System of a Wolf - 21. Chapter 21

“You have to make sure the water is neutral, no more than 7.4 ph. Some websites say 7.4 and higher, but that’s for cichlids from Ythan, not Sarelin…”

He was barely listening as the neko collected nearly twenty different fish out of various tanks. Blake had been here; Erith was sure of it. Even Gara seemed to think the mage was here somewhere, but there was no sight of the man. Both wolf and elf were feeling rather down about missing Blake, but he couldn’t let it distract him. He was now on a time limit.

Erith needed to get these fish home and in the pond within the next hour, or they were going to suffocate.

He grabbed a large box and carefully set the bags inside. Carrying them out to his car, the elf drove home quickly, making sure to take roads he knew wouldn’t jostle the bags too much.

Erith’s thoughts were a mess. He was trying so hard to give Blake his space. The mage clearly didn’t want to talk; he hadn’t messaged back or done anything to acknowledge the messages that Erith had left him. And yet every part of the elf wanted to drive over to the pack house, braving the werewolves just so he could sit Blake down and ask what was so horrible about being romantic without sex. He hadn’t had sex since he’d gotten away from his uncle and he was doing…

Well, certainly not fine, but that wasn’t due to a lack of sex. Though Varen had been good about dealing with that side of things, he supposed. Especially if the number of videos was anything to go by.

But this was the entire reason Erith had been struggling himself. No one wanted someone who was broken. He really needed to do them all a favour and let Blake go his own way, as much as it hurt.

Drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited for a stoplight, the elf glanced at the fish he’d bought. What was the point of it all? Why had he bought the fish? Started the pond? Was any of this for him? Or was it all some misguided attempt to get Blake to stay with him, to convince them both that they could work together?

Worse… what would he do when the mage died? That was the elf’s curse, to outlive the people he loved. Sure, Blake still had a good thirty years ahead of him as a mage, as long as he didn’t burn himself out. But Erith had over a hundred years beyond that. Could he even give himself to someone, only to have the cruel hands of time wrench them away like that?

He felt each second ticking past then, like a timer in his head, and Erith took a ragged breath. Time was slipping away, even for the timeless. He was missing his friend, his love, his Blake…

But Blake wasn’t his. He never had been.

A car horn startled the elf, and he came back to his senses, moving through the green light. He was going to live a long time. He would outlive Blake, Dr. Marin, James, these fish. It was something he would have to handle. There was no point breaking down about it; that would only waste the time he had to enjoy what he could.

Glancing at the fish again, Erith let out a long breath. He turned into his drive, the car rolling to a careful stop. The elf stepped out of the car with the box of fish in his hands. He would see them home safely. He would nurture them, love them, and their offspring. They would be the best cared for fish in Astara, and he would do it all for the man who had stolen his heart only to crush it in the palm of his hand.

The elf carried his precious cargo to the back gate, unlatching it with one hand before slipping into the backyard. He approached the shallowest part of the pond and knelt.

One by one, the bags were set into the water, five plecos, four oscars, four firemouths, a trio of angelfish, and four convicts awaiting release into their new homes. Erith set a timer on his phone, ten minutes to let the bags reach the temperature of the pond. After that, he would slowly start adding pond water to the bags, before finally releasing them.

Standing up, the elf headed inside, pouring himself a small glass of whiskey and mixing it with a bit of cranberry juice. He didn’t want to get drunk, but with his emotions on edge like they were, Erith needed to calm down a bit.

He sipped at his adult juice, frowning at the random term.

“Lynn, are you waking up?”

The elf rolled his eyes at the lack of response. Fuck it, he needed the drink. He would just have to hope the neko wouldn’t come out before her time. The last thing he needed was to have a drunk kid running around his house.

He stepped back outside, his eyes widening in horror at the sight of a pigeon stalking in the shallows of the pond.

“Get the fuck out of here!”

Racing at the bird, the elf flinched as his drink sloshed all over his hand. Staring at the mess in his hand, Erith took a deep breath. His breathing became harsh, his vision blurring as his mind just shut down. He didn’t know what he was doing any more. What was the point in any of this?

“I got us.”

For once, the elf’s voice was gentle, lacking the cockiness he always seemed to carry. Erith felt himself receding into a void, where nothing could hurt him, nothing could disturb him.

Varen stared at the drink in his hand. Turning the cup over, he let the alcohol wash out into the dirt. There was no need for poison to cure their ailments. Erith would sleep, and Varen would make sure everything was okay when he returned.

“I don’t know about this…”

Blake stared at himself in the rearview mirror, fidgeting with his headphones. He looked ridiculous, he knew he did, but there was no way he could deal with the stress of this without the music running through his head. The mage wore casual clothes. Adam had insisted over the phone that this was nothing too big. There were no expectations to have or to ruin.

“At any point tonight, all you have to do is say the word, and we’ll go home,” Dr. Marin said, setting a comforting hand on the man’s leg. “I will be watching the entire time. I promise. You set the rules tonight Blake. Just remember that. You are in charge here.”

