Son Of A Preacher Man - 4. Chapter 4 - Cast Out Of Eden

When Ryan’s parents got home, he raced outside and barely let them get out of the car before he started relaying my story. I just watched from the living room window, since I figured they needed some time alone. Besides, I didn’t want them to feel I was pressuring them into accepting me into their family. I’d let Ryan do all of the talking, because I knew he’d tell me everything that was said later.

Ryan started out by advising his parents all about my dad’s unexpected announcement, before he explained that he didn’t want to lose his best friend. Then, he added that I was inside the house and didn’t want to leave either, before he mentioned my offer about paying my own way. His parents merely looked at him and then calmly stated there was still plenty of time to talk about this, so they didn’t have to decide everything tonight. When they came inside, his parents informed me that whatever was decided, they couldn’t and wouldn’t do anything without my parents’ consent. Then, they suggested I should go home and discuss this idea with my mom and dad next, before we went any further.

After I agreed it was a good idea, Ryan and I helped them unload the car and took their things inside, before Ryan’s dad gave me a ride home. When we got there, Ryan and I took a minute to hug each other before I got out, but he also whispered in my ear that he’d pray for us tonight. Seeing I didn’t believe Ryan was an overtly religious person who said his prayers regularly, this helped to prove how important it was to him as well, since everyone seems to resort to prayer when the going gets rough.

When I walked into the house, both of my parents turned to look in my direction. When I realized my father was already there, I was actually surprised he hadn’t come over to Ryan’s house to get me earlier. After thinking about it for a moment, I concluded he might not have known exactly where Ryan lived, but I quickly discovered that was not the reason.

“Have you controlled yourself enough to talk about this in a rational manner,” my father began, “because we need to discuss this issue.”

“Yes, and I’m sorry for blowing up at you at church, but I was just so shocked.” I apologized.

Ryan had suggested I try to take a more diplomatic tone, if I hoped to convince my parents to let me stay with him. As he so aptly pointed out, ‘you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.’

“It was just that I’ve finally found a best friend and now you tell me we’re going to move and I have to leave him,” I explained. “It’s just not fair and it’s like I don’t count. I’m finally happy, but now I’m basically being told I’ve got to go back to being lonely again.”

“You’ll make new friends,” my mom interjected. “You’re older now and you’ve developed some people skills, so that will help you make new acquaintances.”

“No, I won’t. The only reason I met Ryan is because we worked together on the farm and he kept after me to be his friend. I’m just too shy to do that on my own and most people don’t react well when they find out my dad is a minister. For those reasons, it’s really hard for me to make friends, so I don’t even try any more. That’s why I want to stay here and live with Ryan and his family instead.”

“Dear, you’re not even sure they’d agree to do that, and besides, we want you with us,” my mother answered.

“They’ll take me in, I know they will, and I’ll keep working at the farm to pay for my food and clothing,” I insisted. “Please, just let me stay here for the coming school year and then Ryan and I will travel there next summer to check it out. Please? What do you say?”

“I say absolutely not,” my father barked back. “You’re our son and a part of this family, so you will come with us and that is final.”

“But…” I began, and he cut me off.

“No buts. You will come with us and there will be no further discussion. Do I make myself clear?” he barked, but all I could do was glare at him to show my defiance.

When that didn’t seem to be working, I ran to my room, slammed the door and began to cry. I didn’t even go down to dinner later or attend evening services with them, but neither of my parents tried to make me do those things or even complained when I didn’t join them. I guess they felt if they just ignored me then I’d get over it. If that’s what they were expecting, then it wasn’t going to work.

I ended up crying myself to sleep that night, so it wasn’t a restful slumber. My dreams were filled with visions of some god-awful town, filled with mean, vicious people and I was more miserable than I’d ever been here. In fact, I was so despondent living there that I was nearly ready to commit suicide and end my life, rather than to continue putting up with what I was going through.

When I woke up the next morning, it was early, I was covered in a cold sweat and my bed sheets were drenched and messed up after a fitful and horrifying slumber. I hadn’t left my room at all, except to use the toilet, because I didn’t want to chance running into my parents, but a short time later my mother tapped on my bedroom door. When I didn’t respond, she opened the door anyway and came into my room.

