Can't Stop These Feelings - 6. Carry On

Carry On:

The dreaded day marking the beginning of saying goodbye to Marlene had arrived, Brad hasn’t been able to sleep much instead his body and mind have been on emotional overload worrying about Nate and his future. Brad willed himself to get out of bed even though he was just laying in it acting like he had slept, the sun had been up for hours but the smell of food cooking caught his attention. Brad rubbed the tiredness from his eyes and made his way toward the kitchen, his Mom’s kitchen, he sure did miss her he hoped to round the corner and see her fixing breakfast but what he found was Mitch making pancakes and sausage links and coffee.

Brad walked over to Mitch wrapping his arms around him, “Thanks for cooking Mitch and everything else you’ve done over the past few days. I just wished we would all wake up and this was all a bad dream.”

Mitch flipped the last of the cooking pancakes onto a platter and turned kissing Brad, “We all feel the same way Brad,” Mitch hugged Brad, “How’s the kid handling everything?”

Brad ran his hand through his messy hair and sighed, “Not too good.” Brad picked up his coffee mug and filled it, “Nate had a really rough time falling asleep after you left last night,” Brad done his best to switch the subject, “Mitch you know I didn’t give you a key to the house to make you come cook us breakfast,” Brad sipped his coffee.

Mitch carried the platters of pancakes and sausages to the table, “I know but I felt like I needed to do something to help since Mom is gone,” Mitch went to the fridge and grabbed a carafe of orange juice and placed it on the table he already had set.

Nate stumbled into the kitchen in a zombie-like state, “Mornin’,” Nate mumbled lifelessly as he flopped into his chair.

Mitch walked over behind Nate and squeezed his shoulder, “I’m here for you guys Nate, don’t give up that spark you had for life, Mom would be really mad at you if you did.”

“He’s right Nate,” Brad took a gulp of his coffee, “Mom would be pissed if we didn’t keep being the kids she raised and loved.”

Nate shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t care anymore,” Nate pushed his plate away, “Mom was such a great person Brad, why her?”Mitch frowned, that was a question he was struggling with himself.

Brad sat his coffee down and walked over hugging Nate from behind, “I can’t answer that question,” he kissed the back of Nate’s head. “I like to think that everybody needed a new guardian angel and that’s what Mom is doing now,” Brad reflectingly said as a tear trickled from Nate’s eyes.

“Who’s gonna look out for us now?” Nate sniffled as he used the back of his hands to wipe away the tears.

Brad pulled Nate from the chair, Mitch and Brad both wrapped him in a hug. Brad said in a hushed tone, “We’re gonna look out for each other, all of us…” Brad wiped Nate’s face, “You, Mitch, Jesse, Cade, and me.”

*****

About an hour before time for the funeral home visitation to start Nate was in his room getting dressed in his black suit Brad had gone and got him. No matter how much he tried tieing his tie nothing was working and his frustration was reaching a breaking point. Nate threw his arms up and sent his shelf and his sports trophies flying across his room, “I fuckin’ hate this,” Nate yelled and drawing both Mitch and Brad’s attention from the living room, both of them ran into Nate’s room.

“Nate,” Brad wrapped his arms around his brother, “Calm down please, it’s gonna be okay,” Mitch shoved Nate’s computer chair behind them and Brad sat down pulling Nate into his lap. “I know this sucks,” Brad sighed, “You don’t have to try to act strong Nate nobody will think any less of you for being sad.” Brad rested his forehead against the back of Nate’s head, “I wish I could make this all better for you, let's just take this one day at a time together ok?”

Brad loosened his grip on Nate so his arms were freed now that he calmed down a bit and Nate wiped his eyes, “Ok,” Nate mumbled, “Brad?”

“Huh?” Brad replied.

“Thanks,” Nate looked at the floor, “I feel so mad, this just isn’t fair.”

Brad rubbed Nate’s back, “I know bro, I know. Let’s get you straightened up,” Nate stood up and Brad did the same and then he tied Nate’s tie.

