Life's a Dreamboat - 1. Chapter 1

‘Yeah, it’s weird, isn’t it, though, am I wrong?’ Barry throws his arms up in the air, almost to challenge anyone. He laughs, and everyone laughs around him, shaking their head.

Walking over, Thomas’s shoulders are tense, and his jaw clenched.

‘It’s not like a weird religious thing,’ Barry adds, smirking away to the huddle of people. ‘But, like, you’d spot them a mile away.’

‘How so?’ Thomas asks, appearing in the huddle. He tilts his head as he waits a response.

‘Well, you can have all the operations you want but you can’t make a man a feminine woman and you can’t make a feminine woman look manly, you just can’t!’ says Barry as everyone nods. ‘Besides they’re not real women and men, are they? Not really.’

‘Not real?’ Thomas unfolds his arms. ‘They’re not humans?’

‘No, you know what I mean,’ Barry replies, with a smirk still lingering on his face. ‘Not normal, you know?’

It snapped. Thomas doesn’t know what it is but something, after the weeks he had had, but something inside him has snapped.

He punches Barry fast in the jaw.

Barry staggers back.

Everyone stops in the whole room and stares.

The Christmas party balloons float still, pop music is faint and jazzing away. People murmur amongst themselves, staring at the ground.

Barry gives Thomas both a confused and disgusted look.

Thomas shrugs, rubbing his knuckles. ‘Just felt like doing that.’

Before Barry could open his mouth, Thomas looks up and adds, ‘I can pass you Human Resources contact number if you want to call them on me.’

Two weeks earlier

‘Hey, Thomas, drinks later?’ called Sharon.

Thomas looked up from his desk. Sharon was a cute blonde girl, with an honest smile and dimples.

It was nearly four o’clock on a Friday. Their offices were grey and white and littered with wires and laptops and large sharing computer screens. Coffee-stained cups were dotted around the tables and large window ledges. The windows were slightly open to accommodate the strange humid weather the city had been experiencing.

Thomas smiled back at her and brushed a hand through his thick soft black hair. He had been here a month now and he had settled here perfectly. This was his third time being invited out with the group of people.

They were a mixed bunch, early twenty somethings, who loved sports and were clearly either the popular kids or the gothic or sports kids at high school. Funny that they all ended up in the same office job.

Thomas nodded back at Sharon, ‘Vinny’s, right? Gonna get my Tequila on.’

‘I swear, Thomas,’ Andy appeared, leaning on the table. ‘Honestly, don’t know how you stomach that crap.’

Thomas pulled a face and pretend to choke, making the others laugh.

‘Guys, guys!’ A man came through to the group.

He had an honest smile with slightly crooked teeth, grey blue eyes and soft dark blonde hair that looked a little thin. The kind of face that beamed honesty and kindness. He was a slim good-looking man, with his sleeves always rolled halfway up his arm.

Thomas smiled.

This was Mr. Zack Jimson. The person who interviewed Thomas for this job, the person who rang Thomas and had an hour conversation on the phone with him. He cheerfully invited him to accept the job role. During their conversation, Zack admitted this was first time as manager. Now he had been Thomas’s manager for the last month. He was the youngest manager at this work place, at twenty-five years old, just a year or two older than everyone else.

Zack was holding a bunch of papers and folders, Andy pattered Zack on the back. Zack chuckled at him, ‘Thanks, man.’ He cleared his throat, ‘So we got a big meeting, Tuesday, I think it’s 2pm but I’ll check on that on Monday. But the big guns are in the office, so, please, best behaviour.’

‘Always,’ called someone from behind.

Everyone laughed and Zack looked and winked, ‘Perfect as always Barry! Now, if yous could all finish off the cliental spreadsheets later today and send it before you go that would be sweet.’

‘See you next week, man,’ Andy pattered Zack on the back again and went back to his computer.

***

Thomas had a good time with everyone over the weekend. Sharon took lots of photos with everyone, their goofy faces unknowing. Group photos of daft joy.


Then all of a sudden it was Monday morning and Thomas was walking into the office, looking at the pictures on his phone.

Sharon had taken a selfies with him. She got a little too drunk and liked touching him a lot, always hugging him and linking her arm through his. She was a sweet girl and Thomas was growing quite fond of her.

