Seventeen - 5. Chapter 5

"Shit!"

"Brett."

"Shit Shit SHIT," I said, getting more emotional with each word.

"BRETT! Calm down, please! It'll be fine."

"How Jane? How's it gonna be fine?"

"He was just shocked."

"He was fucking disgusted, is what he was. I love Brand... I... I just..." I felt totally defeated. "I don't want him to hate me... I cant... I cant take him hating me.”

When I stopped speaking I just sat there silently. Jane wrapped her arms around me and said, "Hun, I know he's upset, but he just feels betrayed at the moment; he loves you, he really does, just... just give him time ok?"

Jane's touch, the way she stroked my hair back, and just the rhythm of her breathing, calmed me down. However, the thing that calmed me most of all, was the idea that Brand did still care for me. That gave me hope that maybe we could put all this behind us and that things would be the same.

"Thanks for all this," I said feebly, feeling slightly embarrassed by how emotional I was being.

"No probs. Now come on, sit back down. Wanna watch a film? Or braid my hair?" Jane teased, letting out a cackle.

That was one thing I never understood about her; Jane could be in any form of bad situation, get through it, and then tease you or crack a joke, and yet you'd still feel better.

That afternoon was spent watching random crap on the TV and flicking through some of Jane's more intellectual books. One in particular looked interesting, a biography of Madam Du Barry, King Louis XIV's last mistress. However, I have to say Jane was much more adept at reading such texts than I. I mean, I couldn't even start to pronounce d'Aiguillon.

When I pointed this out, Jane let out a giggle. "How can someone so clever be so dumb when it comes to French!"

I gave her a sour face and half pouted to further show my distaste at being called dumb.

"Oh, and its dai-gu-e-yon," she added with an impish smile.

I retorted by throwing the book at her head. Of course it missed, as I wouldn't intentionally aim to hit. Jane just carried on smiling her pretty little smile and picked the book up to carry on reading.

"Oh, by the way, we're going to meet the twins at 6 when Lukas gets out of work. Hopefully he'll be with Chris," Jane said, not once taking her eyes from the book.

I think she was getting some sort of sick pleasure at making me squirm, and just to make herself seem as cool and in control as ever, she added, "Either way, I'm getting his number." She smirked at me.

"Well I might just not drive you there."

"Its ok, I'll get the bus."

"You never get the bus," I laughed. "Fine then, I just wont go on a double date with you." The idea of cancelling the date seemed a nice one; I may have found a way of getting out of it.

"Are you seriously telling me you would you'd pass up a chance at Lukas' identical brother? He's bound to be gorgeous!" she asked, flabbergasted.

Yes, I was getting a rise out of her, and I was feeling good, almost skillful.

"Well, either way I'll go on a date with him. It'll just have to be next week, wont it. You'll be the one missing out." Jane added, managing to take control of the situation far to quickly for my liking. So I sat there, and pouted, and stayed silent.

"Don't give me the spoilt brat routine. I taught you that, remember. It's so unbecoming of you!" Jane said in mock sternness. "Besides, come on, you know you're driving me, so lets go and meet our lover boys... or at least mine," she continued, grinning.

Later that evening, as we neared the coffee shop, I began to get nervous. Really nervous. I never get nervous; so I didn't know what was happening. Not even before a big soccer game did I get nervous, yet there I was, almost shaking as I walked into the familiar settings.

As we passed through the entrance of the shop, my breath was taken away. As clichéd as it sounds, the guy sat sitting at a corner table, brooding over a coffee mug, made my heart melt. He looked just like the bus boy from earlier, with matching blonde bangs framing a perfectly shaped face. He was one of the prettiest men I'd ever seen, with the cutest little button nose. He sat there biting his lower lip, whilst swilling his cup. He looked so sad, and yet so beautiful. He was perfect[,] except for the bruising around his right eye.

"OOH there he is. I think that's your guy, though!" Jane said, grabbing my arm.
"I wonder how he got that black eye?" she said, voicing what I was wondering.

Whilst I was wondering how he got it, I didn't care why. All I wanted to do was beat the crap out of whoever did it. This guy seemed so cute just sitting there, so innocent with his angelic face, that I just wanted to protect him.

"Where's Lukas? We can't just go say hi to Chris," Jane whined.

I guess she really is into this guy then; can't really blame her, he is hot, I thought as we both stood looking across the room, at the guy sitting alone at a table. There was definitely something that drew me too him.

"Hey there," came a pleasantly shocked voice from behind us.

Turning around, I recognised the bus buy, or Lukas, as I now knew him. Really looking at him, without being angry[,] or upset[,] or feeling any other emotion that could detract from this man's beauty, I appreciated even more what Jane saw in this guy. He'd changed after work and was wearing a tight, fitted white shirt, showing an amazing physique. Both he and Christian were indeed gorgeous.

"Hi," Jane giggled.

"You look... nice," he continued, shooting me a half nervous glance as he made gaga eyes at Jane.