Mitch drove the Brad and Nate to the funeral home. Once they got there Mitch handed each of the boys a red rose and had one for himself. He had an arm wrapped around each of them as they went inside and headed to the coffin to see their Mom before visiting hours started.

Nate sobbed, “Mom I really miss you. I wish I got to say I love you one more time,” Nate laid the rose by his Mom’s hand.

“Mom I’m gonna do the best I can to make you proud,” Brad place his rose with Nate’s, “I’ll take really good care of Nate. I love you.”

Mitch added his rose with the others, “I’ll watch out for both of these guys Mom, I’ll really miss you.”

Cade and Jesse showed up shortly before visitation and hugged the other three guys.

Jesse walked up to Marlene’s casket, “Mom I’m gonna miss the little chats we had over the years, thanks for always being there for me. I’ll smack Brad around when he needs,” Jesse sighed, “Just kidding Mom, Nate would probably bloody my nose again.”

“I’m glad I got to know you Mom,” Cade rubbed his hand on the edge of the casket, “You made all of us a part of your family, thank you.” Cade stepped away from the casket wrapping an arm around Jesse and they went and stood by their friends.

After hearing so many stories from Marlene’s friends, the boys were physically and emotionally drained by the end of visitation. They all went back to the house and picked at food that friends had dropped off. Nate was really struggling to hold himself together.

Jesse tried joking with Nate but it didn’t help lighten his mood. Jesse ended up wrapping an arm around Nate and whispered, “I really miss Mom too. I think I spent more time with your family than I did my own growing up Nate, thanks for sharing your Mom.”

Nate turned his head and stared at Jesse, “We all love you, Jesse. Mom loved every one of us,” Nate’s eyes were moist with unshed tears, “I’m goin’ to bed, goodnight everybody.” Nate turned and went up the stairs without waiting for a response.

Brad excused himself a few minutes later and went to check on Nate. Brad tapped on Nate’s door but got no response, he pushed the door open. The room had just enough light that he could see a silhouette of Nate on his bed with shoulders shuddering and heard sniffling. Brad walked over to Nate’s bed and laid down beside him and wrapped an arm around his brother, “It’s ok Nate, let it out, buddy.” They both drifted off to sleep together. Mitch checked on them later that night and covered them both with a blanket.

The following morning the boys went to the funeral home, Mitch remained the strong steadfast anchor for Brad and Nate. Jesse was as much of a mess as the brothers were, and Cade was having a hard time dealing with Jesse. Near the end of the funeral, a young man that the funeral director suggested to Brad sang Eric Clapton’s version of “Tears in Heaven,” there wasn’t a dry eye after the song ended.

*****

The weekend passed with a gloomy rainy mixture of weather, the mood in the Harris household matched the weather somberly and all too soon it was Monday morning. Nate was controlling his feelings a little better, but Brad’s nerves were now on edge and he got very little sleep because of the impending trial on Sunday night. The boys yet again donned their suits and headed off to court with Mitch for their Father’s trial.

The trio located courtroom number three and met with the District Attorney. He assured the boys he would try to keep his time with them on the stand as short as possible.

The boys took a seat in a room they were secluded from the public and waited for the trial to begin.

A Sheriff escorted Bart into the courtroom and seated him with his attorney.

The Bailiff walked into the room, “All rise the State versus Bart Harris, Case number 2017396-C1 is now in session the Honorable Charles Lancaster presiding,” the Judge entered and took his seat behind the bench and everybody then took their seat.

The Judge warned the Attorney’s that they were to watch their line of questioning since there was going to be a minor testifying. District Attorney Albrecht presented his opening arguments, and then the Defense Attorney did the same.

The DA Albrecht then presented evidence against Bart including photographs of Brad’s injuries and Medical Reports. The DA then called Brad to the witness stand.

The DA asked Brad about the day he was beaten by Bart Harris. Brad nervously provided the reasons it happened including the part about being gay.

