Life's a Dreamboat - 2. Chapter 2

For the next couple of weeks, Thomas is round at Zack’s place every day.

They were doing the work in the office, but it became harder to hide the fact that Zack was staying behind doing more work so Zack offered him to finish the work at his apartment.

It is now half six, Thomas is sat at the kitchen table typing up the documents on the work laptop and preparing the spreadsheets for the next week. Zack has gone for a quick shower. Thomas sits there typing up the spreadsheets, updating work for everyone to access. It is quite mundane work so he grabs his phone and puts the low music on shuffle.

Avril Lavigne ‘Complicated’ comes on and Thomas smiles at that.

Zack has a large spacious apartment, with wooden floors and pale walls. Frames of art works hung all around the walls. The kitchen is smart with black and silver fridge, table and work tops. Zack’s senses are very sensitive, anything would set his stomach off, so there are no strong perfumes smells in the air, it is just stale.

Thomas’s phone buzzes on the table. He looks down and sees Sharon’s text message come up. Leaning over, he grabs it and skims over the message.

‘So, just wondering, if you were free this weekend? Thought we could go to the bar, just the two of us?’

The kitchen door is open so Thomas can hear the shower running, he also hears it stop, so he puts his phone back down and carries on typing.

The shower has stopped for ages but the bathroom door is not opening. Thomas peers down the hall, biting his lip, concerned.

Suddenly, the door opens, and Zack comes out with a towel wrapped around his waist. His hair is wet and he rubs his eyes, looking exhausted.

He sighs out loud before standing at the kitchen door, ‘How’s it going?’

Thomas nods back, looking at the laptop screen, ‘On tab two hundred, so half way there.’

‘It’s not too much for you?’

‘No, it’s fine.’

Nodding, Zack casts his eyes down and he leans against the door, arms folded, ‘Good, good.’

Thomas looks up. He wants to ask if Zack is okay but he clearly isn’t so that would be a stupid question. Instead, he asks, ‘Do you want to sit down?’

Zack continues to stare at the floor, his eyes looking darker. The sadness is so hollow in his face and Thomas hates seeing it, it hurts him to see this, so he stands up and walks over to Zack and pulls a chair to him.

Zack blinks and gives a short smile before sitting down. He wraps his arms around himself, hugging himself tightly, head bowed down, almost as if he wishes to curl into himself.

‘I didn’t always look like this,’ he murmurs.

‘You’re unwell,’ Thomas tries to say.

‘I know, but just, I hate this, I hate,’ Zack looks down on himself. ‘Just. I mean. I’ve tried to avoid looking in the mirror because I know it’s bad but I did and it’s just… this isn’t me in the mirror.’

‘Just focus on the treatments and then you can focus on building your strength back up.’

‘Look,’ Zack gets up and pulls a frame off the wall. Among all the art work, there is picture of his younger self with a surf board. ‘I used to be fit, toned, in the best shape ever. Now, it’s just bones sticking out and ribs showing and patchy skin.’

‘Bodies can change, it won’t always be like this,’ Thomas says, trying to take the picture frame out of Zack’s hands. He is aware of the music in the background and wishes he could run over and turn it off. ‘You don’t need to look at these pictures, you need to be kinder to yourself. Focus on your treatments.’

‘Stage two cancer, fuck,’ Zack swears out loud, covering his face. ‘I mean, at least it hasn’t spread to other organs yet but having to go through this chemo isn’t great.’

‘When do you have the operation?’

‘Yes, stomach parts to be removed. Soon, soon,’ Zack takes his hands away from his face. ‘Then more chemo after that. Then more tests. Just more of this, more of that. Feels never ending. Always feeling sick.’ He then stops and looks up at Thomas. A little sad smile appears on his face, ‘Listen to me, whining on. Honestly, man, I am so sorry, you did not need that loaded onto you to deal with. Please, just ignore me. This is my stuff to deal with, I won’t be burdening you with it.’

The sad smile, the pain of putting a brave face, of maintaining that pride, it is hard to see.

Thomas puts a hand on Zack’s shoulder, ‘How would you feel about trying some soup? Nothing to heavy?’

‘Soup?’ a bemused look spreads on Zack’s face.

The bemused look makes Thomas perk up inside, and he smiles back, ‘I know your appetite isn’t great, but I can make some soup for you and you can eat it at your own pace.’

