Who Am I - 2. Chapter 2

Stuart and I were sitting in the waiting room in Dr. Sharpe’s office. He kept trying to take my hands in his. I knew that he was merely trying to give me some consolation, and that there was nothing sexual intended, but I kept pulling away from him. His distress was increasing and his eyes were swelling up again. Poor guy. I tried to be nicer, but the thought of physical contact with this gay man (no matter how much I liked him) simply revolted me.

On the other hand, I kept flirting with the doctor’s receptionist. Her boobs were simply intriguing. Unfortunately, she just ignored me. Stuart saw what was going on and whispered in my ear, “You’re wasting your time. She has known you for years, and as far as she is concerned, you are totally gay.”

I winced. My distress increased when we entered Dr. Sharpe’s office. She was an attractive, comely woman of about forty. I felt a tingle in my loin. I extended my hand to shake hers and said, “It’s nice to meet you Dr. Sharpe.” I was greeted with a strange reaction.

“Why Harry,” she said, “we’re old friends. You always call me Beverly, and you greet me with a hug. Now where’s my hug?” I was alright with hugging her, but I made sure she could not feel my rising cock.”

“Stuart has roughly filled me in on the problem. I must say it’s all rather strange. He thinks you hit your head on a table and you say you didn’t, so the first thing I want to do is give you a good going over. Strip to your boxers and lie down on the examining table over there.” How did she know that I was wearing boxers? Maybe I always did.

I looked at Stuart. “Would you mind leaving the room?” I asked. Stuart looked like I had just stabbed him in the heart, which I probably did, but he left and closed the door softly behind him.

“I’m surprised you did that,” Beverly observed. “You both always stay for each other’s exams. I’ll be back right after Jake takes your vitals.” That having been said, she left the room. In a few minutes a middle aged male nurse came in. “Hi Harry,” he said. “I didn’t expect to see you today.” I just grunted as Jake weighed me, took my temperature and my blood pressure, recorded everything in a chart, and quickly left the room.

In a short while Beverly returned. She proceeded to examine my whole body while I told her what Stuart had said about my fall from the bed. As she examined me, I began to erect and I was embarrassed. Beverly ignored it. I reckon she was used to it, but not from her gay patients.

“I don’t see any bruises at all,” she said, “not even on your rear.” You can get dressed now and we’ll talk.”

I got dressed and sat down on a chair facing her desk. She took out a legal pad, presumably to take notes. When she placed the pad on her desk, I had a sudden vision. I saw myself seated at a desk, taking notes on a legal pad while referring to a huge book. Stuart told me that I was a lawyer and I dared believe that this was a vision of me at work. Hope was returning to me.

“What is your earliest memory?” she asked me. I proceeded to tell her, down to the minutest detail, everything I could remember from the time I woke up this morning until this very moment. It wasn’t hard to remember everything, since this day was the only memory I had.

“Harry,” she said sympathetically, “I’m as baffled as you are.” She buzzed for Jake and asked him to set up a neurological consult with a Dr. Lundgren and an MRI for me as quickly as possible.

“While he’s doing that, Harry, please go out to the reception room and send Stuart in. I want to talk to him alone.” Now it was my turn to be cut to the quick. I was the patient, not Stuart, but I did as she asked.

She was alone with Stuart for about ten minutes. They both came out of her office and she handed me a prescription. “You have an appointment for an MRI at 9:00 AM Thursday morning at Columbia Presbyterian,” she said. “Dr. Lundgren, the neurologist, will be there also to examine you and interview you. That’s the day after tomorrow. In the meantime, I think it would be healthy if you both went to work tomorrow. That’s doctor’s orders. Harry, I want you to tell Ben (they told me that he was my business partner, Benjamin Gross) the whole truth so he won’t be mystified. Tell him to fill you in on the cases you are working on. I want to see if your memory of the law is still there, and if you can function in your work place. It’s only an experiment and if you fail, don’t despair. We’ll get to the bottom of this thing.”

