The Priest's Tale - 11. Chapter 11

The knock on the door jarred Dan out of his funk of confusion and depression. Ever since Peter left, it was as though he were drowning in a sinkhole of self-loathing and recriminations. His stomach churned with anxiety, while his mind swarmed with agonizing thoughts of the things he should have said, and should not have said, to the man he loved.

Opening the door roughly, he was ready to tell whoever dared intrude on his misery to go straight to hell and leave him the fuck alone.

Instead, his heart skipped a beat as his eyes took in the mind-boggling sight: Peter was standing there.

Dan's jaw dropped in disbelief.

“I, I–” he stammered as Peter barreled into the room, practically knocking him down and crushing him with a bear hug that nearly took his breath away.

He could feel Peter’s hot tears falling on his neck and in no time his own joined in, flooding down his cheeks and mingling with the dampness spreading across his shoulder.

Grasping at the second chance in front of him, Dan spoke first. “I... I’m sorry, Peter. I had a good look at myself after you left, and I didn’t like what I saw. No wonder you hated me.

“Hated you? No, never! The things you were saying broke my heart because I care about you so much.”

Peter’s words demolished the communication barrier hastily erected during their ill-timed and cruel argument.

“You do? In spite of my cut-throat business tactics?” he asked, dreading the answer he deserved.

“In spite of them and anything, everything, else that will ever try to come between us.”

Dan persisted, though he feared delving deeper. “What about my deliberate cruelty, saying you would get eaten alive? I was so hurt and angry, I said some real shit, things I never meant and would never dream of saying to the man I... love.”

Peter fairly glowed when he heard the L-word. “Dan, I never believed you were deliberately cruel.” He chuckled, “Besides, at this point, getting eaten alive doesn’t seem like the worst thing that could happen to me.”

“What is?”

As he beamed into his lover’s face, Peter’s grin was a mile wide. “The thought of living my life without the man I love in it.”

Dan’s heart pounded as a flood of emotion overwhelmed him. He hugged Peter so hard he feared he might break him.

Tentatively, their lips met, as if they were afraid anything else they said or did would go wrong and spoil their reconciliation.

Their mouths opened, tongues tangling, as they abandoned all restraint and yielded to the lust raging in their hearts and bodies. They frantically explored one another with roaming hands, groping everywhere as if each was trying to force his way inside the other.

Stopping for a moment to breathe, Peter gasped, “You can’t believe how much I have wanted this moment.”

“And I can’t begin to say how fucking shitful I felt when I had to leave you behind and then couldn’t find you. I thought this would never happen,” Dan panted.

Still bound together in their ravenous embrace, they moved across the room, Dan waltzing backward, drawing Peter with him, until his legs encountered the king-sized bed.

The two men ended the kiss and locked eyes.

“Um, I think we should sit on the bed... for now,” Dan ventured cautiously. “Before we dive into something without thinking, I really believe we have to rewind and reset our last conversation, don’t you?”

Peter set his lips into a straight line and nodded solemnly. “My head says you’re right, but my heart is terrified of what we need to say to each other. We really fucked up the last time, and it would kill me if we did the same thing again.”

Dan, equally nervous, agreed, “We need to do it, we have to do it. Don’t you think?”

“Of course we do. I’m just experiencing the same ‘scared shitless’ emotion you get when you think about flying on a goddamn airplane!”

The ice broke with Peter’s analogy, and they both laughed and relaxed.

Dan patted the bed, “Come, sit beside me, and let’s promise ourselves we’ll stay this way, this close together, until we hash out all the shit we let come between us. Sitting on opposite sides of the goddamn coffee table over there was the first mistake we made this morning.”

Peter joined him on the edge of the bed and Dan took his hand, intertwining their fingers and giving it a friendly squeeze. Their shoulders pressed into each other, and their hips and thighs made contact with rising heat.

Dan hesitated, swallowed hard, and dove in. “This will be tough, for both of us, but I’m optimistic it will start the process of healing. Even if, at the end, we decide this isn’t right for us, we can part as friends.”

“Not as lovers?”

“Well, maybe friends with benefits, like your pal Rob,” Dan’s eyes twinkled.

Peter’s face brightened for a moment. Then he lowered his head and shook it sadly. “I’m sorry about what I did with him. All he wanted from me was sex, and I... went along with it. He’ll never miss me, and I’m sure he’s already moved on to his next FWB. But I can’t escape feeling I betrayed your trust, like I was unfaithful. I should have waited for you, for as long as it took.”

