Eternity - 2. Chapter Two

"Hey Matt," he said when his best friend picked up the phone. "I was wondering if you could run over here and run me to the bar to get my motorcycle. Someone beat Jared up and he had to be taken to the emergency room, now he's here under my supervision to make sure he doesn't have a concussion.... Hey, thanks bud, and could you bring Chelsea to stay with him while I'm gone? Thanks Matt, you're a great friend, see you in five."

Moving over to where Jared now lay on the couch, Kyle said to him, "Hey Jared, Matt's coming over to take me to get the bike. I won't be gone but a few minutes, but Chelsea will be here with you while I'm gone, ok?" Kyle couldn't help but notice when Jared flinched at the mere mention of Matt coming over.

"Um, yeah, sure, that's fine Kyle. Listen though, I really don't want to put you out, so if you want you can just take me home, I'm sure I'm fine."

"Sorry Jared, like it or not, you're stuck with me until tomorrow night. You‘re not supposed to be alone and I‘m going to make sure you‘re not."

"Kyle, really, there's no need.." Jared started, only to be interrupted.

"Damn it Jared, there is every need. If you don't want to be here with me then just say so and I'll take you back to the hospital."

"It's not that, I want to be here more than anything else. I guess I'm just tired, where's a blanket and pillow and I'll crash on the couch."

"There's no need for you to crash on the couch Jared, there's a bed in the spare room, feel free to crash there."

"K, thanks Kyle. I know you're not happy about this but I didn't know who else to call."

"Don't worry about it, but like I told you before Jared, don't expect anything from all of this. I just couldn't leave you there."

"I know that, and I appreciate it."

Kyle was having a really hard time getting his emotions under control when there was a knock on the door of the apartment. He didn't even have time to go over and open the door when it swung open and Matt and Chelsea were standing there. Kyle expected to just slip out the door, get his motorcycle and be back in no time and was quite surprised when Matt stormed up to Jared.

"I thought I told you to stay the hell away from him Jared. Don't make me hit you again, why don't you just get your shit and leave again, you're good at that."

Kyle was surprised to see Jared take a step back and watched as his eyes fill with fear when he found himself trapped. It took Kyle a moment before the implications of what Matt had said began to sink in. He stood there in shock as he realized that Matt was the reason that Jared had been in the hospital.

"Wait a minute Matt, are you saying you're the one that hit Jared?"

"Yeah, so? C'mon Kyle, the man had it coming for the way that he treated you."

"That may be true, but you had no right Matt," Kyle said, stepping in front of Matt, blocking him from all access to Jared.

"Damn Kyle, are you going soft on me man? Don't you remember what he did to you?"

"That's right Matt, he did it to me, not you. You know what, why don't you go home, I'll go pick up my bike later. I can't believe you did this, I knew you could be an ass Matt, but I never knew you could be that mean."

"Kyle, what the hell are you doing man? You're just going to let him stay here like nothing ever happened? What the hell has gotten into you."

Kyle had been angry before, but he had never been so mad at another person as he was at that moment. Matt knew that he had never really gotten over Jared, and the fact that Matt had hurt Jared made Kyle see red. As he started speaking again he forgot for the moment that Jared was there and could hear everything.

"What the hell am I doing? Matt, you know that I never fully got over him, you knew that I hardly ever dated anyone new because no one could compare to him. I can't believe that the one man that I've loved you would hurt. I want you to leave, and until you can be decent again I don't want you to come around."

Matt acted like he was going to say something else before glaring at Jared and walking out the door, Chelsea following close behind. It still didn't hit Kyle that Jared had just heard his confession, at least it didn't hit him until he turned to go into his bedroom and came face to face with Jared's tear filled eyes.

"Kyle?" Jared questioned him, taking a step towards him.