“Are you ok, dear?” she asked timidly.

“No, I’m not, so just go away and leave me alone,” I huffed in anger.

“I know you’re upset, but you are too young to have a say in this matter,” she pointed out. “Your father is a determined man and I don’t think he’ll discuss this further.”

“Fine. I’m too young to decide, so I’ll just run away,” I shot back.

“Please don’t talk like that, dear,” she urged, and I could read the pained expression on her face. “You know you don’t mean it.”

“I do mean it and I’m not leaving with you,” I reiterated. “If I can’t stay with Ryan’s family, then I’ll just run away and live on my own, because I don’t want to move with you and Dad.”

My mother looked at me and then began to weep. I already realized I had gone too far with my threats, but I needed them to realize I was serious. The problem was, I couldn’t stand seeing my mother cry, so I moved closer and put my arm around her shoulder, before I kissed her on the cheek.

“I love you, Mom, but I AM old enough to have a say in this,” I reasoned, defiantly. “You and Dad still treat me as if I’m a baby, and even though I may not be an adult yet, I’m not a little kid any longer either. I should be able to have some say about my life and which direction it will go. I’m sorry if hearing me say this hurts your feelings, but you’ve both hurt mine. I’m sorry…”

I couldn’t continue, because I was beginning to choke up and had to stop. When I did, she looked at me through those pained eyes, which seemed to reach into my soul. I knew I’d break if I stayed there any longer, so I quickly made my escape.

“Look, I’ve got to go to the farm… I’m late already,” I pointed out, as I grabbed my cap and headed out the bedroom door.

I hurriedly made my way to the front door and left the house, because I didn’t want to give either of my parents a chance to stop me. When I got to the farm, everyone was just coming out of the barn, ready to head out to the fields, so my boss walked over and asked me why I was late. I told him I hadn’t been feeling well when I first woke up, but I was feeling better now, so I was ready to work. He nodded and said to hurry up and join the others then, but when he turned around to go, I saw Ryan waiting behind him. He immediately ran over and began asking questions.

“So what happened last night?” he wanted to know.

“I had a fight with my parents,” I answered, as we walked to catch up with the others. “My dad won’t let me stay, so I told my mom I’d just run away then. What did your parents say?”

“They said you could stay with us, as long as your parents agreed it was ok,” he responded. “They won’t do it unless your parents say it’s all right.”

“Great. Well, I guess I’m on my own then,” I moaned.

“No! If that’s the case, then WE’RE on our own, because I’ll run away with you,” Ryan countered. “I don’t want to stick around here without you either, so we’ll do this together.”

“No. I’m not going to ruin your life too,” I countered. “You get along well with your folks and I’m not going to be the one to mess that up. I’ll just do this on my own, because I’m not going to involve anyone else.”

“Zach, I love you and don’t want to be without you,” he replied, but in a hushed tone so no one else would hear. “Whatever you do, then I’m going to do it with you.”

Now, I knew I was backed into a corner. I wasn’t going to be responsible for estranging Ryan from his family just because mine was moving. If that was what was going to happen, then it looked as if I’d just have to give in to my parents for now and then try to figure something else out later. The problem was, I didn’t want to tell Ryan this and upset him before he finished the workday, so I decided I’d wait and tell him on the way home.

We spent the morning out in the field and worked really hard, but the time went by quickly and we were soon on our way back in for the noonday meal. Once we finished eating, Ryan and I went out to the barn, but since we were still bummed out and worried about what was going to happen next, we merely went through the motions this time. Even though we both got off, there wasn’t much enjoyment from it today, so it didn’t help us get ready for the second half of the day, as it usually did. Once we finished, we went back to the front porch and waited for the others to come out and then went with them to work in the fields again. As soon as we came back in at the end of the day, Ryan and I quickly left the farm and started walking to his place, just in case my father was planning to show up to give me a ride.

“Ryan, I have something to tell you, but I don’t want you to be mad,” I began, but when I looked over at him, I could see a trace of fear in his eyes and knew questions were forming in his mind. “I’m not going to cause problems for you too and I know my dad isn’t going to give in, so I’ve decided to go with my parents until I can find a way to get back to you. This won’t be permanent, I promise, and I’ll figure something out just as quickly as I can. At worst, I’ll leave and be on my own when I turn sixteen and then I’ll come back here to be with you.”

