The Humpening - 5. Chapter 5

“We need to talk,” I texted Keith.

We hadn’t seen each other for a few days and it was starting to get frustrating. It wasn’t his fault - we were just busy with other things and I was spending what was left of my free time with Patrick. I didn’t want to neglect him but living a lie was becoming unbearable. I really liked the little guy and I couldn’t force myself to break up with him before I knew where I stood with Keith. It was very selfish of me, I know, but I had no experience with breakups and I really didn’t want to break Patrick’s heart.

Nevertheless, every waking moment I was thinking about Keith.

“When do you want to talk?” Keith replied.

“As soon as fucking possible,” I texted him.

“Tomorrow I’m busy. I promised Amy I’d help her watch Earl. Maybe the day after tomorrow?”

“I can’t, dude,” I wrote, “I’ll be out of town with my parents all weekend.”

“Okay, Bradd… let’s meet after the weekend then. I want to talk to you, too.”

I sighed. I didn’t know if I could wait another several days. I was very close to calling Patrick and telling him we’re over, to at least relieve myself from the burden of being a fucking cheater and a liar.

Instead, I called Amy and suggested that I could help out with babysitting Earl. She happily accepted. I’ve been definitely getting brownie points with her over the past days and it made me feel like an even bigger asshole.

Not even an hour passed and I got a call from Keith.

"Hey dude, what's up with you coming to babysit Earl?" he said in a slightly accusing tone.

"Nothing. I remembered that Amy mentioned it the other day and I thought it would be a good chance to meet and, you know, discuss certain things."

"Dude…" he sighed. "You should've talked to me about it… it's not the best moment for you to be there."

"Why?" I opened my eyes wide and had to sit down because I wasn't expecting his reaction.

"Just trust me that it's not, okay?"

"Keith, man, what's going on with you? You can't make me wait forever just to talk to you in private for five minutes."

"I know, Bradd, but it's really a bad time."

"And you're not going to tell me why," I said more than asked.

"Dude… can't you just trust me in this one? We can talk next week."

"No," I protested. "Don't you feel bad doing all this stuff behind Patrick's and Amy's backs? We're being the biggest assholes in history right now. Look," I added before he could protest, "I won't stay there more than I have to. I just want to talk to you in private for ten minutes and I'll go."

"We're talking now, right?" Keith asked.

"Dude… stop. You owe me that much. See you tomorrow," I said and hung up.

***

It was another sleepless night. I was happy and sad at the same time that Patrick wasn't with me. I would be thinking about Keith anyway. For the thousandth time I started doubting whether he felt for me what I felt for him. I was feeling uneasy to the point where my parents asked if I was okay.

Eventually, I decided I was right to stand my ground with Keith. If I couldn’t ask until after the weekend, I would sooner explode. I felt lovesick, and confused, but not even slightly sorry for myself.

My heart grew as I was nearing Amy's house. I had moderate social anxiety from visiting someone's else's place for the first time. It added a generous pinch of figurative gunpowder to my already explosive mix of emotions.

I rang the doorbell and Amy opened the door.

"Come in," she said smiling.

Keith was already in the living room, sitting lazily on the couch. He looked up at me and it took me a fraction of a second to see that he was nervous.

We barely managed to greet each other when I heard an excited pubescent voice and rushed steps running down the stairs. Seconds later, I was greeted by the happiest smile that an energetic boy like Earl could produce.

"Bradd! Thank God, I thought you'd never come! Come on, I'll show you my room!" The boy chirped and pulled my arm like a dog on a leash.

"I wasn't finished talking to Amy and Keith, Earl," I said calmly, using my strength to resist his assault.

"Oh, okay," he said and smiled sheepishly.

"So, are your parents gone for the evening?" I asked Amy.

"Yes! They almost made me miss my friend's birthday!" She rolled her eyes.

"Wait so you're not…"

"I'd never let Keith take care of Earl by himself," she said. "He has no control over him, sadly."

"That's true!" her brother crossed his arms.

"But now that you offered to help," Amy continued, "I'm not worried at all! You're a godsend, Braddy!"