"Don't Jared, just don't. If I hadn't been so angry I would never had said anything, just leave me be. You can stay here until tomorrow because you need someone to watch over you. Go get some sleep," he finished before walking silently into his bedroom and closing the door.

~~~~~~
Jared felt absolutely horrible about the scene that he had just witnessed. He knew that he had deserved Matt hitting him, that's why he didn't say anything to Kyle about who it was. It would never have came down to Kyle throwing Matt out if it wasn't for him. He knew that Kyle didn't want to talk to him, but he had to make one last effort to try to talk to him. Walking slowly over to the closed bedroom door he knocked softly on it.

"Kyle? Can we talk?"

Kyle's voice came softly through the closed door and Jared thought that he heard a trace of tears in them as Kyle said, "Just leave me alone right now Jared, I just need to be alone."

As much as Jared didn't want to leave Kyle alone he knew that right now that's what he needed to do. Walking slowly away from the bedroom door he grabbed a blanket and a pillow out of the linen closet and settled himself on the couch in the living room. He knew that Kyle had told him to take the spare bedroom but it would just feel too much like he was back.

Jared was just about asleep when he heard Kyle's bedroom door open. Opening his eyes he watched as Kyle opened the door to the spare room and couldn't help but wince when he saw those broad shoulders sag. Jared wanted nothing more than to ease his pain but considering the fact that he was the source of it he stayed where he was. It wasn't until Kyle walked into the living room and saw Jared lying there on the couch that Jared sensed more than saw the relief that came over his ex-lover. Closing his eyes and pretending sleep he waited to hear the bedroom door shut again, when it didn't happen he opened his eyes slightly and was surprised to see Kyle sitting in the armchair across from the couch, watching him.

Knowing that if he said anything Kyle would go back into the room Jared remained silent, trying to keep his breathing level so that Kyle would continue to think that he was asleep. He didn't know how long Kyle had sat there watching him before he heard Kyle whisper.

"I never knew why you left, I always wondered what it was that I did. God, I never stopped loving you, I wish I could have, but I couldn't. Why couldn't you just stay gone Jared, why did you have to come back."

Jared knew that the only reason Kyle was saying what he was saying was because he thought that Jared was asleep. Much as he wanted Kyle to keep talking, he couldn't deceive him like this, he had to let him know that he was awake.

"You didn't do anything Kyle," Jared whispered, slowly opening his eyes. "I wanted to stay, god, how I wanted to stay with you, but I couldn't."

"You've been awake this whole time haven't you?! Damn it, you always were able to trick me, weren't you Jared. First you trick me into believing that you love me," Kyle continued, only to be interrupted by Jared.

"It wasn't a trick Kyle, I did love you, forget did, I still do love you. I know you don't want me here Kyle, all i wanted to do was try to make you understand why I left, why I couldn't stay with you, no matter how much I loved you and wanted to be with you."

"You sure had a hell of a way to show me that you loved me, you walked out on me Jared, with nothing but a note. A note saying "I'm Sorry," like that's was going to make it any better. No letter of explanation, no nothing. You couldn't even tell me to my face that you weren't happy anymore and wanted out, you had to leave me a note, a note with two stinking words on it."

Taking the chance that Kyle would move away, Jared slowly got up from the couch and went and knelt in front of the chair that Kyle was sitting in. He wanted to place his hands on Kyle's knees, to have some sort of physical contact with him, but Jared knew that he wasn't ready for that. He also knew that if he hadn't caught Kyle unaware that he wouldn't be able to explain anything to him.

"Kyle, listen to me, I was never unhappy with you. I loved you from the day I met you, nothing will ever change that."

"I was going to ask you to marry me, I was going to ask you to stay with me forever. I thought we were fine, I thought that everything was going good. Why Jared? Why the hell did you leave me?!"

"I left you Kyle because you were going to ask me to marry you. I know that doesn't make sense, but give me a second and I'll explain. Kyle, I wanted to marry you so bad but I couldn't. I was so ashamed Kyle, I couldn't marry you when I was so ashamed."

"Oh great, so you were ashamed of me, so that's what it was. Well, that's good to know," Kyle said, standing up rapidly and heading back towards his room.

Jared couldn't stand the pain that he had seen in Kyle's eyes. He knew that he was no match for Kyle, but he couldn't let him walk out of the room thinking that he was ashamed of him. He climbed quickly to his feet and ran to stand between Kyle and the bedroom door.

"No Kyle, I was never ashamed of you. I was ashamed of myself, I was ashamed of who I was," Jared said. Seeing that he had Kyle's attention he moved slowly out of the way and went back over to sit on the couch. He could feel the tears pooling in his eyes and was determined not to let them fall. He was actually surprised when Kyle went back and sat down again in the armchair. He was even more surprised by Kyle's next words.

"How the hell could you be ashamed of yourself Jared? You were the kindest, gentlest man I knew. What was there to be ashamed of?"

