Come Back To Us - 20. Chapter 20

The sky was dark and his flat was a mess.

Only a few days had passed, but his routine was still the same. Waking up early. Spending his whole day at the hospital, going to the pub to see Rosemary, Paul and Emma, sometimes paying a visit to his uncle and aunt, and then going back to his flat for a short night after eating only a slice of meat with some bread.

But that evening something was not normal.

His heart skipped a beat and his jaw clenched.

“What are you doing here? Get the fuck off my place.”

He was waiting for him; his stare hard and threatening. He broke in, but how could he even find him?

The man he had always hated more than himself. He remained still, pretending not to hear him.

“I said get the fuck off,” he could be threatening too. He wasn’t afraid of him, never had. Never would.

The man was a bloody lunatic. His place was in an asylum, not with his mother. But she had never wanted to hear of it.

“Enough with your tantrum. You’re going to get back home right now.”

Hmph. Who do you think he was to talk to him like that? He wasn’t a child anymore. He was twenty-one years old, not five.

“Get the fuck out, I said. I’m free not to want to go back home. I’m a man now.”

“You’re not a man. You’ll never be. You’ll always be a willful child but does nothing other than disappointing his mother.”

That conversation was pointless. They would never agree on anything. And he would never change his mind.

“Fuck off.”

He didn’t like the look in his eyes. He knew that look.

“You’ll be coming with me whether you like it or not. But first…”

He wouldn’t go. George turned around to start running for the door, but the man was much faster.

The man grabbed him and held him tight. He wasn’t going to let him go. If he didn’t do anything now, it would be the end of him.

He struggled in vain. The man’s grip and strength were too overwhelming. Even as a twenty-one year old bloke, he still couldn’t defend himself and fight back. He was too weakened by the war and its side effects. The lack of sleep, food, basic hygiene. That other part of himself that was missing and that he had let go without having ever thought about the consequences of such a terrible decision for his sanity. He was worthless.

He started shouting, but the man punched him square in the face and hard. Well, he was twice as thick as him… He fell to the dirty floor, his face crushing right on the hard wood. The man gripped his hair and pulled it just as hard as he had punched him and had him lay on his back, just so he could punch him even more and harder this time. The more the whined the more he was hit.

Where was his keeper? The one who had made him forget about how life could be so lousy and worthless, who had made him feel like his real self, without fear, shame nor disgust. The one who had already saved his life once. The one who had been reason enough not to try to kill himself again. He needed him now more than ever. Even though he knew he didn’t deserve him. His heart had tried to make him understand all along, but he didn’t want to hear it. His head was too stubborn to yield. But his body ached without that other body so warm and soft.

And there he was now, powerless and teary-eyed, with remorse as his only friend, and he knew he would never be a man.

He wished someone could intervene, anyone, but no one would hear him, no one could know.

His whimpers and cries were only a drop of water in this endless ocean of indifference. He was too far to reach the only family he had, and slowly drowning in those dark and filthy waters.

HIs jaw and nose ached, and so did his cheeks. He was becoming numb and dizzy with all the pain. He would most likely fall into unconsciousness in no time. If there was a God above, then he must have been watching the scene with an unveiled interest.

No sound would come out of his mouth anymore. He could only taste the blood in it. He didn’t even have enough strength to swallow it, let alone spit it in his face. On second thoughts, he was sure he would like it. He could already picture him with his madman look licking his face with a devilish smirk that would never disappear as long as he could still see. The thought of it was enough to make his whole body convulse.

“Stop it! Stay still!” He stopped hitting him, but he feared to the utmost what was going to happen next. He wished he would go on punching him. “The time has come.”

He was paralysed, felt like puking; only wished he could be dead.

He gripped his shirt and pulled him forward with such brutal strength that his lungs were deprived of air for a few instants; instants which soon turned into long agonizing seconds. Each of them was like a knife stabbing his heart which was nothing but a cold stone waiting to be unfrozen by a warm fire.