Something grey and brown suddenly grabbed Thomas’s attention. He looked up and slowly put his phone away. A large battered truck. Windows half covered in dirt. Reg plates demanding America to be great again. Thomas just froze.

Adam’s car. What was Adam doing here?

He scanned around, no one was around and no one was sat in the vehicle. A sharp sense of panic hit Thomas in the chest.

He put his head down and rushed into the building. The elevator was busy so he bashed through the staircase door and ran up the stairs, keeping his gaze down. He made it to his floor and walked onwards to his team.

‘You alright, Thomas,’ Andy appeared out of nowhere.

Thomas jumped a little.

Andy laughed. ‘Ha, did you crap yourself there?’

‘Sh, Andy,’ Sharon appeared and swatted at his arm, and took a small sip of from her glass. ‘You’re too loud.’

Andy rolled his eyes and nudged Thomas, ‘She’s still hungover.’

Thomas’s heart was still pounding away, he was surprised no one could hear it. He forced the smile on his face, ‘I heard you were still drinking till Saturday afternoon.’

While Andy laughed and Sharon groaned, Thomas quickly glanced around the room.

The normal team were out and about. Zack was in his office, his window wide and open so all could see in. He was speaking to two women in suits.

Adam wasn’t here.

***
Later on, Thomas was working at his computer when he felt a hand on his shoulder, he could smell Zack’s sweet cologne.

‘Hey, Thomas, everything alright?’

Thomas nodded but didn’t look behind him and carried on typing at the computer, ‘Yeah, everything is, um, alright.’

‘Good stuff, um, can I see you in my office just for mo.? It’s nothing serious, just some paper work stuff.’

Thomas got up, and followed Zack through the office space. They walked past the two ladies in suits talking to groups of people.

Once they were inside Zack’s room, Zack shut the door. He rushed around his desk as they both sat down. His desk was usually very minimal, but that day everything around his desk were files and more files.

‘How are you feeling you’re getting on, Thomas?’ asked Zack, smiling.

Thomas shrugged, ‘Okay, yeah it’s nice, everyone is great.’

‘Excellent,’ Zack leaned forward on his chair. ‘You know, I’m really pleased to hear that, I told you that you would fit in well.’

Thomas smiled back. He was waiting for the ‘but’.

‘So,’ Zack clicked his tongue. ‘I called you in here because we had someone come in and I thought you had a right to know about it.’

Thomas froze.

‘Someone called Adam Rogers, he said he was your brother?’

Thomas could almost feel his throat closing up.

‘I want you to know Thomas, nothing from the room gets discussed unless you want it to.’

‘What did he say?’ murmured Thomas, looking at the ground, feeling his eyes tearing up.

‘He just mentioned about your past, who you used to be. Thomas,’ Zack’s voice softened and Thomas looked up. ‘You know we don’t care about that; you know that, right? You’re a good worker and you’re a good person too, and we’re not in the 1950s anymore, it’s 2019. No one outsides these walls needs to know your business.’

‘Do I have to submit any paperwork?’ whispered Thomas.

‘Paper work? No, everything you put through was fine, it went through vetting great, Thomas,’ Zack said. ‘I’m sorry your brother came a long way but nothing he has said has a made a difference on your job today.’

Thomas smiled back. ‘Thank you.’ He really meant it. Then he paused, ‘That’s why I didn’t give my birth certificate.’

‘You didn’t need to, your passport and driver’s license were perfect,’ Zack said. ‘Can I ask? Has your brother done this before?’

Thomas nodded.

Zack clicked his tongue, ‘Your brother is a bit douche, hope you don’t mind me saying.’

Thomas giggled a little but his chest felt heavy. His manager knew his secret.

He couldn’t have one job, one place of a life without his brother doing this.

‘How are you feeling Thomas?’

‘Not great,’ Thomas let out a trapped laugh and rolled his shoulders. ‘Did he show you pictures?’

Zack nodded, ‘He emailed them, But I’ve deleted the email, Thomas.’

Suddenly, he wrote something down and passed the note over to Thomas. ‘This is a counselling contact for the team by the way, it comes free with the company, if it was something you were interested in. I can’t imagine what you’d had to deal with, with your brother and family.’

