Come Back To Us - 8. Chapter 8

Time passed, but nothing changed. The pain was still the same, and so was the void in his heart.

He had trouble sleeping at night. But he didn’t stray away from his goal. He knew why he was there. He still wouldn’t give up and return to be with the Hopkins family, no matter how hard it was to adapt, no matter how much he missed them. He bit his lip hard as he was sitting on his bed in the dark, unable to get a bit of sleep. He tried not to think of him. But he would never be successful.

He was always on his mind, clawing at his heart like a wild animal who won’t let go of its prey until there is nothing left of it. He couldn’t understand why he was so affected by him. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore.

He missed his warmth. He missed the feeling of their bodies pressed against each other, how it had felt the last times like they had melted to make just one. A weird sensation, but that hadn’t been unpleasant at all. He missed the feeling of his lips on his skin. He missed how he wondered at the birthmark on his right hip as if he had never seen one before, and how he used to touch it with careful fingers. He missed how he had got used to running his hands through his neatly styled hair and disheveled it because he looked much better without his stupid haircut. He missed how he could easily get angered and how it would make him laugh, when they played chess or cards and that he would lose most times.

He couldn’t help wondering where he was at any time of the day or night, what he was doing, with whom he was, what he was doing. He meant besides studying and helping at the hospital.Had he found someone better to replace him? Or someone he could fall in love with?

Not knowing was driving him mad. He couldn’t understand why he had these kinds of reactions and thoughts.

He had trouble focusing on his courses and learning everything he had to know to become a pilot. His obsession was his worst enemy. But he couldn’t fail. If he had come here, it was to be helpful and serve a noble cause, not to be a failure.

His jaw clenched as he could feel how dry his lips were. He knew it was going to be another sleepless night. He needed to do something useful.

He stood up without a noise and took all the stuff he needed to study properly. He left the room and went to the dining room. He managed to have it open. He was familiar with the place now at least, and it was one of the only positive things.

He sat down at the huge table in the centre of the room, put his stuff down before he started working. But as usual he was having a hard time keeping focused…

George won’t help you save your country, so just focus, you idiot.

Hoping it would work, he started reading his notes again. He couldn’t understand everything when he first got there, but thankfully Jørgen had been a precious help for him, giving him numerous pieces of advice and tips. He didn’t know what he would have done without him.

He had got much better at reading thanks to the Lieutenant General. Of course he figured out that if he couldn’t read Danish he wouldn’t know how to read English either.

“You can’t read English either, can you?”

“Mrs. Hopkins started to teach me, but it’s difficult.”

“I know you might think that you don’t need to know how to read to fly a plane, but unfortunately you have to. You will have to pass written tests before you can start to fly for the first time.”

He was thankful that he was here too. Jørgen had figured it out as well, so he would help him too. And he had that way to make him feel as if it were no big deal, and he just liked it so much.

He could suddenly hear footsteps coming near and glanced up to see who it was. But he focused back on what he was doing, ignoring the man who was coming his way. He was already so easily distracted…He didn’t need someone else to do the job. Unless he proposed to help him.

“You’re still up studying…?”

He glanced up at the man who was staring at him. What was he doing here anyway? Had he been looking for him or what?

“Yeah.”

Even without looking up, he could still feel the man’s gaze on him, and it was enough to distract him…

“You should go and get some rest. Sleep is important. If you are tired, you won’t last long like this. Your ability to retain information will be impacted in a major way. Is that really what you want?”

He knew the man had a point. But he couldn’t do anything against his restless brain.

“I’ve never been to school before. The only thing I know how to do well is farming. So I need extra studying to be able to fill all the gaps I have compared to the others.” A pause “And I can’t sleep well at night anyway, so I’d rather do something useful rather than staying awake in my bunk staring at the ceiling.”

He looked straight into the man’s eyes as he said that, and his words were followed by a moment of silence. Karl always knew how to have the last word with him, it seemed.

“Who are you trying to forget?”

The question was enough to make him start. It was so blunt, so unexpected… His heart started to beat faster and his hands were becoming sweaty.

“No one.”

The answer was curt, and he hoped his tone wouldn’t betray him. There was another moment of silence.

“No need to lie to me. I’ve already experienced this before, so I can perfectly identify someone who is going through the same thing.”

Karl started again as he looked up at him with wide eyes. Well, it’s not that he didn’t care about the man’s life, but he wouldn’t tell him about George. It was none of his business. Just like his life was none of his. But he felt he wouldn’t be able to escape the man’s questioning. He was feeling trapped.