We both thanked her and left the office. On the way home I was very belligerent to Stuart. I really didn’t want to be, but I was.

“What the hell did you two talk about,” I asked with a sneer.

Stuart answered, “Just about what you would expect. She told me that she had no idea how you lost your memory. She also told me that you weren’t lying about being straight. Apparently you got a boner while she was examining you. Naturally that never happened before. It hasn’t, had it?”

“How should I know? I can’t remember a fucking thing,” I answered curtly.

“She assumed that we had male porn DVD’s at home, but she asked me if we had any straight ones. I said no, and she told me to rent a couple and watch them together at home tonight. I am to report your reactions back to her. She said one more thing, but I don’t think you’ll like it.”

“And what was that? Come on, out with it.” Why was I talking to Stuart so nastily? I determined to soften my tone. It was obvious he was hurting.

“She said that we should be naked when we watch the films together.”

I was shocked, but I thought about it for a while and said, “Tell you what? I’ll compromise. We’ll be naked but we’ll wear bathrobes.”

“It’s a deal,” he said. “I’m willing to settle for half a loaf. It’s kind of late,” he added, “Let’s go out to dinner.”

“That’s a good idea,” I answered. Then, very sarcastically, I said, “I suppose we have a favorite restaurant.”

“We sure do,” he said, ignoring my tone. “We can go now, and have a little happy hour before dinner.” As he said that, he hailed a cab and gave the driver an address. It meant nothing to me. Even though Stuart had told me that I had lived in New York all my life, I did not remember the restaurant or its location.

We entered the restaurant and proceeded directly to the bar. The bartender greeted us enthusiastically by name, so when he asked if we wanted the usual, I nodded at him. By the time we were on our second drink, dinner patrons were beginning to arrive. Several of them came over to greet us. In each instance, Stuart would say, “Hi so and so; hi thus and thus,” so I would know their names. I was growing fonder and fonder of Stuart as a friend, not as a sex partner. I began to believe a straight man could be friends with a gay man. I was also beginning to realize that Stuart had maneuvered me into a gay bar and restaurant. After two drinks I didn’t much care. After dinner, I cared less. The food was delicious. We enjoyed an after dinner drink and headed for home.

In the cab, Stuart said, “I had a nice time tonight. Thank you for sharing it with me.” I really felt sorry for him, but right now I wanted a woman, not him or any other male. Well, I would have to settle for pornography.

When we got home we showered separately. I went second, and when I came downstairs to the den, Stuart was sitting in a wing back chair in his bathrobe. I took the love seat. “Ready?” he asked. I grunted something or other, and asked which genre he was playing first, straight, or gay?’

“Whichever you prefer,” he said.

“Straight of course, doh!”

“That’s the DVD that I have already inserted,” he said, and he pushed the play button. In the very first sequence this stud has two girls. They are playing fast and furious and the film is exceptionally hot. When the guy goes down on one of the girls, I immediately got a good one which protruded from my robe. I began to stroke myself. I glanced over at Stuart. He was watching intently but he was still flaccid. Then one of the girls begins to give the stud a blow job. Stuart began to get hard and he was stroking himself also. I guessed it was the sight of that ample cock being sucked that aroused him.

Stuart kept looking at me as he whacked his cock. I avoided eye contact and stayed glued to the screen. Suddenly Stuart stood up and stopped the film. He took it out of the DVD player and inserted another.

“Come into the kitchen,” he said. I’ll make us some coffee and we have some pound cake. When our erections have subsided we’ll view a gay tape and see what happens.

While we were enjoying our repast, I dared to speak to Stuart. “I’m glad you stopped me. I was about to cum and I wanted to prolong it. If I can’t get off with the gay film, promise you’ll put back the straight one so I can finish up.”

“Will you let me whack you off? Stuart asked. “I’ve done it a million times. You love when I do it for you,” Stuart said. It was more like he was pleading.