The man forced him on his knees as he was still pulling harshly on his hair. As the man was now on his feet, he removed his braces and unbuttoned his trousers. His knees were so weak that he sorted collapsing but the man gripped his hair and had him raise again. He had no other choice than to keep holding it so he wouldn’t fall again.

“Stay on your knees! And remove my trousers and briefs. Fast!”

He’d rather disobey his orders and getting hit again rather than doing that. He knew all too well where this was leading.

He was going to rape him.

“I said fast! You’re not deaf yet, are you?!”

His head smashed against the floorboard as the man tug at his hair. He had him back on his knees as quickly as it had just happened. He started hyperventilating. There was no way he could do this.

“George,” the way he spoke his name made him flinch. “This will be twice as worse if you don’t obey my command. So just do what you’re told. There is nothing else you should do.”

He didn’t even have the strength to think anymore, let alone refuse… his reason was giving up on him. He had nothing left. He was just an empty shell that could only obey mindlessly.

He finished doing the work for him and what happened next was going to haunt him for the rest of his life.

The man kept tugging at his hair, making back and forth movements with his head. He was his toy. His thing. A worthless thing that was only useful for his own pleasure. He wouldn’t never be able to look at his own reflection in a mirror ever again.

What happened afterwards was only worse. He had him lay on his stomach, his body bare against the hard floorboard only to have him get on his knees again a few instants later. On all fours, like a dog. Yeah. A dog was meant to obey its master. He started as it found his way in him. He felt like collapsing again, but knew he couldn’t. This was ten times as worse as the worst nightmare anyone could have. He was sure of it.

The tears staining his face were only growing more numerous.

He tried to think about things that could comfort him and make him forget what was happening, at least for a few instants. He just wanted to forget about the man whose mind was more twisted than his would ever be.

He thought about Karl, but that wouldn’t make him come to his rescue…. He remembered the moments of intimacy they had shared, the only thing that had been close enough to love to make him want more…only to ruin everything in the end….

He reminisced his blue eyes, his blond eyelashes, eyebrows, his golden wavy hair and freckles, those rosy lips of his that were so soft and shy at times, just like they could be wild and passionate. His hands that just loved to mess with his hair his war embrace that acted like a shelter under the thunder of the bombs in the distance.

But it only made his torment worse….becoming dependent on someone was a bad thing…marriage was a bad thing. Anything related to love was a bad thing.

Love was a dangerous thing, just like hope in times of war…

“George…”

He froze as he instantly recognised his uncle’s voice. He shouldn’t be there. He didn’t want him to see this. He’d rather die now.

Since they were both showing their backs to the door, he couldn’t even see him come in. But at least he didn’t have to face him, and it was best that way.

“What… What is the meaning of this…?” He sounded utterly shocked as he spoke, and George just wanted him to go away, to forget what he was seeing. To forget about his existence. It was too late.

His uncle had already seen too many things he should have never seen in his life, so he guessed this would be too much for him, that he could die of a heart attack just because of this. He had never been spared, so this wouldn’t be surprising.

“You bloody bastard,” he jumped at the tone in his uncle’s voice. One he had never heard before. And also the way he swore. That was quite unusual of him. “Let go of him.” It was so threatening that he left lucky his uncle had never got angry at him.

The man was fast to withdraw, to put his clothes back on, at least the lower part of his body, to hide something that should have been cut off a long time ago, because honestly, how could you imagine a man like him fathering children? So they would be just as sick as him. Jojo wasn’t yet, but it was too soon.

George was too paralysed to put back on his own clothes….He squeezed his eyes shut, wishing it could just be a bad dream.

“How did you dare?!”

His uncle’s voice was roaring, and he started again. Couldn’t a bomb come and crash nearby?

“Mind your own fucking business! He’s no son of yours!”