He turns around back to the kitchen.

‘I mean,’ Zack chuckles. ‘I guess I have some cans of soup around in the cupboards somewhere.’

Thomas opens one up and sees cans of tomato soup at the back of the cupboard, ‘I’ll make some soup with my added touch.’

Thomas smiles, pulling out a pot for the soup, calling over his shoulder, ‘Small bowl of delicious soup coming up for you, bossman.’

Zack laughs out at this. Zack has a very expressive face, when he laughs it shows all around his cheeks and eyes, his eyes lit up immensely.

Thomas turns back to his soup, smiling brightly too. Seeing Zack laugh like that, it’s so infectious, it makes him so happy to see him like this, it feels like a such beautiful gift.

As he is making the soup, Thomas looks around the apartment and things are becoming clearer. He has had to focused so much on working that he hadn’t actually stopped to look around the apartment more.

Thomas turns the music off his phone.

There are markings on the walls, dust marks of missing frames that were once on the wall and a dog bed in the corner but no sign of any pets.

He hadn’t seen anyone else in the apartment. Then the realisation dawns on him and he feels very guilty on not picking it up earlier.

When Zack emerges back into the kitchen, in light joggers and white shirt, hair dried, Thomas clears his throat while pouring the soup into a small bowl for Zack. The steam from the soup is sweet but not overpowering, the welcoming heat of simplicity.

‘Here we go, magic touch,’ Thomas smiles setting the bowl down on the table for Zack.

As Zack nods and smiles, Thomas tries to look at Zack’s hands as he reaches out for the bowl.

Zack sees what Thomas is doing and raises a confused eyebrow, then he gives sad nod, ‘Looking for the missing wedding ring, eh?’

‘I’m sorry,’ Thomas faces flushes.

‘No, no, it’s fine,’ Zack dips the spoon in the soup. ‘I was wondering when you would ask. He’s gone.’

‘Oh,’ Thomas doesn’t know how to respond.

Zack blows a little at the soup before having a spoonful, he wipes at his mouth and replies, ‘It’s not nice to watch someone you care about this sick so I gave him an out. No guilt, no hard feelings, I didn’t want him to see me like this. He needed Patchy, our dog, more than me so he’s took her with him. I’ll give him the rest of her stuff when he gets settled in his own place.’

‘Your husband left you when you had cancer,’ murmurs Thomas.

Something switches in Zack and he gives a very sharp look to Thomas, ‘You don’t get to judge him, Thomas. I made the decision for us to split up. He is not the bad guy here.’

‘What did he say? He must have fought against this,’ Thomas blurts out, then looks down embarrassed at the outburst.

Zack has another spoonful of soup, ‘We were together a long time, we had a lot of other things going on in our relationship. It was a mess before cancer. There are no hard feelings on either side.’

Thomas sits down, and looks at the bowl, ‘That’s really tough on you. Are you going to be okay here by yourself?’

Zack smiles and has another spoonful of soup, ‘This is truly delicious Thomas, thank you. It’s not too heavy too, your touch on the soup really is something. It’s also sweet that you are worried on me, but I will be fine, I have family ten minutes away so I’m never truly on my own. I like my own company most days anyway too, ha.’

Thomas’s phone buzzes on the table, Thomas leans over and grabs it.

It is from Sharon.

‘How would you feel, us both, just hanging out this weekend? Doesn’t have to be a bar by the way, can be anywhere, as long as it’s just us, like a date or, doesn’t have to be a date, it’s up to you…’

Thomas looks back up at Zack, ‘Glad you like the soup, I can keep making them for you if you want? When I come round to do work?’

‘Working and cooking, that’s a lot on you,’ Zack gives a soft chuckle. ‘I can’t repay you; I don’t want you to do too much.’

‘I really want to,’ Thomas smiles back. ‘Please.’

Zack’s eyes soften and the smile lights up the corner of his mouth, it is so endearing for Thomas to see.

It feels so good, seeing him makes Thomas feel so good, a warm glowing feeling inside. It is something Thomas isn’t used to feeling.

As Zack carries on with his soup, Thomas's phone beeps one more time, another message from Sharon.

In a haste, Thomas texts her back, ‘Yes, I can hang out with you this weekend, just the two of us. Happy to go to bar too.’