him down a lower road, and they returned to the cathedral square via a different route, avoiding the busy stretch along Via Roma and, of course, his father’s shop. On the way, they passed a workshop with a colourful display of ceramics for sale, many featuring pictures of sea views, bunches of grapes or plump yellow lemons.

Life in the square continued at its gentle pace, now under the full heat of the afternoon sun. Toto and Alfredo crossed the hot and dusty paving stones and made their way down a shady street to the side of the Villa Rufolo, where several more shops were selling ceramics and other gifts to passing visitors.

Things quietened down as Toto turned off into a maze of more residential lanes leading down the hill below the villa gardens. Toto made his way down step after step, sticking to the shade of the high stone walls where he could. Without realising it, he was making his way towards the part of town where Michele lived.

Before long, he had reached a quiet road which traversed the side of the hill, overlooking the sea. Toto knew, now, where he was headed. He turned right and wandered down the gently sloping road, Alfredo pottering obediently along by his side. Below the road, villas jutted out of the steep hillside, making the best of their sea views.

At a hairpin bend, they turned off into a small piazza at the base of a cliff, entering the hamlet of San Cosma. Here, a small cave in the cliff opened on a shrine of sorts. In this spot, Toto and Michele had often met up for adventures in the quiet lanes below the town. Toto paused here for a moment, missing his friend.

Where are you now, Michele? Did you really tell tales about me to Enzo and his goons?

Toto threw a small chip of gravel into the back of the shrine, hearing it splash into water in its depths, and ran his free hand through his hair with a pained expression on his face. No, he thought, things were definitely not okay just yet.