Finding Home: Halos and Heroes, Bk 1 - 14. Chapter 14

Love finds its voice in the vulnerability of confession when words stumble upon the trembling lips.

—Unknown

For once, what woke me in the middle of the night wasn’t a nightscape of screaming phantom voices, but the warmth of a mouth that was gently teasing the side of my neck. Soft kisses were pressed into it from just below my right ear, down to the curve where my neck met my shoulder. With the room still dark, it took my brain a minute to shake off the fog of sleep long enough to register that I was facing the door, while lying on my left side, as opposed to staring straight at it over the foot of the bed like I did in my room at Sofia’s. I’d always preferred to keep my back to the walls in restaurants, with my eyes facing the door. I did the same thing in any hotel room I’d ever stayed in, even if I had to rearrange the beds in a quick and dirty, bastardized version of feng shui. I doubted masters of the Chinese philosophies would’ve considered the fact I’d always kept a gun under my pillow a conduit of calming energy, but it’d worked for me.

Right now, I wasn’t armed. I also wasn’t at Sofia’s, so I didn’t have a wall at my back but the warm, steadying press of a hard, athletically lean body aligned against my spine, was even better. So was the strong arm slung firmly over my waist, and the gentle nuzzle of a nose into the sensitive skin at the base of my neck.

Unlike the erotic dream I’d had weeks ago when I’d first arrived in Florida—the one that’d started with Devlin and ended with a mind-bending orgasm featuring Ben—this middle of the night wake-up call, starred only one of those people. I approved, and my lips quirked into a still drowsy smile as I shifted slightly, slowly letting my body begin the process of waking up, even though it was too dark in the room for it to possibly be morning. I couldn’t see any light sneaking in through the blinds yet, and the alarm clock was on Ben’s side of the bed. I could’ve rearranged my arms to sneak a look at my watch, but the truth was that I didn’t entirely want to be completely awake yet. That would’ve meant moving away from the surprising comfort of Ben’s body wrapped around mine and I didn’t want to, even though he radiated too much heat for the sweeping blades of the overhead fan to do much in the way of cooling me off. It was ok. could think of worse scenarios to wake up to, than a weighted, and heated, human blanket.

Ben’s body stirred behind mine in silent protest of me moving, with an emphasis on the lower half of his frame curling more securely around me like a sexy octopus. I smirked as his semi-hard cock nudged between my thighs just to rest there, like my ass was just a sensual place holder for whenever he decided to reread the book of Samuel.

My soft contented hum made Ben chuckle softly when he realized I was awake. His breath exhaled warmth over my skin, and that possessively protective arm tightened around my midsection as his fingertips grazed lazily across my bare abs. We’d fallen asleep naked at around 11 o’clock last night, after an only slightly less frenzied round two. The edge had been taken off after the first time he made my vision white out with orgasm, but the blistering desire had still been there between us a half hour later when Ben had blown my brain right out through my dick, then taken me from behind on my hands and knees so hard, we’d subtly shifted the position of his bed.

I brushed my own fingertips over Ben’s arm from wrist to elbow. It seemed like round three was on the horizon, but the overall temperature between us right now was more intimately content than before- a lazy simmer, rather than a slow burn that’d turn into an immediate explosion.

That was nice. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d partaken in a night of round the clock sexual gymnastics, but I wasn’t in my twenties anymore, so it might take a while for every part of my body to rise to the occasion, especially this early in the morning.

In my defense, morning sex wasn’t generally an option for me because I never spent the night with anyone I fucked, other than Max. And while my best friend was many amazing things, early morning snuggler wasn’t anywhere on his resume. When he woke me up first thing in the morning, it was usually with either his mouth wrapped around my dick, or his tongue up my ass. I enjoyed both of the situations, but I wasn’t hating this gently indolent wake-up call.

“Can I?”

I’d been so focused on the teasing touch of Ben’s lips and tongue gliding against the length of my neck, that his words took a minute to register through the languid haze of my pleasure. Once they did, the sound that eased from my throat, still sounded too deeply relaxed to possibly be mine.

“What?”

Ben kissed an inch or so up my ear, his voice husky and low, that melodic accent deepened by sleep though it was also strengthened with a base of arousal. “Would you let me, just like this?”