"I was ashamed because I'm gay and I didn't have the courage to tell my father. You would think that as a grown up I would be able to face up to him and tell him that I was gay, I couldn't. The only person in my family who knew about you was my sister. You've never met my dad Kyle, he was the most homophobic person you would ever meet. I couldn't face up to the fact that he would be disappointed in me to the point of disowning me. You were lucky Kyle, you had a family that accepted you no matter who you were and that would accept any decision that you made. I didn't have a family like that, at least not as far as my dad was concerned."

"You could have told me Jared, you could have explained that to me back then, we would have worked through it together," Kyle said softly. "You didn't have to just pick up and walk out the door."

"But that's just it Kyle, I did have to leave. If my dad had found out about us he would have made your life miserable, I couldn't take that chance. I knew that if you asked me to marry you I would have to tell you no, no matter how much I wanted to marry you I couldn't do that to you."

"That wasn't your decision to make Jared, sure, I've had people that can't accept me, but it doesn't matter. I accept myself for who I am and everyone else can just go screw themselves."

"I realize that now, I know that I made bad decisions and I wish to god I could take them decisions back, but I can't. I told my parents a couple weeks ago that I was gay," Jared finished in a whisper, the tears running down his face. "My dad went berserk, like I knew he would, told me that he wouldn't have no faggot for a son," Jared said, his voice choking on the words. "I got so angry Kyle, I was so mad that I wanted to hurt him, I started screaming at him, telling him that he ruined my life. I told him about you, told him that I left you because I didn't want to be a disappointment to him. Told him that I ruined the best relationship that I'd ever had because of him, because I knew he couldn't accept me for who I was. My mom just sat there crying through the whole awful thing."

"Jared," Kyle said in a soothing voice, "look at me."

"I can't, I have to get this out while I still can. My dad told me to pack my bags and get out of his house. You see, when I first left you I went to stay at my sisters. I know she told you that I wasn't there, but I had told her to tell you that, actually I begged her. I knew that you'd try to find me and I couldn't face you right then. I knew that I had hurt you. After a couple months at my sisters house I moved back to my parents, trying to prove to myself that I could make my father happy. I went out with girls, but they were all old friends, though I let my old man think it was more. I could never feel anything except friendship for them because they weren't you, well, that and the fact that they had all the wrong parts. Anyways, when I told my dad I was gay he told me to pack my shit and get the hell out of his house and that I wasn't to have any contact with the rest of the family. I ran up the stairs and started throwing things in my suitcase, but while I was packing my mom came up to see me. She was crying Kyle, she told me that she still loved me and that my dad wouldn't be able to keep her from seeing me. I guess after everything happened dad left, telling my mom to make sure I was out of the house before he got back. My mom told me that she wanted me to write her and tell her how I was doing. She knew that my dad wouldn't let her get letters from me so she told me to let my sister know where I was and that she'd get a P.O. Box that I could send any letters to and that my sister would have the P.O. Box address for me."

"You're mom sounds like quite a lady," Kyle said, knowing that Jared wasn't quite done.

"You have no idea Kyle, my mom is the best. I wish I had told her years ago, but I couldn't. My mom also told me that I needed to find you, tell you why I left. I told her that you probably wouldn't let me explain after how bad I was sure I'd hurt you. Of course, that's when she looked at me and asked if I still loved you. I told her I did, more than anything else. She simply said, "Well baby, nothing worth fighting for is ever easy, so you go find that man and you apologize and explain until you're blue in the face, maybe he'll listen." I knew that you probably wouldn't be happy to see me or hear from me, but I had to try Kyle."

"I'm so sorry Jared for what your dad put you through, I can't.." Kyle began, only to be interrupted again by Jared.

"I understand Kyle, I understand why you can't give me a second chance, I don't deserve one. If you'll just give me my keys I'll leave," Jared said, misinterpreting what Kyle had started to say.

"Let me finish Jared, what I was saying was that I'm sorry about what your dad put you through, I can't understand how a man could do that to his own son. I'm not saying that we can be together again and I'm not saying that we can't, because I honestly don't know right now. I understand why you left but like I said before, you should have came to me and we would have worked through it together. I'm not letting you go home tonight though because I'm not going to chance anything happening to you. Right now I think it's best that we just try to be friends, I don't think either one of us are ready to start over together, but friends is a good first step. Don't get your hopes up, because that may be all that we will ever be, but we'll have to wait and see. I have a lot of stuff I need to think about but I'm not angry at you anymore. I'm not happy with what you did and it still hurts like hell, but I can understand at least a little bit why you left. Now, I'm going to go get some sleep and you should do the same, but you are sleeping in the spare room, that couch is uncomfortable as hell."