Leave the Pieces - 3. Gone Again

One day I’d go to hell. Where else would I belong? What kind of person was I, to feel it was easier when I’d thought a boy was dead, rather than face the possibility of what hell he’d been living in throughout his absence?

Arthur Brooks made my skin crawl. His face seemed to be everywhere. It made it easier to join Luis in ignoring the morning paper, or leaving the room during the evening news.

My name hadn’t appeared anywhere. After a few days I felt the relief of being able to give up on looking for it or a story from a deceiving reporter with terrible questions. From there it was easier to avoid mistakes when I made a point to stay at home as much as possible. Besides, after the night I came home from Logan’s, I didn’t want to risk leaving Luis alone with Randy again.

It wasn’t that anything had happened. But when I’d walked through the front door, Luis had unexpectedly been in the living room. He only tended to be there when my mom insisted, and with my mom nowhere in sight--well, maybe Randy was right about the weird factor.

He’d been sitting in Randy’s recliner, after all. It was the ugliest piece of furniture in the house. Orange and outdated, Randy was the only one comfortable in that chair. It was sort of lumpy, and sometimes the leg-piece would get stuck and it was a challenge to climb out of the thing. But Luis had planted himself there. Randy had no doubt told him to move, but there Luis sat, his attention on the snake in his hands. Randy had been just inside the room, staring.

I remember Luis looking up when he noticed me, and I still remembered the way I suddenly couldn’t look him in the eye, as if guilty of betraying him somehow. Without a word he’d chosen that moment to get up and go back to his room. Randy had wasted no time in reclaiming his chair, and all was normal again--at least for him.

I wasn’t feeling normal at all, not even when Luis broke another dish the next morning.

“Can you get that, Jess?” my mom asked as she sadly watched Luis go to his room after he’d apologized to her. It was a lot quieter this morning. Randy had finally given up on trying to eat with us and headed out to work early.

I didn’t bother complaining as I left my breakfast to clean up Luis’s mess, listening to my mom stir her coffee as I focused on lifting the pieces of what used to be a ceramic sugar jar. The pieces were thick in the palm of my hand, and I paused as I imagined the force it had taken to break it. He’d thrown it. Or he’d thrust it, or... something. I hadn’t been watching. I looked up at my mom, wondering if she’d seen it. If she had, her expression didn’t give it away. She looked worried about Luis, just as she had ever since he’d walked through our front door.

It was a warm sensation trickling down my wrist that brought me back to my task, and I bit my tongue to keep from cursing the moment I realized that I’d cut the palm of my hand. Gently placing the glass into the other hand I made a fist, trying not to bleed on the floor as I quickly stood, tossed the pieces, tossed my breakfast and gathered the trash before picking up a dishtowel and heading outside to the oversized plastic waste can in our driveway.

I stood there for a moment with the towel, waiting for the wound to stop bleeding, not wanting to go back inside until it did. I’m not sure why it seemed so important that my mom didn’t see it. If she had I would have told her it was no big deal, anyway. Maybe I just wanted her to keep worrying about Luis. I think I wanted everyone to keep worrying about Luis until Luis was Luis again.

I felt terrible for wanting to go ask him if that would be anytime soon.

“I leave you alone for a few hours... What the hell did you do to yourself?”

Startled, I looked up to see Nick moving up the driveway in my direction, his focus on the bloody towel in my hand.

“Hey,” I said. I so wanted to reach out and touch him, even in one of the small ways that we used when it didn’t seem safe. It was never safe at my house. But even if we were somewhere else, I knew I couldn’t, because I was pretty sure we were fighting. At least, taking some time felt like fighting to me. But that didn’t mean it didn’t feel good to see him. “It’s nothing. What are you doing here?”

He sighed. “I was over at Lee’s, bitching about you. She set me straight on a few things.”

I smiled at him. “Really?”

Nick shrugged, avoiding eye contact as he always did when something was hard for him. Mostly that involved admitting he wasn’t always right. “She thinks I’m jealous. I don’t agree with her,” he added quickly. “But this whole... Luis thing, I could handle it better. I know I can. And I know it’s hard for you, Jess. I guess sometimes I just don’t understand why this is so big for you.”

I felt myself go on the defensive over that remark, and I know it showed in my face. I wasn’t exactly trying to hide it. But by the time I opened my mouth to respond he’d lifted his hand to silence me.

“Look, I don’t mean it’s not horrible, what happened to him, what he’s gotta be going through. But why can’t you just be happy he’s back?”

“I am,” I insisted. “But that doesn’t erase eight years, Nick, and not everything just magically gets better after someone’s been through something like that!”

“And what has he been through?” Nick asked. “I mean, has he actually told you anything? I mean, people are talking, Jess. That stuff with the robberies... those shootings... He got off the hook but it’s not like he wasn’t involved, and...”

I gritted my teeth. “You don’t know he had a choice.”

“You don’t know he didn’t,” Nick countered. “But I’m not here to fight with you, okay? I’m trying to apologize.”

“You might want to work on that.”

Nick frowned. “Fine. Just forget I said anything. I’m sorry I don’t get you.... maybe... maybe you’re right about Luis. Maybe whatever happened to him was seriously awful and I could be doing a better job of being....”

“A little sympathetic?” I remarked.

Nick frowned. “For you or him? It’s not like it happened to you, Jess. Six weeks ago you didn’t seem to know his name.”

