The Many Faces of Kai - 11. Chapter 11

Lysander

I'm in love.

I mean it.

As the famous April showers started, I found myself stuck at home with Tomo while Kai was at work. It was okay, though, because I hadn't talked to Tomo for a bit, and I had a lot to tell him – especially since I was keeping it from Shell. I love the girl, but she can't keep anything to herself, and I was trying very hard to be respectful of Kai's wishes to take things one step at a time. It sounds difficult to some, maybe, but when the steps are so enjoyable....

“So, you're telling me you're fucking the hot, mysterious guy we talked about at the beginning of the year?” Tomo asked, teasing.

I laughed. “No fucking. I will say though...I love him.”

“Oh, fuck,” he said with a laugh. “Love? Have you told him that?”

“Not yet,” I confessed. “But it's on my mind. I don't think I need to say it yet.”

“Okay, okay. Back up. How did we get here?”

“I have to catch you up; it's been a while since I've been on to game.”

“Over a month. I was hoping everything was okay, but you were just on your back, I guess,” he said, snickering.

I blew out a raspberry. “Whatever. You want this story or not?”

“Are you kidding? I have a beer and some chips – talk!”

I laughed again. I did talk – I told him everything, how things had developed and changed over time. How much pain he'd been in, how much I'd just wanted to support him and how things had slowly changed. I was sure his pain was better now, but it was still there, and there were going to be things he had to work through. I told him how things had changed just over a month ago, and I'd been so busy experiencing it with Kai that I'd kind of neglected other people in my life.

“That's always tough,” Tomo said. “On the one hand you want to respect people trying to build something, but on the other hand it sucks when your friends don't remember you exist anymore.”

“Yeah. Shell said something like that, but it was a whole lot more selfish,” I said with a laugh.

“Okay so, big question. Is he a good kisser?”

“So good. We've spent some really good times attached at the face. I swear, I could just do that for days.”

“Wow,” Tomo said, sounding like he meant it. “I was really hoping for an epic romance for you, and look. It sounds like a fairy tale.”

I sighed. “Maybe to some people, but really? Honestly? It was all about time and learning to care about each other. I mean, fine, yes, I thought he was pretty fine when I first saw him, but there are plenty of fine, fit guys. Sometimes it's situational, because their personal fit game is lacking, but they clean up nice for something else. So, I can't say I was like, stalking him or something. We got a chance to know each other and grow close over time, and...it's kind of perfect right now.”

“I'm jealous, bro,” he chuckled. “I got to college and saw all those guys and was just thinking I was going to be really busy – and to be fair, for a while, I had a lot of dates. But...I kind of realized what you're understanding already. I rushed to bed, rushed to date and never had anything...I didn't build it myself, and no one was ready to build something with me. You've almost always been a sweet guy, and I hope this works out for you. I mean, I'm really hoping he's your Prince Charming.”

My face felt flushed, and I smiled widely. “Thanks, Tomo. I keep thinking it's like a movie, but...we're together. Movies never tell you what happened next. Do they?”

“Sometimes,” he said quietly. “But it's always something dramatic – something breaks them up, something makes them all stressed and it seems like they might break up, but then they work through it and realize they have to do the work to be together. I don't think that's you,” he said, and then his voice strengthened. “I think you already figured out this guy. He's going to be work. Like anything worth having. And with the things he's gone through – his mom, having to wrestle with the gay thing, getting you on your back-”

“Hey!”

“He knows things that are worth anything, they don't come easy.”

“We aren't fucking.”

He chuckled. “Just keep taking the small steps, okay? But don't be afraid to stop moving forward if you think it's the right thing. It's okay to not move for a while, to get used to things.”

I cleared my throat. “We're going to my grandparents' for a week soon. It's the most time we'll spend together at once.”

“Enjoy it. Enjoy him. Just keep your mind on the whole picture, okay?”

“Yeah, okay.” I paused. “What about you? You dating?”

“Ah, I'm getting settled in this job. I got an apartment finally. There's an older guy at work who's gay – he's nice. Married. I went over to spend an afternoon with him and his husband.”

