System of a Wolf - 12. Chapter 12

“Moss works best with cichlids in ponds.”

Erith looked down at the mage tucked in his arm, Blake busy scrolling through his phone. They were curled up on the couch, watching a show about sharks. Well, he was watching a show about sharks. Blake was busy plotting out their new project.

“Moss, huh? They won’t eat it?” he asked.

“They’ll probably try,” Blake shrugged. “I’m not a plant expert, I’m just repeating what I’m reading.”

“I mean, I’m a huge fan of moss,” Erith said. “Honestly, I’m not sure how strong fish are, but moss is pretty hardy, so it should work. And it would help clean the pond too.”

“And in today’s wrestling match, we have a tiger oscar versus MOSS!” Blake said into his hand. “Who’s going to win this most epic of fights? A four pound fish, or a plant? The results will shock you.”

Erith laughed at the man, shaking his head.

“Somehow, I think the fish has the advantage here. If only because they can keep coming at it. And it’s not like we’re only getting one fish,” he said. “The idea is to have a pond full of various cichlids and attendant fish. Hopefully we can make it work.”

“But we have to dig the pond first. I get to help, right? I’ve never dug a hole with my magic before,” Blake said excitedly.

“Of course you get to help. But I’m hoping we can get some tools out here to dig a lot faster,” Erith replied. “This thing needs to be… what, five, six feet deep in the center?”

“With plenty of rocks and places to hide on the sides,” Blake nodded. “Especially for the pleco. If the oscars try to chase them, they need a place to escape to.”

Erith shrugged, tapping Blake’s shoulder gently to move him.

“Whatever you say, Fishmaster. Ready for dinner? We need to puppy proof this place for you too.”

Blake grumbled quietly, but picked himself up.

“Nuggies again?” he asked.

“Actually, I was thinking mac and cheese,” Erith denied. “I found a recipe that uses ground beef and beans with it. If you’re okay with those mixing.”

Blake thought about it for a moment, before nodding.

“I’ll try it,” he conceded. “Can I have milk too? But not the gold milk.”

“Yeah. I went to the store yesterday, so there should be plenty of milk, and I’ll even make some cookies for after.”

“Peanut butter cookies?”

“Really? Peanut butter? I would have thought you’d want chocolate chip cookies,” Erith suggested.

“I don’t like chocolate,” Blake frowned. “I wish you went with us last night. It would have been fun.”

“Fun to get sprayed by a skunk together?” Erith snorted. “Besides, I don’t know if I trust Gara around other wolves.”

“But Devyn was there,” Blake said. “And Dr. Marin, and Jason. They would have kept Gara safe. And I would have protected you from the skunk too.”

“Blake, it’s not about being protected. It’s about whether or not Gara can get along with the other wolves. He tolerates Devyn at best. I don’t want to put anyone in a fight with him.”

“Does that mean Gara is going to attack me if I shift?” Blake demanded.

“What? No, we’ve shifted together before,” Erith denied. “I wouldn’t have invited you over during the full moon if I was scared of that.”

He hated this line of questioning. How could he admit to a werewolf that he cared for deeply that he was terrified of werewolves? It was insanity to expect Blake to stay if Erith was scared of who he was.

And that realisation struck him with the force of a truck. He couldn’t expect Blake to stay. And he couldn’t lie to the werewolf just to keep him.

“I’m scared, okay? I don’t like werewolves. I mean, some of them are okay, like you, or Dr. Marin, but most of them terrify me,” he admitted in a rush. “I’ve tried to get over my fear, but I just can’t. And I don’t know why.”

Blake was silent for a moment, his face staring at his lap in thought. He glanced up a moment later.

“Do you want to try to fix this, or are you just getting this out in the open?” he asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” Erith sighed. “I’ve tried to fix it. Fuck, I’m still trying to fix it. I don’t think I can fix it; I just need you to know because I can’t let you be with someone who can’t handle werewolves. All those times I had to go to the WolfRoom, or every time I have to register… it’s just too much.”

He stood up and headed into the kitchen, shoulders slumped in defeat.

“If you want, I can take you home after dinner. I’m sorry I dragged you into my mess.”

Blake laughed quietly, shaking his head. He followed Erith into the kitchen, leaning against a wall.

“You want to know what’s a mess? Having to deal with the fact that no one thinks you know what you’re doing. People thinking you can’t make your own choices, or trying to push you into what they think you should be doing. It sucks. I can handle things Erith. I’m not happy that you are scared of me, but I can handle that.”

“But I’m not scared of you,” Erith said, reaching into a cabinet for a box of pasta. “Just other werewolves. I know it’s ridiculous, I know they aren’t going to hurt me. But I don’t like being around them.”

“What if you don’t think of them as werewolves? They’re just wolves, or humans, or elves,” Blake suggested.

Erith shrugged, filling a pot with water. It was no help; he’d tried before, and nothing seemed to work. Eight years of work did nothing to ease his fear of werewolves.

“We’ll figure something out,” Blake said. “Together. You’re my mate, right?”

“Yeah,” Erith replied quietly. “Yeah, I am.”