I’d said almost the same exact thing to Max on one of the most vulnerable nights of my life. A night, that currently felt like it’d happened a lifetime ago. I’d been sitting between his legs, both of us naked, while he’d held me securely in his reassuring arms, my back to his chest, after he’d talked me down after a nightmare. Him wedged up against my cleft, hard and ready for the physical pleasure we knew how to ring out of each other as easily as breathing after almost twenty years, felt natural. Right. But at our own crossroads in that motel room, Max had been unwilling to take the next step that would’ve cemented the otherwise bulletproof bond between us. Like the villain in the last Indiana Jones movie, who’d foolishly chosen the wrong, ‘cup of the carpenter,’ Max had chosen poorly.

A certain aspect of our relationship-- namely that unconditional trust we’d always shared-- had shriveled up just a little on my end when Max had turned me down. The love and loyalty I’d always feel for him was still there, but then and there, he’d unintentionally revealed that we actually did have some limits, despite so many other co-dependent aspects of our relationship. Even though we’d kept sleeping together the next morning like nothing had changed, I’d started to let him go that night, even if I hadn’t realized it back then.

Ben’s arm squeezed my body closer, his teeth grazing my shoulder before they worked back up along my neck, passing a spot that felt particularly tender, and would probably be colorful in the morning- a crystal clear, if someone adolescent claim, visible to anyone who looked at me. That was also new, because Max and I never marked one another up, even as kids. To be fair, I’d been closeted but we could’ve easily blamed the occasional hickey on an overly amorous, fictional female playmate. Max just hadn’t wanted to lay claim to me. Ben totally did, and I was alright with that. At least for now. Later, when I had to face the music in front of three pairs of female eyes that belonged to people related to me, I was going to need a reasonable explanation, that didn’t involve gay vampires.

I tilted my hips back slightly, a feeling of possessive satisfaction sliding over me because Ben was already well past the half-mast situation of morning wood. All stiff and wanting, just from waking up wrapped around me. Ben made a soft, growling sound of appreciation when I rolled my hips back just a bit more, his teeth grazing the nape of my neck again in playful retaliation before he nuzzled into my hairline.

Even though I was taller, the difference was mostly in our legs, so Ben fit against me like the perfect little spoon. He was pressed so tightly against my back, I was sure he could feel every breath I took and also how much they quickened when he licked the lobe of my ear, then moved lower along the side of my neck. We were both still moving leisurely, clearly wanting things to progress, but reluctant to give up these last few moments of intimate peace before we were both completely awake.

All good things had to come to an end eventually though. It suddenly wasn’t enough that I’d been granted the gift of waking up beside Ben. No, now, feeling a wave of new emotions that Ben was the first person to ever be on the receiving end of, I wanted more.

“As long as we don’t have to get out of this bed, except possibly for a quick shower later because the sticky situation is real, I’m all yours.”

“Oh, there’s absolutely no question about that last part, cariño.”

I felt Ben’s soft smirk between my shoulder blades as he pressed a kiss there. His hand shifted from my midsection, low enough that skimmed the still smooth skin he’d admired last night, knuckles lightly grazing the head of my dick.

“Is that right? Well then, fuck it, let’s go.”

It was Ben’s turn to snort. “A quick game of wetting my wick, by sticking my dick, isn’t my style, Sam.”

“It’s all about time and place, baby.” With my back to him I knew he couldn’t see my wicked smile, but the hard flick of his thumb against the head of my cock, told me he felt it.

“Brat,” he said, sounding amused.

“Occasionally. Planning to spank me to make me behave?”

I didn’t have to see Ben’s face. The way his dick jerked against my ass gave away his thoughts on that particular option. I grinned deeper as he gnawed gently on my shoulder.

“No, because you don’t deserve it yet. Stop filling up my potty mouth can, and we can discuss it.”

I laughed. “ So, what you’re saying is that my punishment for having a dirty mouth is no sex?”

“Oh no, sex is going to happen,” he assured me. “Very good sex I might add. But kink is a whole other wheelhouse and fortunately for you, it’s a world I know extremely well. But all you deserve right now, is a long, slow, lazy… loving.”

Each word before that last one had been dropped molasses slow, with a deep dark whiskey center so I’d been expecting another more colorful word to follow, not that one, which made me blush like a teenager from Ben’s unholy ability to turn an explicitly filthy conversation romantic.

I had absolutely no smart-ass come back for that. Thankfully, I didn’t need one. Ben’s hand moved from my belly to my jaw to turn my face toward his as he adjusted his position, and leaned down so our lips could connect.