That one stung. Mostly because I knew damn well that six weeks ago I wasn’t thinking about Luis. Six weeks ago I was living my comfortable life with nothing to worry about but avoiding Randy, while Luis....

“I didn’t mean it like that, Jess,” Nick insisted as he read my reaction. “Look, you know I’m no good at this shit. I want to try harder, okay? I shouldn’t have gone off the way I did yesterday, and I’m sorry. It was really fucked up how I ditched you like that and I don’t want it to happen again.”

Finally, we agreed on something. “Me neither.”

I returned the smile he gave me, but I was having more trouble letting some of his words go than I cared to admit.

“So I’m going shopping with Lee tomorrow. Gene and Jarred are coming. We all figure it’s better than trying to get ready for school with our parents. Should we pick you up?”

I nodded slowly. “Yeah. I’ll be here.”

He reached out, his hand landing on my arm for a brief moment. “Good... we can get things back to normal.”

I didn’t tell him that I didn’t know what normal was supposed to be anymore.

***

Another morning without Randy. I could get used to it. I ate my cereal in a hurry. It was just me and Luis at the table this time, and I could feel him watching me every time I wasn’t watching him. My mom was in the living room with her coffee. I’d guess it had something to do with the way Luis brought his snake to the table. I found it unsanitary, but only because Logan had filled my head with facts about salmonella and the need for frequent hand-washing around his pets, but I didn’t mention it to Luis. He wasn’t interested in small talk, anyway.

I left the table before he managed to break anything, and only paused in brushing my teeth when the familiar sound of shattering glass hit my ears. My mom could deal with it this morning, not that she would until the snake was out of her kitchen.

The honk of a horn outside told me that my friends were waiting. Knowing they wouldn’t take off without me I didn’t mind taking my time in getting dressed. I might have been a little faster about it if I’d known they’d actually come inside.

I heard voices in my house, Lee’s first. Obviously, my mom had invited them in. If Randy had been home he wouldn’t have allowed it.

“Your hair looks so pretty like that, I feel like I haven’t seen you forever,” I heard my mom say.

“Thanks,” Lee replied. “I was here helping Jess set up for Luis, but... oh my god! Luis!”

Feeling panicked and unable to determine why, I was in the hallway in time to see Lee wrap her arms around Luis, who was now standing outside his room, snake-free. He looked just as frustrated as he had when my mom had hugged him for the first time. Unresponsive. Lee caught on to the fact a lot faster than my mom had and had the grace to blush a little when she stepped back. “Sorry,” she said quickly. “It’s just I haven’t seen you since you made me eat bugs... and you got so tall... and you probably have no idea who I am, do you?”

I could see the same confusion on Luis’s face that Lee could, and it soon turned to frustration before it faded and finally, he said, “I know who you are, Lee.”

I’m not sure how anyone couldn’t respond to the smile Lee gave him over that, but Luis managed it. He did, however seem to grow a little softer, as if familiarity had made him momentarily comfortable. He hadn’t done that with me, but I didn’t care. For a moment, I could see a little bit of that eight-year-old boy, and I almost wanted Lee to hug him again.

Then, my mom decided to ruin the moment. “Yes,” she said, much as one would tell a dog it had done something good. “Of course you remember Lee, Luis.”

“We can see that, Mom,” I said, a little more harshly than I’d intended. Lee gave me a disapproving look over it, and the way that Jarred, Gene, and Nick exchanged uncomfortable glances had me wincing to myself as I looked each of my friends over. “Um... I’ll be ready to get out of here in just a minute.”

I headed back to my room, intending to grab my wallet and my phone.

“So does everyone have their lists for school?” my mom asked, and I was grateful for normal conversation.

“Yeah. We shouldn’t be that long,” Gene said.

“At least a couple hours,” Lee said, seeming annoyed with Gene’s suggestion. “We do plan on getting everything on it.”

“It’s not like we don’t still have time,” Gene replied. I smiled in my room. Gene hated shopping, any kind of it. He probably thought Lee would want new clothes, too--which she would, and we’d all be waiting on her--which we would.

“Lee’s right,” my mom said. “It’s always best to be prepared. Leave yourself time in case you forget something.

“Exactly,” Lee said. “Thank you.”

“I still guess we’ll be back by noon,” Nick replied; Nick, who then said the last thing I’d expect from any of them, especially him. “You should come with us, Luis.”

I ran into my dresser and stopped before I made it out of the room. Frozen, I wonder if I hallucinated the very long silence that came before anyone responded.

“Well...” my mom started.

I closed my eyes. Please don’t pressure him. Please. I didn’t see how he’d be ready to be out there. I wasn’t ready to be out there.

“You know, it might not be a bad idea,” I heard my mom say.

I moved into the hall, closer to the living room, just in time for Luis to glance at me. It only lasted a moment before his eyes snapped to the friendly hand that Lee placed on his elbow. He discreetly stepped away from it. He didn’t like to be touched.

“You should come,” Lee insisted. “We’ll have fun.”

She sounded so sure about this fun concept that I wanted to believe her. Looking at Luis, maybe... maybe he was ready. Maybe he needed to get out of this house. Of course he did. I couldn’t think he’d want to be jailed in his room all day. Not here. Not when I couldn’t even stand it. But out there... it was so scary. It had been scary for weeks now.

