System of a Wolf - 14. Chapter 14

He was in control. And yet that control hung by the thinnest thread.

Not that Varen would ever let anyone know that. He co-fronted with Gara all night, whispering in the wolf’s ear, letting the wolf know he had made a mistake, but he needed to correct it, he could fix it. There was no need for Erith to come back out.

No, the truth was, Varen had no control over the alters. It was all Gara. How Lynn had gotten out was beyond him, but even Gara knew the neko needed someone at her side. It was how Varen had wormed his way out. Usually the elf only had glimpses, brief moments where he was allowed to help, to do his job as protector. He had to admit that Erith was strong. He knew what he was doing. But it didn’t mean he could handle everything.

Like sex. Erith’s little videos never failed to open a floodgate of memories. A flood of memories that Varen had to deal with. It was hard, but Varen had already been through it all before. He could handle living through everything again.

Dealing with people was harder. Sure, he could deal with Lynn no problem. But a human who smelled like sex on a stick? A man who challenged his every thought process? That needed a lot more forethought.

And he had to do it all on his own. Gara controlled them all, allowing them to approach or retreat as needed, but the wolf had been holding him and Lynn back for years. Aside from Erith’s videos, Varen had only ever been out around Blake, or Erith’s wolf friend from school.

But he needed more now. He needed to handle Blake, to better protect Erith. None of them knew how the elf would react to him or Lynn. Granted, Erith had invited them forward, had offered something of a peace offering, but Varen knew he had to keep his distance too. If he started working with Erith closely, there was no telling what memories might leak through to Erith. Besides, he needed to keep Lynn innocent. And while Gara would never allow the neko to front if Varen got into Blake’s pants, Varen wasn’t sure he wanted to take that risk. Blake was probably right; as much as Varen wanted to fuck the human, it was probably a bad idea.

Gara was never far from the front, and he knew everything that happened. He had been there since Erith had watched Lynn’s body lower into the ground at barely seven years old, he had been there when Erith’s uncle had replaced his parents, and he had finally taken form when Varen had gotten Erith’s uncle drunk enough to turn them into a werewolf.

And it all impacted a wolf differently. Gara could view everything from a relative distance, offering them relief when needed, or calling them forward to take the body, not that Gara ever really let that happen. As helpful as the wolf was, Varen couldn’t help see him as more of a jailer than anything, keeping him and Lynn from coming out. Sure, the wolf had his reasons. And they were good reasons. But the elf was still sore about that.

Of course, this was all coloured by Varen’s experiences. He hadn’t been there for Lynn, he had only emerged after she had been created in Erith’s mind. All of this was just what he had picked up over the years. The only one who really knew the whole story was Gara, and the wolf wasn’t talking.

Erith wouldn’t be able to handle a new relationship while trying to navigate two new alters at once. That was Varen’s reasoning. He needed Blake to lay everything out on him, not Erith. It would be beneficial to stay in control of the body.

And that was why Varen was currently standing naked in the kitchen, cooking pancakes over a burning stove. He needed his own peace offering, a way to apologize for the previous night. The elf had gone overboard with Blake. Worse, he had risked revealing them all because he had let his urges get the best of him. And Varen was determined to do better.

Part of that was distraction. He needed to keep Blake off balance, keep him from asking too many questions. But he also needed to do damage control. He needed to be Erith.

At some point, Erith had to come back. And it needed to happen soon. It was all a delicate balancing act. The elf had amnesia, he wouldn’t question another black out too much. But every minute that passed unaccounted for added to the risk of Erith asking Blake what had happened. The occasional lapse could be explained; Gara had gone for a walk, or the full moon was messing with the werewolf. But more would be questioned, and at that point, everything would fall apart.

Varen was in constant contact with Gara as he cooked, working on figuring out just when Erith could come back; that exact point when risk to the system would be the lowest. The problem was Blake. He was an unknown. And he needed to be dealt with. A certain amount of memory could be delicately passed to Erith, but more than that would not be risked.

It would be over breakfast. Varen had to corner Blake, prevent him from talking about Lynn, get dressed, and formulate a reason for a blackout that Erith could believe. It was a lot of work, and a lot of pressure, but the elf was up to it.

Or so he thought, until a knock on the front door destroyed all his carefully laid plans for the morning.

Blake was startled awake by the slamming of a dresser. It took him a moment to realize where he was, naked and curled up in a wolf bed. In Erith’s room. With Erith yanking a pair of briefs over his butt by the door.

“Erith?”

Grabbing for his own clothes as the elf spun around, the mage began dressing just as quickly.

“Shit, Blake… um… so, Naia and Amber are here,” Erith panted, sliding his pants up frantically. “They’re going to help us with the pond.”