Bart Harris sneered at Brad and leaned forward in his chair, “You little faggot I should’ve killed your pansy ass that day…”

Judge Lancaster banged his gavel, “That’s more than enough Mr. Harris.” Judge Lancaster then stared at the defense attorney, “Councilor if I were you, I’d advise you to control your client's temper and mouth or I’ll add contempt of court to his list of charges,” then Judge Lancaster placed his gavel back on the bench.

The defense attorney finally got to have a chance at rebuttal with Brad after the lunch recess.

“Brad, isn’t it true that you tried to seduce your father for money?” Attorney Snively asked.

“No,” Brad said angrily.

“Isn’t it true you touched your father when he slept on the couch after he came home from work?” Snively asked flatly.

DA Albrecht hastily stood up, “Your Honor I object, this line of questioning is out order.”

Judge Lancaster leaned forward in his chair, “Councilor’s approach the bench,” both attorneys stood before the Judge, “Snively if you don’t have factual questions you will refrain from this point forward. Is that clear?” Attorney Snively nodded his head.

Snively sulked back to the defense table, “No further questions.”

Brad was dismissed to return to his brother, and court adjourned for the day.

*****

Brad remained quiet during the ride home, he was so mad he was shaking the entire time. Nate watched Brad closely during the ride and worried about him. Once Mitch parked the Brad got out slammed the door closed and stormed into the house before Mitch or Nate had a chance to get out of the car.

Mitch got out of the car the same time Nate did and wrapped an arm around Nate as they walked toward the house, “He’ll be ok Nate, just give him some time. Bart’s attorney said some really sick shit and Bart said some really hateful stuff that I’m sure really hurt Brad,” Nate’s eyes showed the pain that he felt for his brother.

Nate went to the kitchen to get a drink and found Brad standing at the refrigerator holding the door open staring blankly. Nate walked up behind Brad placing a hand on his shoulder causing him to jump, “Brad are you ok?”

Brad turned his head and his face had tears trickling down it, “He really does hate me.”

Nate hugged Brad, “Who hates you?”

“Bart,” Brad shivered, “He said he should’ve killed me when he had the chance.”

“That fuckin’ asshole,” Nate said with rage, “If anybody deserved to die it’s him.” Nate loosened his grip on Brad, “You’re the best brother I could ever ask for Brad, don’t let the shit he said hurt you. If you do, he wins knowing he can bother you.”

Brad ruffled Nate’s hair, “When did you get so smart?”

“I had Mom and you to teach me,” Nate smiled, “But quit touching my hair I hate that shit,” Nate smoothed his hair down.

Brad smiled slightly, “What are you gonna do about it, shorty?”

“Short?” Nate smirked, “I’m almost as tall as tall as you were at my age look,” Nate pointed to measurement lines marked on the basement door jam their Mom had made. Nate turned punching his fist in his other hand laughing, “And I know how to handle problems, ask Jesse.”

“Tough guy huh?” Brad asked sarcastically.

“Yep,” Nate smiled at Brad, “Don’t forget it,” Brad laughed.

Mitch heated leftovers for dinner and the three of them ate in the living room while watching Lethal Weapon, which had them all laughing. They all turned in for the night fairly early knowing another day of court awaited them tomorrow.

At 9 am the following morning court was called to order, Judge Lancaster wasn’t going to take much of Attorney Snively’s line of questioning like he did the day before. Judge Lancaster reminded both Councilor’s that today a minor would be testifying.

District Attorney Albrecht called Nate to the stand who nervously answered all the questions as honestly as he could remember the incidents from the night at their house and the one at the hospital. District Attorney Albrecht entered the knife that Bart used on the assault along with photographs into evidence. The photographs of Nate’s injury made Brad nauseous, he had to turn his head away from the picture to keep his anger in check.

Attorney Snively stood up when it was his turn to question Nate, he walked around rubbing his hands together staring at Nate. He was hoping he would be able to trip Nate up in his testimony to get some of the charges reduced.