"Thanks," I said and raised an eyebrow.

Lukas didn't seem to have a reply, and my joke earned me an elbow in the ribs from Jane. She continued fluttering her eyelashes, and said coyly, "I've not changed since this afternoon."

"Oh," Lukas replied, again shooting me a nervous glance.

"Ignore him. We aren't going out anymore," Jane reassured Lukas and smiled.

In fact I was the only one not smiling after she said this.

"It's only recent..." I said, feeling dejected.

"I hoped you two were split. I mean, I thought you were anyway." He said to Jane. "Because you flirted back with me. Sorry." Lukas apologised, more to me than Jane.

"We're more like best friends," Jane said, squeezing my hand and looking up into my face. I couldn't help but smile back down at her, and she smiled back. She could make me do anything with that damn smile, and so, swallowing my pride, I apologised.

"Sorry man. If I was acting like a dick it's only cos I'm protective of her," I said as I offered him my hand.

"Cool. So were all good?" he asked as he shook my hand, and I nodded in reply. "Oh good," he continued, flirting with Jane, "cos you don't look nice you look hot!"

"Thanks. Anyway are you going to introduce us to your brother?" Jane replied.

"Erm," he said, glancing again nervously at me, "Yeah, sure... He's gonna be ok with Chris, isn't he?" Lukas asked. I was confused, though Jane didn't seem to be, as she replied:

"He'll be fine." Baring a huge grin, Jane linked Lukas’ arm with her own as we walked over to the table.

"Yo, Chris, this is Jane, the girl I was telling you about, and her... friend, Brett," Lukas introduced us.

"Hey," mumbled Chris, barely looking over his drink.

"Hi," both Jane and I replied, and as he looked from Jane and over at me, he knocked his drink over and stuttered.

He wouldn't meet my stare as both Jane and Lukas moved to help mop up the spilled drink. I just smiled down at him; I couldn't work out whether he was nervous of me because he'd heard that I was popular at school, not that he looked like he'd have a problem being popular, or if he liked me.

For the next 20 minutes Jane and Lukas were chatting and they began flirting as soon as Jane had got Lukas' number. It wasn't an easy process;

"So, yeah, we came to catch you after work, ‘cos I didn't get your number before," Jane unsubtly hinted once we'd sat down.

"Oh right cool," was all that Lukas managed

He didn't seem slow but I had to spell it out. I guess he was still all "gaga" over her.

"Dude, I think she wants your number..." I emphasized the word 'wants'.

Both Jane and Lukas blushed, but I was more interested in the giggle that came out of Chris. It was music to my ears; yet as soon as I looked over he fell silent again and looked into his cup. I was so confused.

So after spending 20 minutes trying to get Chris to open up, all the while receiving worried glances from Lukas, it suddenly occurred to me why Chris looked so sad and quiet, why he hadn't been responding to me, and why Lukas was nervous; they thought I'd react badly to him being gay. They didn't know that I was gay[,] too. I didn't want him to feel scared or ashamed, and I wanted to protect him. I had recovered enough from my insecurity to help Chris get over his.

I brushed his hand with mine. He flinched and his head snapped up. His eyes were wide with shock and questioning. Those big beautiful eyes....

"I'm gay as well," is what I was aiming to say, instead I said “So gay?”

He looked shocked, but not as shocked as Lukas, who was sitting across the table from us both, his mouth hanging open, his drink dribbling out. I started to laugh hysterically, while Jane sat there bewildered; no doubt she had been too enthralled in Lukas to know what was going on.

Then out of nowhere came a fist, planted square on my nose. "Fuck you!" shouted Chris, and he ran out of the coffee shop.

Maybe he didn't need my protection after all; that bloody hurt!

"Dude, what the fuck did you do?" Lukas shouted as he leaped up, knocking his chair to the ground. "Did you put him up to this? I should never have broken his trust and told you" He turned on Jane.

"Wha? What? No! What's going on?"

"I tried to tell him I was gay," I hurriedly whispered, looking around the coffee shop, hoping no one had heard me.

Lukas just glared at me as he started to walk off, no doubt after Chris.

"What?" Jane said, standing as well, "No, Lukas, wait!"

"I'll go after him," I said, trying to show how genuinely sorry and concerned I was.

"Ha! Fat chance!" Lukas again glared challengingly

"No, let him, please. He was telling the truth," Jane said, reaching for Lukas' arm.

"Wait, so you're gay? You weren't just messing with him?" Lukas asked in a quieter tone.

"Yeah, I am, and no, I wouldn't," I answered, leaving Lukas and Jane.

It was only as I ran out of the coffee shop that I realised that I didn't know where to start looking for Chris. It also hit me that I'd outed myself. I'd been so unsure about how I would handle it, and yet it had just rolled off my tongue. Finding Chris was more important, so I ignored these thoughts and concentrated on where I was going. Luckily, after only 2 minutes of running towards the car park exit, I found him. Unluckily he was with Vanessa Gerard, some two bit tramp who'd been after Brand for years. The whore was laying into Chris, getting in his face and pointing, her gang of harpies behind her.