"Don't mention it, Amy, I'm happy to help," I said, taking note of Keith’s gloomy face as I said it.

But I was lucky! With Amy around, it would be hard to steal some alone time with Keith. Now I just had to find an excuse to punish Earl and send him to his room for 15 minutes, maybe more. Looking at the excited boy, who was skipping from one foot to another and clutching his fists excitedly, he should provide me with plenty of excuses.

I glanced at Keith but he wasn't even looking at me. For some reason, he seemed even more nervous than before. Shit, I promised I would leave as soon as we had a talk but now I couldn't leave Earl alone with him. I hoped he would forgive me, whatever was his problem.

I chatted to Amy for another minute or two and then told Earl that I wanted to check his room now. It was a typical tween sports fan room, with baseball and NBA stars posters and trophies. The floor was a complete mess - mostly his clothes scattered around, but also empty bags of chips, dirty plates and cups, and even used up paper towels.

"Uh, I was about to clean it up but then you came and…" he muttered, suddenly embarrassed in front of me. He quickly piled up all the clothes and stuffed them under his bed. Then he piled the dirty dishes on his desk and threw the trash into the bin. Shit, it wasn't a surprise that Keith couldn't deal with him if Earl's own parents seemed to have no control. I know no one asks a gay teenager for parenting tips but boy did I have some. Still, it remained a mystery - at least partially - why would the little devil turn into an angel in a second when I was around? As I said earlier, I could be persuasive and intimidating but I'd rather expect it to make the boy rebel even harder. It wasn't the case. Maybe he was longing for some leadership and superior figure in his life. Absent parents, an older, uninterested sister… things were starting to add up. It also explained why Earl could be so mean to people who didn't stand up to him.

"Umm, yeah, sorry 'bout that," he smiled sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "Anyway, have you seen my hockey awards?"

In a fraction of a second, Earl's eyes lit up and he began showing me his medals and trophies won in local competitions. There were some photos of him in the hockey equipment, his big smile shining through the narrow opening of the helmet. I was impressed. He seemed to be full of life and talented. With his cute face, it was quite a strong combination. If only he wasn't such a mess. I wasn't feeling a gay vibe from him but I decided to keep an eye on him in case he turns into a hot mess in a few years.

"Do you play FIFA?" he asked.

"Yes, a little."

"Alright!" he shouted. "The console is downstairs, come on!"

"Hey hey, not so fast,” I stopped him, spotting an opportunity. “First you have to clean your room. And I'm not talking about throwing everything under the bed. Take your dirty stuff to the laundry and fold neatly the clean ones. And do all the dishes, too. Then we can play."

"Awww, Bradd, I'll do it tomorrow, I promise! Let's hang out!"

"We can hang out all evening after you do your chores. Not the other way around," I said strictly, feeling like a Supernanny.

"Ugh, okay," he moaned, kneeled and bent down to retrieve the heap of clothes from under the bed.

"Take your time, Earl, I need to talk to Keith in private," I said and left him with his mess.

When I walked downstairs, Amy was just leaving. She thanked me again for helping her and expressed hope that Earl wouldn’t be too much of a headache. I assured her that it’s nothing I can’t handle, so she smiled and left. Keith and I were alone.

For a few seconds we stood there just looking at each other. Suddenly, I didn’t know where to start.

“I missed you,” I said finally.

“Me too, dude,” he said.

“I can’t keep doing it, Keith… I need to come clean to Patrick."

"About what?"

"You know. About us. I like him, but I don't love him, Keith. I only love you."

"Dude…" Keith looked away, "you know I love you too, but I can't have a boyfriend. And I don't want to lose Amy."

"Be honest, Keith… how do you feel about her?"

"I… I love her very much. And my parents adore her."

"Huh, so it's all about your parents' expectations."

"No it's not," he opened his eyes wide. "I really love her. She's smart and good looking… I might never have another chance like this."

I took a deep breath. "Keith… she told me."

"She told you what?" He said with panic in his eyes.

"That it was you who didn't know what to do in bed, not her. I'm sorry, Keith, I wasn't being nosy, she just told me out of the blue, just like you did."