“So Nate, I can call you Nate right?” Attorney Snively asked.

“No, Mr. Harris will be fine for you,” Nate stated derivatively.

Attorney Snively glanced at Bart then his eyes drifted to Brad before settling on Nate, “Mr. Harris isn’t it true that you were in possession of the knife the night your Dad came to check on Brad’s condition, you attacked your Dad?”

Nate clenched his fists but wasn’t about to be baited into helping Bart’s case, “No Sir, I jumped in front…”

Attorney Snively didn’t get the reaction he had hoped and slunk back to his table, “No further questions for the witness.” Snively sat in his chair leaning over whispering back and forth with Bart.

District Attorney Albrecht stood, “Your Honor, permission to reapproach?” Judge Lancaster nodded, “Nate what did happen the night of the incident in the hospital?”

Nate cleared his throat and unclenched his fists, “Bart had the knife in his hand when he came into Brad’s hospital room. He was swinging it wildly, I jumped in front of him to block him from getting to Brad who was unconscious from his medication and Bart cut my arm.”

“Your Honor, my client has decided to throw himself to the mercy of the court,” Attorney Snively shuffled some through some papers, “Bart Harris was a good loving father who became frustrated over his rebellious children. We can only beg for mercy in his sentencing,” he leaned back in his chair and waited for the Judge to speak.

District Attorney Albrecht stopped Brad on his way out of court and asked him if he would like to give a victim impact statement for more impact on Bart’s sentencing, which Brad stated he would.

Judge Lancaster cleared his throat, “I’d like to take a brief recess before I pass judgment in this case. The court will be in recess until 1 pm,” the Judge banged his gavel.

Mitch took Nate and Brad to a café across the street from the courthouse for lunch where the boys each ordered a burger and fries.

Nate took a bite of his burger, “What did the DA ask you on the way out of court Brad?”

“He asked if I want to give a victim impact statement,” Brad dipped his french fry in ketchup and took a bite. “I’m gonna do it, that bastard messed up my life over me being gay. Mom would probably still be here if it wasn’t from all the stress this put on her.”

Mitch rubbed Brad’s back, “Just keep a level head when you give your statement. Don’t let Bart draw you down to his level, your Mom wouldn’t want that.”

Shortly after the guys returned to the courtroom, the court was brought back to order.

Judge Lancaster looked at District Attorney Albrecht, “Would the victim like to give an impact statement before I pass judgment and sentencing?”

District Attorney Albrecht stood from his chair, “Yes your Honor, I have spoken with him and he would like to address the court.”

Judge Lancaster nodded, “Brad Harris if you would approach the bench, you may address the court.”

Brad stood up and walked to the bench and turned and focused his eye on Bart, “Since the day you attacked me,” Brad pointed at Bart. “My life has never been the same. I spent countless hours blaming myself for the things you did to all of us, Nate, Mom, and me. But one thing I have really come to hate about you is Mom would probably still be alive if it weren’t for all the stress you put on our family. I’ve learned that Nate and I are both pretty damn strong no thanks to you, I can’t say I will ever forget what you did to us or forgive you for it. You have taken everything good about our life, you took my trust, my confidence, you’ve left me and Nate, without a family. You’re a monster, and I hope you burn in hell,” Brad walked back to his seat and sat down, Nate wrapped his arm around Brad.

Judge Lancaster stared at the paperwork in front of him, “Will the defendant please rise for sentencing.”

Bart Harris and Attorney Snively stood behind the defense table.

“Bart Harris I find you guilty of two counts of aggravated assault, one count attempted murder, and one count assault with a deadly weapon. I will show no mercy from this court on sentencing, effective immediately you will be remanded into the custody of the state Department of Corrections where you will serve 80 years in prison, you will become eligible for parole after serving 70 years. You hastily passed judgment on your son over something he had no control, your actions were premeditated. If you could do this to your own son, god only knows what you are capable of. I, however, have control over this,” Judge Lancaster banged his gavel, “Court Adjourned.”