I hadn’t dared look at Ryan while I was telling him this, at least not after seeing his initial reaction, because I was just too afraid I wouldn’t be able to find the courage to tell him the things I needed to say. Now, I looked at Ryan’s face, only to see tears streaming down his cheeks and his chest heaving with the sobs he was trying to keep in.

“If you leave, then you won’t come back,” he sobbed. “You’ll find somebody new and I won’t ever see you again. I couldn’t handle that, because I know I won’t be able to stand being away from you. If you won’t stay here, then I’ll just have to come with you.”

“Ryan, you know your parents won’t agree to that any more than mine were willing to go along with it. I promise I WON’T find somebody new, because I don’t WANT anyone new. I’ll work on getting my parents to let me come visit you over Christmas vacation and then again next summer. I’ll even get a job and buy my own plane tickets, so they can’t refuse or say there isn’t enough money for me to do that. I won’t give up on us, Ryan, but I’ll have to go with them now, because they aren’t giving me a choice. I’ll talk to my mom about my idea tonight and then let her talk to my dad, because she’ll probably have a better chance of convincing him than I would, so I’ll let you know how things work out tomorrow.”

“Why don’t you come over to my house for a while first, before you go home?” Ryan pleaded with those big, sorrowful eyes of his.

“I’d love to, but I need to go home and talk to my mom about this in private first,” I answered. “I’m pretty sure my dad will still be at the church, because he generally stays later on Monday to prepare for the rest of the week. He uses the day to get Tuesday night’s bible study planned, finishes work on Wednesday’s prayer meeting sermon, lines up the songs for Thursday’s choir practice, figures out what he’ll do for teen night on Friday and then starts working Sunday’s sermons, both morning and evening. If I hurry, then I should get home before he does, so I can talk to my mom alone first, and then she can talk to my dad after dinner. Even though I’d loved to spend time with you, this is just too important, Ryan, so I have to go home. I’ll see you tomorrow and let you know how everything turns out.”

Once Ryan realized how important this was, we hugged and then I had to pry myself free from his grasp, because he didn’t want to let me go. Once I got him to release me, I walked home and along the way I planned the strategy I was going to use when talking to my mother. I pretty much had things worked out in my mind as to what I was going to say by the time I arrived there.

When I entered the house, I immediately located my mother and began telling her about my plan, to see how she was going to react to it. I could tell she wasn’t thrilled about the idea, but she agreed to talk it over with my father later and then let me know what he said. I think the little discussion we had that morning, about me having some say in what happened, had made her more willing to listen to my proposal. Now, I just had to pray she could convince my father to go along with it.

Dinner was very quiet and hardly anything was said, so when it ended and I was excused, I went to my room and sprawled out on my bed, while I waited for the verdict. A couple of hours later, my mom knocked on my bedroom door and then peeked her head inside.

“Can we talk?” she asked.

“Sure,” I said, while hoping she had some good news for me.

“I presented your idea to your father and this is what we agreed to,” she began, and I held my breath in anticipation of what my mother was going to say. “Your father said that if you worked and bought your own airline ticket, then you could come back here over Christmas break, from the day after Christmas until New Year’s Day.”

I suddenly couldn’t restrain myself any longer and leaped from the bed, as I started jumping around the room in pure joy. I then lifted my mother off the floor in a bear hug and began to swing her around. When I finally stopped and put her down again, I looked at her and asked my next question.

“What about next summer?” I pressed, hoping for a similar response.

“Once again, you’ll have to buy your own ticket, but if you can still work on the farm for your current boss, Mr. Johnson, and Ryan’s parents will let you stay with them, then your father will agree to that as well.”

I was thrilled and hugged my mom again, as soon as I stopped jumping around, and then I raced downstairs to hug and thank my dad too. I also apologized for my previous outbursts and he told me he understood, but hoped I’d be less emotional about things in the future. He explained that after talking this over with my mother, he realized he needed to make this as easy for me as he could, since I’d been left out of the decision loop.