Keith was speechless and I wept inside seeing how I just hurt him by unearthing his lie. But this had to be done.

"Keith, man, you were only lying to yourself and nobody else. Come on… you know you'll be happier this way."

"... I'll think about it," Keith said, not looking me in the eyes.

"Don't think about it," I said and grabbed his shoulder. He looked torn apart and sad. I pulled him closer to kiss him and he didn't resist. His hot lips made up my mind that I didn't want anything else in my life. After a few awkward seconds he was 100% into it, too.

"See?" I said when we parted. "Let's end this nonsense. I'll talk to Patrick as soon as I can meet him. Just promise me you'll talk to Amy."

"I'll try…"

"Promise me, Keith."

"Okay… I promise," he said and finally a shy smile appeared on his face. If he couldn't get out of the closet he was hiding in himself, I was ready to drag him out by force.

"Hey… Keith… first of all, we're best friends, right?"

"Yeah…"

"That's not going to change, I promise you."

"No matter what?"

"No matter what."

His face was really cute and I badly wanted to kiss him again but luckily before I did, I caught a glimpse of someone walking down the stairs.

"I've finished cleaning," Earl said, looking a little confused. How much had he seen and heard?

"Okay, let me inspect," I said and we went back to his room.

At first sight, it looked really tidy but not even ten minutes had passed so I opened his closet and looked under the furniture to make sure he wasn't cheating. His clothes and underwear were neatly organized and I didn't find a single stray sock on the ground. His desk and most shelves were covered in a visible layer of dust but I decided I'll make him do it next time. Shit, why was I even thinking there would be next time? Admittedly, putting this unruly boy in line was strangely satisfying. The room also had this faint scent that could only be coming from Earl himself but I didn't want to embarrass him by telling him to take a bath. One step at a time.

"Good job," I smiled and patted him on the shoulder. Earl beamed with pride and excitement. "We can now go downstairs and play some games, cool?"

I turned back to leave but before I reached the door, I felt the boy's arms lock around my waist. I turned around and looked down at his puppy eyes with amusement.

"What's the matter, Earl?"

"Why don't we hang out here instead?" He asked, making me raise my eyebrows.

"I thought you wanted to play games," I said to him.

"I did but…" he pointed at the floor and mouthed the word 'Keith' intently.

"So what if Keith's down there?" I chuckled.

"Please, Bradd, he is so lame," Earl hissed. "We can have fun here, too, I got some board games or we can watch a game…"

"Whoa, whoa, hold on right here. Keith is my best friend, so don't call him lame," I scolded him.

"But he is!" Earl whined. "Why are you still friends with him?"

"Stop it!" I raised my voice and closed the door to Earl's room so Keith wouldn't hear what we were talking about. "I told you, Keith is my friend and you have to deal with it. If you don't want to hang out with us, it's fine but it's not up to you who I'm friends with."

"Please Bradd, I'll do anything, we're going to have fun, I promise!" Earl moaned, moving smoothly to the final bargaining stage.

"I said no, Earl, stop testing my patience. If you want me to come over ever again, you have to respect people."

"And if next time Keith is not around, can we hang out then, just the two of us?"

I sighed. "Yes, but I don't think…"

"Yay!" He shouted and squeezed me tighter. This boy really was a special case and I had a feeling I wasn't even nearly starting to figure him out.

***

We came downstairs and turned on the console. I sat on the couch next to Keith but I left too big of a "we're not lovers" gap between us and Earl shamelessly squeezed in between us, pushing us apart. I sighed and moved more to my side to make more room for the boy. I was too tired to scold him for it.

We took turns playing FIFA, with one of us sitting out every other game while the other two seized the controllers. We were pretty evenly matched skill-wise and it was fun. At least until Earl started taking it personally towards Keith.

"I got you again, you limp dick," Earl triumphed when he won a game against my friend.

I stayed quiet and observed what Keith would do but he just looked away and passed me the controller without a word.

Next round, I lost on purpose, first to see what Earl would say and secondly, to give Keith another chance to play.

"Good game, Bradd," Earl smiled at me and raised his hand for a high five. "Now let's see if you learned something from the last game, Keith."

