IceBerg - 2. Chapter 2

‘Hi Nathanial, I have read your work and it is brilliant, the one about the Old Woman in Trance is fantastic, you got a lot of editorial work to do, but this has potential! You’ve got this knack with characters. I look forward to more, well done on your work so far! Don’t give up. Kind regards, CC.’

Leaning back on my chair, I let out a long-tired sigh. My phone beeped out loud. Oh. Food was done then.
I stared hard at my phone before glancing back at the laptop screen. I had been looking over at this message for an hour? My phone then proceeded to die. Great. Needed to find the charger somewhere.
Grunting, I swirled off my chair and went to take my pasta bake out the oven. Well, attempted pasta bake. Hot cheese steaming increased my high hopes. Then I saw the burnt corners.
I shrugged and dumped it all on the plate anyway.
This comment was signed it CC. I checked the account and it looked like the email linked was from a Conray.
But, no. Not the real Charlie Conray. But maybe.

My phone started ringing out. Not this again. Stupid brain, it wasn’t real. It was turned off. The phone was not on. But I could hear ringing, clear and sharp.
I took large three strides into my small room. Benefits of living in a small flat; my bedroom went into my kitchen which went into my bathroom.
Jumping back onto my chair, I placed the steaming hot plate on the desk next to me. I clicked off my website and went on my emails.
He was there.

‘Hey, you online today, Smiler? You get the fading issues sorted out?’
Ah, some normality. My usual anxiety left me. AJ was my friend now and he had left a message. He was online now in gmail, messaging me via the online chats on gmail. I leaned over and ate some of the pasta bake, it crunched in my mouth. I typed back to him.
‘Yes, I did! Thank you so much for pointing it out! He said it shouldn’t do that from now on. So, it should read better.’
‘Let’s hope so,’ AJ sent a smiley face emoji after this. ‘How was your parent’s visit yesterday?’
‘Not much to say, went to the usual service with them. Priest had a sore throat. They are doing okay, though’ I typed back.
‘So, how is the writing going?’

‘Actually, I still haven’t finished, hard to edit because…’

Was it weird that I felt like winking at the screen? Weird was fun though. I grinned like a stupid man at myself.

‘The overdramatic dot, dot, dot. I love it, secretly. What’s up?’ he typed.
‘You saw the comment on the blog by Charlie Conray? Does it look real to you?’
His pause took a while.
Great, now I was nervous. ‘Is it real?’. Ugh, tool bag.
AJ sent another smiley face emoji and I let out a long sigh of nerves.

‘Do you think it’s real?’ he replied.

‘I think so,’ I stopped for a moment before carrying on typing. ‘I did see him again today.’
‘At work?’
He was always fast at typing.
Did I tell him where I work? Oh, yes, I did. I mentioned Gregory and Oli already. Why was I over thinking again? Wasn’t like I had to explain myself to anyone.
‘Yeah I did,’ I replied.
It was the second time he had been at the charity ball. They must have been warming up to comedians even more now because others from his new show were also appearing.
‘He is nice,’ I added, typing. ‘We spoke.’
Nothing more was said.
Damn it, why couldn’t I carry a conversation?
‘It’s a miracle he’s put up with you this long,’ murmured that familiar hushed voice.
I battered the voice away from my ear, as if it was real. I could almost feel the gnarly tone gnawing at me, ready to say more.
Not now, Jake.
Reaching over, I stabbed hard at the pasta, shoving it as quick as I could into my mouth.
There was bleeping. I smiled.
AJ.
‘If you guys spoke then of course it’s real!’ AJ sent a winked face after. ‘Bet his email was easier to get than mine and is a normal email.’
Laughing at that comment, I dug my fork into more burnt cheese pasta.
I remembered that. It took three days to wear AJ down. Even the email he gave me had anonymous in the name, it clearly wasn’t his real email. But there had to be a reason for that.

During those three days, I wondered if he was a boy, girl? Wondering if it would be creepy if I asked? Yes. Why would I try to make this weird, this person was being helpful and I was being ridiculous, why did I always do this to myself, some people were nice and I was asking what gender they were, like it was important, what was wrong with me, why couldn’t I just accept things as they were, no wonder Jake.
No wonder Jake. Just. He. Ah.
I remembered my head always got fuzzy after those thoughts, and my hands became numb. I remembered clenching my teeth and pressing my music on my speakers and holding the volume button until it was blaring louder and louder.
‘Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.’
Blinking myself back to the current conversation I was having with AJ, I typed, ‘Haha, three long days. Well, he already asked for mine.’
‘Dude!’ he typed back. ‘Need all the info now!’
I laughed, ‘Alright. I saw him at work. Another charity event, his second one. With a different group of people.’
I didn’t tell AJ that I couldn’t stop catching Charlie Conray from the corner of my eye.
If Charlie Conray wasn’t laughing, he was smiling. He seemed so honest, so grateful to be there. I couldn’t help but catch that smile he was spreading.
Then, I sort of caught his eye. By accident.
I was looking around for Gregory, to make sure he hadn’t noticed that Oli had gone around the back with another infamous actor. I was covering his back when I caught those blue eyes.
They were still like wildfire, sparkling just as before.