“He needs shirts,” I heard myself say.

Luis looked at me again, no way of telling if he felt trapped by this. But then, as if him leaving the house for the first time away from adult supervision was no big deal, he shrugged. “I’ll go.”

As happy as my mom had looked about the idea a moment ago, she now allowed a mask of concern to come through her features. “Now, all of you know not to speak to any strangers at all, right?” she asked. She wasn’t referring to the boogieman. She wasn’t even referring to the idea of another man in another car that could take one of us away. She warned of overly friendly people, the kind that asked questions, twisted words and threatened to make Luis Yenka’s life more difficult than it already was.

“We’ll be okay,” I promised, because I’d make sure of it. I’d learned my lesson, and had no intention of making, or allowing anyone else to make, that same mistake again.

***

I credited Lee and Jarred for avoiding an awkwardness that accompanied Luis everywhere. He didn’t like to talk, and often when we were at home it made it difficult for anyone to have normal conversation. Lee had seemed to catch onto this right away as she drove us into town, so instead of trying to get somewhere with Luis she and Jarred struck up a conversation about the upcoming school year and included everyone else in it. Luis listened, dark eyes facing out his window.

Next to me on the back seat of Lee’s family van, Nick slid his hand into mine. I squeezed his fingers briefly before ending that contact. He frowned, confused until I glanced at Luis, who sat in front of us next to Gene. Nick’s frown grew deeper, and he rolled his eyes. “Sorry,” I mouthed to him.

He shook his head, deciding to be understanding. I’m sure if he thought about it long enough, he’d agree with me that our relationship wasn’t one we should expose Luis to just yet. Not when he was living under the same roof as my mom and Randy. There was no telling what his reaction would be, if he had one at all.

“Hey, Jess, can you still pick us up this year?” Gene suddenly turned to ask me.

It took me a moment to realize what he was talking about, but I nodded. Since I got my license I’d been giving Jarred and Gene a ride to and from school. I was closer than Lee, who had always picked up Nick. “Yeah, so long as Randy doesn’t get rid of my car like he keeps threatening to do.”

Gene made a face. “You should seriously tell that guy to piss off.”

Luis turned in his seat, listening to us more openly now.

“I’ve tried,” I pointed out. “I’m pretty sure that’s something my mom has to do.”

“And you all know she’s not going to do it, so you might as well leave it alone,” Lee said.

“Since when do you like Randy?” Jarred asked her from the front seat.

“I don’t,” she insisted. “But it’s stupid to encourage Jess to fight with him.” She glanced at me in the rear view mirror. “I don’t like it when he’s grounded.”

I smiled at her. My friends remembered the days when my parents were still together and they were all welcome in our home. We’d spent as much time there as we did at Lee’s now. It hadn’t changed much after the divorce, until my mom started seeing Randy. Then, it was just plain embarrassing to have anyone over. The first time he’d met Lee he’d spoken slowly, as if she were too stupid to understand him, and he always had something insulting to say to anyone else.

“Lee, can we hit a drive-thru somewhere?” Nick asked. “I skipped breakfast.”

I frowned at him. “Why’d you do that?”

“My mom’s back on her health-food kick,” he explained, and I smiled at him. As thin as he was he didn’t need any part of any of his mom’s revolving diets. Not that he’d mind eating fruit and yogurt for breakfast. It was the broccoli breakfast shakes that he tended to make the biggest fuss about.

“I’ll pull over somewhere,” Lee agreed. We all knew she wouldn’t enter an actual drive-thru. She’d been against all of them ever since trying to drive through the bank to make a deposit and ended up taking out both of her dad’s mirrors.

We stopped for breakfast, and hungry or not everyone was interested in one. I bought Nick’s breakfast, wanting to further make up for the rough patch we’d been experiencing. Luis was the only one who wasn’t interested in food. But I ended up paying for him, too, when we made our way into the first shop a half-hour later and he knocked over a candle holder with our school emblem on it as everyone else ordered a few sweaters and t-shirts for the year. I’d never been into a lot of school spirit, but Jerry and Gene were both into sports and we all went to support them. Shortly after apologizing to the store employees for the mess, I suggested that Luis and I head off to the next store.

My friends hadn’t thought as much of the incident as I had. Not even Nick, who came with us.

It took a while to pick up school supplies. My mom had given me Luis’s list, and though he would be attending our school, it wasn’t the same as the rest of ours. I didn’t want him to feel different as we made our way through the office supply aisles, so I dropped two of everything I needed into the cart while I got what he needed in between. Nick didn’t seem to notice as he started chatting about teachers who he never wanted to see again. I don’t know if Luis noticed a difference.

By the time all five of us were finished gathering what we needed, and Lee had double-checked Gene and Jarred’s basket as she’d promised their mother she would do, we were ready to stop for slushies. Luis wanted grape. I’d openly smiled at that because it meant at least everything hadn’t changed in eight years.

Stopping for clothes was next. I didn’t need much, but Luis needed shirts, and early on I’d decided it might be best if we didn’t enter every store that the others wanted to go into. Apart from the possibility of having to pay for more damages, there were the crowds to worry about. A lot more people were in and around the shops than had been in our previous stops, and I think I was the first to notice that Luis was getting looks... or maybe I was imagining it. Actually, I’m not really sure. I only knew that I wanted to keep him in sight.

