Finding Myself - 10. Chapter 10: Winter Woes

Sunday Feb 11 2018

I was sitting on my bed practicing drawing in anime style and listening to music on my pear phone with earbuds. In the middle of drawing, I stood up to use the bathroom. When I came back a few minutes later, Violet was in my room and she was looking at my drawings. “Hey! What’re you doin’ in here?” I shut the sketch book and tried to shove her out.

“I was just returning those colored pencils I borrowed,” my older sister raised up her hands in defeat and handed me yellow and blue colored pencils.

“Oh, thanks,” I blushed and set them on my desk.

“Also, I see you drew some shirtless boys with abs...” She re-opened the sketch book. My face turned pink like a cherry.

“YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT!” I stammered in embarrassment and closed the book again.

“You’re bi... aren’t you?” She smirked.

“No...” I crossed my arms. “I dunno what yer talkin’ about.”

“The shirtless anime boy drawings say differently, Aedan...”

“Get outta here Violet!” I hid the sketch book under my bed before shoving her out the door. I may be 3 years younger than her but I’m taller and stronger. I took a deep breath... Wait... she could tell others. I stepped back into the hallway. “Um... Vi...?” I asked sheepishly.

“Yeah?”

“You’ll keep that a secret... right?”

“Sure...” Violet shrugged.

February 14 2018

In the morning before school I was in the library drawing in my sketchbook again. My art skills were really improving, especially with dad not around to discourage my artistic talents. “Hey, cutie pie,” Nina sat next to me. I quickly shut my sketchbook. My anime drawings had evolved from shirtless boys into something a bit more risqué that my girlfriend probably wouldn’t approve of. “Happy Valentine’s Day!” She lightly kissed my cheek.

“Happy Valentines Day, babe,” I kissed her back.

“Why are you so secretive with your sketchbook? You’re an amazing artist, Aedan.”

“It’s my private drawings,” I put the sketchbook in my backpack before kissing my girlfriend again. I left something in your locker.” I smirked and Nina quickly ran to her locker while I followed behind, still a bit stuffed from breakfast. I watched her open her locker and found the teddy bear and flower I had put in there.

“Oh my god, Aedan, you’re sooo sweet.” She gently pushed me up against the wall and kissed me, and I began feeling twitchy in my shorts. Man, I love having a girlfriend!

The day went by until lunch. I’d been holding in my pee for a while so I left my stuff at a table outside and went to the boys’ restroom. I excitedly walked back out to have lunch with my girlfriend. We were sitting outside because it was a warm day by February standards. Warm enough for me to wear shorts at least. I stepped out to the patio and saw my girlfriend reading some book. As I got closer, I noticed it was my sketchbook!

“Hey!” I growled and snatched the book from her. “Why were you looking in this?!”

“I was just curious,” Nina shrugged.

“My sketchbook is off limits. Don’t. Touch. It.” I glared at her.

“And I know why…” she bit into her sandwich. I cocked an eyebrow before starting to eat my fried chicken. “Why are you drawing male anime porn?”

My cheeks went bright red. “None of your fuckin’ business!” I put the sketchbook in my backpack. “I’m bisexual, okay?” I whispered. “I like guys and girls. And since I started drawing anime boys, I guess my imagination… took over…” I blushed.

“You were too afraid to tell me you’re bi?!” Nina gasped.

“Not so loud…” I drawled.

“Aedan, we’re outside. No one here is going to care that you like girls and boys! You don’t trust me with your secrets. I’m literally your girlfriend. You should be able to trust me.”

“So you chose to snoop in my private drawings?” I crossed my arms. “You crossed a line, Nina…” I growled at her.

“You don’t need to keep secrets from your girlfriend. That’s crossing a line, too.”

“Uh, yeah I can. It’s just drawings. You’re just bein’ a bitch about it. I tell you what I wanna tell you. I show you the drawings of mine that I feel like sharing. It’s my personal stuff. I’m glad you tell me lots of stuff but I’m not that open. Sorry. If you have a problem with me having privacy then we’re done.”

“Fine.” Nina rolled her eyes

“Fine!” I growled before getting back to eating.

The rest of lunch went by in very awkward silence. Did I just break up with my girlfriend?

During basketball practice, I was mentally absent. I guess that was obvious to the others because Connor pulled me aside while the others were playing a game of Knockout.

“Aedan, you’re off. I can tell. What’s going on?” Connor asked. “And don’t try to play the ‘I’m fine’ card.” He tried mocking my southern accent.