Dan squeezed Peter’s hand harder, causing him to look up into Dan’s smiling face.

“You. Didn’t. Betray. Me.” A tear traced the curve of his cheek. “I ghosted you. I fucking panicked. I disappeared with my head full of terror and other shit and ruined my one goddamn chance to give you hope and tell you I loved you. That’s on me. I fucked up, not you.”

“But I should’ve had faith. I should have trusted, somehow, you would come back.”

“I think I kinda shot your faith down with my preoccupation for saving the goddamn business.” His voice caught in his throat, and he croaked, “I could have lived without the fucking company, Peter, but I can’t live without you.”

Their tears flowed freely again as they leaned in and touched their foreheads together.

Dan sobbed, “I called you some awful names, and I belittled your ethics and principles, even though I knew they were sincere and true. Don’t ever abandon them, not for me, not for anyone. They are who you are. They are the man I fell in love with the first moment I laid eyes on him.”

Peter brought his head up sharply with joy in his heart, “Really?”

“Do you remember, there in the station in Chicago, I was getting out of my cab and I looked right at you?”

“Yeah. I do. I thought you were a handsome man.”

“Well, all I thought was, here he is, the one I’ve been hoping for, I’ve got to meet him somehow.”

“Oh, Dan!” Peter loosed his hand, pulled them together, and the kisses began again, this time with tears of joy. He broke the kiss and spoke shyly, “And when I sat down next to you at the dinner table with Marie and Harry, I thought, how the hell am I going to be able to eat or speak coherently, with this beautiful, intelligent, sexy man so close to me I can feel the heat of his body?”

Raising Dan’s chin with a hand, Peter continued, “For the first time in my life, my body ached for another human being. All my years of lying to myself, saying ‘I have God, I don’t need anything else,’ were exposed as so much bullshit. Of course, we need each other, and God made this clear by giving us the ability to love and the need to be together.”

They were silent, talked out. Looking into each other’s eyes and breathing quietly, they joined both their hands.

Dan spoke in sad wonder, “Why the fuck did we say those awful things? What the hell got into us?”

Leaning back and taking a deep breath, Peter turned to him thoughtfully. “I didn’t think about it at the time. I wasn’t thinking anything at the time, but later this morning I had an epiphany... a lightning-bolt of understanding, and I saw myself in all my fucked-up, confused selfishness, and I figured out where I went wrong.”

“Where?”

“For some reason I still don’t understand... No, wait. No more bullshit. The truth is I was so angry at you all I could see was red. I... I wanted to tell you off, to make you squirm, to hurt the way I was hurt, and goddammit, like the fool I am, I wanted to push you away, out of my life.” He burst into tears.

Dan hung his head. “I deserved all those things, and more.”

“No! No one deserves that. I walked away from my life as a priest, but thankfully I still remember all the important things I learned along the way, and this is number one: we are meant to be here to support one another, to help each other get through the shit life throws at us, to forgive each other, to love each other.”

Dan looked up, filled with hope. “You’re not the only one who fucked up. When you called me out for being the kind of man the goddamn takeover mess had made me, you were describing exactly what I knew about myself and wanted to deny. You didn’t have to try to hurt me. I was already hurting myself out of shame and disgust. All you did was shine an unwelcome light on the shit I was trying to pretend wasn’t true.”

“Oh, Dan, I’m so sorry.”

“Peter, I’m ashamed to say it, but in one horrible, stupid fucked-up moment I was more willing to let you leave than admit you were right and beg you to love me.”

“And I was so sure you were no longer the man I loved that I was willing to fucking walk away. What a couple of idiots we were!”

They locked into another crushing hug, clutching as though their one hope in life was to never let go again. The urgency of their kisses intensified as they released the pent-up emotion all the way back to the last night on the train.

Wordlessly, they went from consoling each other to unleashing their desire. They giggled as their fingers clumsily struggled to unbutton shirts and unbuckle belts. They battled between allowing the other to undress them and rushing to help so their nakedness would be revealed sooner.

When they were both stripped, Peter mused, “Somehow, getting rid of those clothes is a metaphor for removing all the barriers we built between us.”

“Ah, the philosopher emerges once again.”

“Sorry, sometimes I can get carried away.”

“I’m kidding. I love that about you. Don’t ever stop. And don’t ever stop doing this...”

Dan gently lowered their bodies to the bed. Once again, they entwined arms and legs, kissing first tenderly, then with growing ardor. Hands explored every inch of naked flesh, ultimately fondling hard cocks and firm asses.