After he told me this, he also assured me that he loved me too and then gave me a hug, before kissing me on the forehead. That was the first time I could remember my father actually giving me a kiss since I was a little boy. I knew his hesitation wasn’t because he didn’t love me, but was due to the fact that my father has always been uncomfortable making contact with other males, other than exchanging handshakes. At least for the time being, his love for me had overcome his other phobias.

Once I was done talking to my dad, I basically floated up the stairs, while wishing I could tell Ryan the good news that very instant. Since I didn’t want to do it over the phone, I opted to leave for the farm early the next morning, so I could share my good news with him in person. Therefore, I went to bed in a very good mood and remaining hopeful about getting as much rest as possible.

I slept pretty well that night, which made up for the less than refreshing slumber I’d endured the previous evening, so I was at the farm a half-hour earlier than normal the next morning. Ryan showed up ten minutes later, since he was also eager to find me, because he wanted to hear my news. As soon as we hugged, I told him what my parents had decided and saw him smile for the first time in two days. It wasn’t exactly what we wanted, but it was better than what we had yesterday, and we also understood it would be best not to press our luck further. At least this way we wouldn’t be totally separated, so our noon break turned out to be a lot more enjoyable today and then we flew through the rest of the afternoon.

I went over to Ryan’s house after work, so we could see if his parents would let me stay there when I came back to visit, both times. Ryan and I managed some private time alone in his room first, while we waited for his parents to arrive home from work. As soon as I informed them about what my parents had agreed to, Ryan’s father announced that I’d be welcome to stay there anytime and for as long as my parents would allow. I then called my mom to ask if I could spend the night with Ryan and she said yes, so I told her I’d be home early the next morning to change for work. I also informed her that Ryan would let me borrow something to wear tonight, so she didn’t have to worry about me running around all night in dirty, smelly clothes.

After dinner, Ryan and I raced upstairs and goofed around in his room for a while first, although we didn’t do anything sexual, and then we spent the rest of the night wrapped up in each other’s arms. When the alarm went off the next morning, we were in the best spirits we’d been in since Sunday.

The rest of the time before we moved went by quickly. Ryan and I worked on the farm during the day and then spent time at each other’s house at night and on the weekends. We still had to be careful about what we did and where we did it, but we stole as many passionate minutes together as we could manage. On weekends at my house, Ryan would help me pack up my things and get ready to move, although doing it took its toll on both of us. By the time the day for us to leave finally arrived, he and I could hardly speak, because we were both so choked up and holding back tears. Instead, we opted to just hug each other, because neither of us wanted to break down in front of my parents, but we didn’t want to let go of each other either. By the time we finally broke our embrace, I got into the car and sat beside my mom.

My dad was driving the rental truck, which was loaded up with nearly all of our belongings, except for what was in the trailer my mom was towing with the car. The backseat of the car was also filled with boxes, so it was tough to see anything, except out of the front windows, although mom also had her side mirrors. She followed the truck as we made our way to our new home, since Dad said he knew how to get there.

It took us three days travel time, so we ended up spending two nights in motel rooms. The ride was pretty nice, because the weather was good and there was lots of beautiful scenery. In fact, when we finally reached Syracuse, I thought it looked a lot like the area where we used to live, except there were a lot more people living in the area. We still had some distance to go in order to reach our new home though, because we were going to be living halfway between Syracuse and Albany. When we finally arrived at our destination, we went directly to the church, because we were supposed to meet with one of the deacons.

After showing us around the church, he took us across the street and gave us a tour of the parsonage next, or the house the church provided for our family. It was a fairly nice house and pretty big, so my parents had a full bath in the master bedroom; which meant the other bathroom on the second floor was all mine. I figured this was good, because I’d probably be in there a lot, since Ryan wasn’t going to be around to help me take care of my needs.

We spent the next few days unpacking and getting settled, but then my father took us for a ride around the surrounding cities, towns and villages, so we could get a feel for our new locale. It looked interesting and the people seemed fairly nice, but I still felt totally alone here. Besides just driving around, we also checked out a couple of malls, browsed a bunch of stores and ate at some of the local restaurants. I was beginning to feel a little better about the move, even though I still was torn about leaving Ryan behind.