“I broke up with my girlfriend today.”

“Shit, bro. That sucks. On Valentine’s Day too? Why?”

“She violated my privacy and snooped in my sketchbook.”

“Well, dang. If you wanna sit out I can tell coach you aren’t feeling well.”

“Thanks, Connor. That’d be awesome,” I smiled.

I sat on the bench while everyone else finished up practice.

In the evening, I was hanging out with Jake before dinner. We were wrestling and playing video games like nothing bad had happened. After I had pinned Jake to the carpet, I rolled off him and sat up to catch my breath a bit.

“You ok, Aedan?” Jake asked, pulling his shirt on.

“Me? Yeah, I’m fine.” I laughed. “It’s you I’m concerned about, bro. You went down easy.”

“I meant your breakup. People were talking about it at school,” Jake grabbed my t-shirt and threw it at me.

“Oh that,” I blushed as I got my shirt on. “Yeah it was bugging me at school, but hangin’ with you has kinda helped me forget it I guess.” I shrugged.

“What do people even do in middle school relationships?” Jake laughed. “You’re not old enough to drive to places for dates.”

“Um….” I giggled at Jake’s question. “Holding hands and kissing at school when we can get away with it, sitting together at lunch, and sending each other cute texts. Other than that we went to the movie theater a couple times over the past…. Uhhh seven months.”

Jake began laughing again. “You… you think that’s an actual relationship?!”

“Jake!” I blushed. It seemed a bit silly to say we were dating when middle school relationships weren’t that serious, but it’s an age appropriate step! “Seriously it’s not that funny!” I tried not to laugh. I stood up to put on my shirt, but Jake, still laughing, pantsed me, leaving me in nothing but my underwear! “Jake!!!” I laughed, playfully shoving him. It took us a while to calm down and stop laughing. Man, hanging with Jake is better than having a girlfriend.

March 14 2018, Kensington, Vermont

I stood at the top of the bunny hill and latched my skis onto my boots. It was my first time skiing and I was nervous. Jake and his parents invited me up to their cabin in Vermont for a couple days during the week-long spring break. The trail ahead had a shallow slope, but there were so many trees I could hit! “I dunno about this Jake…” I said, strapping my helmet on, which is Jake’s that he let me borrow.

“You’ll be fine,” my blond friend explained. “If you fall the snow is soft. The lodge is at the bottom of the hill. I’ll meet you down there.”

“Okay...” I gulped and used my ski poles to push off. I was soon going down the slope in a straight line. I didn’t want to try turning at all, and risk breaking my legs. I reached the bottom where the slope became flat. “HOW DO I STOP?!” I called out. No response. “JAKE??” I saw a girl ahead of me talking to a boy and I was headed straight towards her. “Watch out! I cain’t stop!” I called out in my southern drawl.

“Twist both your skis to the right or left!” The teenaged boy called out.

I tried that, and I began slowing down but I definitely tumbled into the soft snow. “Oof!” I yelped.

“Oh my god, are you okay?!” The teen girl came over to help me up.

“Mhm...” I sighed. “I am, now that you rescued me,” I smirked, removing the goggles from my eyes.

“Oh, please, that was not a serious tumble...” the boy crossed his arms. “Don’t flirt with my little sister, kid.”

“Oh, hush. He’s cute.” she reached down and kissed my cheek. I blushed. “You want a soda?”

“Uh, yes, please,” I nodded and got up to follow her, and stuck my tongue out at her brother.

That night, Jake and I were hanging out in the hot tub on the back wooden deck of the cabin. I was sore from skiing and snow tubing earlier. Snow tubing is more fun of course. Skiing was just terrifying! Anyways, the hot water was relaxing on my sore muscles, and it was nice and warm on a cold night.

“Aedan, I’ve been meaning to ask... where did you go after you skied down the bunny hill?” Jake asked, splashing some warm water on his face.

“I ran into a girl and we went to get some sodas,” I answered plainly. “I’m sorry if it felt like I ditched you. She was real cute though,” I smirked.

“Nah, I’m not upset,” Jake shrugged. “I figured something like that happened.” Jake explained. My cheeks blushed. I have been getting more confident with girls since Nina and I split up, and I’ve been flirting with them at school the past few weeks. “Did you get her number?”

“Naw, dude,” I rested my elbows on the edge of the tub and rested my shoulders and back against the wall, with foam in the hot tub dancing a few inches below my nipples. “It was just one date. I got a kiss though.”