Peter began stroking Dan’s cock, sliding the foreskin up and down.

Dan purred, “Mmm. I like what you’re doing.”

“Me, too. But I like this better.” He leaned down and took Dan’s cock into his mouth.

“Oh, you’re fucking right, this is much better. Let me join you.”

Dan repositioned himself and they eagerly pleasured each other.

Their coupling intensified, finally unfettering the lust they had been holding back. They soon became aware that if they continued much longer, the ultimate release would be achieved. And they didn’t care.

Soon, both sensed the tide of passion nearing the point where it would be unstoppable.

Peter’s body shook with the ferocity of his ejaculation. His cum gushed up from the depths of his being, and Dan hungrily received it and encouraged more and more.

Moments later, Dan groaned as his cock swelled and emptied itself into Peter’s willing mouth.

After their mutual climax, neither dared move. Lightly teasing and sucking on each other, they greedily drew out every drop of sweet juice and then continued to hold their lovers’ softening cocks in their mouths.

Finally, spent and exhausted, they reluctantly surrendered their treasured prizes and lay side by side on the bed in silence.

“I love you, Dan.”

“I know. And I love you, Peter.”

“Let’s never let anything come between us again.”

With a mischievous grin, Dan replied, “Except when our cum comes between us!”

Peter’s face was bright with joy as his rollicking laughter filled the room.

The two grown men began to writhe and wrestle like boys, squeezing, poking, and tickling each other in the sheer delight of having left their sad disagreement far behind.

After a while, they tired and again lay side by side, breathing hard. Peter’s hand found Dan’s and their fingers entwined into a position that had quickly become natural for them.

Turning to face his lover, Dan broke the silence. “I think I’m ready for another round.”

Laughing, Peter teased, “So soon? Wasn’t my fantastic blowjob enough for you?”

“It was fucking out of this world, but we both want more.”

“You’re right. What do you want to try next?”

Looking up at the ceiling innocently, Dan ventured, “Well, tell me what you like. I mean, what you liked to do with Rob.”

Rising up on his elbows, Peter shook his head, smiling. “What I did with Rob is the last thing I want to do with you. He was a friend with benefits, as has been said too many times. You are my lover. I want to do things with you I never dreamed of, things that will forever belong to just you and me.”

“I’m amazed at how quickly and easily you morph from philosopher to passionate lover to hopeless romantic. I can barely keep up with you, but I’m loving the fucking ride.”

“Well, hang on, because the passionate lover is back!”

“I can tell. So... you want to do something you’ve never done before, eh?”

Beaming, Peter exclaimed, “Yes, and I don’t care what part of you goes inside what part of me.”

“So, carte blanche?”

“Absolutely.”

“Then how about cuddle sex?”

Eyes agape with wonder and eager with anticipation, Peter repeated, “Cuddle sex?”

“I’ll show you,” Dan rolled over, exposing his back to Peter.

“Now, you put your arms around me and drape your leg over mine, and cuddle me tight.”

“I like this already!” Peter happily complied, wriggling his body as firmly against Dan’s as he could. “I think I’ll sleep like this every night. Now what?”

Giggling, Dan stretched his arm over to the bedside table, opened the drawer and took out a condom and a small bottle of lube.

“Uh-oh, this is getting serious,” Peter joked.

“Is this something you’re familiar with?”

“Oh, sure. Contraception is thoroughly condemned by Mother Church.” He tittered, “but I don’t think conception is any worry between us.”

“Seriously, have you and Rob...”

Peter gave Dan a reassuring hug, “Every single time without fail.”

“So you know what to do with these?”

Without a word, Peter tore open the shiny packet and unrolled the condom down the length of his hard cock. He popped the top of the lube bottle and quickly applied it to Dan’s ass and up and down the rubber.

“Done like a pro,” Dan teased happily. “And here I though you were some kind of innocent.”

“Not any more. I’ve passed the entrance exam and am ready for the advanced course!”

“Then bring it on!” He reached behind himself and grasped Peter’s erection, pressing it against the crack between his cheeks. “Slide it up and down until you’re good and hard.”

“I warn you, this won’t take long.”

“Perfect, because I'm fucking going crazy with the waiting.”

Again, Dan reached behind himself. His hand trembled softly in excitement over the moment he had longed for since the moment they met. He positioned Peter’s cock and guided it up against his hole.