Blake lay on the floor in front of the TV, a pack of coloured pencils sitting next to him. He carefully coloured in a book, a light brown filling the picture of a wolf as he worked on it.

Erith was busy in the kitchen, working on the promised milk and cookies. He had shooed Blake out of the room as soon as dinner was done, claiming he worked better on his own. They had two more hours before the moon rose; two hours before their wolves took over. Blake was planning on enjoying his little side before he had to shift. But he also knew he didn’t have a lot of time.

“A colouring book?”

The mage looked up at Erith, startled by the elf’s near silent approach. He nodded, showing him the wolf he was colouring.

“Can I help?”

The question surprised Blake. He hadn’t even considered the possibility that Erith might want to join him. He glanced at the kitchen, the smell of cookies filling the air. Shouldn’t the elf be watching them? But then again, Erith probably knew what he was doing. Blake nodded again, scooting the book over as Erith laid down next to him.

“I haven’t coloured in a long time,” the elf said, reaching for a blue pencil.

He began filling in an eye on the wolf, the blue spreading out messily across the lines. Blake frowned as his careful drawing became messy.

“You should do it more,” the mage said.

“But I can’t,” the elf pouted. “I don’t have any books, and I can’t use them anyway.”

Blake blinked in surprise, staring at Erith.

“You can’t? Why not?” he asked.

“I can’t tell you,” Erith frowned.

“Oh.”

Blake thought for a moment.

“You’re the alter, aren’t you?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. You’ll never know.”

Erith stuck his tongue out at Blake and laughed. The mage shook his head and stood up.

“Why don’t you work on the book and I’ll make sure the cookies don’t burn,” he said.

“Okie.”

The man stepped into the kitchen, quietly lamenting the loss of his little space yet again. But there was no help for it. Erith clearly wasn’t here, and the alter who took his place seemed way too young to do anything for themself. Whoever they were. Blake wondered if it would be rude to ask their name. Wasn’t that usually what you did when you met someone new?

Not to mention that this was clearly a different person than the one Erith was worried about, and Blake had the suspicion the elf didn’t know about them. He was out of his comfort zone here, and he really had no idea how to handle this.

The oven beeped, drawing his attention, and Blake grabbed a towel. He pulled the sheet of cookies out. The smell filled the kitchen, wafting out through much of the house, and Blake’s stomach growled hungrily. But he set the sheet aside, waiting for them to cool before starting in on the treats.

“No biscuits?”

Blake yelped at Erith’s voice. He spun around, staring wide eyed at the elf. Biscuits… he thought only nekos called cookies biscuits… and besides, he’d told Erith he’d take care of the cookies.

“Weren’t you going to colour?”

Erith nodded, his eyes staring at the cookies.

“Ye, but biscuits first,” he pouted.

It was so weird to see someone else acting little. Blake really had no room to complain; he did it all the time. It was just strange to see it for himself.

“Okay, but Gara is coming soon, isn’t he?”

Erith’s eyes lit up.

“Gara is coming soon, but he’s sleepy puppy right now,” he giggled. “Can we save a biscuit for Gara? And Varen?”

“Sure, and we’ll save one for Erith too,” Blake replied. “Will he be back soon?”

The elf shrugged, still staring at the cookies.

“Five minutes. That’s what Dr. Marin always says. It leaves them nice and chewy,” Blake said, following the elf’s eyes. “But I want to share with everyone if I can.”

“Varen won’t come. He only comes when Erith is doing his adult things. But I’m not allowed to look. I’m not even supposed to be here right now. But shh, don’t tell Varen, okay? He’ll get mad.”

“Why would he get mad?” Blake frowned.

“Because he says I can’t protect myself. But I wanted to play,” the elf pouted.

“But you’re not Erith. Do you have a name?”

“Lynn.”

It was a start, he supposed. Blake hated feeling like the only adult; it was a lot of pressure. But this alter, Lynn, he was clearly not an adult, and Blake couldn’t leave him alone.

“Okay Lynn, why don’t we see if we can colour another wolf? The cookies should be ready then,” he suggested, guiding the elf out of the room.

“Did you see my tail? Varen keeps hiding it,” Lynn scowled.

“Your tail?”

“Yeah. I need my tail.”

Blake scratched his head, utterly stumped. Erith’s alter was a little neko? It made no sense. Why would an elf have a neko side to them? It just seemed like it would cause way too many issues.

“I’ll look for it,” he promised. “But only if you leave the cookies alone. Deal?”

“I promise,” Lynn said, hands behind his back.

“Ah ah, hands where I can see them.”

The neko in an elf body grumbled, but pulled his hands out from behind his back and uncrossed his fingers.

“I promise,” he said again.

“Okay. Go find a nice wolf you want to colour. When I get back, we can have cookies.”

Lynn scurried from the room, leaving Blake alone for a moment. Letting out a sigh, the mage headed toward the bedroom, feeling more and more like he was out of his depth. But he wasn’t going to let that stop him. He couldn’t let Erith down. Granted, he doubted he’d actually be able to talk to Erith until tomorrow, but for now, he was going to deal with Lynn, try to keep him happy. And safe.