“Uh. Spend an afternoon how?”

“I love your filthy mind, but no. We had lunch and a LAN party. Played this survival game. It was cool, chance to hang out. Besides, dating is shit. I met this guy – Kenny. We texted. Seemed nice, so we met for a sushi lunch. Well, I didn't realize it, but I was dipping my shirt cuff into some dipping sauce – but not like an 'Oops, got a little sauce there', oh no. I didn't realize it, but I was letting it just soak into my shirt.”

“Oh no!”

“Oh yeah,” he said. “So, all wasn't lost. We went over to a park a block or two away, and we were just walking through. He was a little more adventurous than I was. There was some puddle of water, so he was going across from rock to rock. I thought I'd go around, and my shoe got sucked off when I stepped in mud.”

I giggled. “Oh shit! But it's kind of a cute first date story.”

“Eh. He ghosted me. I guess I didn't make a good impression. He was okay, kind of sweet. I'd have liked to see him again.”

“Is dating really that hard? I mean, I thought I'd finally do some dating when I got to college.”

“I mean...depends on what you're looking for. Like, I'm not on Grindr. I did that, I did some hooking up, but I think I got that part out of my system. I wanted someone to wake up to and not just send home in a ride share. I wanted more than just getting off, and that's more complicated. Like I was telling you, the other parts – the intimacy of hugging and cuddling – aren't something you should underestimate. Lots of people need that and don't realize they're missing out until you give it to them.”

“Yeah,” I said quietly. “I love cuddling him. He seems to eat it up, too. The affection.”

“That's what I'm talking about,” Tomo replied. “Anyway, I have to go – early conference call, so I gotta be an adult. Be good, okay?”

“Sure. Thanks, talk to you soon.”

I wondered about that conversation for a bit. Tomo'd always been a...I guess I felt like he was a wise person, at least when I was smart enough to think about it. At first when I knew he was gay I'd fantasize about him being someone I'd meet, and we'd do all sorts of gay things. But...things changed over time, and he'd become a confidant. He'd offer advice. He cared.

But in some ways that conversation made me think about how fragile things are. Not for the first time I thought about Kai's mom, how she'd left and how much the whole thing – the experience, the way so many people turned on him, how much pain went all around – his mom, his dad, his horrible grandparents. All of it. If he came out I don't think it would be that bad at our school, but there are always some. I don't think I have any problems fighting for things I believe in, but I also have to wonder – is it worth the fight if you don't need to?

I mean sure, in a big sense, maybe it makes something better for someone else. You really can't know, and is it worth putting Kai through that kind of thing? I certainly don't think so.

^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

“Promise me you'll bring it up to them. I should be doing this,” my mother said to me as I put my bag in the trunk of my car.

“Okay. I can't convince them of anything, but sure,” I said, more to get her to stop than anything else.

“You're their favorite – of course you can,” she argued. “If you don't change their mind, I'll know you just didn't try for me.”

“Mom!” I said, turning to her. “What is the big deal? Being the executor of someone's will seems like a creepy job. Why do you want it so badly?”

She raised her chin. “They don't need to pay a lawyer. They eat up funds. You never know what happened to things. Family should handle this.”

“Aunt Lisa is an accountant. Wouldn't she make more sense than you?”

“You don't need a degree to be the executor, Lysander,” she said, tone hardening.

“I'm just saying. She knows how to make the numbers add up, right?”

“You just do what I asked,” she said. “Drive safe. Do you have your emergency money? Did you fill the tank? What about the oil? Did you make sure it's topped up?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Check your tire pressure. You know how the weather changes and your tires get soft. You don't need an accident.”

“I know, I know,” I said. “Love you, Ma”

She hugged me. “I love you, too.”

I headed over to Kai's house and knocked once before entering the house. I kicked my shoes off by the door and called out that I was there.

“Hey, there he is,” Kai's dad said, coming from down the hallway. “I asked Kai to run the car down for an oil change. I've been meaning to, but my back has been bothering me sitting in that thing. I need to trade it in.”