“Oh, um, that’s cool,” Jake’s cheeks flushed. “Just, uhm, be careful. You’re getting a reputation as a bit of a player. I’m glad you’re getting more confident in yourself though. Unlike me...”

“A player? Don’t all boys our age flirt?” I asked, “And I can show you how to.”

“Yeah. But you do it a lot... like, ten girls in the past 3 weeks,” Jake said. “You’re letting it get to your head.”

“That’s horsefeathers comin’ from you, mister 'I’ve NEVER had a girlfriend'...!! You’re just jealous that I can get a girlfriend and YOU CAIN’T!” I angrily stood up. Jake covered his eyes. I looked down and realized I was exposed. Jake and I had gotten in there naked after all. I blushed and quickly grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my waist before stepping out of the hot tub. “God it’s cold...” I muttered, quickly running inside. Jake sighed.

March 19 2018, Avalon, Connecticut

It was the first day back from Spring Break, and the first day in the Spring sports season. Basketball season had ended the week before spring break, with a regional March Madness tournament of sorts with the eight middle schools in the county. My team didn’t make it past the first round unfortunately.

“There you are Aedan,” Jake said as I stepped onto the field. I was dressed in a couple hoodies, leggings, and sweatpants, as it was still quite chilly outside. The heavy snow the previous week had melted off, leaving the grassy field shared between the high school and middle school damp and frosty.

“Hey, Jake,” I said, pulling up my hood over my dark hair to stay warm. We had done warm up stretches inside and did some jogging to warm up before tossing frisbees and practicing plays for upcoming games in a couple weeks.

Our school only had one team for ultimate frisbee, as there weren’t enough people to have separate boy and girl teams or different teams for grade levels. Just one team of eleven (which is I guess a bit of an increase from last spring’s seven players), made up of eight boys and three girls. Including Nina. Just my fucking luck...

“You can go toss a frisbee with the girls,” Jake suggested. I groaned and walked over there. Jake and I were the only 8th grade boys on the team and Nina was the only other 8th grader. Most everyone else was in 7th grade. 5th and 6th graders couldn’t play sports at school. Not sure why that is. It was a problem back in Tennessee too.

“Hey, girls,” I walked up to them.

“Hey, Aedan...” Nina scowled. Damn, she can hold a grudge.

“I don’t like the sound of that...” I muttered before she threw the frisbee at my face, bonking me.“Ow... What the fuck was that for?” I swore as Grace, the 7th grade girl, gasped at my use of a swear word.

“You were supposed to catch that.” Nina said.

“I wasn’t ready, but now I am,” I picked up the disc and thew it towards Nina. The breeze made it veer to the left, missing her and landed several yards away. “You gonna get that? You missed an easy catch!” I taunted. Nina slowly walked over to grab the disc. “You can move a little faster. I get that y’all are girls but this is sports practice…”

“Nah, I’m all good,” the hispanic teen girl shrugged. “I have cramps.”

“Why?”

“It’s that time of the month, you idiot!” She reached up and bonked me on the head with a plastic yellow disk.

“Oh...?” I shrugged. Then realization hit me. “Oh...! Gross!” The girls laughed at me.

Jake came over. “Is there a problem?”

“Yeah, Aedan here is being rude and immature...” Nina complained and rolled her eyes.

“Aedan, drop and give me twenty,” Jake ordered. My jaw dropped.

“Um, bro, you ain’t the coach.”

“I’m the team captain,” he poked me in the chest. “So, you follow my command.”

“Is twenty push ups too much for you?” Nina asked, trying not to laugh.

“No.. But...”

“Do it... we don’t have all day, Jackson!” Jake impatiently tapped his foot as I got down in push-up position.

I sat down in my math class after turning in my homework on the teacher’s desk. I sat down and folded my arms on my desk and rested my head.

“Tired?” Ian asked, sitting in his seat next to me. Ian was on the baseball team for the spring season and had also come from first period practice like I had.

“Not really...” I huffed. “I just hate the ultimate frisbee team this year...” Ian tilted his head to the side. “The team captain hates my ass and so do the girls... stupid co-ed team...” I shoved my hair out of my face.

“Uh, isn’t the team captain Jake... he’s, like, your best friend...?” Ian asked.

“Not anymore. We, like, had a fight over the break. And he’s still mad at me. I offered to talk about it, since we literally live together, but he’s just being a jerk!”

“You and Jake will make up,” Ian said. “You two are like brothers.”