He’d only picked out one shirt at our first stop, and as we made our way down the sidewalks with everyone else, my attention was pulled about a block up, and away from the clothes we were supposed to be buying.

“Luis, do you want to pick up some food for your snake?” I asked him. “There’s a place down the road here.”

It would keep him out of stores he didn’t need to be in, and I’d get to see if Logan was around. I’d been wanting to see him again, at the very least thank him for the other night. Luis shrugged like he didn’t care either way, but the idea of it had some of the gloom fading out of his expression, and I had a good-enough answer.

“Hey guys, we’ll catch up in a few minutes,” I called to my friends.

“Where are you going?” Nick asked. “I’ll go with you.”

“We were gonna get a few things for Luis’s snake,” I explained, and I think there’s a store over there where he might be able to pick out a few more shirts.” I glanced at Luis to explain. “My mom will kill me if you only come back with one.”

“Yeah, okay,” Nick said, grabbing his bags from Gene and Jarred, who he’d somehow wangled into carrying them.

“Wait,” Lee said. “Where are you going?”

“Snake shop,” I told her.

She was quick to look at Nick, her hand moving to his shoulder. “You want to go in there? Don’t those things freak you out or something?”

He gave her a strange look. “You know they don’t.”

“Well, you can’t go, anyway,” she insisted. “You promised you’d help me pick out my homecoming dress.”

“Now?” he asked.

“I want to find something before the prices go up,” she insisted. “Besides, I already have something in mind. I just need you to look at it.”

Nick sighed, shrugging in my direction.

I smiled at him. “It’s okay,” I insisted. “We won’t be long.”

“Alright,” he replied, and we separated as Lee pulled him along behind Gene and Jarred, and Luis and I crossed the street.

We walked in silence for a few moments before I decided it wouldn’t hurt to try to make conversation with him. “So is there anything else you want while we’re out here?” I asked. “Just shirts?”

Luis shrugged. “I don’t know.”

I smiled patiently. “Okay. Well, if you see anything just let me know, alright?”

“Sure.”

I opened the door to the reptile store and he went in ahead of me as the bell rang. My attention was quickly directed at the counter where Logan paused in checking out a customer to give me a smile and nod. Stepping into the line I waited for him to finish before I greeted him. “Hey, I was wondering if you’d be working.”

“Yeah?” he replied. “What are you into today?”

“Back-to-school shopping,” I explained. “Thought maybe we could get the snake fed while we were out. Um, Logan, this is...” I paused when I turned, only to find that Luis was no longer behind me.

Logan laughed at the look on my face as he came around the counter. “I think he went this way,” he said, and I followed him to the back of the store where I shouldn’t have been surprised to find Luis inspecting the contents of every terrarium he came across.

“Luis,” I called, attempting to get his attention. “This is Logan...”

“‘Kay,” Luis replied, throwing an odd little wave in our direction without so much as glancing at us.

Logan took a step towards him. “Do you want to see anything?” he asked.

Luis took a sudden step back from the glass, as if he’d been doing something wrong. “No,” he said quickly, and then turned his back on us to look elsewhere.

I shot Logan an apologetic look, but if he thought Luis was being rude he didn’t seem to mind. “It’s good you came by,” he said. “I almost called Lee to ask how to get a hold of you.”

“Really?” I asked, pleased by the news. As far as company went, I thought Logan had gotten the short end of the stick while we were hanging out. I hadn’t exactly been at my best lately. He, on the other hand, seemed worth getting to know. Just like my close friends, he seemed reliable, and down-to-earth enough to hang out with on a regular basis.

“Yeah. I mean, I’ve been kind of worried, you know? You were upset the last time I saw you. Is everything okay?”

I sighed. “I’m dealing... and sorry about that. I’ve just been a little off with...”

“You don’t have to explain it if you don’t want to,” Logan insisted as I followed his eyes to where Luis had been standing.

Had been.

I frowned and moved to go find him, but Logan’s hand briefly on my shoulder slowed me down. “He’ll be okay in here. We’ll hear the bell if he tries to leave or anyone else comes in.”

I glanced nervously around at all the glass, and then blurted, “He breaks things.” Logan’s brows came together, and I shook my head at my own words. “I mean, at home,” I explained. “Glass things. I’m not trying to say he’s bad, it’s just...”

Logan looked over the shop, understanding crossing his features. I felt relieved over it. The last thing I wanted to do was make anyone think that Luis had more social problems than he already showed them all by himself.

“But he likes snakes, right?” Logan asked.

It took me a moment to catch up. With Luis out of sight I couldn’t help being nervous. I already found myself moving down the aisles, wanting to keep him close. “Um... yeah. I figured he’d like everything in here.”

“Okay,” Logan replied, and then moved ahead of me. Luis was only two aisles over, and I grew self-conscious, wondering if he’d heard me talking about him. Sometimes that worried me. Everyone talked about him. His problems. He had to hear most of it, especially when it came to in our own home. I could only imagine how it made him feel.

But when Luis saw us there was only the slightest hint of annoyance in his features that we weren’t giving him enough distance. However, Luis moved aside curiously when Logan lifted his keys and unlocked the glass door he’d been looking through.

We watched as Logan carefully lifted a large lizard from its habitat. Large, as in it stretched from his hand to his elbow, he just as carefully held it out to Luis. “He only came in three days ago,” Logan explained. “Someone realized he was going to be bigger than they thought. Just don’t upset him or he might shoot shit at you.”