I looked at him with a little disbelief. “Come on, Mr. Lucio. Are you going to lecture me to drive safely? I checked the oil and the tire pressure – in case you and my mom are sharing notes.”

He smiled and shook his head. “No, no. From everything Kai has mentioned about your mom, it's probably better we not meet until the wedding.”

I actually felt my body go still. Kai and I have never talked about telling our parents, even though I knew his dad was aware. It wasn't something his dad had ever brought up, so I figured it was just better to let it be. I mean, we were taking it slow, but I figured we'd talk about it before we told anyone else. “I. Uh.”

He waved a hand at me. “Don't worry, I'm not about to demean your relationship. I'm actually pretty happy about it. Kai is...he's happy. You don't know the joy you can feel when your child can be happy again.” He looked at me with a thoughtful expression. “I pushed him a little, and he was clear that you're more than friends. I'm glad. You both chose well. But yes, you're right, I wanted a word with you in private – an oil change was the best I could do.” He smiled. “Though, like you, he knows I'm up to something.”

I lifted my chin. “I love him.”

His smile grew softer. “I think that's plain. If he hasn't said it, I think the feeling is mutual.” He took a few steps to one side and sat on the arm of the couch. “Lys. Andy – do you have a preference?”

I flicked my gaze around the room before looking back to him. “Only Kai calls me Lys.”

He nodded. “Andy it is.” He clasped his hands together. “I love my son. He's all I have left of his mother, but he's also very worthwhile in his own right. I want you to know I support your relationship. I'm also begging you to take things slowly.” He raised a hand as I opened my mouth. “I know it takes both of you, and I think Kai is taking things at his own pace, and from what I've seen of you, I think you're staying in step with his comfort level.” He crossed his arms and frowned lightly. “But this is kind of the equivalent of a 'weekend away', and in case that reference doesn't make sense for you – a romantic getaway.”

I raised an eyebrow. “On my grandparents' fold out couch in the living room?”

He got a wistful smile. “I had a roommate in college who called his futon a 'flip 'n fuck', so I don't think the venue matters as much as the show.” He raised his hands to his face as if praying. “I just want you to try and be careful with his heart. He's been through so much this past year, and you may be the biggest bright spot for him in a long, long time. I just...want him to have that for as long as he can. So, I'm not suggesting anything untoward, just that you please...loving him as you do...take your time with him.”

I cleared my throat. “It wasn't on the agenda. Just, you know, to be clear. We really will be on the living room sofa sleeper.”

He tilted his head and smiled. “I'm...the location isn't the issue. He's going with you because you're where he wants to be. I can't help but worry for him.”

“I know,” I said quietly.

He nodded and walked up to me, placing his hand on my shoulder. “Thank you.”

I felt awkward as he told me he thought Kai's bag was packed in his room, so I headed in there and saw the suitcase off to one side, obviously packed. I picked it up and slipped my shoes back on before walking to my car to add his belongings to mine. I wasn't sure I wanted to go back into the house with his dad. I've thought about getting with Kai – I've had some really nice thoughts about that, in fact. In a way it's kind of odd that everyone – his dad, Tomo – just thinks we're knocking boots.

The truth is, I don't know what we're ready for, and that worries me. I've wanted to reach down and grab that hardness between his legs when we've made out, but I'm afraid if we suddenly crossed a line it might backfire. As sure as I feel in the moment, as much as it feels right in the moment, I don't want to make a big regret – not one so early that we might not recover from. Tomo was right – in stories there has to be drama, otherwise why keep reading or watching? Who cares about reading how two people lived happily ever after?

I looked up as Kai pulled his dad's car into their driveway and climbed out. “Hey. I just have to grab my bag.”

I pointed at my trunk. “I got it. Did you need anything else? Leave your toothbrush?”

“Nah. Let me give my dad the keys and say goodbye. Be right out.” He glanced at his house and then crossed the small patch of lawn to me and leaned forward for a small kiss.

I smiled at him as he pulled back. “Mr. Lucio. In public?”

“Shut up, Lys,” he said with an eye roll and headed into the house. I waited in the car, thinking about him kissing me outside and what that meant.