“Someone.”

He doubted the man would be satisfied with such a vague answer, but what else could he do?

“A girl?”

He wasn’t going to leave him alone… Couldn’t he see that he was only trying to study not to fail?
“I’d just like to study, if you will allow me.”

He remained polite because he didn’t want to offend him. He should know that he was being prying.

He didn’t reply, and when he thought he was actually going to leave, he did the opposite as he took the seat across from him.

“So it’s a girl?”

Karl couldn’t believe it. Why was he insisting and ignoring his remark?

“You can talk to me, you know. It’s good to let all these things out of your chest and mind, trust me. You know as well as I do that you haven’t been productive at all during all the time you’ve been here, have you?”

It was a bit scary how good he was at figuring this kind of thing out. So this meant he had really gone through the same thing….he thought about this for a little while. So maybe he could help him understand what he couldn’t, and maybe appease his inner wrath and obsession. Talking about this to someone who could understand it couldn’t be that bad, right?

“No. It’s a boy.”

“Oh…”

He looked shocked at that revelation, and he guessed he couldn’t blame him. But now that he had started, he needed to proceed.

“He’s always on my mind, even when I’m focusing on something totally different…”

That long moment of silence was making him feel ill-at-ease.

“Because you’re in love with him.”

“No! I’m not in love with him. I can’t be in love with him.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s a boy, and if boys fell in love with other boys, then you would see them. And I’m not attracted to him.”

That was the truth. He didn’t find him handsome like a man would find a woman beautiful. He was just…a boy, well, young adult because he was too old to be a boy.

“Love and attraction are two different things. You shouldn’t mix up the two. It may be confusing, but the difference is simple.”

He had never thought about the distinction. He knew nothing about love.

“What is it then?”

The man looked like he was thinking about the way he should explain it to him.

“Attraction is physical and most of the time superficial, and it shouldn’t interfere with love. Because when you truly love someone, you love them for what they are, no matter if they are ugly, slim, fat, tall, small, stupid or geniuses. These criteria don’t matter because it’s a spiritual connection between two people, a connection which is hard to explain, but something that goes beyond physical traits.”

So this was the difference… That was interesting.

“And so it’s enough to have someone all the time on your mind to be in love?”

“Has it ever happened with someone else?”

Karl shook his head. No one had ever made him feel the way George did.

“If you didn’t care about him, you wouldn’t think of him all the time.”

Oh. Well, yeah. Touché…

“It’s alright, you know. It doesn’t really matter whether it’s a male or a female when you think about it more deeply. You fall in love with a mind, a personality, or maybe even a soul, not with genital parts.”

He had never thought about that matter either. For him, men were meant to be with women, and that wasn’t something which was meant to be questioned. But it was coherent compared to what he had just said earlier, about the difference between love and attraction.

He kept gazing down at his paper without much interest.

“He doesn’t care about me anyway. He only used me for sex when he needed me, and then he stated he didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore.”

He knew one thing for sure now. It would have been much better if they had never met.

“Then you will find someone else who will love you and make you forget about him. It may just take time before it happens.”

Karl looked at him again as he raised one eyebrow at him.

How could he even be sure about that?

“It’s nice of you to try to comfort me, really. But I’d rather stop talking about it now.”

“Fine. As you wish.”

But for some strange reason, he just couldn’t help being curious.

“Did it happen to you? Did you find that person who made you forget about the other one whom you couldn’t get your mind off?”

The man was dead silent. It looked like he said something he shouldn’t have.

“Good night.” He said without being rude, but his voice sounded flat and emotionless.

Right after he left the room without looking back at Karl. He could have just done the same thing himself earlier he guessed…

He sighed as he looked back down at his stuff. He realized this short conversation didn’t help him at all… In fact, he thought it was only going to make things worse than before…

This only left him confused and with many more interrogations.

Oh boy, how he missed sleep too. Not like he missed George. Well, it was different. Maybe it could help him clear his mind if only it would be kind enough to let him afford this luxury. He sighed again.

Maybe he could try to write his own letter to the Hopkins family. He had all the night before him.

Let me write, at least, stupid brain.

He needed it to be sane. But he wouldn’t mention him. He never had until now, and wouldn’t.

He wouldn’t let him know that he was always thinking about him, since he didn’t care.

Hey everyone! 
What did you think of this chapter? Personally I just love how Kristian is trying to act as a father figure to Karl 😍😍😍 And the way Karl reached out to him for help in the previous chapter, unconsciously needing this father figure, it was just... 🥰
Have a good day/evening/night and take care ❤️