Our first two times had been all about heat and urgency, our love making fueled by a need to possess, and be possessed. To make claims and promises. Now that we’d gotten all that out of the way and found ourselves on the same page, there were no fiery sparks, or beating of wild wings of desire in our chests. It was just a feeling of home and security that was, in its own way, more enticing and erotic.

I chased after that brief taste of heaven for a moment longer, before Ben broke the kiss. We were both breathing harder and anything kinkier, was wholly unnecessary because I was as hard as he was. With Ben’s hazel eyes staring into mine with warm affection, no words were needed to communicate anything between us. Of course, that didn’t stop Ben. I didn’t mind, because the profundity of what he’d said, slammed into heart as hard as it did my dick.

“What do you want?” Ben’s lips teased the seam of my mine, then skimmed the underside of my jaw. “I’ll give you anything you want, Sam. You know I will.”

In that husky tone of gravely honey and heat, Ben was offering so much more than just sex, and there were suddenly so many things I wanted to lay out on the table as an uncharacteristically greedy need rolled over me. This felt like the first time the Melone’s had taken me to a baseball game. I’ve been fifteen but could still remember the excitement of sitting in the nosebleed section with a hot dog in one hand, and a soda in the other, watching with throat swelling anticipation as a batter on our team walked up to the plate. The bases weren’t loaded yet, but we’ve been down by two. Anything could’ve happened with just one decisive action.

That was how the mood between us felt right now; heightened, almost surreal. Ben had said he’d give me anything.

I wanted it all.

“Like this,” I’m murmured. “Holding me just like this, if we can get the angle right.”

Those hazel eyes darkened with arousal as Ben accepted the challenge. “Let me worry about the logistics.”

He kissed me, nipping my lower lip, seeking entrance into my mouth so he could lick into it. He sucked on my tongue the same way he’d sucked my dick, before he’d fucked me the second time earlier; slow, sensual, boldly posting a SOLD sign. By contrast his hand was gentle around the base of my throat, the pad of his thumb stroking back and forth over my larynx, like he wanted to feel my pulse speed up when it was aided by the moans that made my skin vibrate.

Any concerns about morning breath were pushed to the side as we kissed like that was the only life, or death decision that mattered. My own hands rose to slide into the thick strands of Ben’s hair at the nape of his neck, where they’d coiled tight from the sweat that we’d worked up during rounds one and two. At the same time, I encouragingly pushed a little harder into the hand he held at my throat. This time it was Ben who growled as his fingers squeezed just a little tighter, but still precisely gentle.

“Our kink bank is growing,” he murmured into my mouth.

I chuckled. “Uh huh… make love to me.”

Of all the things I could’ve said to him, those three words had the effect of lighter fluid and a lighter being thrown together into the mix of a love song- a sweetly romantic inferno.

I couldn’t help it. Despite my dogged determination to ignore facts—mainly that A) Ben and I hadn’t known one another long and B ) that it was “unrealistically fast,” for us to share the intensity of feelings we had for one another— the actual, what-the-fuck reality, was that I was falling for Ben. Hell, maybe I’d already fallen for him because even in the shadows of the dark room, when Ben kissed me again, my heart was filled with that strangely pure, peaceful sense of weightlessness that I’d felt when the sun had risen over the Grand Canyon the first time I’d ever seen it.

Sometimes, love had absolutely nothing to do with logic. If it did, I wouldn’t have kept my mouth shut every single time Max and I’d gone to a bar together, only for him to take someone else home. Alone. Unless I’d opted to tag along when it was another guy. He’d always given me that option, happy to involve me. It’d happened less than a handful of times before I’d drawn a line there. Being in love with Max and having to share him with the world was difficult enough, without having to do it face to face, with another man’s cock literally between us.

Ben would never put me in that kind of situation in this world, or any other alternate universe, Multiverse, what-the-fuck-ever verse. That was a given, but another truth I knew deep down in my damn bone marrow, was that if Ben ever did test me, he’d end up with his face pressed into the nearest wall that was at least semi private, with my knee between his legs as I got my jeans down so I could fuck him so hard against it, his cock would paint clear evidence of, ‘I was here and I was owned by my boyfriend.’ Maybe that should be his first tattoo after I got him under me and took him in every way possible.

Feminists and social justice warriors around the world, would probably lose their damn minds about such lizard-brain-guided, caveman behavior but I had a feeling Ben would get off on me laying clear claim on him. Nothing in the way he’d treated me the last two times we’d fucked had indicated that he’d be okay with my eyes wandering elsewhere, let alone any other part of my body.

