Leave the Pieces - 8. That one guy

When in doubt, when panicked, I’ve noticed that people tend to assume things before they’ve really had the chance to mull a situation over. I’m not to be excluded from this group.

Because Logan had no reason to be at our school that I was willing to consider, I decided that he thought it was time to talk again. That didn’t explain why he looked horrified when he saw me, but perhaps he was only mirroring what he saw on my own face.

Words seemed to spill out of my mouth as soon as I knew he could hear me. “You could’ve just called... I was going to call you. You didn’t have to...” and then, of course, the obvious question. “What are you doing here?”

To my chagrin, it was Lee who answered, first aiming a punch right at my arm. “Oh my god. Jess, shut up!”

“Lee, it’s okay,” Logan insisted.

“No it’s not,” she replied the moment I thought the same line. She was glaring at me. “He’s here with me, Jess. We need more tutors in the program. It’s taken me weeks to even convince him so don’t say another word!”

“You were going to call him? Why would you call him?”

Okay. So maybe confronting Logan directly in front of Nick hadn’t been my smartest moment. I wasn’t out to sabotage myself, I swear. There was a simpler explanation. I was the world’s biggest dumbass.

I turned slowly to face my boyfriend, who had a look on his face I didn’t quite recognize as he glanced between Logan and me. “Why would he be calling you?” he demanded, this time a more harsh tone aimed directly at Logan.

“Logan’s just his friend.” I heard Luis repeat the exact same line I’d given him not so long ago, and my eyes snapped in his direction. Now, he wanted to be helpful?

Nick pointed a finger at Luis. “You don’t get to fucking talk to me.”

“Okay,” Lee said, a practiced amount of reason in her tone. “I think we’re just gonna go.” She’d wrapped her arm around Logan’s, but he didn’t budge when she gave him a tug. Instead, he faced Nick with an eerie calmness that seemed out of place in this situation.

“He’s not lying to you,” Logan said, backing Luis up. “Jess and I are just friends. He didn’t even know you and I were together until a few days ago.”

“We’re not together,” Nick replied, the snobbishness in his voice surprising me.

Logan took it all in stride. “I’m beginning to remember why.”

“Look, this is my fault,” I said, forcing myself to pull it together.

“No, it’s his,” Nick responded, still glaring at Logan.

“Why?” Luis remarked. “Because you’re allowed to have friends and Jesse isn’t?”

Taken off guard, my eyes snapped back once again to the boy who never talked this much. I was itching to tell him this probably wasn’t the best time to come out of his shell, but Nick was too busy yelling at him for me to get a word in.

“Shut up!” my current boyfriend snapped. “I told you, you have no idea what you were looking at!”

Lee had let go of Logan to move closer to me, and now she stared between Luis and Nick as I held on to her arm. I needed something to hold on to.

“Wait,” Lee said. “What?”

“Nothing,” Nick said quickly.

“Right,” Luis said sarcastically. His tone was surprisingly cruel as he gave a nod in Kim/Dorothy’s direction, the unfortunate bystander who was looking at all of us like we were crazy. “And was there nothing under her shirt, too?” He looked at me suddenly, and it was like he was waiting for his words to catch up to me. He seemed to know the exact moment when they did because he added, just in case I didn’t know, “That’s where his hand was.”

I’m not sure how everyone else reacted to that bit of news, except for Kim, of course. I couldn’t help looking at her. In a heartbeat she went from looking confused to mortified before she suddenly turned and distanced herself from us as fast as she could.

“Jess,” Nick was saying, “he’s full of shit. What he saw was one stupid kiss--not even real. We were rehearsing.”

I heard him--kind of. Somewhere between all the thoughts swimming through my mind. I couldn’t find it in me to look at him, though. Not yet. I tried to imagine what I’d look like to him if I did. If I looked him in the eyes. Angry? Oddly enough, I didn’t think so. I hadn’t lost the reason why I’d come to see Nick in the first place. Surprised? That would be the one. See, last time I checked my boyfriend was gay. In fact, I was fairly certain he still was and for a very brief moment felt sorry for Dorothy. Disappointed. I was definitely that. Regardless of what I was going to tell Nick today, it was hurtful that he’d lied to me. He was still lying to me.

