Leave the Pieces - 4. Escape It

For most of my friends the last few days of summer before school started were sacred. Usually, no one slept as new-year jitters and final attempts to live up what was left of summer occupied their minds and their time. I was never like that. At least, I hadn’t been since my parents split up.

I hated being home. To me, the first day of school was like falling back into normal, familiar structure. When I was home my time flew by when I spent most of my time doing homework. After the last few months I was ready for this. My hope was that if anything could make things feel normal again, it was a fresh school year. Maybe after a while Luis would feel the same way. So far he didn’t seem as enthusiastic about starting school as I was, but I couldn’t really blame him given the fact that he had no possibility of keeping a low profile. He was also behind his class enough that he’d have to be in special classes for a while. It seemed like another thing working against him. But he’d have me. If anything, I’d make sure of that. Maybe he wasn’t the same Luis that I’d once called my best friend, but that didn’t mean a friendship was impossible. Just that morning he’d asked me to pass the apple butter, and then he’d asked if I wanted to help him feed his snake. For Luis, that was progress.

As I packed an overnight bag for my dad’s house on Friday afternoon I decided that it was going to be a good weekend. I needed it to be, even while Nick and I drifted from off-again to on-again. As far as I was aware, this weekend we were on, so I called to invite him to my dad’s with me, something we did often. He hadn’t returned my call and it had been over two hours. That wasn’t like him unless he was mad about something. Maybe we were off-again after all. I was getting tired of trying to figure it out. Ever since the shoplifting incident, Nick had been cold with me at times and seemed to expect me to figure out why. I wished that he could understand I was too tired for that. But it was hard to make him understand when he didn’t want to hear about me and my flopping feelings. Part of me couldn’t blame him. I’d made it impossible for him to pull me out of my bad moods for so long that I think he’d given up on trying. Worse, he tended to think I was down even when I was trying hard not to be and it reminded me of the stress smothering my life. It was like a big revolving cycle, and when we were together we were stuck in it. I’d hoped that a night spent at my dad’s would set us back on track. Nick had always enjoyed those nights before, and I hoped that I’d be able to relax enough to convince him that I wasn’t always a complete basket case. Better yet, that I didn’t think everything revolved around Luis. Things could be normal with Luis. I was beginning to see it. I wanted Nick to see it, too.

It was Luis I thought of when a second attempt at calling Nick came up with nothing. With my backpack over my shoulder I was ready to head to my dad’s, but found myself stopping by Luis’s room. He’d left the door cracked open. This was also a new behavior for him. My mom was pleased by the fact that she could simply walk by to check in on him, but probably not as much as she was that he hadn’t broken a dish in a while.

He was stretched over his bed, looking half asleep as his eyes scanned the pages of a history book. He’d been reading more non-fiction lately. He dropped the book on his chest and turned his dark eyes in my direction when he noticed that I was in his doorway. “You’re leaving.” It wasn’t a question. My mom had told me to have a nice time at my dad’s before she’d left to work that morning.

“Yeah,” I replied. “I’ll probably be back Sunday afternoon to get ready for school. You looking forward to it?”

Luis made a face at me.

“Right,” I said. “Stupid question. It won’t be that bad, you know. Better than hanging out here all day.”

“Easy for you to say,” he remarked. “You’re not special needs.”

I found myself trying not to look surprised that he was admitting his insecurities to me. I was afraid if I did he’d notice he was talking and shut it down, as he tended to do whenever he let it slip to me that something was bothering him. “It’s just until you catch up... I have a feeling that won’t take long.” Or maybe I was wrong; the look that crossed Luis’s face just then gave me the impression that his teachers were in for an experience.

“Whatever. I guess I’ll see you later.” He reached for his book again.

“Or you could just come with me.”

Luis was quick to look skeptical. “Why?”

I smiled. “Because it’s better than sitting around here. My dad has plenty of rooms, and I can bring you back whenever you want. Besides... my mom’ll be working, and...”

“What? You think you’ll get a fast one over on her? He’s not going anywhere after the last time.”

I turned slowly to face the source of the unwelcome voice. In Luis’s doorway, Randy held himself assuredly, arms crossed and mouth turned down into a scowl.

“Actually,” I replied, “I was going to say that he didn’t want to be stuck here with you. What’s your deal, anyway. You love it when I’m out of the house.”

Randy smirked. “That’s you. This one stays.”

“So, do you have a bag I can borrow?” Luis asked.

“In my room,” I replied, watching as the expression on Randy’s face went from cocky to furious.

“I mean it, Jesse,” Randy told me. “He’s grounded and you’re next.”

And yet, my mom’s husband remained in my face and not Luis’s as Luis stepped around us to head to my room for a bag.

“Why can’t he be grounded at my dad’s house?” I demanded.

“Because your dad wouldn’t know what discipline was if it bit him in the ass. So tell your pal he’s staying here and don’t make me call your mom.”

I willingly held my phone out for him. “Call her. She’s the one who brought it up this morning.”