My comment about him wanting to pick out jewelry together had been a flippant response regarding nipple rings, but now, with his hand skillfully cutting off my oxygen level just enough to make my brain move like molasses and float away my characteristically stern hold on reality for a few seconds, I wondered if one day, any jewelry we picked out together would match and be appropriate enough to show in public.

Of course, I’d have to get over the squirming, almost adolescent discomfort of even using the word boyfriend. I’d had one-night stands, and I’d had lovers with complicated benefits in both Devlin and Max. I understood that kind of dysfunction, but a man who I could actually introduce to people as my boyfriend, was something I never expected to have in my life. It also meant I hadn’t ever expected to say the three words I’d eventually have to release to the world, in order to define what Ben and I had because there was no way that I was going to let anyone think either of us was a free agent.

Ben’s fingers released their hold, and I dragged in a deep breath as he pressed the gentleness of kisses first to my temple, then to my neck, before he carefully slid that same hand down the length of my throat to skate across my chest. Under Ben’s lazy, but focused ministrations, I felt boneless, like I was rolling down a hill, but in the joyful way that children did it, where there was no fear, only laughter. There was nothing Jack and Jill about any of this.

My nipples responded to the teasing tweaks of his cool and dry fingertips with the same pleasure his hot mouth had invoked last night. Fingers, tongue, teeth… I was good with all of the above because as long as the small nubs were stroked and rubbed into stiff peaks, it had exactly the same effect on my dick, which was currently wet at the tip.

Precome streaked my palm when Ben guided my own hand down between my legs. My obedience for once, knew no bounds as I followed his wordless instruction to touch myself. He hadn’t specified a pace but I didn’t want this to be over as fast as I knew it could be with Ben reinvigorating both a teenage-level refractory period, and a super-sonic speed at busting a nut.

I compromised with a slow but well pressured pace that popped the red bell of my dick through the ring of my fingers which was just tight enough for my cock to have to work through the resistance with a gentle pop on every back-and-forth stroke.

Ben hummed in approval. “Good boy. Keep doing that while I grab the lube.”

“It’s on the nightstand on your side, about three inches from the front to the left side of the alarm clock, but in front of the lamp two inches to the right, next to your cellphone.”

Ben’s momentary silence made me smirk. “ I told you… Details matter, especially in special ops.”

“And apparently in my bed.”

My soft laughter hitched toward the end, when I felt one generously lubed finger glide between my cheeks to tease along my taint, and graze my balls. Ben repeated that lazy loop until he felt my impending protest by the way my body tensed. The slow, tantalizing stroke of his finger barely breaching my puckered opening, shushed me before the words could even form.

I inhaled, concentrating on the fact that I knew how good it was going to be once we got past that inevitable, initial sting when Ben worked past the tight ring of muscle. Three times in one night didn’t change biology, and having something foreign going into what nature had designed to be an exit only zone, was never without some pain. Nothing truly worthwhile was ever easily won though. It was the fight that made victory sweeter and set you free. When Ben’s single finger withdrew, only to be replaced by two straight up to the knuckle, I was tempted to channel Mel Gibson in Braveheart, and howl, freedom!.

Ben’s teeth grazed my neck when he crooked his fingers, finding my prostate with envious ease. He worked me open slowly, lingering over that bundle of nerves long enough that I felt the weight of my balls warning me that not everyone obeyed clearly marked entrance and exit signs. Sliding doors that automatically opened whenever anything got close to them from either side, had fucked up the traditional rules for society in the same way Ben was ruining me for any other man.

I choked back a raspy sound that sounded suspiciously like Ben’s name at the same time I squeezed my dick hard at the base to choke off my orgasm.

Ben’s appreciation for my close call vibrated against my ear in a low sound. He didn’t stop though. Instead he continued to stretch me relentlessly--now three fingers deep--until my palm and fingers were slippery from the natural slick dribbling liberally in a continuous flow from the tip of my dick.

I was well aware that my frustrated noises showed zero gratitude, or appreciation for Ben’s mastery of all things related to my ass, but my hole and brain were in agreement that the applause could be held off until he made me come.

“C’mon, Ben. Stop teasing.”

“I’m not teasing. I’m savoring.’