“Lee, come on,” Nick said when it was obvious he wasn’t going to get a response from me in a timely manner. “Tell him this is bullshit.”

Him, being me. Well, him didn’t miss the way that Lee said nothing.

Silence was enough to turn Nick defensive, and his hand on my shoulder made it impossible for me to put off facing him any longer. He looked so sincere. So Nick. “You know this is bullshit, right? I mean, why don’t you tell me what you’ve been doing with Logan.”

“He hasn’t been doing anything,” Logan said defensively. “We’re just friends, Nick.”

I glanced at Logan. No, I hadn’t blatantly cheated on my boyfriend. Maybe there were feelings there, which was a big part of my guilt, but I never would have acted on them. Obviously, Nick couldn’t claim the same thing.

“Jess, can I talk to you?” Nick asked. His hand was on me again, and it was obvious that mine was the only attention he wanted.

I gave it to him. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, still trying to piece it all together. Stood up, ignored. The signs had been there, I supposed. Honestly, I didn’t have much experience with this sort of thing, but I couldn’t help feeling a little responsible for not figuring it out sooner. “And since when are you into girls?” I wasn’t judging, just boggled by the whole idea. “Kim? You could have told me.” Nick opened his mouth, but I knew the face. He was going to tell me another lie. I didn’t want lies. “Don’t say it,” I warned him, finally sounding as impatient as I felt. “The Tin Man has never made out with Dorothy, at least not in the original version.” I shook my head at him. “Why didn’t you just break up with me?”

Nick shot a dirty look past me, and I could only imagine who it was for.

“Lee,” I heard Logan say quietly, “maybe...”

“Gotcha,” she replied almost immediately. “Luis, do you want to go for a walk for a minute or something, I think...”

“No,” Luis replied simply.

Nick looked unhappy about it, but as Logan and Lee walked away without another word he decided it was enough. “Jess, what do you want from me?” he asked, shrugging out his agitation. “Maybe I didn’t break up with you because I was waiting for you to come around.”

“Come around,” I repeated slowly. Then I couldn’t help rolling my eyes. “Well then I guess you should tell Kim thanks for keeping you warm for me.”

“Don’t be a jerk,” Nick snapped.

“You’re bringing it out in me,” I retorted. Okay, I was starting to feel the anger. But I checked myself, took a deep breath. “Look... I wish you wouldn’t have lied to me, is all...”

“Yeah, you would have liked it better if I just dumped you, right?” he cut me off, his tone filled with sarcasm. Maybe contempt. “Like I could have even if I wanted to. You’ve been acting like you’re on the edge for fucking months, all because of him,” Nick spat, shoving his finger in Luis’s direction. “So don’t act like I’ve been lying to hurt you, Jess. I just didn’t want to tell you when everything in your life was going to shit!”

Taken aback by his tone, by those words, I found myself fighting to come up with any suitable response. Instead, I ended up with a whole lot of thinking.

I knew he’d been distant in part because of my own attitude. I knew that. I guess what I hadn’t taken into consideration was that he’d never shown me all of how he was feeling. He hadn’t let me see it. I assumed that was because it was too hard for him. Nick didn’t like confrontation. But maybe he did it because he thought it would be too hard for me.

“How long have you felt like this?” I heard myself ask, as if knowing would actually make the situation better.

To my surprise, Nick turned defensive over the question, crossing his arms and aimed his eyes at me with an expression I’m sure he meant to stare me down with. Any other time I might have found it cute. This time it seemed cold. “What does it matter? You didn’t notice. Maybe that’s because you were too busy noticing Logan. You expect me to believe you’re just friends?”

I wasn’t going to go into the details of the relationship I did have with Logan. I wasn’t going to explain that I’d never--I never did--let anything happen. I definitely wasn’t going to explain it had been Logan who’d made a move, or me who chose not to go there. Nick wouldn’t appreciate it, anyway, and I had no intention of dragging Logan into this. When he said I had his friendship regardless, I believed him. I wanted to give him the same. Sighing, I faced Nick evenly. “You’re wrong, Nick, and this has nothing to do with him, but if you really want to hear it, I care about him. I care about you, but I care about him, too.”

