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    comicfan
  • comicfan
  • Author
  • 05/10/2011
  • 700 Words
  • 2,595 Views
  • 17 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Broken - a life - 1. Chapter 1

Been a bit down and hearing about a lot of abuse. This tale is the result. It is a mix of parts of my past and others.

The paper was left almost accidentally here in my office. I found amongst a small pile by the edge of the desk. It was barely a page long, neatly hand written and done in a dark blue ink on starch white paper. The pain contained in that page is something I hope never to encounter again.

 

Hello,

If you are reading this I am sorry. Just call me, broken, because that is who I am. I’ve been broken my whole life. I just figured it was time to explain it so everyone would know. Till now I have been a high functioning broken. I smiled, did my work, and tried to hide how broken I was but I can’t do that any more. The fact that I have reached my late twenties is more than I expected to do.

I was five when I first found I was broken. My father made it clear to me. I wouldn’t eat my vegetables or liver. He said I was wrong and should eat what was fixed for me. When I didn’t he forced the food down my throat. When I threw up, he fed me that. Told me I was bad, whipped me, and threw me down the basement stairs. As I lay cowering in my filth he told me I was not what a good son was suppose to be. I knew then I was broken. Hours later when my mother came home she cleaned me up and asked what happened. I kept quiet. The next night when she went to check on our nieghbor, he beat me and told me if anything happened to end their marriage it was my fault. That night for the only time I stared at a sharp knife and wondered if cut myself would anyone care. But I knew I was broken and no one would.

I tried to be a good student. I worked hard to make him proud. Straight A’s meant nothing to him and getting a 99 earned me scorn for not working hard enough to get a hundred. In school I was the nerd, small and defenseless. I was beaten up constantly but I was broken so it didn’t matter. When I got older the school bully chased me into the woods. He beat me and raped me. I cried for hours. I snuck home, washed up the blood, and couldn’t sit. I didn’t bother to tell. Who would believe me. Here was just more evidence I was broken.

I matured and graduated high school. I finally moved out on my own. I had a place of my own. I tried to make friends. It never worked well. I hadn’t dated. Why would I? I was broken and who wants someone broken? Eventually though I made a discovery. I was not only broken I was wrong. I liked men.

Funny how you if you let yourself believe you can be loved how much pain you can let into your life. I finally met a man who told me he wanted me. The broken one was wanted. I was so happy. I forgot I was broken. Stupid me forgot that he wasn’t worth it and was broken. He entered my life, my home, and made me smile. Then he got drunk one night. I was showering. He wanted me and I wasn’t ready but he didn’t care. When he was done I was left on the floor crying. He stopped to apologize to the dog who he stepped on while walking out of the bathroom. I realized all over again I was broken and was worth less than the dog. I left that night.

I am not sure where to go now. I am tired and I hurt. The bruises remind me that I breathe. There is a place down town where the broken go to try to be fixed. I am tired and figure I will give it one last chance. I am tired of being broken but I don’t know if anyone cares enough to try to put me back together. After all I am broken and gay and wrong.

Comments are always welcome, even on so dark a piece.
Copyright © 2011 comicfan; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 6
  • Sad 1
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Recommended Comments

Chapter Comments

comicfan
On 05/11/2011 12:53 AM, Frostina said:
hmmmm! wow, i see what u meant!

and yes... i do have a fix... doesnt work for everyone, but for those who want, i have it :) As in, i can advice how to do it! :)

:lol: sounding like a weirdo yet? :P maybe i should stop.

wayne, you and i should talk! lol

 

Frosty

Yeah Frosty. This is one of those pieces that show the hurt. Don't worry about what you write, I am always glad to hear what people have to say.
comicfan
On 05/17/2011 03:12 AM, Mark92 said:
Hi Comic, I know a big part if not all of that is true and its hard to type when your in tears, I want you to know Ive been there, it may be as bad but just different. I have my own hell to tell. Wish I could give you a hug right now. Awesome work man :D Mark
Mark, Life doesn't always grant us the life we would like but it is up to us to make what we do have into what we want. In some respects I'm broken but I keep going. Wayne
comicfan
On 07/18/2011 12:23 AM, K.C. said:
Wow Wayne, very powerful words in such a small space. The raw emotions gave me chills, I felt his pain, so real, hitting too close to home.
Hi KC, Yeah unfortunately it isn't hard to fit into words when you have been through it. Just filter it a bit so it isn't as raw as it could be. Unfortunately it seems to be common for many people.
comicfan
On 09/24/2011 02:52 PM, Renee Stevens said:
A very powerful story told in so few words. It's amazing to me how you can get the emotions to jump off the page like that. In my own opinion, the main character may think he's broken, but he's also strong. To go through all of that and yet still keep plodding on shows his courage and strength. Thank you for sharing it with us.
That seems to be the thread for this one. People are amazed how much was put in such few words. Thank you. It really is nice that you took the time to read this one. Not one of my more enjoyable tales.
comicfan
On 10/30/2014 06:07 PM, Jaro_423 said:
I'm crying and feeling the pain. Maybe feeling someone else's pain will help me deal with my own or will it make mine seem worse?
Jaro,

Everyone deals with pain, and who is to say yours is less than mine. It is what you do with that pain that matters. As long as it encourages you to live and doesn't break you is all that the future can ask for. Thank you for reading and commenting.

 

Wayne

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