This time, Keith seemed more focused and determined to win and most of the match passed without a goal.

"No wonder you can't score if you can't even score with a girl," Earl said and Keith turned red, clutching the controller tightly.

"Come at me, you weak ass hobo!" Earl taunted him again. I'm not sure if he was doing it on purpose but whatever he was doing it was working. Keith lost his temper and charged at Earl's goal, leaving the defense line far behind. Amy's little brother easily stole the ball. After a skilful counterattack, Earl scored a goal just a few seconds before the final whistle.

"Fuck this game," Keith grunted and left to the bathroom.

"Told ya girls can't play FIFA!" Earl shouted after him and winked at me. I couldn't stop myself from smirking, though I prayed Keith would finally learn to stand up for himself.

"He's such a sore loser," Earl said as we started another match. This time, I won, but Keith was still in the bathroom so we just played another one. Keith came back just to see me lose another game, which I admit Earl won fair and square.

"Your turn, Keith," I said and handed him the controller.

"If you lose again, you get to smell my socks," Earl added, making a little wave with his foot. I recognized the scent I caught in his room earlier.

Maybe it was because he was nervous, but Keith started losing miserably from the first minute. At half time it was 3:0 for Earl and the second half brought even more domination.

"I'm not even playing seriously anymore," Keith said, probably hoping to downplay his poor performance, but Earl would have none of it.

"Sure you don't, I bet you can't wait for your reward!"

"Shut up!"

At that point, I stopped looking at the score. Earl was scoring a goal after another and laughing like a maniac. Keith's face was purple. I really felt bad for him and considered scolding Earl again but, technically, he wasn't doing anything bad. Keith was bringing it to himself by letting Earl walk over him like this.

When the match ended, Earl raised his foot in the air, laying his head on my knees in the process, and shoved it right in Keith's face.

"Stop it," Keith barked and slapped the foot away but it only encouraged the younger boy who kept attacking him. It lasted a few moments and I was just shaking my head with disbelief.

"Brad, tell him something!" Keith pleaded, on the verge of a breakdown.

"Earl, knock it off," I said reluctantly.

"But I won!" Earl protested, looking up at me.

"Yes, but that's enough, quit it."

Earl tickled Keith with his toes for the last time and obeyed.

Keith was absent for the rest of the evening despite my attempts to cheer him up. I wanted to have a serious conversation with him without Earl around but I was happy we at least had managed to agree on our Patrick and Amy strategy. Before I could get rid of Earl again and have some more alone time with Keith, Amy returned and shortly after, her parents. They seemed like a typical, fit middle-class couple. You know, jogging, dipping carrot sticks in hummus and drinking spinach smoothies. I was dying to find out what their relationship with their son was like, but the vibe in the house changed and I felt like it was time to go home, so I said my goodbyes and left.

I didn't even make it to the first crossing when Keith caught up with me.

"Why did you let him act like that?" Keith asked reproachfully. I couldn't believe my own ears.

"You've got to be kidding me, dude. Why did you let him act like that with you?"

"He doesn't listen to me," Keith complained, "but you just sat there watching while he…"

"Dude, you can't let a 12 yo have his way with you. If I intervened, this would only help for as long as I was there. You have to stand up for yourself, dude. It's not like he's stronger than you."

"So what, should I hit him? His overprotective mommy would have my head for that."

"Did you see me putting a finger on him?" I asked. "You’ve given him too much ground. Now you have to take it back."

There was a short pause as we kept walking, followed by "cool, thanks for nothing. This is my turn."

"Keith, wait," I said quickly. "You know I want the best for you. But I can't keep protecting you from a spoiled kid! It would solve nothing. And anyway… once you talk to Amy about… you know… then you're not going to see him much anyway.

"Yeah…"

"See, it's going to be fine," I smiled at him and took a step closer. We were out in the open but it was dark and nobody was around.

"Not here, Bradd," he said as he turned away.

"Okay, okay… I'm just… I’m thinking about you all the time."

"Me too…" he said with a shy smile. "I don't know what's going on with me anymore."

"Let's figure it out together," I said and we went for a quick hug before going our separate ways.