“Bullshit,” Nick responded, looking disgusted. Maybe he hadn’t really wanted the truth after all. “You don’t even know him.”

“I don’t know you,” I said when I spotted Kim again, this time looking in our direction with a few friends. She seemed as confused as I felt. Nick followed my gaze, and by the time he turned back to me there was a deep frown etched into his brow. “Go ahead,” I said quietly. “Go lie to her some more. Tell her you don’t have a boyfriend. It’s just rehearsal, right?”

Nick shook his head at me. “ We agreed we weren’t out at school, Jesse. She doesn’t have to know anything. Besides, when it comes to you there’s nothing to tell anymore anyway, right?”

I didn’t have time to respond before he suddenly turned and moved in her direction. My instinct was to follow, but realizing that I had no intention to fight for what was walking away from me, I stopped myself and watched after him for what felt like several very long minutes. He didn’t even look back at me. Kim did, but he didn’t. I wasn’t even worth a parting glance. I’d been hoping that at least our friendship would have been. Maybe we didn’t have that anymore, either.

I sucked at breaking up with people. I think that according to Nick, I probably sucked at being with them, too. But as he’d mentioned, in his case, it didn’t look like I had to worry about it anymore.

***

It’s like cutting the strings that hold up a puppet. Except instead of the puppet, there are feelings and emotions and all things un-dude-like that are supposed to be attached--but then suddenly floating, out of control. Just like the ground falling out from under your feet.

Puppet feet didn’t need to worry about touching the ground. Mine did.

I wanted to feel as relieved as I had when I knew what I had to do about Nick. But that feeling was gone, replaced by something insecure and festering. It’s like, all of a sudden I felt like everyone that looked at me would just know. Your gay boyfriend has just left you for a girl. She brought him back over to their team. Something like that, anyway.

Wait. Is that how it had happened? I couldn’t tell if I was the dumpee or the dumper. I couldn’t figure out if it was even supposed to matter. But I knew that I didn’t like how things had happened. I wanted to go back, wait for his rehearsal to be over and try again.

Try what exactly? To break up with him properly?

What the hell was wrong with me? I wanted to ask someone, but there was only Luis in the passenger seat of my car. I was afraid that a question like that would open the floodgates and we’d never have to worry about him not being talkative enough again.

But then, he was already working on that speaking-up thing, wasn’t he?

He’d sure said enough in front of Nick. But I couldn’t bring myself to mention it now. I was still trying to think it over, just like everything else wandering through my mind. I wanted a sandwich and a nap. Pulling into my driveway, those things sounded nice. But they were soon forgotten as I noticed my mom had obviously made it home with Randy’s injured toe, and unfortunately the rest of him, and we seemed to have a visitor.

“Dad’s here,” I said as I gathered my books and Luis and I left the car. Luis had been looking in my direction the whole way home. He didn’t seem to expect me to do much talking. Sometimes I liked that he was quiet.

Luis followed me into the house where the voices came from the kitchen. I was about to call out, but then I heard what they were saying.

“You’re making too big of a deal out of this,” Randy was saying. “The kid’s a weirdo. Always has been. I’ll bet he’s just doing it for attention.”

“I wasn’t talking to you,” my dad retorted, surprising me with his harsh tone. When I was present he was never anything but annoyingly polite to Randy. “But, since you mentioned it, maybe that is the problem. I doubt he’s getting the attention he needs over here.”

“What are you getting at?” Randy demanded.

“Just stop,” my mom intervened. “Jake, you know we’ve already discussed this with Jess and he wants to live here. He came home, didn’t he?”

“I know what Jess says he wants,” my dad replied, his tone now patient. “But right now asking a seventeen-year-old boy who’s dealing with way too much already to choose a parent is a bit much, don’t you think? You know, I’m not trying to take him away from you. You always think that, but that’s not what I’m doing. I want to do what’s best for him, and since your hands are so full with Luis right now, maybe Jess should come stay with me and Chrissy for a while.”

“No!” my mom snapped, beginning to sound frustrated. “It’s not necessary, and my hands are perfectly fine. Besides, Jesse already made his choice. Maybe you just need to accept it.”