I made a face. “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” Logan said.

Luis, however, didn’t have any qualms as he took the lizard and moved a hand over it as it rested on his arm.

Logan turned to me, his expression quizzical, as if he wanted to know if he’d made things better. I smiled at him, suddenly very happy I’d met him as I watched Luis experience a rare moment of being at ease.

***

Luis carried the supplies for his snake out of the shop when I decided it was time to catch up with my friends. Honestly, I could have stayed longer, but it hadn’t been long before Logan had real customers to deal with and I’d decided it was time to go. We were just walking into a shop I thought Luis could pick out some shirts at when Nick caught up to us, complaining about how Lee had managed to turn high maintenance in a day. But as always Nick’s moods were easily changeable, and by the time we were walking around the store he was smiling again and goofing off with every accessory he could get his hands on. He put on a pair of sunglasses across a rack from me that made his whole face disappear, and I laughed.

“Will you come over here?” I asked. “Help me pick out some stuff for Luis.”

“Why can’t Luis pick out his own stuff?” Nick remarked, and I could see him looking for the guy in question. When Nick found him he saw the same thing I had every time I turned around. Luis was looking as he walked around the store, but his face was now void of all interest.

Nick sighed. “Right.” He was quick to start adding things to the stack I was already working on. “So... do you think he’s having a good day?”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to that, but knowing that Nick was making an effort where Luis was concerned, I found it important to try. “I hope so. I mean, he hasn’t said he wants to go home yet, right?”

“He hasn’t said much of anything,” Nick pointed out.

“Well, maybe that’ll change once he gets used to us,” I insisted.

Sometimes Nick wasn’t very good at hiding what he was thinking, so when a look crossed his face that suggested he didn’t like the idea of Luis getting used to us, I found myself annoyed. I couldn’t help it, really. Whether making an effort or not, some part of me wanted him to simply change the way he thought when it came to Luis. I wanted him to care as much as I did, and it frustrated me that he didn’t. That didn’t exactly bring out the best in me, and I found myself going on the defensive.

“Look, you didn’t know him before, okay, because if you had....”

Nick groaned aloud. “It wouldn’t change anything, Jess, because he’s not the same guy you knew when you were a kid. I really don’t know why you want to fight over this. Shit, it’s not like I’m not trying to get to know him now. I was the one who asked him to come along, you know. He’s the one who doesn’t give a fuck that he’s here.”

Despite wanting to respond to that, I bit my tongue because Nick happened to have a point.

“Okay,” I said when I was calm enough to do so. “I’m sorry... and we probably shouldn’t even be talking about this.”

“Or maybe I shouldn’t have said he should come along... you know we could be having a lot more fun right now.” He reached for the shirt I had placed a hand on, but his fingers stopped over mine. “Maybe later...”

I’m sure Nick would have gone somewhere with that if the high-pitched store alarm hadn’t gone off. It was the third time since we’d walked in, and I probably wouldn’t have thought anything of it if one of the managers hadn’t rushed towards the door.

Luis didn’t run when the older man reached him, nor did he look concerned when his bag from the pet store was searched and had more than a snake’s meal in it. By the time I reached him there was no talking the shop out of calling the police as they threatened to turn me over too, for walking two steps out the door with my basket of unpurchased goods in hand. Nick started cussing. I’m sure he thought he was helping, but it was attracting a crowd. When I tried to calm him down he said, “I told you so.” I might have been more annoyed by that if I wasn’t busy being concerned about the sudden whispers around us, and Luis’s name on the mouths of strangers, and the way that a camera flashed from somewhere in the crowd. So much for a normal day, shopping with friends.

I looked at Luis, hoping that he’d at least have some sort of explanation, but it soon became clear that he didn’t even have a simple apology.

So much for normal at all.

***

I felt so drained that even Randy’s uncomfortable recliner looked good to me. As I leaned on the arm of the couch I contemplated moving to it. At least then I’d only have to listen to my mom and her husband fight. Facing the other way meant I wouldn’t have to see them, too.

Words could be cutting. Sometimes Randy’s just droned on, and on.... and on, and on, and on. But if I paid more attention to them I’m sure I’d feel the bite. But sometimes good old fashioned body language could be just as bad.

Sometimes I wondered if I mom saw it. Felt it. I opposed her relationship with Randy; hell, I opposed Randy because of, well, Randy. When they argued he liked to move away from her, especially if she was trying to get him to calm down. When she was with my dad, he’d at least hug her before he walked away, as if he wanted her to know that he knew he was being a jerk when he was being a jerk. Randy was either oblivious to the fact that he was one, or he just didn’t give a damn about it. Even when they weren’t arguing he didn’t treat her even close to the way that he should. No simple thank-yous when she cooked for him. He complained about stupid things, like the way she organized the pantry, which was really stupid because the only reason to open it would be to cook with the contents, and Randy never cooked. He claimed he didn’t know how, but when he was hungry enough he seemed to manage just fine. Of course, any meal he made was never enough to share with his wife, or even offer to.