“This early?” Blake frowned.

“It’s almost eleven,” Erith denied. “We slept all morning. I was cooking pancakes… I think. At least, there’s pancakes on the stove, so we can grab a couple each and get outside.”

“You don’t remember cooking pancakes? While naked?” Blake frowned.

Erith shrugged helplessly as he reached for a shirt.

“I don’t remember a lot of things. I’m used to it. Besides, it’s not the first time I’ve cooked naked in my house,” he said, his shirt falling over his torso. “Just… finish up in here. You can come out whenever, or stay in here if you want, but none of us really know what a cichlid needs in a pond.”

The elf stepped out of the room without another word, leaving Blake to finish dressing. It worried the mage. The previous night felt like it was festering between them already, but he knew he shouldn’t talk about it in front of whoever Erith had brought to dig the pond out.

Dressing swiftly, the man followed Erith from the room. He found the elf talking to a couple of nekos at the door, and his mind flashed back to Lynn. Blake looked around anxiously for the ears and the tail, certain that if the nekos saw them, Erith would be in a lot of trouble. He breathed a little easier when he remembered the elf had hidden them in his room the night before.

The whole situation was beyond stressful. Blake just wanted to curl up in front of the TV with his paci, but there was no way he could do that. His leg shook with anxiety as the nekos entered the house. Another tic, one that was more subtle than flapping arms. And one that was less excitement, more nerves.

“Amber, Naia, this is Blake. He’s the cichlid expert,” Erith introduced him with a smile.

It puzzled Blake. Wasn’t the elf still upset at him? Did he even remember the argument, or was his amnesia acting up again? Or maybe it was that Erith didn’t want to remember. Maybe he was forgetting on purpose.

No… that wasn’t something Erith would do. He always tried to fix problems; they both did. When Blake had wet his bed when the elf stayed overnight, Erith had helped him clean up, reassuring him that he would keep the accident a secret. Not that it mattered; Dr. Marin had found out about Blake’s nightmares the next night. But that was beyond the point.

If Erith thought there was a problem, he would help Blake fix it, not keep silent about it. So there was no problem. But Blake wondered why he still felt like there were unresolved issues.

“I have to admit, I never thought I’d find someone else down here who even knows what a cichlid is,” Naia chuckled, drawing the mage out of his troubled thoughts.

“I don’t really know much,” Blake shrugged, staring at the ground in embarrassment.

“No? Any idea how big we should make the pond?”

“About ten thousand gallons,” the man said. “Big enough for swimming, plenty of space for the fish. Five feet deep to avoid any frost.”

“Seems like you know what you’re doing to me,” Amber chuckled. “Erith said something about moss for the bottom, and a few tunnels for the fish to hide in. Maybe some rock caves on the sides too.”

They stepped out the back door, and Blake frowned at the various dirt piles running in a massive irregular ellipse that spread throughout the backyard.

“You really tore this place up,” Naia chuckled.

Erith rubbed the back of his head, something Blake was starting to realize was a nervous tic for the elf.

“Yeah… I tried to burn off some energy during the moon,” he said. “The house was a mess when I woke up.”

“Well, at a glance, I’d say you exceeded your mate’s measurements, so… good job,” Amber added. “But we’ll still make sure everything is right. It would be best to mark out the five foot section to start, and then we can dig our way out of that.”

“If you want to get the backhoe, Blake and I can start clearing out some of the rocks,” Erith offered. “I want to make sure there will still be enough space around the pond for plants and other things.”

“Maybe a smaller pond for fry on the side?” Blake suggested. “And if we can get a waterfall somewhere, it would help aerate the water too.”

“Naia, you want to get started on the rocks? I’ll get the digger,” Amber said, turning back toward the house.

Blake stepped into the middle of the undug pond, letting a bit of energy cut into the dirt as he walked. It marked out a large section in the dirt, not too large, but plenty to offer a place for fish to swim. A burst of energy rolled a boulder away from the pond area, and the mage took a moment to catch his breath.

“You okay?” Erith asked worriedly. “Don’t use your magic; we can do this just fine by hand.”

“No, I’m okay,” Blake said. “I want to stretch myself a bit. New experiences and all that.”

Erith’s hand brushed over the man’s cheek, and Blake’s breath caught. His chin was lifted by the elf’s hand, and a pair of lips gently met his own.

“Be careful, okay?”

“Yeah,” he murmured, pulling away from Erith.

Confusion ruled his mind. Clearly Erith wasn’t mad about the previous night, but why not? It had been a rough argument. And hadn’t Blake warned him that he didn’t want to do anything when Lynn might appear at any moment? It was like the elf hadn’t heard a single thing he said. Was this a memory issue? Or was there something else going on?