He heard a thud that was soon followed by a louder one. He bit his lower lip as his body kept shivering. He wanted to see what was happening but his limbs still wouldn’t move. He needed to learn how to breathe again. He had a bad feeling.

“Don’t you dare touch him ever again!”

It was more like screaming than shouting. He curled up into a ball, that’s all his body would allow him to do as his instincts were on alert, and then he realised….they were fighting….

“Fuck off old man!”

As the fighting grew more intense as well as louder, he ended up finding the strength in himself to react and sit up. His powerlessness had lasted for long enough. He couldn’t take it anymore.

His eyes widened as his mouth fell open. They were struggling on the floor. His uncle was on top of the man, straddling him. His hands were around the man’s neck, and it took him a little while to realise what was really happening…

He was strangling him…

“Uncle Robb!”

He didn’t why or how it came out, but he just couldn’t control it.

“You bloody bastard! I’m gonna kill you!”

There would never be enough words to describe how he was feeling at that moment. He flinched and hi stomach was more upset than it had ever been in his life.

That man wasn’t his uncle…Couldn’t be… His uncle was a gentleman, always composed, always polite even with the worst people and who would never be able to harm a fly.

The man was suffocating. He could hear it, but his uncle didn’t stop. His grip only tightened on his neck. And he just watched that gruesome scene helplessly…

Everything came to a still after a while. The noise died down and the movements ceased. His uncle didn’t look angry and frenzied anymore. No. He looked shocked and stupefied as he was staring at the man underneath him.

It seemed it took him quite a while to realise that he was dead now. He had just died of suffocation.

This meant this was…

He quickly stood up to put back on his clothes, but had trouble doing so as his hands were shaking badly as his legs were. But he managed to do it anyway.

He came near his uncle once he was done and took a closer look at the man. He wasn’t sure whether he should be feeling happy or horrified.

They both remained still for a long, very long while as if they were dead themselves. The world surrounding them stopped momentarily. They avoided each other’s gaze. They were just like two broken and lost souls.

He still had trouble realising his uncle had just killed a man, even if the man was the worst creature of a whole decade. This was a murder, and murder meant trouble for them, even if they weren’t the bad blokes in the story…

But there were no witnesses, and if there was no one to see it, then there was no crime. No one had to know what had really happened.

He suddenly heard a heavy breathing, and looked up to see it could only belong to his uncle. His senses rose to alert. His uncle was having a panic attack.

“Uncle Robb…”

He came closer to hi, on his knees as he was still too weak to stand up, and honestly he didn’t see the point in it. The man couldn’t seem to be able to look at him anymore…

“It’s gonna be alright.” He put one trembling hand on his shoulder. His fingers only brushed against it at first.

They both needed comfort in ways they hadn’t found about yet. He had always thought his uncle was a strong person despite what he had gone through in his youth. But past the breaking point, it becomes hard to pretend any longer. Playing a role is the hardest thing in the world.

He was shaking badly, and George’s hand squeezed his shoulder to let him know he was there. He would always be there. He finally looked up at him a few moments later, and before he knew it, he was hugged into a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”

But he didn’t want his uncle to be sorry. None of what had happened was his fault. As he hugged him back, he could sense it. His uncle needed him more than he needed him.

“That’s alright. Don’t you worry. Except doing that much sooner, there’s nothing you could have done about him.”

It was the truth. You could never make people like him change.

“George…”

He started at the sound of the so familiar voice. They both slowly let go of each other to direct their attention to the voice who had just spoken.

“Mum…”

What was she doing there?

He hadn’t seen her since that time after he had tried to kill himself….

“She was the one to warn me,” his uncle spoke in a solemn voice. “and I’m glad she did.”

Well, glad was maybe not the best word to describe his mood, maybe more relieved?

She approached them wordlessly ands shoulders tensed. He didn’t feel like talking to her anymore after what he had told her…

Neither of them spoke, and he avoided her gaze.