I’d mentioned all of this to my dad once. I guess now I can understand why he didn’t want to hear about it. But it’s not like he ignored that it all upset me, and his explanation was that these were all little things. Maybe they don’t bother your mom, so they shouldn’t bother you. But they did bother her. It showed in her expression every time Randy shook her off, or the way she’d hug herself after he made a comment about too much salt on his steak after she’d left work early just to surprise him with a meal at the table when he got home. I knew it bothered her. Maybe that’s why I resented her so much for putting up with it.

“I did not sign up for this, Liz. That boy has a screw loose and it’s nothing you’re going to fix, so cut him loose before he brings this whole family down with him!”

“Randy!” my mom hissed. “He’ll hear you.” She glanced down the hall as if it would shield Luis from this conversation. But everyone knew the walls were too thin for that, and even with his door closed, he’d hear every word.

“Let him hear me!” Randy shouted. “Let him hear I missed work because he’s a little thief!” He suddenly pointed at my mom, as if he’d forgotten to blame her for something. “Don’t you dare think I’m paying for the court costs!”

And there would be court. At least, that’s what the police had told us. The shop had a no-tolerance policy for shoplifters, and according to tomorrow’s paper, Luis Yenka, victim, was one of them.

“It’s my fault,” I heard myself say. I don’t think I meant for the statement to be directed at the rest of the room, but Randy took it that way.

“Damn straight it’s your fault.”

“It’s not his fault,” my mom insisted.

She was sticking up for me? Cool. Only, her timing could have been better. I wanted to wash off my brain just thinking about it, but... I agreed with Randy.

“It is my fault,” I repeated, standing slowly. “I was talking to Nick, not really paying attention to what Luis was doing. I should have been.”

“No,” Mom insisted. “I should’ve been. Jesse, it was too much responsibility to put on you in the first place and I should have been there today.”

I made a face at the very idea. “No offense, Mom, but that kind of would’ve sucked the fun out of hanging out with my friends.”

“Well since some of you had too much fun,” Randy remarked, “I agree with your mom. She should’ve been there.”

I frowned and opened my mouth to comment on that, even if all I had was a big fuck you, but my mom impatiently threw up her hands.

“What’s important now is that we make sure nothing like this happens again,” she said. “I’m going to talk to him.”

“Forget it,” Randy said. “He’ll send you screaming with that damn snake. Why haven’t we taken that away yet, anyway?” He made a point to glare at me. I chose to ignore it this time, deciding I’d already won where Luis’s pet was concerned.

“I just won’t look at the snake,” my mom insisted, and I’ll admit I was a little impressed by the way she squared her shoulders and headed down the hall.

I had no fleeting desire to try to talk to Luis myself. Who knew, maybe she’d be able to get through to him. Getting him to open up even a little bit would be progress, and it wasn’t like my mom didn’t care about him. Me... I cared. I cared, and I was exhausted by it. Energy, gone. Maybe tomorrow I’d go back to the anxiety, and the wondering how to make things right, to move on. Or maybe those straining feelings would return much, much sooner, piercing my gut with nerves as they did when my mom returned from Luis’s room, her face pale as she made the one announcement I never imagined I’d have to hear again. “He’s gone.”

***

I found it strange, my sudden ability to remain calm when my instincts were telling me to do anything but that. It was an odd, numb feeling as I calmly called my dad and told him exactly what had happened while my mother and Randy swarmed the property line, hoping they’d just missed Luis when he’d climbed out his window.

“Jesse, make sure your mom doesn’t get the police involved just yet,” Dad insisted. “It could cause more problems for Luis and I doubt they’ll be able to do anything, anyway. I’ll be there in about fifteen minutes. See if you can get other people out looking, okay?”

“Okay,” I said as I hung up the phone, noting that my dad didn’t seem as nearly upset about having to leave work as Randy had.

Seriously, I was at a point where I genuinely liked my dad’s new wife. I liked that he was happy with her. But come on, couldn’t my mom see she’d taken a step down?

I knew that shouldn’t be my main concern at the moment as I slowly made my way to Luis’s room. But I couldn’t fight the numbness that was still there, and it accelerated when I saw his snake, comfortably tucked away inside its home. I’m not sure why that bothered me. Maybe the fact that he’d left behind the only thing he’d warmed up to in this house was a telling one. Maybe I was angry with him for it. Maybe that numbness I was experiencing wasn’t exhaustion at all. Maybe it was relief, because he was gone, and on some level that made me free.

The very thought had me shaking. I didn’t mean it. I couldn’t mean it, because that would make me the worst person I knew. I got back on the phone to do what my dad had said to.

Lee was my first call. Lee, because she’d come if I told her something was wrong, no questions asked. As soon as she knew Luis was gone she said she’d make her way through the neighborhood, towards me. By the time we were off the phone her parents were involved and she’d called Gene and Jarred for me.

 

I was going to call Nick. Not that he’d really want to know. Unless he heard it from someone else, then he’d want to know why I hadn’t been the one to call him. I really didn’t see myself winning in this situation. So, when the bag from the pet shop sitting on Luis’s half-made bed caught my attention, I was more than happy to put the task aside for a moment.

Lifting the bag, I turned it inside out. It was empty now, except for a narrow store receipt which had a phone number right under the name of the store. I hadn’t been imagining it. Luis had seemed happy there for a little while this morning before everything went to hell.

I didn’t hesitate very long before dialing the number in my hand, but despite recognizing the voice who answered it took me a moment to respond.

“Logan?”

He sounded confused. “Yeah?”