We’d been at our new place a little over a week when my mom took me to the local school and enrolled me for classes. We’d brought my old school records with us, in a sealed envelope, but we were also asked to fill out a few forms. Then, one of the secretaries gave us a tour of the building and pointed out most of the places I would need to know. It was a fairly modern facility, unlike the depression-era school I had attended back home, and I was giddy when she pointed out the computer lab. I hadn’t been able to learn more than the basics back home, since the school district had limited resources and I didn’t have my own computer, so I was thrilled when the secretary informed me there were open periods during the day when the students could use the computers. She also explained the lab was available after school as well, so things kept looking better all the time. In fact it would be perfect, if only Ryan was here with me.

Saturday morning, we drove to Albany to visit my grandmother and the trip took about an hour. It was nice to see her again and Dad had been right, she didn’t look well at all. She appeared very feeble as she moved about the house and Dad told her that we’d be visiting a lot, now that we lived closer. He also told her to start making a list of the things she needed us to do to help out, after which she thanked us. She really seemed pleased that we’d be around to assist her and I’d never spent so much time with her before, because we lived so far away and didn’t have a lot of money, so we hadn’t visited since I was quite little.

It was sort of nice that I’d finally get to know her better, because the way she looked now I wasn’t sure how long she might be around. We didn’t return home until very late that night and all I could think about was that summer was coming to an end. Next Tuesday, I would have to go to school for orientation with the other new kids, and then classes were scheduled to start on Wednesday. I looked forward to it, with some minor trepidation, since I wondered if I would be able to make any new friends here.

After we got out of church Sunday afternoon, I spent quite a bit of time writing Ryan a letter. I told him what our new home was like and gave him some details about the area, the school I’d be attending and about visiting my grandmother. I even told him that I’d already applied to a couple of local stores to do odd jobs on the weekends, but I hadn’t heard anything yet. I advised him not to worry though, because I’d kept the money from my last three paychecks back home, so I already had enough money to pay for my plane ticket over Christmas.

After that, I told him I’d probably get my mom to help me pick it up before Halloween, so the flight wouldn’t get totally booked before I had a chance to buy my ticket. I also sent him all of my love, told him how much I missed him and then assured him that I’d see him at Christmas. I also stated many times that I missed being with him, longed to hear the sound of his voice and wanted to be in his arms, so no matter what else happened, he would always be my soulmate and nothing would ever change that fact. All I had to do now was to survive until Christmas vacation.

I was just finishing up my letter to Ryan when I heard the phone ring downstairs. Then, after my mother answered it, she yelled up to tell me I had a phone call. I couldn’t imagine who would be calling, although I hoped it might be Ryan, because I certainly didn’t know anyone around here yet. I raced down the steps to take the call, hoping to hear my lover’s voice.

“Hello.”

“Hello. Am I speaking to Zachariah Handy?”

This bothered me, because hardly anyone ever used my proper name, unless of course I was in trouble.

“Yes, this is him,” I confirmed.

“Zachariah, this is Mr. Farrell. I manage the grocery store on Front Street and currently have an opening for a bag-boy, so I was wondering if you would be willing to come to the store tomorrow afternoon for an interview.”

“Yes. Yes, I would,” I responded. “And would you please just call me Zach?”

“Certainly. Well then, Zach, I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon at 2:00, if that will be alright with you.”

“Yes, sir. That would be fine,” I agreed.

“Great, I’ll see you then,” he stated. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, sir,” I added, to be polite.

I was ecstatic, so I was jumping up and down when my mom entered the room. Seeing my reaction, she asked who had been on the phone and what was going on. Excitedly, I told her I had an interview for a job at the grocery store and she hugged me.

“Good for you, Zach. See, we told you it wouldn’t be so bad here,” she added, in an effort to make me feel better about the move.

“I know, but this will give me the extra money I need so I can see Ryan next summer too,” I pointed out. “I don’t remember if I thanked you for talking Dad into letting me go back to visit him, so if I didn’t, I am now. I love you a lot, Mom, and thanks for everything you did for me.”

After I went back to my room, I quickly added a postscript on my letter to Ryan. Once I did that, I sealed the envelope, affixed a stamp to it and placed it where one of my parents would mail it tomorrow. When everything was all set, I glanced up, toward heaven, and gave a word of thanks, but I also added a postscript to God too.

“Dear God, I didn’t really mean it when I said I thought I hated you,” I conceded.