“Well, savor me from the inside. You said you’d give me anything I wanted, right? That’s what I want, what I need. You inside me, just like this. Bare, raw, and so hot… I’ve never felt anything is good as all that velvety soft skin, wrapped around the steel of your thick fat cock, splitting me open li—"

I didn’t get to finish my deliberately pornographic monologue, because Ben’s teeth sank into the sensitive flesh of my shoulder hard enough to burn deliciously, before sucking up sharply enough, that there’d definitely be a new mark there.

Yahtzee.

The cringe factor of my explicit narration faded in the sensation of Ben nudging my thigh up higher with his knee so I was spread as wantonly as possible in this position, leaving me completely exposed so he could line up our bodies. The tip of his cock teased the furled edges of my hole, which was probably stretched embarrassingly wide open by his fingers, as the hand he didn’t use to smear more lube around and into my entrance, held his dick steady at the base. It was probably too much lube, but seeing as I got off on the wet sounds of my body swallowing up his cock, it was all good.

My head lolled back against Ben’s muscular shoulder so my ear was closer to his lips.

“I thought I was dreaming when I first work up,” Ben whispered, nuzzling my neck again. It felt so intimate, that it kicked up my heartbeat even as I prayed it wouldn’t stop.

It doesn’t have to… you heard him last night even if you’re going to pretend you didn’t. Don’t be a dumbass and keep to your word. He’s yours. You’re his.

“I hope not. My last dream had absolutely nothing on this.”

“Oh? Am I infiltrating your dreams now?”

“Like a frigging cat burglar. I might need to change the locks.”

Max and I did hot. We did sexy. We did kinky and even silly. When you’ve been sleeping with your closest friend on the planet for almost twenty years, being able to laugh at the stupid shit shared between the two of you, inevitably happens both in and out of bed. That’s just a given. Max and I were comfortable enough with one another to do goofy crap together. But close as we were, spoiling each other with couples stereotypes like breakfast in bed and lazy morning sex, had never really been our thing, even when we’d unofficially been a monogamous couple for 8 months after I was almost killed. I’d always assumed that kind of romance wasn’t something either of us was interested in, but apparently, being with Ben was making me reconsider my previous perspective on a lot of what I thought I knew.

My body trembled when Ben laughed and slowly worked the tip of his dick back and forth across my entrance. Without a condom to dull the sensation, and the novelty of being held by someone who cared about me and didn’t expect me to hide what I felt for him or what he felt for me, the moment felt both overwhelmingly daunting, and so secure at the same time.

My knee had drawn up higher out of instinct and I could feel the tip of Ben’s cock pressed solidly against my hole for a moment, before he pushed forward with slow stealth until I felt his crown slide past my inner ring. I groaned his name, my rhythm momentarily thrown off as I hit pause on jerking myself off so I could reach back with that same hand to grip the curve of his ass beneath the sheet we were still somehow half tangled in. I pulled him closer to me until I felt his balls slap against mine when he couldn’t possibly sink any deeper.

Fucking finally was my first thought as we just lay like that for a moment, with Ben’s breath deep and heavy in my ear. I could feel the tension in his body as he gave me the time, he thought I needed to adjust. The truth was, I was already so far gone from the intensity of this more emotionally charged third round, that it was taking all my self-control to fight back against the urge to goad Ben into ramming me so the moment didn’t feel so intimately loaded.

I exhaled slowly, then tipped my head further back for a kiss. Ben was already there, as if he’d anticipated my sudden of need to be connected in every way possible despite my ever-present what-ifs, playing on repeat in my mind. We kissed deep and lingering as my body relaxed around his.

“You feel so good like this,” I murmured after Ben broke the kiss. He kissed each corner of my mouth, then smiled before he pressed a third kiss to the skin of my shoulder. Three more made their way down the length of my arm, before returning to my favorite spot just below my ear, that made my skin tingle.

“It means the same thing to me,” he said quietly, his gaze intent on mine, focused, to make sure I was hearing and understanding him. I nodded slightly because I was learning to read him as well as he read me.

I’d put my heart out on the line last night with agreeing to lose the condom and give us a real chance. Ben had scooped it up, but only given me back half of it. The rest he’d kept for safekeeping, cementing the silent promise to look after it with every kiss, touch, and those seven simple words.