“And maybe if he thought you’d be okay with it, he would have made a different choice,” my dad argued. “Do you really not see why he stays here, Liz? He doesn’t want to hurt you. You have no right to put that on his shoulders.”

I found myself wanting to walk in there, tell them all to shut the fuck up. Didn’t anyone know I wasn’t in the mood for this?

“I think it’s time for you to leave,” I heard Randy say. Butt the fuck out!

My dad snorted at that. “Figure it out, Liz. Do you really think he’s happier here?”

My mom sounded outraged. “Don’t you talk about my husband!” she warned. “They’re just still getting to know each other, is all.”

“Yeah,” Randy insisted. “I just don’t have the same to offer him as your wife, is all.”

If I’d had the strength for it, I would have slapped my own forehead. Fucking children. They were all like fucking children.

“What is that supposed to mean?” my dad demanded, and I wondered if Randy would soon be taking another trip to the emergency room.

“Oh, come on,” my mom said in a gentler tone that wasn’t friendly at all. “She’s a pretty girl, of course Jesse likes her.”

Randy laughed. “Yeah. She’s closer to his age than yours, anyway, isn’t she?”

“Jake!” my mom screamed shortly after, and I found myself moving for the kitchen before a hand on my shoulder held me back.

I glanced at Luis, who dropped his hand as soon as I was still, and for a moment we both listened to the dead silence that enveloped the next room. It didn’t sound like anyone was about to die. But then Randy laughed cockily, probably because my dad had decided to take the high road.

“I’m talking to Jesse about it,” my dad finally said. “If that doesn’t work, I’ll do what a parent does and take it out of his hands, and yours.”

“Are you threatening me?” my mom demanded.

Their voices were coming closer, and the tension I felt had me wanting to meet them halfway, hear it all. The headache coming on, however, gave me different ideas, and I glanced at the front door. Luis already had it open, and was waiting. Without a word he stepped out the door. It only took me another second to drop my books and follow him.

***

The problem with too many events taking place for just one day is that it gives the impression you’re living several lives at the same time. Most people have enough trouble with just the one they already have. Split into pieces, there seemed to be too many of me to keep track of. I was the bitter ex-boyfriend who held himself responsible for not seeing what was right in front of his face, and at the same time that heartbroken idiot who felt the impact of missing someone who’d been so much apart of his life. I was the new friend too tired to make a real attempt at being one, and I was a son who didn’t have the ability to please either of his parents.

I would have liked the world to stop for just a few minutes so I could catch up, but since I wasn’t the guy with time-stopping superpowers I settled for closing my eyes and allowing the sun to settle on my face as I rested my back against an uncomfortable branch and stretched my legs over our rooftop. Our rooftop. At some point within the fragmented pieces of my life, Luis and I had claimed it. I felt strongly about this. He, on the other hand would have said, who else would want to? A rotting foundation, loose shingles, dust from the trees, and squirrel shit. He’d have a good point.

But it was still ours, and because time wasn’t willing to give me a break I found myself playing the role of an old friend who’d lost touch, and didn’t know how to go back to the days that were easy. He was there with me. For the first time since he’d come back into my life he wasn’t just sitting next to me, or in the same room, or making a rare effort to create human-like conversation. He was there, and I could feel it. It made everything awkward. He’d just witnessed everything that could have gone wrong for me, do just that. I felt like I needed to apologize to him for it. As if he needed any more drama.

“I’ve been a jerk, haven’t I?” I finally asked, unwilling to open my eyes just yet. I liked the soothing red color on the backs of my eyelids where the sun hit them from the other side.

Luis’s tone was nonchalant. “I kicked your boyfriend’s ass.”

Alright. That was one thing that got my eyes open. I looked at him. He didn’t look back.

“Is that how it happened?” I asked. “You saw him with Kim?” I so wanted an answer from him this time. I’d asked before, but it was hardly worth mentioning given that silence was all that had greeted me when I searched for answers. And right or wrong, this was the moment I wanted the truth. I wanted to hear that was true. I wanted to get rid of the only other conclusion I’d been capable of coming to and I wanted to stop looking at myself as some sort of monster in his eyes. I wanted at least one aspect of my life to go back to normal, even if it was only normal on Luis’s terms.

