All I Ever Wanted - 8. Chapter 8

It was little passed midnight when I woke up to my cell phone’s ringtone. I mechanically answered it without checking who it was.

“Hello?”

“Sorry to wake you up, I know you probably were asleep. I’m sorry,”

“Christopher?”

“After you left tonight, I started thinking in so many things, I realized…”

“Christopher, what’s wrong?” I asked a bit sleepy.

“Jo, I need you to come with me, please,”

“Wait. What? Why? Where are you, Christopher?”

“I’m outside your house,”

It took me less than a minute to put on a t-shirt, grab my cell phone and house keys and head outside.

It was a December night, and the coldness was easily felt.

“Again, I’m sorry,” said Christopher when he saw me on my pajamas.

“It’s the middle of the night Christopher! Is something wrong?”

“Not exactly,”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Come with me,”

“Christopher!”

But I couldn’t stop him. He had grabbed me by the hand and was pulling me.

And then we were running. Free and unrestrained.

We passed his house and then headed left. We continued running until we reached the forest’s fence.

My neighborhood was known for being, what experts called the ecological place to live in. About two miles from Christopher’s house was the entrance to a forest. A fence had been put up for safety purposes, but time had worn it.

It was until we stopped running that I realized Christopher was still holding my hand.

“This way,” he whispered pulling me again and into a hole just about big enough to fit us, one at a time, into the forest.

“Watch your clothes,” he warned as he slipped through.

I carefully passed through the hole and quickened my pace to catch up with him.

“Christopher, where are we going?”

“Shh! We are not there yet,”

The forest seemed to have this mysterious aura to it. It was dark and cold. Some of the trees were already naked because of the upcoming winter season. Leaves were scattered all around the floor, so every time I took a step or Christopher did, there would be a shrieking sound. I had never been to that forest.

When I was little, grown ups used to tell scary stories about it, to keep us kids away from it. As much as I loved forests, I never had the curiosity or the boldness to come to it.

We continued walking until the trees that surrounded us seemed to be left behind. I was about to open my mouth to ask Christopher one more time what was going on, but I didn’t.

The grass seemed greener than in the rest of the forest. You could tell the difference, even though it was nighttime. There was not a single tree in sight except for the huge one in the middle. There were hundreds of beautiful flowers surrounding it. The tree casted an ominous shadow because of the moonlight. There were no trees blocking up, so you could see the entire sky, sparkling with all the stars. I have yet to see a place that could compete with that one.

I was so amazed I did not realize Christopher was sitting under the tree, holding up his guitar.

“You said you wanted to hear me play. Tonight it is then. It’s a beautiful night, a night to remember. Hope you like this,”

The sound of the strings echoed through. But it didn’t distort the sound. It actually made it better.

And then came his voice. He started singing and I swear I had never listened to anything like that before. It was sweet and melodious and refreshing. He was singing with his eyes closed, and like usual, it felt like time stopped. Like it was just the two of us in the whole world, and everything else around us turned gray.

It was sort of hypnotizing. Every word he sang echoed through my ears, like a celestial choir. His hands were swift and perfect.

When the music stopped I realized I was sitting next to him. He smiled at me and then lowered his eyes. He laid the guitar on the grass and rested his back on the tree’s trunk. His eyes went directly toward the sky and a glint of a smile appeared on his face.

“After you left, I realized I couldn’t do it anymore. That from that point on, it would just get harder,”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about this,”

He moved a little and grabbed a bag he was hiding behind him. He took out the notebook in which he drew and handed it to me.

“Take a look,”

At first I felt confused. I had already seen all the drawings. But still I went through every page, until I reached the last one. All the lines and blurs and shapes were gone. The circle in the center had been molded into the contour of a face. Two dark eyes were drawn with a glint of light in them. The neck was short and, continuing with the drawing, a sort of shirt started with the shoulders but then got lost in the page’s border. The background was a blurred of lines and swirls, all in pencil but with the appropriate shadows.

It was like looking into a mirror.

“I finally finished it, after you left,”

He was looking at me, waiting for something to be said.

“Christopher…”

“What do you think?”

“This is good,” I said not knowing exactly what it meant. “No, I mean, this is amazing,”

“You think so? Thanks,”

“But why?”

“Why?”

“Yes, why… me?”

He looked at me and gave me the most amazing smile.

“Why not?”

I closed the notebook and handed it over. I realized there was a sense of quietness around.

“Christopher, what are we doing here? What is this place?”

He leaned closer to me and extended his hand. Common sense would tell anyone what that meant.

I reached for his hand. His touch felt cold.

“When she used to visit, I would sometimes come here and spend all night. I would return the next day, when I was sure she was already gone,”

He paused for a second and I felt his hand tremble a little.

“This became my refuge, a safe place; what I never had when she was around, peace and serenity.
This is a special place, my special place. So after you left, I decided this was the place where I wanted to do it,”

“You wanted me to listen to you play the guitar here, in the middle of the night?” I asked trying to piece everything into a whole.

“You seriously, I mean, you still have no idea?” he chuckled.

“Should I have some sort of idea?” I asked confused.

He stared at me for a moment and then grabbed my other hand.

“Here goes. All or nothing,” he whispered to himself, but I manage to hear it.

He took a deep breath.

“All my life I knew I was different. But I was too young to comprehend, too young to give it importance.
So I neglected it. I pushed the feelings and thoughts aside and continued with life.
But in the past weeks, something happened. I don’t really know… I mean, there are no words to describe it.
It feels, as if something inside me triggered, and I started seeing life in a different way. I’ve realized now that I’ve been living a lie. My whole life has been a lie.
Like I told you before, it’s hard for me to talk about this. I’ve never talked about it before,”

His eyes went watery and his voice started to tremble.

“I don’t expect you to understand me, but you… the way you talk to me and all the things you say to me. It makes me want to believe, to have this blind hope, this feeling inside me that says that you will.
I think time has come, to be honest with you, and to be honest with myself for a change.
I’m sorry Josiah, but I think I’ve fallen in love with you,”

I then understood why he had grabbed me and held my hands tightly. If he hadn’t been doing that, I would’ve run.
Run and, perhaps, never look back.