Eyes scanned the car park warily. What car was he in? Was he even here yet? Blake could already feel the anxiety mounting, and he forced himself to take a deep breath.

“I’m ready…”

“Okay.”

They stepped out of the car together, and Dr. Marin took Blake’s hand. Squeezing it gently, the older werewolf led the younger toward the bar.

The music was surprisingly quiet for a bar. Everything seemed relaxed; a little dark, but at the same time well lit. It was vastly different from Blake’s only other time at a bar, and the man found it a welcome change. Here he had thought he’d spend the whole night yelling to be heard. It was one less thing to worry about, one less stress on his mind.

His nose lifted slightly, that smell of aquarium water hitting him like a magnet to metal. Blake followed the smell to a table under a soft light. Adam was sitting under the light, his face looking well toned in the soft shadows. He couldn’t be over thirty years old, and again Blake was struck by how young the man was.

“Hey there Puppy,” Adam smiled slightly. “Dr. Marin. It’s been too long.”

“It has,” the older man said tightly. “I hope in that time you have learned from your mistakes.”

“If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here,” Adam shrugged, standing up.

He pulled out a pair of chairs for the two of them, and Blake sat with a murmured thanks.

“Blake, I have a few rules I need to explain to you before we get the night going,” Adam said quietly, standing beside the mage. “First, and foremost, I will be treating both you and Dr. Marin to this evening, so have whatever you want. I don’t know how big a drinker you are, but I’d prefer it if neither of us got drunk. You will not be going home with me, and I will not be going home with you. I don’t want anything to happen that either of us might regret. I hope that is agreeable with you.”

“Um…”

Blake was stunned. Adam was giving him limits? More than that, they were limits that weren’t going to hurt. In fact, they seemed like they were meant to keep him safe.

He nodded quickly, realizing the man was still waiting for an answer, and Adam smiled widely.

“Excellent. Are you hungry? Either of you?”

“I ate already,” Blake replied. “I didn’t think this was a dinner date.”

“Let’s not go so far as to call it a date yet,” Adam suggested. “Just a couple of old acquaintances hanging out for now. Hopefully friends. And then we’ll see from there.”

“Isn’t… isn’t that what a date is though? Seeing if you like someone?” Blake asked in confusion.

“Huh… yeah, I suppose it is. I stand corrected,” Adam chuckled quietly.

“Well, I appreciate your offer Adam, but I’d feel better myself if I handled our drinks,” Dr. Marin said.

“Of course. Whatever makes you both more comfortable.”

Dr. Marin patted Blake on the shoulder as he stood up.

“Cranberry juice okay?” he asked gently.

“Yeah,” Blake nodded. “Thank you.”

The older man left them alone, and Blake glanced at Adam nervously. Adam was staring at his headphones, a small frown on his face.

“Do you not like the music they’re playing?”

Blake shrugged.

“I just feel better with my headphones on,” he frowned, twisting the cord around a finger.

“We really messed you up, didn’t we?”

“Dr. Marin said this wasn’t because of you. I’ve needed this my whole life,” Blake frowned. “But yeah. You did.”

“Look, Blake, I know what I did was wrong. I know there are going to be people who look at me and won’t be able to see past what I did. I hope you’re not one of those people, but I understand if you are. We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I know you’re nervous, and I don’t want to make you even more uncomfortable.”

“Does that mean you’re never going to touch me again?” Blake whimpered.

“Not unless you want me to,” Adam said firmly.

“I… don’t know what I want…” Blake shivered, wrapping his arms around himself.

“And that’s perfectly fine. When you figure it out, I’ll be here waiting for you,” Adam promised. “Until then, I hope we can still be friends.”

Dr. Marin returned with a couple of glasses, setting a red one in front of Blake. He nodded to Adam, and the man stepped away to grab his own drink as Blake sipped at the juice.

The tart cranberry mixed with the sharpness of alcohol, not a strong amount, but enough to chase away Blake’s nerves.

“Thank you,” he murmured, slowly unwrapping himself from his own arms.

“Is everything okay?”

“I don’t know. I… I want to like him. He’s so nice, and I liked him back when… you know. But everyone says I should hate him, that he is a bad guy. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.”

Blake shivered again, hanging his head.

“Blake, no one can tell you how to feel. If you like him, you like him. If you can see him for more than what he did, then you shouldn’t worry about what other people say. I’m sure I could go on about all the nasty things people would say or think about the two of you together, but none of that matters. All that matters is what makes you happy.”

Adam returned before he could reply, an ale in hand. The man smiled down at Blake, offering him his hand.

“What do you say we all try a game of pool?”

Blake looked at the hand uncertainly, before reaching out and letting Adam pull him to his feet. Grabbing his drink, the mage followed Adam into a back room in the bar, Dr. Marin bringing up the rear. He still wasn’t sure what he really wanted, but Blake decided it didn’t matter in the moment. He’d try to enjoy himself, try to see Adam as just another person.