“Would it make you less mad about it?” Luis finally asked.

I gave the question a fair amount of consideration. Mad wasn’t the word I’d use. Nothing would make what he did right in my eyes, even now. But I didn’t necessarily need it to be made right. I just needed it to make sense.

“Is it?” I asked again.

Luis let out a breath. I heard it with the three-foot space between us. “I saw him with Kim before,” he explained. “Then I saw him with you. I asked him if you knew he was kissing Kim, too. He lied to me. I don’t like liars.”

“Why didn’t you just... tell me this before?” I demanded, feeling a little exasperated by him. “Why not when it happened?”

Luis looked at me like I was just plain dumb. “Because you were already angry. Telling you wouldn’t make you less angry.”

“Yeah, maybe, but telling me would have at least... I would’ve...”

“Dumped him? That’s none of my business.”

My eyes widened on him incredulously. “Didn’t you make it your business when you put your hands on him?”

Luis looked as frustrated as I felt. “I put my hands on him because he lied to me. That had nothing to do with you.”

I opened my mouth to attack his backwards and completely incomprehensible way of thinking, but quickly stopped myself and took a deep breath. Luis Yenka. Luis, Luis, Luis. I still didn’t have him figured out. At all. I could have let it go right there. But I wanted him to have an explanation, because I needed to get it out. I needed him to know why. Maybe if I did, that particular concern of mine would go up in smoke. One could hope, anyway.

“I thought... when you hurt Nick... I thought you did it because you had a problem with me and him being together.”

Luis looked like he wasn’t following. Probably because he’d already made where he stood with Nick pretty clear.

“You know,” I elaborated, “because we’re both guys.”

Luis’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly, and his attention turned towards the assortment of leaves at his feet. He seemed to take an awful long time to mull that over before he gave his shoulder a sharp shrug. “Why?”

Why? I took an equally long amount of time to figure out how to answer that, and by the time I realized I needed to say something, I still wasn’t sure where to go with it.

“I guess I just thought after what you’ve been through... I mean, what happened to you, when you were with Brooks, I...”

Luis’s eyes snapped to mine. His jaw had dropped ever so slightly just before his upper lip turned up, his eyes narrowed and his nose crinkled as a brief expression of disgust moved over his face. He was reacting to my words, but something told me that I wasn’t the one that had him suddenly taken off balance.

I found myself diverting my eyes, mostly because looking at him seemed to make him uncomfortable. Maybe he needed to compose himself. I gave that time to him, until he found it in himself to look at me again, his throat bobbing as he swallowed down something that didn’t seem to taste very good to him.

“You’re the only friend I...” He paused, as if to rethink his wording. He looked frustrated with himself, even as he continued again. “You’re the only best friend I’ve ever had, okay?” He finished as if his question was a challenge, and he was daring me to take it. It might have been almost comical if I didn’t know how serious this was to him.

“Okay,” I said slowly. Because that, I think I understood.

“You’re...” Luis paused again, this time consideration in his expression, probably there as he wondered if he should even say anything else. “You’re the only one I really remember. From before. Sometimes... I thought about you, about coming back here.” He glanced over our surroundings briefly, shook his head at himself. “It was for a few minutes every day, and it was safe. I didn’t think I’d ever come back. Not ever.... Now that I’m here, I don’t... I don’t know how to... say things right. Not to you. Not to anybody.”

This thing. Friendship--whatever it was that I had with Luis--maybe it wasn’t as fragile as I thought. And the sensation of my heart dropping straight through my stomach was as equally indescribable. I wanted to cry. Looking upwards I thought back to every moment lost back in my memory, every time I really did take a moment to think about him, every time I wondered. Maybe, just maybe those moments matched his, and for a few seconds, every now and then, he wasn’t alone.

Out of all the pieces, every thing that had drained me, hit me, left me feel broken, this is the one that made me want to break down. For him. For me. But I knew better, because now I was that one guy who was going to be exactly what Luis Yenka needed. What he needed wasn’t a blubbering idiot.

So I smiled, and I did what it took to make the sincerity in it real. “I think you’re getting better at it.”