That was untrue, but it was my best defense. Randy would never call my mom to confirm it. If she said I was telling the truth then he’d look like a fool--something he’d never tolerate. At the very least, he wouldn’t risk it.

He pointed a finger at me. “I’ll be talking to your mom tonight. There is going to be some changes around here.”

I let out the breath I was holding when Randy walked away from me. A moment later Luis returned, brows raised as he held an old gym bag. “We’re leaving soon, right?”

***

Take a deep breath, I told myself. Again. Seriously, I was going to end up deep breathing myself into hyperventilation.

At least Luis didn’t seem to mind the walk from my mom’s to my dad’s as much as I did. But then, he hadn’t been the one to walk out and find the air let out of all four of his tires and the hoses for the compressor inconveniently missing. I hadn’t bothered to confront Randy over his most recent attempt to make me miserable. It would have been giving him what he wanted.

We’d walked a few blocks before I noticed that Luis was glancing at me, subtle hints of amusement showing up in the lines around his eyes every now and then.

“What?” I finally asked, running a hand over my face, just in case there was something stuck to it that he wasn’t telling me about.

“You still do it,” he commented.

I raised an eyebrow. “Still do what?”

“When you’re angry your mouth twitches, like you’re trying to yell at someone.”

I laughed at that. “I do not.”

“You’re doing it now.”

“Well... I’m mad,” I stated, and then felt myself relax as I laughed more wholeheartedly. “I just... really don’t get along with that guy sometimes.”

“What’s your mom doing with him, anyways?”

“I wish I knew that,” I said thoughtfully. “I think she just got lonely when she and my dad... you know.”

Luis shook his head. “I didn’t know. Not till I got here.”

“You didn’t know my parents were divorced?” I asked, surprised by the news. Luis only nodded. “Oh.”

“Why did they do it?” he asked.

I shrugged. “A lot of reasons, I guess. For a while there all they did was fight, and I think my mom was having a really hard time with everything after your d--”

Sometimes I thought it couldn’t hurt to throw myself under a bus. I knew it would be impossible to edit everything for Luis forever, but the look on his face as his eyes found the ground told me that I probably should have managed to do it a little longer. So I was surprised when he asked, “Did you guys see my dad a lot? I mean, after I was... gone.”

“Um... yeah,” I replied, trying hard not to be intimidated by the topic. “We saw him all the time. Dinner and stuff.”

“What was he like?” Luis asked.

I bit at my lip for a moment and glanced at him. “He was... I mean, obviously he missed you. Luis; it’s not like he ever gave up...”

“Yes he did,” Luis replied calmly, and I winced at my own words, which were obviously chosen a little poorly. “I know what he did to himself.”

I found myself losing my steps until I decided to stop walking as I pulled my backpack more tightly over my shoulders. “Luis, I’m sorry. I know everything’s different than it was before, and now you’re stuck with it here without...”

“Come on, Jess,” he said quietly. “Do you really think it wouldn’t be different even if my dad was here?”

He took a slow step away from me, turned, and kept walking. I took a moment before I followed, wanting to apologize for that, too.

***

Luis was wearing one of his new shirts and wore it well, a fact that didn’t go unnoticed when we reached my father’s house and Chrissy told him how handsome he looked, suggesting he dress the same for the first day of school. He’d blushed before giving me a dirty look for laughing at it.

As stand-offish as he liked to be, Luis soon realized the same thing I had about Chrissy: it was impossible to dislike her. She was too nice, and there was nothing fake about it. If there had been, I had a feeling that of all people, he would have been the first to pick up on it. She welcomed him as she would anyone else entering her home, and quickly made us comfortable as we waited for my dad to get home.

“He’s just running a little late,” Chrissy explained as she moved around the living room picking up Barbie accessories, tossing them into a plastic bin. “He’ll call if there are any more delays, and I’ve got dinner going. You like broccoli, right, Jess? I’m counting on you to get Izzie to eat hers.”

“That’s disgusting, Mom,” my six-year-old stepsister said as she made her way out of the bathroom with another doll. This one had freshly washed hair and was dripping on the carpet.

“It is not,” Chrissy replied patiently. “Say hello to your brother, Iz.”

I got a smile. A really big one that was missing a tooth. It was surrounded by cute freckles on a face that was just a little more chubby than that of the rest of her classmates, and tangled blond hair. “Hi, Jesse.”

“Hey, Iz,” I replied. “You’ve got a hole in your face.”

She stuck her tongue through the space where she’d lost a tooth, looking rather proud of herself.

I made a face. “Ew, that’s disgusting!” Disgusting was Izzie’s newest thing, ever since Chrissy got tired of hearing that everything was stupid.

“It’s not!” Izzie argued.

I shrugged. “If you say so. Broccoli will make it grow back.”

“It will not,” she replied. She didn’t sound too sure.

Chrissy rolled her eyes at us, looking amused. “Izzie, say hello to Luis, too.”

Izzie looked at Luis. “Are you Jesse’s brother?” she asked him.