Suddenly the cake in my mouth tasted sour instead of sweet. “Look Stuart,” I said. “I like you a lot so don’t push it. I’m straight, so get this into your head. No man touches me, and I don’t touch any man. The only reason I’m here with you, is that for the moment I have no place else to go. I want to let you know that I intend to remedy that situation as soon as I can.”

A look of tragic despair enveloped Stuart’s face. I swear, I really felt sorry for him, but I couldn’t help it. I meant what I said.

“Please don’t leave,” he begged. “We’ll get twin beds or convert the den back to a bedroom. We’ll be roommates, and I swear I’ll never touch you, but I can’t live without you. I’ll die if you leave.”

Oh sure! I could just picture myself fucking a girl with Stuart in the next bed. I couldn’t do it even if he was in the next room. I laughed inwardly, but I didn’t say anything else. The guy was hurting enough.

We cleaned up the kitchen and returned to the den. We took the same seats as before, and Stuart started the gay film. In the first sequence two young students are studying in a dorm room. One of them is Asian. They keep looking at each other with longing. Eventually books are forgotten and they begin to have sex. They start with blow jobs. Stuart was fully aroused and he stroked himself lightly. I was as soft as a kitten. After a while one of the boys, the Asian one, lies down on his back and raises his legs. We never got to see the other donning a condom or using lube, but as he starts to enter the Asian boy’s ass, we can see both the rubber and the lube.

Stuart was stroking hard now. His breathing was labored. Guttural sounds were coming out of him and he shot a load all over his chest. The sight of all this literally turned my stomach. I was still limp as I jumped up and shut off the DVD.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’d rather fuck a lady monkey than stick it up some guy’s ass.” That film is making me sick. I’ll take the couch tonight and oh yeah, buddy, I will be moving out first chance I get.”

Stuart looked at me so forlornly, that I really did feel sorry for him, but no way could I share a pad with a fairy. He was sobbing, but he managed to say, “Look Harry, let me give you a blow job. I know you’ll love it and maybe it will jar your memory of all the happy times we had together.” For just a moment, I thought maybe I should let him. Then I shuddered at the thought and spread out on the couch, making sure that the bathrobe covered my genitals.

He ran into the bedroom and threw himself on the bed. For hours I could hear him crying and I couldn’t sleep so I shut his door. I put the straight porno into the DVD player and whacked off twice.

Stuart had to wake me up the next morning. He was all showered, shaved and dressed for work. “You have to get ready for work like Dr. Sharpe suggested,” he said, as he started for the kitchen. I ran upstairs. This morning I knew where all my stuff was. In the shower I scrubbed all the dried semen off my abdomen and dressed in what I thought was appropriate attire for work. Since Stuart told me that I was the boss, I didn’t know how formal or informal my office might be. I figured that if I overdressed, it was easier to take stuff off than to add articles of clothing.

Poor Stuart. He was uncertain of just how to act around me. I kept telling myself to be kinder to him. After all, his whole world was falling apart around him. My condition was not his fault; at least, I didn’t really believe so. I think that I was over my paranoia regarding some sort of conspiracy. He said, “It’s a beautiful day. I’m walking to work. Your place is too far away. I wrote your office address on this paper along with the names of important people in the office. Here it is. I suggest you take a cab, unless you can remember how to get there by subway.” He handed me two sets of keys, one for the apartment and one for my office, along with a piece of paper. He literally ran out of the house, slamming the door after him. I had a feeling the guy was crying again.

After he left, I put the keys in my pocket and glanced at the paper he had given me.

After the name of the firm, Goodwin and Gross, he wrote the address. 222 E. 42nd Street. Suite, 304. 212-555-7000. Below that, I read:

Your secretary: Laurie Marino. (She has the hots for you. Maybe you can satisfy her now, but it’s not wise to fool around with your office staff.)

Your partner: Ben Gross.

Ben’s secretary: Judy Gross (his wife)

Law Associates: Marie Murphy, Don Hutchinson

Paralegals: Joan, Mark, and Phil (I don’t know their last names)

Clerical staff: You’re on your own.