‘Counselling for?’ Thomas raised a confused eyebrow. ‘Like to convince me to change back?’

‘What? No, no,’ a horrified look swept across Zack’s face. ‘You should be proud who you are, it was just, I got the impression that you family were pretty toxic.’

‘Yeah,’ Thomas said, and didn’t add anything on.

‘Got to say though, man, pink and orange dresses though? That’s an awful color scheme.’

Thomas couldn’t help but laugh at that, ‘My mother’s choice.’

‘Yeah, I’d be scowling too if it was me in the pictures, man, just terrible,’ laughed Zack. There was a knock on the door. ‘Ah, the suits are back; you can get back to work Thomas.’

Thomas nodded and got up, he opened the door and let the two ladies in. He walked back to his desk, his legs shaking.

Zack knew. Zack knew Thomas wasn’t always Thomas and he had seen the pictures.

Later on, when work had finished for the day, Thomas ended up finishing later than everyone else. He left the building alone and was walking to his car in the empty car park when he saw him.

Adam, leaning against truck, his red cap on his head. He was finishing off a cigarette when they clocked eyes. A slimy awful feel of dread slithered all around Thomas as he marched up to Adam.

‘Fired yet?’ smirked Adam flicking his cigarette out to the ground.

‘Stop following me.’

‘Then stop lying to people.’

‘I’m not lying!’

Adam snorted.

‘Screw you,’ Thomas paused and added, hissing. ‘I still have job here; they don’t care about that.’

‘Then they are idiots aren’t they, Sophie?’

Every time his brother called him his old name, it was like a slap each and every time.

‘Thomas.’

‘You weren’t born a Thomas and you won’t die a Thomas,’ Adam opened his driver’s side door. ‘Mom and dad said they still pray for you Sophie. They said if you grew your hair a little and shaved that stupid beard off, you would still be welcome for Christmas lunch.’

‘Thanks, but I’ve been invited to lunches here with my friends,’ snapped Thomas watching his brother climb into his truck.

‘They don’t know about you yet, Sophie,’ Adam smirked, as he started his engine.

Thomas glared at Adam. Thomas threw open his door and grabbed at him but Adam was too quick for him and snatched Thomas’s arm and twisted tightly. So tightly and pulled at his shoulder. A sharp disgusting pop.

Thomas bit his lip to scream out and loud as he staggered back. Adam had always done this since they were kids. He knew the right places to dislocate.

Adam drove off laughing as Thomas held his arm, holding in the tears, wanting to scream and scream and scream.

***

At the hospital, it was quick, once he had been seen. Easy fix, his arm was back in his socket and he had to wear a sleeve for a while. The sick feeling finally left his stomach.

But, as he walked through the corridors, he heard a familiar chuckle. A familiar loud friendly voice. The voice was walking through the other corridors.

Thomas followed the sounds until he saw the familiar person walking into the cancer ward.

He should have just minded his business but he carried on walking. The smell of chemicals surrounded him and there were individuals being wheeled around him by nurses. Opening the doors, he looked around the room.

There was Zack sitting in one of the chairs, with a drip his arm, speaking to a nurse who was laughing at him before noticing Thomas.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Thomas tried to back out the door.

‘Excuse me, sir,’ she began to say.

‘Hey, Thomas!’ Zack shone a smile, he put an arm on the nurse, ‘It’s okay, I know him, it’s fine.’ Zack leaned over and pulled a chair next to him. ‘It’s fine, come sit down, Thomas.’

Slowly, Thomas walked over, hesitant before perching on the chair.

The nurse gave Thomas a strange look before putting a friendly hand on Zack’s shoulder, ‘I’ll be back in an hour.’

‘No worries, ma’am,’ Zack grinned back at her and leaned back in his chair.

Then the nurse left the room.

‘ So,’ Zack said putting his hands together. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I think I need to be asking you that.’

Zack laughed, ‘Well, I guess we are pretty even now; I know your thing and you know my thing.’

‘How bad?’

‘Um, they just found it two weeks ago,’ Zack taps the drip. ‘Been on this since.’

‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come in.’

‘Nah, don’t be sorry. What happened to your arm?’