A few minutes later he opened the back door and put a six-pack of his raspberry iced tea on the seat and then climbed in the front seat. “Okay. Let's go!”

I started the car. “I got some music all queued up,” I said.

“Aw, shit, really? You have horrible taste in music!”

“Asshole. You like everything I like,” I told him.

“Yeah, but I didn't say my taste was any better than yours.”

“Jesus,” I said with an eye roll. “We can listen to music or talk about what your dad wanted to talk to me about, using an oil change as an excuse.”

He tossed his head back against the seat. “I knew it! Do I even want to know?”

“He gave me condoms,” I said, just to fuck with him.

“He did not. Dickhead,” he grumbled.

My phone rang and I answered it through the car. “What's up, Shell?”

“Listen, I know you're getting ready for your romantic getaway, but we need to talk when you get back, okay? We have barely hung out in weeks.”

I glanced at Kai with an amused expression and replied, “Romantic getaway?”

“Oh, please. You've been keeping Kai all to yourself. Well, he's my friend too! The two of you act like you're dating – cutting out everyone else, and I just think-”

“That's because we are,” Kai interrupted.

“Oh my God, of course you're with Kai already. You couldn't warn me? I – wait, what did you say?”

Kai glanced at me and said, “I said: we are dating.”

“What? No, you're not. Andy? Seriously? You two think you're so funny.”

Kai grinned and shrugged at me.

“You're the one that brought it up,” I said.

“I said you act like he's your boyfriend.” She paused. “Wait a second. Kai? Are you serious?”

“About what?” he asked.

“Come on!”

He laughed and took my hand. “Yes. We're dating.”

“Oh. My. God!”

I'd never heard a person 'squee' until that moment.

“Guys! Why didn't you tell me?” she demanded.

“Because we're keeping it low profile,” I said. I had no idea Kai was ready to tell anyone, and I wasn't going to say anything out of respect for him. I hoped he knew what he was doing.

“Okay, fine, but...can we do some double dating now? You like Kent, and it would be fun to do couples stuff!”

I glanced at Kai and then back to the road. “Let's talk when we get back. Nobody knows but you, though, so let's keep a lid on it for now, okay?”

“Okay,” she said, but it already sounded like she was planning couples massages or something in her head.

I hung up and looked at Kai. “You know she might last a day or two before she tells Kent.”

He sighed. “Yeah, I know. But she's your friend – our friend. We should...I mean, you want to, don't you?”

I laughed. “Only if Kent thinks he can steal you from me, then I need him to know. Outside of that...I was thinking more that, you know, maybe you don't need all the questions and the dumb things someone will have to say because it's the new, shiny thing. I was just thinking about what you went through and-”

“Stop. Okay, yeah, I know.” He rubbed his chin. “I know some people will say something, and I'm not saying we stand by the flagpole and do a live video, but...” He glanced back to me. “I'm kind of over letting other people decide who I am. I want to say who I think I am, and who I think I am is dating you.”

“I'm not exactly objecting, Kai,” I said quietly. “I'm just trying to look out for you.”

“I know. You respected what I said, one block at a time. I just...I think I'm ready for that block.” He glanced at me and chuckled. “I mean, I guess the option of keeping it to ourselves is over now anyway, so maybe I'll get worried later. Hopefully not too much; my pills are for anxiety, after all.”

“Okay,” I said, stretching the word out. “Well, just so we talk before one of us makes a decision without the other one,” I said, giving him some side eye.

“Hey, come on. Shell was right – we've been shutting everyone out. Even my dad was coming at me about how all I do is spend every free second with you. We have to see other people eventually,” he said with a grin.

I shook my head at him. “Okay. Well, your dad was concerned about me...taking my time with you. It seems everyone thinks this week is all about us getting alone time.”

Kai raised an eyebrow at me. “You mean it's not?”

“Kai!” I said, bubbling up with laughter. “What is with you?”

He laughed. “So, Dad's worried about me; let me put that on my calendar. He's been worried probably since the day I was born, but in the last year he's been everywhere. I am not shocked he's afraid I'll fall apart.”