Peter sensed what was about to happen and a tidal wave of love and desire rushed over his whole body. “Should I go slow?”

“Until you’re in, then do whatever the fuck you want.”

He kissed Dan’s back and neck and then applied the slightest pressure, easing until he was all the way inside his lover.

Dan took in a sharp breath. “Mmm. This is what I have wanted since you sat down next to me in the dining car.”

“Good thing we didn’t try this in the dining car!”

Their suppressed laughter bespoke their love and growing sense of commitment.

Peter began slowly stroking in and out.

“Don’t forget to cuddle,” Dan reminded.

Inching up as close as he could and pulling Dan’s hot body against his, Peter found himself in a union beginning where his face was lavishing Dan’s neck with kisses, down through his arms massaging Dan’s shoulders and chest, while at the same time their legs were entwined down to their toes.

The closest connection of all was in the middle. When Peter pressed in all the way, his hips and belly made solid contact with Dan’s back and butt.

With a combination of awe and satisfaction in his voice, Peter said, “I think this is the most wonderful thing I’ve ever done.”

He gripped his lover more tightly and began to fuck him with shallow and slow movements. “I could keep this up forever!”

“I wouldn’t complain.”

Dan turned his head back toward Peter, and they kissed with love.

The afternoon sun peeked through the curtains as the two men lay once again side by side, holding hands. Peter’s leg was draped over Dan’s.

After his initiation to cuddle sex, he had asked Dan to top him in the way he had seen Bax and Julio fucking, so many weeks ago. Dan told him it was called doggie-style, and it was now his second favorite position.

With a sigh trembling with emotion, Peter turned to look at his handsome naked lover, who lay relaxed beside him, breathing softly with his eyes closed.

His gaze traveled from the shock of red hair, now mussed from the mêlée of vigorous sex, down to the firm jawline and delicious lips. He smiled at how he had kissed and nibbled on Dan’s nipples and licked his way down his abs to the red-brown bush.

His lover’s flaccid penis draped to one side, resting alongside his balls, which hung down between his parted legs. Even soft, Dan’s uncut cock was substantial, and Peter marveled at how it had fit inside him so comfortably.

His eyes took in the strong thighs and calves lightly covered with hair, and he relived the powerful thrusts that had penetrated him to a depth he didn’t imagine existed, as well as the profound longing he felt each time his lover pulled back.

Peter smiled at how he had delighted in their foreplay, kissing his way up from the man’s feet and burying his nose in his crotch.

He couldn’t see Dan’s hole, but he thrilled to remember how he had kissed and licked and pressed his tongue inside it in preparation for the pure sensuality of filling it with his own hardness. He found himself getting hard again, simply reviving his erotic memories of sharing this man’s magnificent body.

Never in my life had I dreamed of loving a man, and especially not one so perfectly beautiful. Words cannot begin to describe my desire and love for this man who gave himself to me and received my love and filled me with himself in so many ways.

“Dan, this is what we were meant to do, not only on the train, but here, and back where you live, and on and on for the rest of our lives.”

He turned to face him. “Do you mean we’re friends with benefits?”

Shocked, Peter blurted, “We’re so fucking more! How can you...?” He spied Dan’s teasing grin. “You bastard! Don’t ever kid about things like that.”

“OK. So what would you say we are?”

“I would say... we’re two people, two men, who have discovered a connection that is physical and emotional and mental and...”

“Here’s the philosopher again.”

“Fuck you. I’m... well, I guess I am being philosophical. Forget the bullshit. We’re two men who are in love, who love having sex with each other, who love being in each other’s company, and who I hope will keep this love going for as long as we live.”

“I vote for the no-bullshit definition!”

“So where the hell are we going to live?”

“Let’s not spoil the moment with more details. Not yet.”

In the evening, they were seated at the same quiet table in the hotel restaurant, holding hands and whispering “I love you” to each other.

A waiter appeared, carrying a cordless telephone.

Embarrassed at interrupting their tender moment, he asked apologetically, “Are you Mr Ruxton?”

Peter looked up, surprised. “Yes, I am.”

“There’s a call for you, sir. They said it was urgent.” The waiter handed him the phone.

Concerned and mystified, he looked at Dan, “Who could this be? Who knows I’m here?”

Dan’s face filled with a grin. “Think about it.”

Peter nodded happily. “Sure. Who else?”

He put the phone to his ear. “Peter Ruxton.”

Baxter cackled, “Of course you’re Peter fucking Ruxton. Who the hell do you think I was calling?”