‘Then he said came over, said hello, asked me outright the website name. I stumbled over my words, thinking I had misheard him.’

‘Probably should thank that neighbour’s kid for designing the website with your passport photo, makes you instantly recognisable,’ said AJ.

‘He said he had seen a few blogs in the local area, from beer critics to gothic literature and he came across mine, he said he was delighted to grab the opportunity to meet face to face, didn’t think he would.’
‘What are the odds?’ AJ said. ‘That’s awesome! You got a famous fan now!’
‘Indeed,’ gnarled Jake. ‘What are the odds?’
‘I don’t know how to reply though,’ I began to type away. ‘I don’t know how to handle this. Do I give a paragraph of ‘thank yous’ as a reply, or do I give a witty smartass email back? Or should I use this to promote my work and get him to work with me? Or just be grateful for his comment and move on? Other people would have commented by now. It’s been a few hours, so I’ve probably lost him by now. Charlie is a comedian from a T.V Show though, what would he want my work, my creepy weird work?’

I stopped typing.
This was too much.
This was way too much. I couldn’t send this mess to AJ.
He’d freak.
I started to delete my words, then I paused, staring hard.
‘Make your damn mind up,’ hissed Jake.
Ah! I slammed my hands against the desk.
Not now, Jake! I didn’t need this now. He didn’t show up two days before this when I was tired at work, but he showed up now.
He wasn’t real, I knew that. I wasn’t stupid. The real Jake left me years ago.
But he was just there. In my head. His voice. Sometimes it was another voice, a softer voice, a sweeter voice who never made any sense. But Jake’s voice was the gnarly one. It was deep and strong as if he was actually standing right next to me.
This was the part I hated the most about this brain glitch. The inconvenient timing. They could have turned up when I was sat in the car bored in bad traffic, or when I was scrubbing sick at work for an hour. But they never did. Especially Jake.
‘Make your damn mind up,’ Jake hissed louder.
‘Mind, mind,’ whispered someone else.
‘Make up!
The door buzzed.
I deleted my whole message to AJ and left the desk to answer the door, hopefully it was the door this time and not my brain playing tricks again.
‘Hey, Waldo! Let me in now!’ boomed Oli. His laughter was high pitched. A drunk Oli.
I smiled and let him through.
***

‘6’7? He’s a giant?! No way!’

‘Oli!’

‘I want to see more messages!’

‘Oli, get off there!’

Swiping at him, I tried to pull the chair away from my desk. But Oli stayed on, fighting me off.

‘Come get your food,’ I said, pulling a face at him.

Oli gave a drunk smirk and read over my old messages to AJ, ‘‘Come on, you got to give me something. Your favourite color? Your height? Your eye color?’ Come on, Handsome’ Handsome? Really, Waldo? I mean, okay.’

Last time I invited Oli over to my place.

I didn’t like this spontaneous crap.

‘So,’ Oli lowered his voice tone, mimicking AJ. ‘‘You’re cute Nathanial. For your information only, it’s purple, 6’7, and green.’ So, you’re flirting with a green eyed giant. Sounds like a cartoon character.’

‘You almost sound impressed,’ I teased, waving the takeaway box in the air to him.

‘You got Chinese?’ he finally stood up from the laptop and gave me this absurd look as if I had just dug up his grandma’s grave and danced with her corpse.

He took one white box out of my hand and stared at it with disgust.

Picking up my white package, I dipped my chopsticks in, the scent of spices teasing my stomach. I sat on the couch, watching and grinning, as Oli peeled the box open and sniffed.

‘You’d never get this much risk of pizza,’ he muttered, prodding at the food with his chopsticks. ‘Everyone likes pizza.’

‘Especially lactose intolerant people,’ I waved my own chopsticks at him.

He flopped himself down next to me. ‘Yeah, well, you know who is lactose intolerant? Gregory. Makes sense now, why he is crabby all the time, more crap comes out his mouth than his crack.’

I spat my food out. I snorted out laughing, wiping my face.

‘What?’ Oli started to do his ‘I’m not drunk but I am.’ He snickered and bowed his head down, tightening his jaw, trying not to laugh too loudly.

My laptop started flashing. We both looked up. Standing up, I replied to Oli, ‘I would just hate to be your enemy again.’

Walking around to my desk, I leaned down and clicked on my emails with my free hand.

‘Is it AJ?’ Oli came up behind me.

‘Tall handsome mysterious AJ?’ he added, clicking his tongue. ‘I need to get myself a website out there. Or at least a blog.’

It wasn’t from AJ. It was an email from Charlie Conray. He had resent his first comment directly to me.

Yeah, I should have emailed him back.

‘Nathanial!’ Oli squealed, rocking my shoulders.

‘Stop that!’