***

I might have taken a nap. I’m not sure. Time was passing too slowly for my taste, and by the time the sun was fading away I was itchy and hoping I hadn’t caught lice. It had been mostly silent, which I hadn’t minded. I was doing my best to make my mind as blank as possible. Some moments were harder than others. Luis didn’t seem bothered by the slow afternoon, or the possibility of lice. He seemed to have a lot of practice with being still for long periods of time, and I got the feeling he could make himself comfortable anywhere, or at least appear that way to people who didn’t recognize his constant restless edge.

“Are you ready to go home?” I finally asked.

He looked at me. “Which one are you going to?”

I frowned, not wanting to think about the issues my parents were having. That’s why I turned off my phone the first time my mom had tried calling. Which reminded me I was probably grounded now, given that I’d flown the coop with Luis at my side, and my frown deepened.

“You know what? There’s something I should probably do before I get locked in my room for a week. You wanna make a stop with me? It won’t take that long.”

Luis shrugged, which was as good an answer as any. He didn’t seem to care where we went, and I had a feeling that I wasn’t the only one who could put off going home for a little while longer.

We climbed down from the roof with care and made our way down the street to where I’d parked. I found myself yawning as we drove and the action quickly became contagious. Luis made a point to look annoyed over it. I smiled.

I did call my mom when we decided to stop for food. She was predictably freaking out, but between her angry words and a few threats over my freedom I explained to her that I’d spent the afternoon with Luis and we’d be home in a little while. Obviously, she wasn’t happy about that, either.

But there really was something I needed to do. As we stopped outside of Logan’s house I continued to wonder how I was going to go about doing it.

Sitting in the car probably wasn’t going to get me anywhere, so I reached for the door and looked at Luis.

“Ready?” I asked him.

He didn’t hesitate to shake his head. “I’ll wait here.”

I made a face at him. “Luis, you don’t even know where we are.”

“I’ll wait here,” he repeated, making his point that he wasn’t a people person.

I sighed. “I’ll make it quick.”

“Doesn’t matter if you don’t,” he replied, throwing his feet up the dash as he turned up the radio, looking perfectly comfortable where he was.

“I’ll make it quick,” I repeated.

Closing the door behind me I made my way to the house, deciding that it wasn’t too late to ring the bell. I looked up at Logan’s dad when he answered it, his hands full with a TV tray.

“Hi, Jesse. Come on in. Are you hungry?”

“Hi. No thanks. I just ate.” I patted my stomach for good measure.

A woman with wavy, sand-colored hair waved at me from where she was curled up on the couch, a phone to her ear. “My wife; you can call her Andy,” Scott told me. I smiled and waved back. “Logan’s in his room,” he said. “You can find your way back there?”

“Um, yeah. Thanks,” I replied, and then widened my eyes as soon as he turned his back to me and I took notice of a rather large and hairy looking spider making its way up his shoulder. Mary, who was right behind him with another TV tray, brought a finger to her mouth with a “Shh.”

Deciding it was best to mind my own business this time around I smiled in her direction and then headed towards Logan’s room before any chaos she had planned could ensue. I was good on the chaos.

His door was unsurprisingly open, and I stopped outside of it, surprisingly less nervous than I’d counted on being. But it was probably stupid nervous. Right now I was the me who knew I could feel at ease with Logan regardless of the circumstances. That was the me I was beginning to like best, and after shoving him in a corner for a while I realized I’d missed him.

I wanted to announce my presence to Logan, but instead I stood watching him, silently playing the words in my head that I wanted him to hear. I felt he’d made quite a few things clear enough to me, and maybe I could have responded to some of it better. At the very least, I could have been more responsive. At the time fleeing had seemed easier.

Over an empty aquarium in the middle of his floor, he used a rag to polish the glass so roughly it began to squeak. He pushed a lock of golden hair that repeatedly fell into his eyes away with his wrist, his expression so intent on his task that he seemed to be frowning. Or maybe he really was frowning, and the task was just there to keep him from thinking about why. That was something I would do. Logan, too, apparently. I guess whatever mood he was in would explain why he wasn’t with the rest of his family. Something told me that was highly unlike him, despite anyone else giving it away. I no longer had time to think about whether or not I was nervous as a sudden wave of guilt hit me.