I shook my head and glanced from the road to him. “Okay, well, still. Things are kind of steamy when we get making out. I've been thinking a little about, you know, a next step.”

He rubbed his upper lip. “You know, I see what you're doing.” He turned a bit and looked at me. “You're walking this line about being respectful and coddling me.” He put a hand up. “Yeah, I know, I'm still working on some things in my head about the whole idea of 'gay' and what that means in my life. But...you're not a concept like 'gay'. You're Lys, the person I'm with. The person I'm with happens to be a guy. So...I think we do what comes natural, and if one of us isn't ready for something, we say so.”

I glanced at him, over to the road and back again. “Yeah?”

“Lys. You always listen to me. Whatever else I have to work on about sexuality and stuff, the one single thing I can say is I know I'm okay with you. I don't even have to think about that.”

I let out a breath. “Well. Okay then.” I don't know why, but it just slipped out. “I only do that because I love you.”

“Yeah, I know you do – it's obvious,” he said. I got my tongue in a knot between warring desires to apologize for spitting that out, wondering why he hadn't said it back and just...I say I love you and you say it's obvious? Before I could sort any of that out, though, he continued. “No one does the things you do – standing by me, giving me space and giving me affection as I could handle it.” He shrugged. “It's what it looks like. You even did that before we really got close. Trust me, after getting shit on for so long, I recognize that.”

Now I wondered if I should just assume he loved me back. If he can tell all that just because he has something to compare it to and I don't....

“What?” he asked.

“Huh?”

“You went all quiet on me.”

I shook my head. “I just....”

“I know. I have a lot of baggage and-”

I laughed. “Not that.” I looked at him. “I just...wanted – never mind. I'm just being dumb,”

“Hey, no. I don't want to start this 'I can't say something' thing between us. What is it?”

I brushed my hand over my cheek. “I just said I love you, kind of by accident. I just wondered-”

“Yeah. I love you. I thought you knew?” I glanced at him and couldn't stop myself from letting out a little smile. I looked back at the road and slowed as we came to a stop sign. “Hey. I love you.”

I smiled wider and looked at him. “I love you, too.”

He smiled and looked out the window. “I love my boyfriend!” he yelled.

“Who gives a shit?” someone yelled back.

We burst out laughing as I accelerated though the intersection. We drove for a mile or so before he took his hand back and cracked open his tea. I popped the app on my phone for music and was rewarded with 'Something Just Like This' by the Chainsmokers with Cold Play. I secretly think of us every time I hear it come on, and I sang along, popping my steering wheel in time with the beat.

I couldn't have smiled wider when Kai sang along with me.

We had a decent ride, made good time and reached my grandparents' place near 1:00. I stretched a bit as I climbed from the car, and then we grabbed our bags and headed up the short walkway to the door. I knocked and waited, looking back at him once.

“Hey! You made it!” my grandmother said, opening the door. “Come here, come here,” she said, pulling me into a hug and then doing the same to Kai. “Kick your shoes off here by the door.”

“Ah, I see the help has arrived,” my grandfather said with a grin and held out his hand to each of us. “Good to see you, boys. I need some help with this one,” he said, jutting his chin at his wife.

“It's just because he's a lousy player,” my grandmother said. “Come on in, let's get you settled and get some lunch!”

“Uh, would you mind pointing me to the bathroom first?” Kai asked.

“Oh yeah, first things first,” my grandfather said. “Andy, why don't you run your bags to the spare room, and I'll get Kai some relief.”

My grandfather left with Kai, and I looked at my grandmother. “Spare room?”

“Of course. Where else were you going to sleep?” she asked.

“Uh. I though it’d be the pull-out in the living room.”

“When you were little, sure. You were made of rubber then, but I wouldn't wish that lumpy thing on anyone.” She laughed lightly. “Your mom would get the bed, and you'd sit up in the living room with your snack and fall asleep watching the TV.”

“Yeah,” I said, smiling back. “I don't think I ever remembered a spare room.”

“Oh, your mother. So territorial. Go on, get your things settled, and I'll start getting some lunch together,” she said.