I glanced at Chrissy, who shrugged helplessly. Obviously she and my dad hadn’t known how to explain Luis to her. Luis just looked uncomfortable, so I decided to respond for him. “Luis lives at my house,” I told her. “But he’s going to have a sleep-over with us tonight. Okay?”

Izzie shrugged. “Okay. Can we play a game?”

“Yes,” Chrissy told her. “But bring it down here. I’m still cooking.”

“Okay,” Izzie replied; “when daddy gets home he can play, too.”

As Izzie headed up a flight of stairs in search of her entertainment, Chrissy ushered us into the kitchen and asked if we wanted something to drink. I’d learned early on that it was pointless to tell her no. She was one of those people who’d ask until everyone had a beverage in hand. Luis caught on to that around the fourth time she asked if he was sure he didn’t want something.

Over the next forty minutes or so I learned two new things about Luis Yenka. The first was that he still liked chicken fingers, which Chrissy fed us to hold us over for the chili she had going. The second was that he had no interest in children. Actually, he didn’t seem to know what to make of Izzie at all. He looked put out when she explained a game to him and then told him he was wrong when he played by her own rules, and he didn’t know how to respond to her blunt questions that came one after another, or her short attention span when she made all of us stop playing her card game and asked Luis to help her read the “real” directions off the back of the box. “I can read it,” she told him when he started reading outright, and a moment later she was looking at him expectantly, asking, “What’s that word, again?”

I’d always enjoyed Izzie’s personality, and if it were me I’d probably just tease her at every opportunity. But it was almost fun watching someone who wasn’t used to her react to everything out of her mouth. And all of it was like a breath of fresh air, just like always when I escaped home for a little while and spent time in this house.

When my dad got home I even managed to become more relaxed, despite the fact that Luis seemed uneasy. The last time they’d seen each other was when Luis and I came walking into my mom’s house after he’d decided to disappear for a little while. Everyone had been worried and a little upset, except for Randy who’d just been upset, and they’d all showed it.

But my father’s mood was different tonight as we sat around the dinner table listening to Izzie excitedly talk about starting first grade and talked about normal things like how our day had been. As usual Chrissy had a new story that made us all laugh and she teased my dad about how if he’d give in and shave his ever-thickening beard, he wouldn’t have to worry about getting food stuck in it.

Luis didn’t join in much conversation, sidestepping a few questions aimed at how his week had been. But no one pushed him, and while he didn’t join the conversation, it became obvious to me, at least, that he was at ease with it. The environment here was a lot different than the one at my mom’s house, and when he showed no sign of needing to break something, I decided that I’d made a good decision in inviting him with me.

We were only halfway through our bowls when the doorbell rang and Izzie offered to go answer it. Chrissy’s policy had always been that Izzie was never to answer the door by herself, so she followed as my dad asked me about what classes I’d be taking. Before I could finish telling them, they returned. Izzie had managed to get much taller, but only because she was sitting happily on Nick’s shoulders.

“Look who finally showed up,” Chrissy said, already heading to the stove to fix him a meal.

Nick greeted the rest of us as he deposited Izzie back in her seat, but I was the only one who saw that he was unpleasantly surprised by Luis’s presence. “I got held up helping out my mom,” he said to me.

I smiled at him. “That’s okay. Thanks for coming.”

He gave me a small nod, once again his eyes drifting uncertainly in Luis’s direction. He then moved an open chair directly between Luis and me. I made a point to make room, not wanting to complain if he wanted to sit next to me. Beneath the table, his shoe tapped mine, and soon he’d taken over all conversation, teasing Izzie just as much as I would.

By the time we stretched out in the living room for a family movie before Izzie went to bed, I figured that Nick had grown as calm as I was feeling, and the next few hours came easy as I hung out with my dad and helped tuck Izzie in while Nick and Luis helped clean up the kitchen.

Number three: Luis did know how to clear his own plate. He also knew how to carry more than one at a time without dropping anything. Mom would be thrilled, but I had no intention of telling her that Luis had something against her dishes but not Chrissy’s.

It was almost midnight before I walked Nick out. He’d said he needed to go a while before, but he kept getting sidetracked with talking to my dad, or Christy, and every once in a while, to me. I’d made sure to turn off the porch light when we stepped out the front door, and Nick smiled at me in the dark as he moved close enough to touch my fingers with his.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to borrow a car?” I asked him. “I can still take you home.”

He shook his head as we reached the end of the driveway and moved further into the shadow of the tree near the mailbox. “I’ll be fine.”

I took a step closer to him, into his space. Usually he was the first to do so, but that didn’t mean I usually felt awkward when the roles were reversed. This time I did. “Nick? Am I being paranoid? We’re okay, right?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t we be?”

I shook my head. Maybe this was exactly the kind of mood I needed to snap out of when I was around him. “Maybe we can do something tomorrow, before school starts.”

He smiled. “Sure. I’ll call you, okay?”