“It’s Jess,” I said.

“Oh, hey,” he replied, more comfortable now. “Sorry. I’m not used to getting calls at work.”

“Sorry,” I said quickly. “I don’t want to get you in trouble...”

“It’s no problem. I just should’ve given you my number, is all. What’s up?”

“Actually.... I was hoping you could keep an eye out for someone for me, if you’re going to be working for a while.”

“I was just walking out...”

“Oh. Never mind, then. Sorry...”

He laughed at my tone. “Don’t worry about it. Who are you looking for?”

“Luis sort of took off,” I explained. “He liked your shop and I thought...”

“I’ll stick around a while longer.”

I shook my head at myself for bothering him. “You don’t have to do that. He just took off and it would probably take him forever to get there, anyway.”

“So call me back if you hear anything,” Logan insisted. “I’ll hang out until then... really, okay?”

I wasn’t sure how to express how completely cool I thought that was. “Thanks.”

“Any time... just don’t forget to call me back, okay? My parents are already complaining I spend too much time here and I don’t think they’d understand if I ended up spending the night.”

And at a time like this, I managed to crack a smile.

***

I wasn’t being very helpful. One hour and thirty-two minutes. That’s how long Luis had been missing. Naturally, my mom wanted to call the police. But, given that he’d run away this time, the majority agreed with my dad that we had a better chance of finding him on our own before having to involve them.

Randy had naturally volunteered to wait at home because it included the least amount of involvement, and the rest of us were out looking. My mom was knocking on doors and checking the back yards close to home, while Jarred and Gene had split up to check out the park and nearby schools. Lee’s parents headed into town when she told them that I’d asked Logan to keep an eye out there, and while Lee drove circles through the neighborhood my dad headed straight to the interstate exit to keep watch. Luis was on foot as far as we knew, but if he got into a car....

I didn’t really want to think about it as I sat in the front seat of Chrissy’s car. My dad’s wife was over ten years younger than he was. She’d had her daughter, Izzie, during her first marriage but the six-year-old recognized my dad and me as her family more than her real father. Chrissy recognized me as family, too. Despite the way I’d resisted after meeting her, she’d made it clear from day one that she didn’t have to be my mom, but I had no choice in the matter about being her friend. Just before Luis had come back into my life Chrissy was finishing school to be a teacher and had been considering high school, since she thought she’d have a better chance of teaching what interested her with older kids. Part of it was working at a school outside of my district and she had decided that teenagers were more difficult to relate to than she’d expected, so she was constantly calling me for advice. I’d enjoyed the conversations, and it wasn’t long before I was convinced that she wasn’t too old in her thinking to relate; she was just dealing with a group of kids that were assholes. I told her as much, and also let her know what I respected in a teacher, along with what kind of teachers were more likely to intimidate me out of making bad decisions. Even when my dad wasn’t there I knew I could show up at their house any time I wanted to, and I wasn’t surprised when Chrissy showed up before he did. She’d taken one look at me and insisted I ride with her. But like I said, I wasn’t being much help as she drove through a neighborhood that was pretty unfamiliar to her.

“Is there anywhere close by that he likes to go?” she asked me. “What does he do when he leaves the house?”

“Today, he shoplifted.” I faced her disapproving look over that remark pathetically. “Sorry,” I said. “He hasn’t really been out much... just to doctor appointments, and then today.”

Chrissy sighed. “What about before, Jess? Your dad tells me that you and Luis were closer than anyone. What do you think would feel safe for him?”

I frowned, shaking my head as I stared out my window. “That was before. I don’t know him anymore.”

I felt Chrissy squeeze my shoulder. “That’s okay, Jess... we’ll drive by his old house again.”

I didn’t bother to point out that we’d have no luck there--again. With his dad gone, I doubted Luis wanted anything to do with the place, just like he wanted nothing to do with us. Besides, I didn’t see him going there with a ten-year-old’s birthday party in full swing as the new family that lived there celebrated in the backyard.

This time we didn’t simply drive by the house, we pulled up in front. I made no comment when Chrissy left the vehicle to talk to the people. I just tried not to look directly at the house that a best friend had once lived in; the one he could never go back to.

A few drifting, white clouds blocked the sun for moments at a time, creating shade over a hot day as a group of kids down the street rode their bikes, and in a front yard with her mother a small girl flew a kite. Blue, with a print of a butterfly centered on it, the image of it gliding back and forth, trying to catch air brought back a long forgotten memory.

We’d stared at the red kite trapped in a pine tree from behind a bush by a mailbox, wary of the white-haired witch looking out a fogged window. Exchanging brave laughs on a Sunday when we were supposed to be in church I’d followed Luis through the tall weeds in an old garden, up the ladder...

My cell phone rang and I lifted it quickly, but my mom’s voice was telling enough to know I wouldn’t be receiving good news yet.

“Anything?” she asked.

“Not yet,” I replied. “Chrissy’s talking to some people to see if they’ve seen him.”

My mom sighed. “Why don’t you guys head home. I think we’re going to have to make those calls.”

Silently I stared at the little girl. That kite. I shook my head. “No.”

“Jess, I don’t think we have a choice, the longer he’s missing...”

“Not yet,” I insisted, reaching for the door handle. “If you don’t hear from me in twenty minutes go ahead... but not yet.”

“Do you know where he is?” my mom asked.