“George…I’m so sorry…Never had I thought that-”

“Shut up.”

He didn’t shout. His lips were starting to tremble. His eyes were getting watery. And there was nothing he could do about it.

“I swear I tried…to be normal, to be into girls like normal men would. I really did,” His voice was breaking as the words were flowing out of his mouth. “But there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s something beyond my control.” He had to pause for a while to try to get a grip on himself. He licked his lips as he kept looking down. “and I wish you could understand. I wish everyone could…”

The never ending silence was killing him inside.

He froze as he was suddenly wrapped into another tight embrace. But it wasn’t his uncle this time…he heard soft feminine sobs and sniffs that could only belong to his mother.

His mother still didn’t speak as she kept hugging him. But at least this proved that she cared about him, even if he would never make her a grandmother. He guessed he should be happy about it, but the void in his self was too great to make him feel happy again.

“I’m so sorry…” were the only words she spoke after a long while with a broken and hoarse voice. “But after your father died, I was so desperate and lonely…”

George didn’t react. He didn’t want to hear her apologies. It was much too late for them.

“You were not so lonely. We have always been there for you when you needed. It the most,” his uncle intervened.

His mother slowly let go of him.

“I know… But you had your family, still have, while I had no one but my son, and I could never really be a part of yours…”

Both he and his uncle stared at her silently. She wiped her tears as she sniffed.

“Hadn’t you been already taken, I would’ve chosen you,” she then spoke again.

“Do not speak such nonsensical words. Loving a man like me is worst than being a widow, believe me.”

“But not worse than loving this kind of man, don’t you think?”

His uncle was left speechless by his mother’s repartee. It was silent again for another while. His mother tucked a strand of hair behind her ear before she spoke another time.

“I realised my mistake too late, and then I could do nothing to erase it and start everything again. I was trapped into my own weakness.”

Neither he or his uncle replied to what she had just said. Loneliness could make you do terrible things… He shivered again as his heart still couldn’t rest.

“I could have never replaced him anyway. Even if we share the same blood and look very much alike, he could never be me, and I will never be him. I will always be Robert Hopkins, and he will always be remembered as Lewis Hopkins.”

Yeah, his uncle had a point. When you loved someone, you couldn’t just fall in love with someone who looked like that person. He bit his lower lip as he realized what he had just thought. He shouldn’t care about that. Love only meant suffering anyway.

“We can’t just let him laying there. I will go to the police to surrender,” His uncle then spoke as he was airing at the inanimate body of the man.

“No.”

He started slightly at the firm tone of his mother’s voice. It almost sounded threatening. This was quite unusual too…

He looked back and forth from her face to his uncle’s. The two of them were staring at each other intently.

“We won’t let you go to jail. We won’t just sit and watch helplessly. We can easily say that the enemy killed him with their bombs.”

Was this woman really his mother? A woman who was way too soft and naive to have wicked thoughts. It was crazy how righteous and kind-hearted people could transform so easily into their polar opposite with a mere triggering factor. This was fascinating. This would be a perfect subject of study for the psychological field.

“We just have to find a way to make him look like he wasn’t strangled to death.”

And how did she intend to find that way?

“You are not serious, are you?”

His uncle looked utterly shocked by her behaviour. Had he already forgotten what had just happened a few moments earlier?

“I just want to protect my family. I’ve already told you so before. George will always need you. Besides, you’ve already paid far too much the price of war to be unfairly condemned.”

Her mother had a good point. He wouldn’t let him go to jail either. He would let no one take his uncle away from him, or anyone else related to him.

He had already lost way too much.

***

“This man is no father to him. Look, Dad has been much more of a father to him than any other man could ever be.”
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“We won’t just stand there and watch while this man mistreats George. He’s my cousin and your nephew! Let’s just go and find the man to teach him a good lesson!”

“No. We won’t do that. We are civilised people, not beasts. And civilised people solve things through discussion and reasoning.”