I nodded, and closed my eyes as he moved closer to place a brief kiss over my mouth. Maybe it was the insecurity getting to me, but it didn’t feel like it was enough this time as I moved my arms around him and prolonged it for the few moments I could before he gently pushed me back and looked around cautiously.

“Sorry,” I said.

Nick smiled. “I’m just used to you being more... careful,” he replied. “But maybe tomorrow...”

I nodded. “Okay.”

I watched as he walked away for a few minutes, deciding that spending more one-on-one time with him couldn’t hurt matters. We were always around our friends. Most of that was my doing, knowing full well that being alone with Nick led to places that I wasn’t sure I was ready for. But then, maybe that’s what we needed to get out of this rut we were in. Maybe after the last few months he needed to know I was still serious about him. Maybe if I showed him he wouldn’t be so bothered when I showed concern for other aspects of my life. Like Luis.

Luis had been quiet throughout the night, but I sensed that his mood was good, and as I headed back to the house I wondered if he’d want to talk for a while before we went to bed. It didn’t have to be about anything serious. I just liked that it was becoming easier for us to be around each other. Less awkward. I could work with that.

What I couldn’t work with, was the look on Luis’s face when I moved past the mailbox and found him standing in the driveway.

How long had he been there?

“Hey, Luis.” No. It was too dark for him to have seen anything. Wasn’t it?

He looked like he didn’t recognize me.

“Everything okay?” I asked. Please let him be temporarily blind.

His lips pressed together, hands tucked further into his pockets. Then he turned and walked back inside.

Oh, god.

***

“This is a disaster,” I complained, hiding my face in my hands as I allowed myself to fall back on Lee’s twin-size mattress.

She seemed a lot less concerned as she took scissors to the ends of her hairs that she felt were beginning to look like split ends.

“It’s not that bad,” she insisted. “You said he didn’t even say anything. That’s normal for Luis, right?”

“Not like that,” I insisted. “I know he saw something.”

“So why not talk to him about it?” Lee asked. She was suddenly next to me, forcing my hands away from my face. “Explain that you’re not ready for your parents to know.”

“I can’t talk to him.”

Lee frowned. “Why not?”

I sat up. “Because you weren’t there. You didn’t see the way he looked at me, and this morning when I woke up Chrissy told me he asked if she’d take him home as soon as he was up.”

“So have you been home?”

I shook my head. “I came here... he saw me and Nick, Lee. I know he did.”

She chewed at her lip for a moment, and then shook her head again. “I don’t think it’s a big deal, Jess, and I don’t think you’ve gotta worry about him telling your parents.”

“Why not?” I hissed. “He was totally freaked out....” I dropped my voice a note. “And we all know what everyone is saying happened to him when he was still with Arthur Brook!”

A disgusted look crossed Lee’s face, right before she lifted her hand and smacked the back of my head.

“Hey!” I objected.

“Jesse, don’t you dare!” she snapped at me. “There’s no way Luis sees you as... as some sort of predator! How could you even compare you to that?”

“You didn’t see the look on his face.”

“Maybe not, but I don’t have to know what was on his face to know that Luis is more intelligent than that, whether he wants to let on about it or not. Maybe you need to talk to Nick about this.”

“No,” I said quickly. “And you can’t tell him, either, not until I figure out what Luis is going to do.”

“Why?” Lee asked.

I frowned. “Because, things have been hard enough with Nick lately--you know how he gets. He was fed up with Luis before he ever even met him.”

Lee sighed. “Oh. Well, you could at least tell Nick that you’re worried that Luis saw you guys. Just don’t act all freaked out about it like you are now. Most of the time Nick gets the way he gets because he likes you. If he gets mad at Luis it’s going to be for you--I’m not saying that’s right, but it’s what’ll happen.”

“Maybe,” I agreed. At least, that’s the same conclusion I would have come to a few weeks ago. “But lately Nick’s just kind of... I don’t know. He’d find a reason to get angry if I told him I was worried, but I don’t think it would have anything to do with me. More like, he’d probably get pissed off that I was bothering him with it.”

Lee regarded me carefully for a long moment. “What’s going on with you two, anyway?” she finally asked.

 

I shrugged. “Maybe we’re just going through something.”

“Like a fight?” she asked. “Gene said that yesterday when you called Nick he wouldn’t even answer his phone.”

That had my spine straightening. “What do you mean?”

“Gene was at Nick’s for a little while yesterday. He said Nick checked caller ID and then ignored it when it was you.”

“When?” I demanded.

Lee looked annoyed over that. “What do I look like, a schedule? I don’t know, Jess. I talked to Gene around four o’clock, so my guess it was sometime before then.”

I frowned. That would have been the first time I’d dialed Nick. Maybe we weren’t okay like he said we were after all. Or maybe I was reading too much into this.

“Who knows,” I said. “Maybe he was busy, and he did show up at my dad’s last night... We were supposed to do something today. He said he’d call.”

Lee regarded me with a sympathetic smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Then I’m sure it’s nothing... just like this thing with Luis. You just need to talk to him about it.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think I’m ready for that. I need to think.”