‘My brother.’

‘You could have him for assault you know.’

Thomas shrugged. He could have had his brother done for assault hundreds of times. But what’s the point.

‘It’s in my stomach,’ Zack pointed downwards at himself. ‘Little cancer cells all building up in there, so fingers crossed this fix it all.’

‘I won’t tell people if you don’t want me to,’ blurted out Thomas.

Zack nodded and winked, ‘Think I was telling you that earlier. It’s fine, I appreciate that, thank you. It's best if work doesn't find out yet.’

‘I’m sorry you have stomach cancer.’

‘I’m sorry your family are transphobic.’

They both smiled at each other.

‘So, sorry for prying, but I’ve seen you looking at Sharon. You guys, you know?’

Thomas laughed at the sudden ease of conversation change, ‘She’s nice, yeah, just you know. I’m not sure on that.’

‘She’s a great girl you know, she has her stuff going on at home too. Everyone does, we’re not the only people with life events going on,’ Zack said.

Thomas shrugged his shoulders, feeling his cheeks turn a little red, ‘I can’t date.’

‘Why not?’

‘People that you want to date don’t like it when they find out that you used to be a girl.’

‘How do you know Sharon will do that? You got to give her a chance. You’re a good-looking dude, and she’s not a bad ‘un, you know?’

‘You think I’m good looking?’ Thomas gave him a sideways look.

‘I’m not blind,’ Zack chuckled. ‘Although I’m your boss and I am currently married to a wonderful man so I can’t date you either way.’

For the first time Thomas felt he could breathe, as if a tight band around his chest was let go. He eased back into his chair.

‘Do you need any help in the office?’ Thomas asked. ‘I can pick things up if anything needs doing.’

‘That’s really kind of you. Yes, I supposed that are some folders you could look through, you can grab some lists up for me, it sounds a bit tedious.’

‘But if it helps!’

‘Exactly.’

Present

The office party is back in full gear, after Zack had a word with Thomas. Barry is fine and had gone off outside for a stress cigarette.

There is still tension in the air.

Zack comes back in, wearing a ridiculous green and red and blue bright loud Christmas jump and springs over to the radio station. He turns up the station and whips around to everyone.

‘Cha, cha slide!’

‘That’s not a Christmas song,’ mutters Andy.

‘Cha, cha slide!’ Zack claps his hands. ‘It’s Cha, Cha time, come one!’

Sharon laughs and shakes her head as she dares go first to stand next to Zack.

‘No one is mad while Cha, Cha slide is on. Go grab Barry outside, we’re all doing cha, cha!’

Everyone laughs at this, a few more people dare to dance next to Zack and one more person laughs and throws his whole body into it. Eventually the whole floor of people is copying the moves to the dance.

For those few minutes, it isn’t Christmas or problems.

Thomas isn’t thinking about his hand hurting or his family hating him, he isn’t thinking about if people were worried that he would start a fight.

It was Cha, Cha slide time on. The perfect Christmas song.

‘Great, everyone!’ Zack claps again and points over to Andy. ‘Andy, it’s your turn on the radio. Ha-ha, phew, I’m wiped out, just going to bathroom, someone grab me some juice when I get back!’

All the tension was completely gone, like magic. Everyone is chatting away, laughing, dancing.

Thomas’s eyes follow Zack as he hobbles out of everyone’s view to the bathroom.

Concerned, Thomas follows through, ignoring the heat background of people having a joyful Christmas party.

The restrooms are quiet. One cubical is closed. Thomas slowly shuts the main restroom door and he can hear someone throwing up very loudly. It sounds raw and harsh.

Standing outside the cubical door, he knocks softly, ‘Do you want me to come in.’

‘Just, um,’ Zack coughs a little. ‘One sec.’

The door opens and Thomas comes in quickly and shut the door behind him. Zack is flushing the toilet but he is crumpled to the floor, clutching his stomach.

Thomas sits next to him, putting his arms around Zack’s shoulders.

Zack breathes out heavily. He is pale and his weak head almost rolls onto Thomas’s shoulder. He feels so thin.

‘On a pain scale, one to ten?’

‘Fifteen,’ murmurs Zack.

Thomas pauses, ‘We can stay here as long as you need to.’