‘Don’t you see,’ he pushed me down on my chair and pushed his finger onto the laptop screen.

‘The King of Checks and Taxis!’ squeaked Oli.

I swiped his dirty finger away from the screen, ‘Oli.’

‘Away from the laptop, Waldo!’

He whacked my chair away and I watched, helpless and spinning away, while Oli typed on my laptop.

‘It’s his email, it’s his email! I am checking!’

‘Come on, Oli.’

‘Charlie Conray. You know, if he was gay, I would so be showing off favourite skills to him.’

‘Why would he email me? How could he have found my site?’

‘Why not? He is just starting to become famous, a few successful stand ups, comedy, um, comedic? Those types of shows under his belt. Still a normal guy.’

‘He was at work the other day.’

‘Oh. I stand correct. A famous person has now commented on your work.’

Another flash appeared. I smiled at the screen as AJ’s name cropped up.

Oli smirked at me and slurred, ‘Looks like you got company.’

He started yawning.

I smiled at Oli and raised my eyebrows over to my couch, ‘Just crash, man. Sleep it off. Or, you know, eat some food.’

Oli stuck his tongue out at me and proceeded to flop himself on the couch. I looked over at the laptop and pulled my chair back to it. I was going to reply back to Charlie Conray back now.

                                                                 ***

It was late when I got back. I went up to my third-floor flat, rushed past my weed loving neighbours and my child gang neighbours and got myself inside my home. My whole body was just aching and tired. Propping the laptop screen up, there was no flashing. No AJ chat today.

I sighed. I draped my coat over the chair and went to the kitchen to get food. I grabbed a packet of crisps.

I thought I might as well check the rest of my emails. I used to get excited in the past. When companies or agents would give me the details and I would email them and then wait and wait like a puppy on death row. Despite this, I still felt a small buzz in my stomach as I sat down, opened the bag of crisps and clicked on refresh. I was a fool and I knew it.

But. There was an email.

There was a smile on my face that comforted me. He did email me back. He really was as genuine as he looked.

But. I had to read the email first. He might have just sent a generic one out, the ‘I’m not here but please leave a message’ kind of email.

‘Hi Nathanial, I am going to start calling you Nathan, as I don’t think you are a douchebag! I am very interested in the Lady in Trance story, I am actually a script writer myself, and I would like to work on this story with you as I think it has potential.’

I carried on reading, waiting for the big ugly fat ‘but’.

‘I would like us to meet in a café or a library or somewhere comfortable for you to write, I don’t have my own office yet, the studio on channel 4 does not count apparently. So, if you are interested, let me know, and we will arrange something. Charlie Conray.’

Where was AJ? I needed to tell AJ. How could I reply to this? Screw it, if this was the ladder to everything I wanted, I was going to jump all the way up on it.

I emailed back that I would be interested to meet up, I told Charlie when I was free, Fridays after work.

I messaged AJ the news. I thought he might see it later.

                                                                ***

AJ didn’t reply for a week now. Was he getting bored of me? I hadn’t done much writing on the website, I had been busy gathering every single note on Lady in Trance ready, printed, for a meeting with Charlie Conray.

‘Nothing might become of this,’ I could hear Jake muttering away. ‘He might drop you like a hat. Or use you. He is an upcoming star. He just wants some ideas to make himself big.’

I yawned, rubbing hard at my ears as if that would help get rid of him. It was nearly midnight and I was too tired to hear Jake and the others now. I was sitting on the couch with my laptop on my lap. I opened my document and typed random words. The words started to become a new story. Jake’s voice left me and now all I could hear was my phone going off. I looked down at my phone next to me. It was turned off. Yet I could hear the sharp ring tone calling out to me.

I sighed with annoyance and typed harder on the laptop. Stupid brain. I wouldn’t be sleeping tonight then.

There was another thunderstorm outside, perhaps I should have planned a horror story? Sneezing, I rubbed my face. Ugh. I felt crap. I should have taken some medication. Oli was sneezing at work today. Great. Now I was going to infect Charlie Conray when I saw him. He would love me. He would soon be back to calling me Nathanial. Or just Mr. Greystone.

My laptop flashed.

‘So sorry for the late reply, work has been hectic. Congrats on Charlie Conray, you got his email, when are you guys’ meeting?!’

AJ.

I typed my reply, ‘He seemed really genuine. We are meeting on Friday.’

‘You got to let me know how it goes, I am rooting for you, dude!’

‘Nothing might come of it. There’s oceans of new desperate writers out there.’

‘You are not desperate, Nathanial.’

‘Trust me. I am a writer. I know what I am. Speaking of,’ I took a sharp intake of breath. ‘I can try guess where you work again?’

I let out a breath as I pressed send.

‘I love this game. Go on then, remember five questions!’

Biting the side of my mouth, I held in a chuckle. I clicked away from our conversation for a moment to read over the email I got from Charlie Conray. He was such a cool guy, gold boy of normality with genuine good looks. I hoped I wasn’t going to screw up Friday.