“Fine. But I hope you think fast because I can’t sit around doing this all day. My mom has me running all sorts of errands.”

I made a point to look pathetic when I met her eyes. “So can we do this while we run your errands?”

Lee rolled her eyes at me, but like a true friend decided she could hold my hand and do what she needed to at the same time. Of course, for the next hour as we drove around making stops we didn’t talk all that much about my problems. Maybe that was another thing that made her a good friend. I was distracted enough until we made it to the copier’s and she told me she’d be right back.

I probably should have gone in with her.

I found myself checking my phone, somewhat boggled by the fact that it was after one and no one had called me. Not Nick to meet as we’d planned, not Chrissy or my dad to see when I’d be back, and not my mom calling to talk about my flat tires or taking Luis out of the house without permission. And I hadn’t gotten the call that suggested everyone who I still needed to keep it from had learned the biggest secret I had.

Luis wouldn’t tell. Deep down I wanted to believe that, but there was no telling what was going on in his mind, and I wasn’t sure simply asking about it would be enough. Optimistically thinking, maybe he didn’t know there was anything to tell. Maybe he assumed that everyone in my life knew that I kissed Nick on a regular basis. But if that were the case, there was more a chance of him slipping up. If he hated me for what he’d seen and he wanted to hurt me he could tell, and I was fucked. If he didn’t care as much as I thought he did and assumed there was no secret, I was fucked the moment he made a slip. I was starting to miss the days when he never said more than two words at a time to anyone.

Taking a deep breath I found myself getting out of the car. Lee had left it running for me, but the air conditioner suddenly didn’t feel like enough and the smothering air in the car was only feeding my anxiety.

No one on the sidewalks seemed to notice my panic attack as they passed by and I took a seat on the curb. Probably not the best place to have a breakdown, a foot away from Lee’s exhaust. I barely noticed that I wasn’t managing to cool down as I buried my face in my hands and tugged at my dark hair.

I tried to imagine a worse-case scenario. Chances were if it got out my dad would be on my side about it. Chrissy wasn’t even a question. It’s not like I’d end up on the street or anything. From things I’d heard, I didn’t have it all that bad. But Randy... oh, Randy would just love this. Any reason to find fault with me and he’d jump on it. I wasn’t sure how my mom would react. Sadly, the fact that she probably wouldn’t toss me over this, either, didn’t exactly make me feel better. If she could get past this I knew I wouldn’t leave her... and there was Randy again. Why couldn’t she just see him for who he was?

And Luis. When the hell had Luis become the enemy? Regardless of how many other people knew, what would it be like now, with him knowing? Despising me? Did he despise me? That look on his face--I didn’t know how to fix it. Hell, maybe this was karma. Maybe if I’d done more before Luis disappeared in the first place he never would have had that look. He never would have been through what he’d been through, and he’d just be another friend, keeping my secret.

“Wow. Deja vu.”

I blinked at the now familiar voice and found myself looking up into observant brown eyes. “Huh?”

Logan, backpack over one shoulder, laughed. “Deja vu,” he repeated.

Despite myself, I felt my mouth forming a smile over his amused tone. Sometimes my new friend had this look about him, like he knew something no one else knew and he was just waiting for someone to catch on.

“See,” he explained, “I bet I’m going to ask you what you’re doing here, and you’ll tell me you don’t know. If there was an angry bus driver it would be perfect and I could get on to inviting you over.”

“You could just skip ahead to that part,” I remarked, only realizing how desperate I sounded a moment later. But then, I guess maybe I was desperate. The last time he’d found me like this I’d had the best night I’d had in more than just a while. If cleaning up snake poop meant I could have that again, I was ready to volunteer. Maybe he’d even let me borrow Princess and I could dispose of Randy once and for all.

“I would... but I’m not headed home,” Logan replied as he took a seat next to me. He made a face at the exhaust and I found myself moving over so he had more reason to escape it.

“Oh. Working, then?” I asked, realizing we weren’t that far from his shop.

“Just finished there,” he said. “I’m about to get on the bus and spend the last few hours I have before summer’s over to find a swimming pool and fix this.” He suddenly lifted his shirt to demonstrate, and I found myself laughing at the way his flat stomach was noticeably whiter than the rest of him. “You can still come with me, though.”

I smiled. “My suit’s a little out of the way.”

He gave me a once-over, and then plucked the hem on the leg of my jean shorts. “Those’ll work. I have an extra towel.”

I opened my mouth, trying to think of a reason why I shouldn’t go. I found it rather difficult.

Maybe he knew that I didn’t need much convincing. “Come on. I doubt you want to spend your last weekend before school sitting under cars.”

I nodded slowly. “Alright.” Like I said, I hadn’t gotten any phone calls, anyway.

Logan grinned, and I followed him as he stood. “Cool. Bus stop isn’t that far--you’re not going to forget where you parked again, are you?”

I rolled my eyes at that. “No worries this time. Don’t even have it, I...”