“Maybe. I’ll call you back.”

I hung up, stepped out of the car and looked over the roof, waving Chrissy back. She excused herself and jogged in my direction. “Did they find him?” she asked.

I shook my head. “Can you drive me somewhere?”

***

Chrissy was hesitant to leave me as she slowly backed out the long driveway that suffered from years of potholes and fallen branches. But there was no need for her to stay. Either Luis was here or he wasn’t. Either way I was okay with walking home.

The house, the oldest in town, was so overgrown now that it was barely visible from the road, and the for-sale sign was only half standing where it was entangled in leaves. I’d thought it looked bad when Emily Madders had lived there, but this was much worse. Then again, after eight years I wasn’t sure what I’d been expecting as I looked up at a tall pine behind the house that had once caught a red kite that Luis had stolen from a neighbor. He’d been adamant about returning it, but it had taken days for us to work up the courage to cross Ms. Madder’s yard.

She hadn’t been the nicest woman in town. But to think about it now I suppose she shouldn’t have been, especially after spending almost forty years of her life teaching, only to be referred to as a witch. I was ashamed to say I’d been one of the many fools who dared to sneak up to her house just before the sun set just to take a look in her window. Many of my friends had come back telling horror stories of what they saw, all from trapped children to huge rabbits. When I’d looked... I’d seen nothing more than my own reflection. I’d confided that to Luis the day we went to rescue a red kite and found our own personal paradise in the process.

I moved up the driveway, slowly walking closer to the house and pausing in front of what used to be the garden. That was as close as I had to go to know that I’d found Luis Yenka, and I took the time to lift my phone and send that message to my dad before following the recent tracks that had pressed the tall grass to the ground.

I moved around the garage until I reached the storage shed. The old ladder was still there, just rustier than I remembered it. I rubbed my hands against my jeans, and then started to climb up to the metal roof of the shed, pausing as I attempted to remember where the weak spots were. The foot-shaped dent in front of me suggested that Luis had forgotten about one. I looked up higher, to the roof of the house, and noting that it looked a lot lower than it had been when I was eight years old, I changed my strategy. I took three wide, fast steps across the shed and hoisted myself up onto a part of the roof that had been boxed in by overgrown tree branches. There, on one wide branch was Luis Yenka with two speakers--my speakers--plugged into his ears as he took in what was left of the sun. Shirtless showed just how thin he was, but the way he was stretched out and at ease made it possible to picture him as just another normal guy spending a day at the beach--or on a rooftop.

He turned his head to look at me, not the least bit startled as he shoved his dark hair out of his eyes and plucked one of the speakers from his ear. “Roof’s rotting,” he said casually.

When it creaked beneath my foot I decided to believe him and decided to make my way over to the same thick branch he sat on. He moved his feet out of the way for me, and as I sat I found myself looking over how much the surroundings had changed since we came up here as kids.

It was smaller for one thing, having a lot more vegetation to compete with, and there was an odor in the air. Not at all earthy and pleasant as the one in Logan’s house. It smelled more like rotting compost that had one too many banana peels.

“I don’t remember it being this scary up here,” I remarked.

“I think termites moved in.”

I turned my head to look at him, somewhat awed by the sign of normal communication. He looked back before he looked away. “I swear if you brought that asshole your mom married with you I’ll throw you off this roof,” he threatened.

“It’s just me,” I said honestly. “But they know I’m with you... my mom was ready to call the police.”

Luis’s brows came together, his forehead creasing as a defensive tone crept into his voice. “So does she want me out?”

“No... but she’d probably appreciate it if you’d stop breaking her dishes.”

Luis nodded slowly, but I didn’t get the feeling that he was making any promises.

I hadn’t planned on it, but couldn’t quite help myself when I brought up the shoplifting incident. “You know, I told you to tell me if there was anything you wanted,” I reminded him.

Luis shrugged. “I didn’t want any of those things.”

I thought of the sunglasses... a hat, a few cheap bracelets and the socks that had been pulled out of that bag. “Then why did you take them?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Of course not.

“Well... could you not do that again?”

“Maybe.” He was silent for a moment, and then looked towards the sky. “When did that lady move out of here? I thought she was going to come out and yell at me before I saw the for-sale sign.”

“Actually, I think she died last year... you know, the reason she was always yelling at everyone was because she hated wearing her hearing aid and couldn’t hear herself. She wasn’t all that bad. She smelled like stale cigarettes, though.”

Luis raised an eyebrow at me.

I shrugged, and explained. “She’s the one who showed up and took charge of the search party when you disappeared.”

A blank mask quickly shielded Luis’s features, and I frowned at myself for mentioning anything. I should have been grateful that he was willing to say more than two words to me. Instead I was pushing him to open up when he wasn’t ready to.

“Are you ready to go home yet?” I finally asked him.

Luis shook his head. “No. I wanna stay for a while.”

At least he wasn’t asking me to leave this time. “Okay,” I agreed, attempting to make myself comfortable against hard wood and scratchy leaves. Luis stared at me for a long moment, and then finally passed me one of the speakers. I pushed it into my ear and closed my eyes as the music of a German rock band filled my head before I added, “If I get lice from the squirrels that shit up here, I’ll throw you off this roof.”

I wonder if the sound of Luis’s soft laughter was a product of my imagination. I guess it shouldn’t matter. It was nice to hear.