I opted to take a cab. As we pulled up in front of the building, I tried to recall what an appropriate tip would be. From the look on the cabbie’s face, I am sure that I overdid it. I found my way to Suite 304, took a deep breath, and opened the front door. Immediately several people said, “Good morning Mr. Goodwin.” A single voice said, “I hope you are feeling better. We missed you yesterday. Didn’t you bring your brief case with you?” Was this my first mistake? Was the voice that of my secretary, Laurie? I hoped so. She was hot as blazes.

“No, I left it at home,” I answered. Maybe Stuart didn’t think of everything after all. My eyes darted all around the office until I spied a closed door. A name plaque on the door read: Benjamin A. Gross, Attorney at Law. I barged in without knocking. Ben look startled.

“Harry, you made it in today,” he said. It sounded like a question not an observation. I’m in the middle of dictating a brief, could you come back later?”

“No,” I said. “I have to see you now. It’s a real emergency. Judy (I took a chance that he was dictating to his wife, his secretary) please leave us alone for a few minutes.”

Nobody seemed surprised so I guessed that this was Judy after all. “Sure,” she said. She closed her book and left.

“Good God, Harry. What’s the matter?”

“Sit down,” I said. “I have a true story to tell you, but you aren’t going to believe it. Before I start can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Stuart says that we have known each other since law school. Have I been gay all that time?”

“Are you drunk or something? You have been queer ever since I have known you. I’m just grateful that you never came on to me, or we would never have built this successful practice together.”

“OK. Now listen up.” I related the events of the last two days and the reason my doctor wanted me to come to work to see if I still remembered law.

Ben said. “If you need a vacation just take one, but don’t pull my cock. How did you know Judy’s name if you have amnesia?”

I showed him Stuart’s crib sheet.

“OK,” he said. “I’ll play your silly game. Let’s go into your office and I’ll go over your case load with you.”

It is safe to say that I was not familiar with any of the cases, but I knew just what I had to do and what research was necessary. I picked up the phone on my desk and buzzed Laurie.

“Yes Harry?” I guessed that first names were allowed here.

“Is Joan free?” I asked. “If she is, please send her in, and if not get me one of the guys.” For some reason I wanted to work with a girl. A very attractive woman in her late twenties knocked on my door and came in. After I laid out a research project for her, she asked, “Harry, are you all right? You asked me to do that a few days ago, and my research is in your in box.”

“Sorry,” I stammered, “I must have forgotten. Thanks.” As soon as she left the room, I decided I’d better look at everything in my in box before continuing work. I started reading through the contents of the box. Some of the correspondence required an answer from me. I am uncertain about the process my mind was going through, but somehow I knew just what to say and do. I was delighted to realize that my legal skills were intact and not forgotte

I called Laurie into the room and asked her to bring her steno pad. My whole work environment was flowing smoothly. Even if I didn’t know the clients involved, I knew the laws needed to protect their interests. I was really beginning to relax a little. After I dictated several letters, I took the time to acknowledge Laurie’s obvious flirtations.

She was wearing a blouse so low cut, the neck line barely covered her nipples. I don’t think she was wearing a bra because her nipples were clearly making two fair sized bumps in the blouse. I tried not to look, but my eyes kept wandering back to those luscious bumps.

“You look particularly beautiful today,” I said. If you are free, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?” Laurie looked like she might faint, but she gathered her forces and said, “I’d love to have dinner with you tonight, Harry.”

“Good,” I said. I’ll let you pick the place and make the reservations.” I had no idea where to go in my world of darkness.

I dismissed her and after a while Ben came in. “What did you do to Laurie?” he asked. “She’s walking on air.”

“I’m taking her to dinner, and then I’m going to fuck her.” I said, as if that was commonplace for me. Ben’s jaw dropped open.

“I’m not gay anymore,” I said. “You better look out for your wife. She’s a damned attractive woman.”