“I’m sorry.” It was the most appropriate opening statement I could come up with. I think I owed him those words.

Surprised, Logan looked up at me, dropped his rag and wiped his hands roughly on his jeans.

“I’m sorry,” I said again, just in case he hadn’t gotten it the first time, as I stepped into his room.

Logan blinked a few times, his brown eyes a little less wide as he moved to his feet. “I heard you... um...”

“Today, I freaked out for no good reason,” I continued. “I don’t even know why I thought you were there... but even if you’d surprised me, I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. I really am sorry.”

Logan cocked his head at me. “Jess, are you okay?”

I frowned, not sure why he’d ask. We were talking about him having to deal with my asshole-ism. He must have seen my confusion, because I didn’t have a chance to respond.

“What happened with Nick?” he asked. “Lee talked me into stopping by your place with her earlier on. Your mom said you hadn’t even come home.”

“Oh... um, I was sort of taking some time, but anyway...”

“So are you okay?” he asked again.

I found myself smiling at his persistence. “I think I will be. Me and Nick--that’s pretty much done.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Pretty much?”

I took a breath, let it out. “It’s over. I’m okay with it, it’s just with the way things were going anyway I think I was hoping we’d still be friends, but after...”

I stopped talking around the time that Logan hugged me. Pulling my chest against his, I found myself relaxing as his chin landed on my shoulder. This was nothing like the way he’d touched me before. No flirtation in the action. He was being a friend, and I smiled because I think I needed one of those right now.

“I’m sorry about Nick,” he said, and regardless of their past together, I believed him.

But I wasn’t there to talk about Nick. Gently I stepped away from him. “I think it’ll be okay,” I said. “It’s not like it wasn’t coming... it’s been sort of a weird day. I wanted to stop by and talk to you for a second, so you don’t think I’m avoiding you if you don’t hear from me in a while.”

Logan frowned at that, not understanding.

I shrugged a shoulder as my mouth quirked into a smile. “I think I might be grounded soon.”

“Oh.”

“Hopefully not too long, but just in case.... Look, Logan, when you came to see me the other night at my dad’s, you said a lot of things.”

His mouth pressed together, and slowly a flattering color crept into his cheeks. “I know. I’m sorry about that. Sometimes I start talking to get a point across and...”

“I liked what you said,” I interrupted, not wanting him to feel awkward. “All of it. I like you, too.”

He smiled, and that felt right. It felt good to realize that I was free to be honest now. But as good as it felt I closed my eyes for a moment, and when I opened them I could feel the concern knitting my brow. “But what you said about just being friends... I need more friends, Logan, and to be honest with you, after Nick...”

He laughed suddenly, shaking his head. “That’s okay, Jess,” he insisted. “I told you how I feel about it already. Obviously, I didn’t expect anything to happen with us. You had a boyfriend. Just because you don’t now doesn’t mean anything has to change. It’s kind of soon for it anyway, right?”

“Right,” I said quickly, suddenly feeling regret over bringing anything up at all. And yet, I stood there wondering if being his friend, which is what I wanted most, would even be possible knowing how he felt. I’d just said I liked him. What the hell was that going to do to his feelings? To our friendship?

“Jess, I said it’s okay,” Logan insisted, likely reading the mounting concern as it crossed my face. “Seriously... I think... the hardest part for me was feeling like I was lying to you. I wanted a chance to earn your trust back, and I’m really glad you stopped by. Thank you for that.”

I smiled at him, not sure what to say.

“So, can you stick around for a while?” he asked, his mood growing light again.

“Um... I should actually get going,” I admitted. “Luis is sort of waiting in the car. He didn’t want to come in. Don’t take it personally.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Whatever,” he said as he passed me. “Let’s go get him. I’ve got python eggs hatching.”

I laughed as I followed him towards the door, having no doubt that if anyone knew a way around Luis and his moods, it would be Logan.

We’d hardly reached the hallway when a loud, horrified shriek came from the living room, stopping us both in our tracks. I jumped. Logan slapped his forehead and turned to me slowly. “Alright,” he said. “This is embarrassing.”

“Was that your mom?” I asked, eyes wide.

Logan shook his head around the time laughter from his mom and his sister reached our ears. “Nope. That was my dad.”