The number seven has significance in religion, nature, gambling, and brain function. In the bible, God created the world in six days, and rested on the seventh. In Islam and Judaism, there are seven heavens. In Confucianism, seven represents harmony by combining ying, yang, and the five elements. Nature associates the number seven with the seas, continents, and the greatest wonders of the world. Even in the gambling world, seven has a place. The dots on the opposite sides of a standard six-sided dice always add up to seven, giving it a 1/6 chance of being rolled, the highest probability of any number. Slot machine jackpots often end in 777, which is a trio associated with good fortune. Right now, I added those seven words spoken by Ben, and the instant reaction it had on my body, as another natural wonder of the world.

Ben was thrusting slowly in and out, teasing every inch he gained on the inward strokes, before he retrieved them just as slowly on the outward. How good, and how right this felt, was almost a spiritual experience, and good fortune was definitely on my side, because Ben had heaven on his.

Sometime between me moaning his name, and him peppering my shoulders with kisses, Ben's mouth finally found mine again.

Ben kissed with his entire body, pressing even closer against me when those elegant, long fingered hands molded over my jaw, then slipped up through my hair. The gentle tug of his hand invited my head to tilt even further back so there was no part of my mouth that he wasn’t exploring.

The stroke of his tongue up against the roof of my mouth as he snapped his hips slightly to get a deeper, steadier pace was an almost tangibly electric reaction, like that small burning zap you get when you stick the tip of your tongue into a nine-volt battery because you’re a stupid kid following through on a dare from an equally dumb kid.

My fingers curled over Ben’s bicep, kissing him back like I was starving for his touch even though it’d probably been less than four hours since we last did this. It felt like weeks, not hours since he was last inside me.

My cheeks felt hot and feverish when Ben pulled back to look into my eyes.

You’re amazing.

I didn’t say that aloud but Ben smiled, like he’d read my mind.

“Ben?”

“Yes, Sam?”

“Move.”

“I don’t want to hurt you. You’re still so tight.

“Less talk, more of that, and I won’t be for long,” I said, breathlessly.

By 'that', I meant my need for those lazy strokes of his cock to quicken and deepen. But as was becoming a trademark of his when he thought I was being ridiculous, or just had other plans, Ben ignored me.

“Such a bossy bottom.”

I rolled my eyes at the obvious tease in his tone. “I’m happy to be bossy topside as well. Roll over.”

“I thought you wanted me inside of you.”

“I do, and you know damn well there’s more than one way accomplish that, Cassanova. I’m happy with you saying, Giddy Up cowboy.”

Ben’s warm laughter rumble through his entire body, dick included. I hummed in approval as the sound sent an intimate vibration rolling through his body into mine, where we were joined together. My sound of pleasure was apparently the flag drop Ben needed to hit the gas and finally set a harder, stronger pace.

We moved together and the only sounds in the room, other than the slap of his skin against mine, were the stupidly embarrassing noises that strangled their way out of my mouth every time he nailed my prostate. I met him for every stroke, our bodies as much in sync as they had been the previous times.

It was beautiful.

It also scared the fucking piss out of me.

I wasn’t someone who normally blinked twice about most things. When the insides of your retinas have been seared over decades from vivid, 3D images in full color, with a heavy emphasis on blood red, you learn to desensitize and compartmentalize whatever you can’t handle. Cutting yourself off from what your head knows is right, but still occasionally messes with your heart because you’re human, is survival 101. I’d probably have survived longer in black ops if I’d sat more squarely center on the sociopath scale. Unfortunately, none of us did. Caring about protecting other people was our only motivation for doing some of the more fucked up shit we couldn’t say no to.

I hadn’t,and until recently, the sound of gunshots and the possibility of dying, hadn’t frightened me. But trying to deal with the enormity of what I was feeling for Ben, was its own shitstorm. As much as I wanted this, as much as I was willing to fight for it, I was well aware that life could shift without notice. Fate was fickle. You could lose everything in an instant if she decided to screw you, and I was fucking terrified.

As if he felt me tense, Ben slowed his movements, and curled his hand around my jaw again. “Hey,” he said, eyes searching mine. “You ok?”

Lying to him had never been anywhere on my agenda, but neither was breaking down everything that was going through my head. Ben knew some of it and if we stayed together, he’d probably eventually know more. But right now, there were so many things that just couldn’t share with him. One of us being plagued by nightmares was bad enough.

“Yeah, I just… it’s you and me, right?”

Those hazel eyes seem to bore into me. He knew there was something else I wasn’t telling him. I exhaled slowly, and Ben’s expression softened. Instead of an inquisition, he kissed my mouth gently before he pulled out, then rolled onto his back.