I’d forgotten all about Lee, that’s what.

I didn’t have to explain that, though, when she came out of the store and stopped when she saw me standing there with Logan. It took her a moment before she caught up and smiled at him. “Hey, Logan.”

He looked almost surprised to see her. “Hi.”

There was a moment of silence, and I found myself filling it. “We’re going swimming, Lee,” I told her.

Her brow raised slightly at that, and she looked between us. I wasn’t sure I liked that look.

“Do you wanna come?” Logan asked her.

I probably should have thought of that.

“Actually... I can’t,” she replied, her eyes falling to me again. “You’re going swimming?” she asked as if she hadn’t gotten enough confirmation.

I shrugged. “I figure it couldn’t hurt... um, thanks for putting up with me, okay?”

She smiled. “Any time... you’ll call me later? Let me know what happens?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

She looked at Logan. “Why don’t you call me, too.”

The corner of his mouth twitched as he watched her walk to her vehicle door. “Sure.”

I glanced at Logan as I waved Lee goodbye. “Is there something up with you two?” I asked.

He looked almost surprised by my question. “No,” he said quickly. “I probably just don’t visit her as much as I should. So, are you ready?”

I was definitely ready to stop thinking, and stop wondering when I was going to get one of those calls. Granted, I wouldn’t mind one from Nick. But I’d already decided to let him call me, as he said he would, especially after what Lee had told me. Maybe he needed his space. Something told me that it wouldn’t be a good idea to push. Meanwhile, hanging out with Logan was appealing to me, and if Nick happened to call, I’d simply ask him to come meet us. He liked swimming, and I thought he might like Logan, too. In fact, I was pretty sure that most people would.

We switched buses twice and ended up at a pool he said that his sister liked to go to. On the way he pointed out where a reptile museum I’d never heard of was and told me I should go sometime. I already had it in my head that I would, and it would most likely be with him.

It was nice swimming in water that was deeper than a few feet. It was colder than expected, so I didn’t mind that it happened to be one of the pools that had “themes.” Like, when every so often they kicked all people under the age of eighteen out so the adults could swim, or had a girls-only lap.

We spent most of the time stretched out on the chairs waiting for Logan’s chest to show some color, getting in only when it was necessary to cool down. Logan went in a few more times than I did, mostly because we were both laughing about how my shorts sagged every time they were wet, and the last thing I wanted was to be back on the bus with a soggy ass.

I started wondering if Luis still enjoyed swimming as I stared at the water full of splashing children, and then became saddened by the fact that there was less of a chance of him wanting to do something like this now. The presence of Logan’s shadow and small beads of water falling from his body and splashing me snapped me out of it, and I looked up as he handed me a soda.

“What’s up?” he asked.

I shook my head as he sat back down. “Nothing. Nice day.”

He made a face, and then shook his head. “You go somewhere else every once in a while,” he commented. “I’d ask you what’s wrong but you’d probably say ‘nothing.’” he raised an eyebrow at me. “I don’t believe you, by the way.”

I laughed at that, and then shrugged. “I just... needed this, I think,” I confided. “Sometimes being at home sucks.” I rethought that. “Sometimes being almost anywhere sucks... but this is good.”

Logan nodded understandingly. “Luis, then?”

I met his eyes. “He’s been better, since he ran away. With me, anyway. I notice it. It’s like, he wants to fit in, but I don’t think he knows how. He is doing better, though.”

“But?”

It took me a moment to decide if I wanted to say anything more. After all, the point of being with Logan was to avoid everything that wasn’t right lately. He was no where near any of it, and I liked that about him. But on the other hand, I was enjoying my newfound friendship with him too much to avoid treating him like one of my friends, and sometimes that meant venting.

“I was with my boyfriend for a while last night,” I explained. “Luis saw us kiss.”

For a moment Logan’s face wasn’t very readable. “Oh... you think it’s a problem?”

“I’m not out to my parents, and Luis didn’t exactly seem happy about what he saw. Anyway, I’m sort of trying to avoid the whole situation until I don’t have a choice about it.”

Logan’s smile returned. “I’m avoidance?” he teased.

“The best kind,” I assured him.

“I can deal with that. So does this mean you’re not going to ask me for advice?”

“Do you have any?”

“Probably nothing useful,” he admitted. “But, I am sorry... You’re not going to be offended if I say that guy seems like a handful, are you?”

“Luis?” I replied. “Probably not. Can’t argue with the truth. But seriously... I have a hard time blaming him, you know? I’d be angry all the time, too.”

Logan stared at me for a long moment, and then suddenly left his chair to sit at the foot of mine. I moved my legs out of the way for him. “Jess, can I ask you something? I mean, I get it if you don’t want to talk about it, but sometimes I have this problem with being curious... Anyway, obviously you know I read papers. I know who Luis is. But why’s he living with you guys? Are your parents into fostering or something?”

I couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up over that. “No. Definitely not. My stepdad can hardly stand just me, and he has two kids from his last marriage that don’t even know he exists. It’s my mom who took in Luis... I knew him, before.”