I pulled the travel handle out of my bag and balanced Kai's on top of mine, resting on the long rods that telescoped out of my bag, and headed down the hall to the spare room. My grandparents' home was small, but they'd had a bathroom put in on both ends of the house. I have no idea which came first, but probably the one in the laundry room was added later. Grandpa had taken Kai in that direction, so I had a second to myself in the room.

It was on the small side, the full bed dominating the space. There was a small closet with a pocket door and a nightstand to either side. I set our bags against the wall and glanced around, but my mind was on the bed. We'd have more privacy than I'd thought, and that had me anxious.

I was also looking forward to bed time.

I hit the bathroom and washed up before meeting everyone in the kitchen. My grandparents had leftovers laid out with plates. We sat down and had a nice meal while they asked about school and the drive down before transitioning to projects we may have worked on. Kai talked about some of the shelves we'd built for my room since I'd done a couple of models with him. Then the subject of college came up.

“What are you thinking?” my grandfather asked.

“Well. I don't know,” I hedged. Looking at Kai I said, “I haven't really talked about it.”

“I was thinking community college first,” Kai said, looking at me. “I don't want my dad to be alone, and I can take general courses and get them out of the way cheaper. Live at home, save some money.”

I nodded. “I'd had an idea like that, too. Except living with my mother for another two years....” I shuddered.

My grandparents laughed. “Maybe,” my grandmother said, “with all the money you'll save from school, you could get a studio apartment.”

“Rents are crazy expensive,” I said immediately.

“Might be doable with two people,” Kai said.

“Yeah, but who could I possibly find?” I asked, teasing.

“Someone who isn't a complete slob, because you already are one,” he teased back.

“Oh, look who's talking! Have you seen your room?”

“I've seen your dishes after you wash them.”

“I have an easy answer for you,” my grandmother interjected. “You do the chores together. That way when one of you falls short, the other can fix things. You compliment each other instead of criticizing.”

My grandfather dropped his fork. “Say what now?”

“Don't you start,” she said, pointing at him with her fork. “Don't think I didn't see you adding all that sugar this morning, either. Bad enough I have diabetes, the last thing you need is to join me.” She looked to me. “He's always copying me.”

“She does all the cool things first!” he complained.

I smiled at them and then back to Kai. I guess they were onto us.

“Okay, you brought cash, right? Everyone's done eating?” my grandfather changed the subject.

“Oh, you're not taking these boys' money – besides, you have to have money to play, and I took all yours already,” my grandmother told him.

“Lies and slander,” he retorted.

“What are we talking about?” Kai asked.

“Canasta. We'll teach you to play, then it'll be a nickel a point when you get the hang of it.”

“No!” my grandmother said. She looked back and forth between Kai and me. “He's trying to cheat. His idea of you getting comfortable is like a pool shark letting you win a game and then taking all your money – except he's no good at the game.”

“That's not cheating, it's hustling. If Paul Newman can make a movie about it, it can't be that bad.”

“Who's Paul Newman?” I asked.

My grandparents both did a double take, and both spoke at the same time, both more or less questioning if I was serious. We helped them clear the table, and then they brought out a deck of cards and a note pad. We spent the next few hours playing cards with them, learning the game and generally having fun. Playing cards isn't anything I've ever really done, except like 'Go Fish' or something when I was little.

Then my grandfather showed us the cupboards we were going to be working on. He said they needed fixing because my grandmother slammed the doors all the time, and she threatened to slam him. My grandfather made some comment about how it's about time, like it was a sexual joke. Kai and I just looked at each other and grinned.

My grandfather said he needed an air hose fitting, and he was going to run out before we needed it the next day, and my grandmother said she wanted to get started on dinner, so we should go unpack. I took Kai back to our room and let the door drift closed behind us. Then I grabbed him, pulling him close and holding him.

“I feel like I lied to your dad,” I said into his neck.

“How's that?” he asked, returning my hug.

I lowered my voice. “I told him we were going to be on the sleeper sofa in the living room and sex wasn't on the list for this week.”

Kai tilted his head and whispered in my ear, “Yeah, you lied.”