“Come here,” he said, crooking a finger at me.

I shot him a confused look as he adjusted himself back against the mountain of pillows on his bed.

“Giddy up.”

It took me a minute to reconcile his teasing words with what I’d said to him earlier. I blinked, then laughed. Relief shot through me when I realized that Ben was letting me take over to give me back some control without completely changing the physical dynamics that would’ve made me feel like more of a failure and worse about the entire situation. I was starting to enjoy the tenderly compassionate, give and take of our budding relationship, but I still didn’t want to be babied. Ben instinctively understood that, so the relief I felt came along with the unnerving awareness that he was learning to read me well enough to know what I needed.

I think I love you.

There was absolutely no way that I was going to say that out loud, but I hoped my kiss relayed some of that emotion as I took Ben’s mouth after straddling him. The gentle glide of his hands down my back and sides was as much confirmation as I was willing to acknowledge, that he did. I nipped at Ben’s lower lip, my apprehension giving way to impatient desire when I felt the tip of his slick cock brushing my entrance. His fingers wrapped around the base of his dick to steady it, so my hands were free to splay on either side of the base of his neck, just below his clavicle.

Ben inhaled when I exhaled, both of us moaning when I lowered myself slowly. My body welcomed that thick, fat cock back home as if it’d never left. I still felt the stretch, but it was easier now. Ben’s eyes glazed with pleasure before he leaned forward to nip at the juncture of my neck and shoulder where all of his previous marks of new ownership were. My hand worked its way into his thick hair to encourage him to keep going. His teeth and my tingling, marked skin kept me right here with him, and not lost in any of what-the-fuckery my mind enjoyed tormenting me with.

I usually didn’t fuck in this position because it was even more intimate than missionary. Being this close to Ben, I was able to count the number of his eyelashes and see the fine sheen of sweat above his brow. I had time to memorize the cut of his high cheekbones, and the way he trapped his lower lip beneath his upper teeth until I freed it with a stroke of my thumb. As wide as Ben was, the stretch was more pronounced at this angle, and it took my body a few minutes to acclimate. Minutes that I vehemently resented. The aggravated growls erupting from my throat, relayed that clearly enough that Ben chuckled against my skin.

“It’s all right, Sam. There’s no rush,” he murmured.

I laughed, because fucking hell, was I becoming as blatant as a damn billboard?

“Maybe not for you, but death by blue balls is a thing. I read it somewhere.”

“Oh yeah? In the same magazine that talks about chupacabras eating all of Texas’s sheep?”

I laughed again. “A what?”

“Una chupacabra. You know, those little vampiric goat sucker animals. I’ve heard they all finally left Puerto Rico and Mexico, and moved to Area 51 to be with kindred spirits.”

“Shut up,” I said, but we were both laughing now and my body was so relaxed from the sheer stupidity of the conversation, that my internal muscles relaxed. Ben slid home easily, all the way to the hilt.

He swallowed my moans and fed me his. I relished the feeling of fullness because there wasn’t anything that could get between us like this. When I rolled my hips, I grinned at Ben’s fucked-out expression. His O Face was amazing, but all the ones he made leading up to it, were just as good. I moved again, riding him quicker and harder now, bottoming out each time. Ben’s hands gripped my hips, his own snapping up so he could drive in deeper. As much as he’d teased me about savoring the moment, neither of us was in that mindset anymore.

It was ridiculous how fast we’d jumped from a leisurely morning of lovemaking to this frenzied pace, but I couldn’t stop, and neither could he. It was almost like all of my fears and reluctance in believing that things could actually work out between us once the real world intruded again, needed to be exorcised. For once, it felt like the angels on high might be on my side because I’d fallen for a priest who knew my demons might find a little bit of peace with help, and patience.

Ben’s name ripped from my throat in a shout as I punished myself by slamming down hard on his driving thrusts. He answered me with soul-deep groans of satisfaction. His body flexed, straining beneath mine, and it was beautiful.

He’s beautiful.

For a second, I got distracted by the way hard muscle moved beneath Ben’s skin. My own movements stuttered like an old car, and as much as I wanted to see him break first, I wasn't sure how long I'd be able to wait before my entire body exploded.