Before. The word held more power every time I said it. I wanted to go back there.

“I remember when he disappeared,” Logan said quietly. “We didn’t know him, but my parents left us with a babysitter and went to help look.”

I forced a smile at that. “Maybe I’ve already met them, then... I didn’t get a babysitter. Luis was my best friend. His dad was single, and didn’t like him being alone after school so he’d come to my house. Usually I’d walk him home so we could stop by the park, and then his dad would drive me home before dark.” I frowned as I thought about that walk. The way I never walked down the same street alone after Luis disappeared. Never. I felt Logan’s knuckles against my ankle, and faced the patient expression on his face. He’d be okay if I stopped talking now. I found it strange that I didn’t want to. “But one night Luis wanted to go a little farther, past the park. There was this roof we hung out on sometimes, and we stayed later than we should of. He was trying to get home fast because the sun was already setting, and we knew my mom would be calling his dad soon to make sure we made it alright. He was always a faster runner than me, but he kept looking over his shoulder... When a car pulled up next to him, I was actually happy. Happy, because I thought while he was talking to this guy I could catch up.” I shrugged helplessly. “I actually slowed down to catch my breath, and by the time they were driving off... I was just staring at this guy’s face in the mirror. I couldn’t even get it right to the cops later. I never thought I’d see him again, and now that he’s back, all I can think about is that he wouldn’t have to be so angry now if I’d just gotten one fucking face right.”

Logan was silent for a long moment, and then finally said, “It’s not your fault.”

“I didn’t say it was my fault.” It was probably wrong of me to feel so defensive.

“I know you didn’t... My sister is younger than me. She just turned thirteen, and she’s seriously annoying.” He shook his head to himself. “She’s always been pretty annoying. When I was ten or so... she followed me everywhere. We went skating once, and there was a hill. She asked me to hold her hand because she was scared, but I didn’t, because I knew she wouldn’t be able to keep up. She ended up breaking her arm--a really bad break. I still feel guilty about it, but when it happened, I didn’t want to say so. My dad told me it wasn’t my fault, anyway, because he thought that maybe I needed to hear it. Maybe it’s not the same thing. But the one thing you can’t change is that bad things happen. That doesn’t mean that you can’t do your best to make good on what’s going on now. One day my sister is going to get over her fear of strapping wheels to her feet, and when she does, she knows I’ll hold her hand if she asks me to, because in her eyes I never let her down in the first place. I was just being her typical older brother. I don’t think Luis would think you ever stopped being his friend.”

My reaction to all of that was to smile, but nothing about it seemed real. “Thanks for saying that,” I said quietly. “But I don’t think I believe you.”

Logan didn’t take offense. “That’s okay. You needed to hear it, anyway. Now come on. Let’s get wet one more time before this place closes.”

***

I think I got more sun than I’d planned on. My face felt a little sore on the bus trip back, and I imagined I was a little red, just as Logan was. But he didn’t have the trouble of smelling like chlorine or having a mess on top of his head. His wavy hair had fallen messily back into place, as it was meant to be, while my hair just stood up everywhere. He’d laughed at me when I attempted to fix it when I saw my reflection in the bus window, and then handed me a comb.

I think I was feeling surprisingly relaxed. I’d checked my phone and still, no one had called me. With a clearer head I realized it was probably because it was my dad’s weekend, and he and Chrissy rarely imposed. I realized they weren’t likely to hinder me tonight since it was the last one I had before summer was over. And obviously, Luis hadn’t said anything. Yet.

Thinking about why Nick hadn’t called me was a different matter entirely. It was difficult not to be frustrated over it, and I’d already decided that if I didn’t hear from him by the time I got home I was going to make the call. I think it was time to ask him what the hell was going on with us, because I was no longer satisfied with his insistence that we were just fine. But until then, I refused to go back to stressing over it.

Because there was a bus stop close to Logan’s house we got off there. I could have called my dad for a ride, but I figured they’d be sitting down to dinner and I didn’t want to bother him, so when Logan said one of his parents would let him borrow a car to get me home I didn’t bother arguing. He seemed happy about the prospect of being able to show off his snakes again, anyway.

When I followed him into his house for the second time there was a noticeable difference. There was a lot more noise this time as I was forced to step over one of the sugar gliders, which was running around in a hamster ball. Logan led us straight to the kitchen, where the voices were coming from. The first belonged to a younger girl with hair as sandy and wavy as her brother’s and glasses with pink frames.

“That’s not fair!” she was saying. “Logan brings home stuff all the time.”

“If he brought home something that could eat Bonnie and Clyde, I’d tell him no, too. Sorry, Mary,” a tall man wearing an apron to stir marinara replied.

It didn’t take long to realize the source of their disagreement was the overweight, orange cat that Mary had her arms around. Logan scratched its head, and then his sister’s. She glared at him and aimed for his knee with her foot. He laughed as he sidestepped the assault. “Cool,” he remarked. “We have a cat?”