Peter laughed, “Fuck you, Bax.”

The caller roared with laughter.

Julio chimed in, “I’m on the extension. You’ve certainly burst out of your shell, Peter mi hombre.”

“I guess I have. I’ve done a lot of new things in just one day, and it has turned into the best day of my whole fucking life!”

“We won’t keep you then. All we wanted was to make sure things went well, and you hadn’t thrown yourself off the Golden Gate Bridge.”

“I’ve been to heaven and back, to tell you the truth.”

“Holy fucking shit! Sounds like true love!” Julio exclaimed.

“The truest.”

Bax came in, “Then we won’t disturb you any more. Peter and Dan, I hope you realize how happy we both are for you. You deserve so much love and happiness... and hot man-sex!”

Before Peter could respond, Julio cut in, his voice fearful, “But are you coming back?”

“We’re talking about it, but we don’t have any answers yet.”

“Well, keep in mind your room here is easily big enough for two,” Bax reminded him.

Peter joked, “We could see which pair of us could make the most noise.”

Baxter chortled, “Or we could all four get together and make one hell of a ruckus.”

“Oh, I don’t think I’m ready for anything quite like that yet.”

“We know. Just kidding. And I know we kid too much. It’s kind of who we are—a couple of shits who use humor to hide our own fucking insecurities. You and Dan take your time and decide together what you’re going to do. You know we love you and hope for the best... but I would like to have my car back sometime soon.”

“You’ll have it tomorrow. I promise.”

Peter thanked them for calling and hung up.

Looking at Dan across the table, he reached over and took his lover’s hand.

“They are happy for us, and they want to know where this is going to go, and what I’m going to do. And without saying it in so many words, they were asking if I’m going to stay here in California.”

“What are you going to tell them?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m gonna tell them I want to be right fucking next to you every moment of every day for the rest of my life.”

Dan’s relief and joy filled his face.

Peter added, “But I admit it would be unrealistic and more than a bit childish to simply say it and then hope for the best. We’re two adult men with careers and lots of other people in our lives whom we need to interact with.”

Dan nodded kindly, “Well, your idea of being together forever is not at all unrealistic, but we have to figure out how the fuck we’re going to make it work. As they say, the devil is in the details.”

Peter raised an eyebrow. “Like the detail where we live at the opposite ends of the country?”

“We do... for now. And like you have your teaching career, and I have a fucking business to run.”

“True...”

Dan was lost in thought, searching desperately for a solution. “Goddamn raider! I would have had the money to open an office out here, and I could have managed the company from there, going East when I had to for important meetings.”

Reaching over and taking Dan’s hand, Peter comforted, “No sense thinking about what-ifs. We are real people living in the real world. And you are scared shitless to fly on an airplane, as you say, which makes necessary travels back and forth excruciatingly slow.”

“So, maybe we meet somewhere in the middle as often as we can?” His voice reluctantly spoke the words, but his heart begged Peter to say no to the idea.

Peter squeezed his hand reassuringly. “Hell, no. It would kill us both. So... I’ll tell Baxter I will finish the semester here and then pack up my meager belongings and get on an airplane,” he caught Dan’s involuntary shudder, “and haul my horny ass all the way across the goddamn country and end up in your fucking bed on Long Island.”

“Would you? You think he’ll be OK with it?”

With absolute assurance in his voice, Peter declared, “Dan, my new career is no more than a few months old. Teaching is something I’m good at and enjoy doing, and Bax knows I’ll easily find a place to do it wherever I live, especially with a glowing reference from him. But it’s nowhere near the magnitude of the business you’ve built, or the many people who depend on you for their livelihood.”

He squeezed his lover’s hand, “And Julio has been rooting for us to be together since you walked onto the porch. They’ll both be fine. As fucked-up as their senses of humor are, they truly care about me and will be happy for us.”

Without a word, Dan rose from his chair and leaned across the table.

Peter met him half-way, and they kissed, oblivious to the people in the restaurant around them, who smiled approvingly.

EPILOGUE

The three travelers on the Qantas flight from Melbourne to New York sat in silence in the business class lounge of the Airbus A380.

Finally, Harold Smith-Tawes spoke, “Quite a story. I think I have known one or two priests like Peter Ruxton.”

“And I’ve met a few who should have done what he did,” Charles Rolfe added.

Bill Martin nodded in appreciation to both his companions. “Well, like Harold, I won’t reveal how much of my story is based on real-life...”