I moved my hands from Ben’s chest to brace them on the bed, ignoring the subtle tremble as I dropped my body lower so I could kiss him harder, needing to lose myself in his mouth, and forget about all the other moving parts working against me. I blamed having all my focus placed on not coming prematurely, as the reason that I didn’t I didn’t feel Ben’s foot hooking around my ankle, or his arm tightening around my back until he somehow managed to roll us just as my shaky arms gave out.

My mind reeled as it processed the unexpected strength in that move. I wouldn’t have expected it from him, though to be fair, if mothers could lift cars off their trapped kids, then this was a very small miracle. It was also, as Ben had said earlier, really fucking hot to be manhandled when you least expected it. Especially when Ben got between my thighs on his knees so his body curved around me, my legs bent to my chest before he hooked the back of my left knee over his shoulder, and thrust in deep without any of his earlier hesitation.

The change in angle nearly short circuited my brain. I dug my fingers into his hips, trying to keep a grip on the taut curve of his ass as my fingers slipped on his sweat dampened skin. His hips were practically snapping up against me now, all of his control stripped. I relished that with a ridiculous amount of pride. Stiff, detached Richard Gere, had made the vibrant and sassy, Julia Roberts fall for him in Pretty Woman. Apparently, our personal gender-bending adaptation featuring a former military operative, and reformed escort turned priest, was following suit. At least I hoped to God it was, because if I was the only one falling, then the landing was going to be hard.

“Fuck, Ben. Let go for me,” I urged. “Give it up. I need you to come, man.”

Ben’s laugh sounded strangled. “You first.”

I wanted to laugh, but I was too far gone. My back arched, and that smoothly synced rhythm we'd had earlier was abandoned. Fucking me over the edge was suddenly Ben’s only reason for existing as he thrust into me relentlessly, a hint of desperation edging his movements as he fought against his body’s natural desire to let go. Thankfully, my orgasm wasn't far from my grasp and seeing Ben, his bronze skin gleaming with sweat, eyes wild, pushed me over the edge.

Sensation overwhelmed me as I came with a deep groan, splattering Ben’s belly and my own with line after line of my spunk. Some got on his chest, and I grinned between pants as I noticed a couple of wayward drops on the lower part of his face, and the edge of his mouth.

“Fuckfuckfuck!"

That was my line, but the profanity was coming from Ben this time. His entire body seized as he looked down into my face. My shaky laugh, and the hand I curled against the side of his face seemed to be the last straw that broke his control. His hips snapped hard one last time before he spilled into me, hard and uncontrolled.

I felt a surge of purely primal pleasure at the completely wrecked look on his face, and my inner muscles clamped down tighter as we rode out our orgasms together. My body kept Ben's trapped, holding his cum hostage. His name was a curse I muffled in his mouth as my toes curled so hard, my fucking feet cramped.

My knee slid off Ben's shoulder as he collapsed on top of me. For a few moments, the only sounds in the room were our frantic breathing, and lovingly profane words. I recovered first, but only because I wanted to lick my cum off every inch of Ben’s skin so I could feed it back to him in a slow, soul claiming kiss. Ben’s vague hum could've been approval or residual arousal, but since neither of us would be able to get it up for at least twenty minutes, we just lay together, drowsy and spent as we ran lazy hands over each other's bodies.

“Ben?”

“I know, Sam.”

I didn't ask him what he thought he knew because his answer told me he knew exactly what I wished I could say out loud.

When Ben finally pulled out, I felt bereft and less than thrilled with the warm stickiness that was coating my belly and chest—mine— and the equally gross warmth that was leaking from my ass—his. However, context mattered and when Ben scooped his spunk up on two fingers and pushed it back into my body with a possessively satisfied look, well, that, I was absolutely fucking fine with.

Our eyes met and Ben’s smile latched onto my soul. If I hadn’t already been sure that I’d given him my heart despite how unsafe that could be, I knew now.

I managed to hold out for the ten seconds or so it took for Ben to get out of bed and return with another warm washcloth to clean us both up. By the time he turned the lights off, I was already half asleep. When he curled up behind me, nose nuzzling into the base of my neck, and his arm sliding over my midsection in a complete replication of how we’d woken up this morning, I smiled, then let sleep take over.

With the weather as wickedly hot as it is and seems like it's going to continue to be, my MS symptoms have flared so it may be a bit before I post new chapters, but they will come eventually. Thanks for having patience with my issues and the lack of beta approval due to time and fatigue constraints. I appreciate you all. Comments always lighten my heart, so don't be a stranger!