“No,” his dad said quickly before pausing to look at me. “Hi.” Then he looked right back at Logan. “We don’t have a cat.”

“Well you can’t take her to the shelter,” Mary insisted. “I know what happens to cats there.”

“Mom’ll say yes,” Logan remarked. “That cat doesn’t look like it wants to chase anything.”

Logan got a warning look from his father. “A little help, please.”

“Sure,” Logan replied. “I’ll cut the onions.”

His dad pulled the knife out of reach before Logan could get his hands on it. “I meant with the cat,” he said.

Logan sighed and looked at his sister. “We’ll find her a home,” he promised.

Mary didn’t seem happy about it, but she seemed to accept the inevitable as she looked at her dad again. “Can she stay in my room until we do?”

“Don’t let it out,” her dad warned. He’d looked very stern there, and as if to apologize for it, his features softened as he directed his attention towards me again. “I’m Scott.” He nodded towards his children. “They call me Dad. Can’t imagine why.”

Logan elbowed the man and I found myself smiling even as Mary rolled her eyes and stomped off with her friend.

“Jess is going to hang out for a while,” Logan said, introducing me and stating his intentions all at once. “Can I borrow a car later to take him home?”

“Your mom’s is sitting in the driveway.”

“Cool,” Logan said. “Where is Mom?”

“Next door. She’ll probably be there for a while watching the kids. Mrs. Scottsdale went into labor. I’ll probably have you or your sister run her over something to eat in a while here. Are you hungry, Jess?”

“Um... no, thank you,” I replied.

“But he’ll stay for dinner, anyway,” Logan said, grinning in my direction. Like his brown eyes, the smile matched his father’s.

“It’s always nice to have company,” Scott assured me.

“Thanks,” I said, meaning it. I knew from experience that not all parents felt that way.

Logan nodded jerked his head, motioning for me to follow. I did so happily as he led me to his room and shut the door behind us when he heard his sister turn up some extremely depressing music. There was a pile of folded laundry on his bed and he wasted no time moving around to put it away, multitasking when he checked on his creatures during each trip to the dresser and the closet.

“Your family’s nice,” I commented.

“Thanks,” he replied. “I think they’re alright. You’ll be happy you stayed for dinner. My dad can cook.”

“Good to know... mine can sew.”

Logan laughed. “So can I. And my sister knows how to change the oil for the cars. My parents want us self-sufficient.”

“Maybe I should hang out with your sister,” I remarked. “My idea of giving a car a tune up is to drive it to the shop.”

“I could show you just as well as she could,” he assured me. “Just let me know when you want to learn.”

I hadn’t been serious, but I decided not to mention it. Sooner or later I’d want an excuse to hang out with him--not that I needed one. But in case I ever did...

Dinner was good, and I was glad I stayed for it as I listened to Logan bicker with his sister and tease his father. They were polite to me, and while I didn’t meet his mom they all mentioned her enough that it was obvious she was a strong presence in their household.

By the time Logan drove me home I was full and sleepy. It was a pleasant feeling as I navigated him to my dad’s house. I wasn’t ready to go to my mom’s, especially early.

“This week’s going to be busy,” Logan commented. “I might sleep all day tomorrow just so I can get through it... Maybe next weekend we can hang out again.”

“Definitely,” I replied, and I meant it. “I’m sure plenty will be going on then, too. Maybe we can hang out with Lee.”

Logan gave a slow nod. “Um... sure.”

“This is me,” I said, and he pulled over in front of my dad’s house and then turned to me. “Thanks for letting me go with you today.”

Logan laughed. “You act like it was a chore.”

I shrugged. “Sometimes I think if I had a friend like me, it would feel that way.”

Logan shook his head at me, amused. “It doesn’t. So give me a call sometime during the week. You know, if you’re looking for more avoidance.”

“You asked for it,” I teased as I opened the passenger door. “I’ll see you later, Logan.”

He gave me a small wave, and I stood there in the street for a moment as he drove away. I was wishing that I would have invited him in when I looked up at my dad’s house and noticed that most of the lights were still on.

Fishing my keys out of my pocket in case the front door was locked, I made my way to it, scarcely stopping before I nearly collided with the figure in black sitting on the front steps. I jumped before I even recognized that it was Luis.

“What are you doing here?” I demanded, my words coming almost a little too harshly.

Luis shrugged. “Your mom brought me back.”

“Oh... why?”

“Randy asked her to.”

It was difficult not to be angry with that, even if it was probably for Luis’s own good.

“Well... sorry,” I said lamely. “If you want to go home in the morning I can take you. I’m staying here tonight, though.”

“I know that.”

“Okay...” I let out a breath and took a step forward to move around him. At this point I just wanted to get inside. Pretend he wasn’t there. Pretend that he hadn’t been on the same porch the night before.

But, Luis didn’t seem to share my agenda when he suddenly nodded in the direction Logan had disappeared in and bluntly asked, “So, do you kiss that guy, too?”