"He's with me," I barged between them, grabbing Chris' arm and trying to drag him away.

"What the? He's Joey's brother," she said indignantly. "Does Brand know your hanging out with him?"

"Why don't you ask him? Or better still, grow up?" I snapped. "Oh, by the way, it's Brandon. Calling him Brand would imply that he actually liked you."

That shut her up, so I barged through her little gang, pulling Chris with me.

"Fags!" she hollered after us.

How dare she,? How dare she bring Brand up? I've been putting up with her for years because Brand was too oblivious to her bitchy, conniving ways. I thought viciously as I stomped out to the parking lot, dragging Chris with me.

As I stopped at my car I took a breath and looked over at Chris, shooting him a shy smile but keeping eye contact. I guess I only got nervous in “gay” situations.

"Erm, thanks," a very shocked and confused Chris said.

"No worries, man. Wanna get in?" I offered.

We were both sitting in the car, with me just staring at the wheel, because for once I didn't know what to say. I looked over and saw that Chris was staring at his clasped hands.

"Hey, you ok?" I soothed, placing my hand on his thigh.

What the hell was I doing?! I thought. I had been so nervous only seconds before.

He looked up, and I met those beautiful eyes, except but then they glanced down and he suddenly looked upset and almost guilty.

"Man, I'm sorry about your nose..." Chris apologized.

I traced my fingertips across where he'd struck me, and indeed it did feel sensitive.

"Oh shit, its bleedin!" Chris said, panicked.

I grabbed my nose and squeezed it.

"It's ok, man. I guess me laughing got you confused, huh?"

"Yeah, I thought you were playin' with me."

"Nah, man. Didn't you see Lukas dribbling?" This cracked both of us up. As we both chuckled, Chris reached into his coat pocket and took out a tissue.

"Here, you sound kinda funny holding your nose."

"Thanks," I smiled across at him, then dabbed my nose, looking in the rear view mirror. “I was trying to make you feel comfortable, I thought knowing about me would ease your nerves… I guess I wasn’t ready to tell someone”

where did that come from

"So, erm, so you are...? You know...?" he asked.

"Yeah,"

"Cool."

After another awkward pause I broke the silence.

"Yeah, erm, Lukas said he couldn't take Jane on a date cos he wanted to be with you, so do you wanna maybe go for a coffee? Like on a double date or something?" I stuttered whilst blushing furiously.

Why was I so nervous? I had never been or acted like that before. What made it worse was the fact that he just stared at me.

"Erm, so it doesn't have to..." I started.

"No, No, I mean, yeah, of course I would. I'm just, I was shocked," came Chris' stuttered response. I furrowed my eyebrows, and he continued, "Yeah, it's just you're..." he looked down and blushed, "really hot."

I was shocked. I mean, I'd never doubted my looks, and people had had crushes on me before, but I guess I was feeling something because I actually had mutual feelings.

"I didn't think you were gay, and well, I've kinda had a crush on you since the first time I saw you." He was crimson by now.

My eyes almost bugged out of my head as my brows shot up. I was shocked I didn't even know we had met.

"It was last year. Remember when you, Brand, and Joey's groupies had a bust up?"

"Which time?" I laughed. Brand and Joey had never gotten on, and since we were young there had always been little scrapes and scuffles, even I didn’t know why they hated each other so much, but they did.

It wasn't like I was a fighter, but when provoked I could handle myself, and Joey and his groupies knew which buttons to push.

"After the football game. You broke Simon's nose after he floored Brand," Chris said.

I remembered that now. I had been grounded for it, it was one of the few times parents had found out about it, Frank had been pleased Brand and I had stuck up for one another, My Mom however wasn’t. Luckily the schools and law were never brought into these things.

Both Brand and I were leaving the game, ignoring whatever they threw at us. Yet Brand snapped and flew at the gang, taking four guys out after they made some snide remarks about me. What exactly was said I don't remember, but that wasn't what made me jump in; it was Simon hitting him from behind. I snapped and had to be dragged off the scum.

"You were there?" Whilst I could remember the night, I didn't remember seeing Chris.

"Yeah, me and Lukas had watched the game; you were being dragged off Simon by Brand and you looked scary, but once you looked away from Simon you changed. Your eyes changed," he said quietly, "I don't think you noticed me cos I was in the car, but after you'd gone I couldn't get you out of my head all night." Chris was blushing furiously.

The silence which followed was again broken by Chris.

"Shall we go back in? Lukas will be worried," Chris said, reaching for the car door.

"Wait!" I said quickly, grabbing him by the elbow. As he turned his head, I placed my hand on his thigh. "I like you. Like, as in, 'like you', like you."

He turned his body around and smiled at me; our eyes met, and I felt that I could see into his mind. I could tell he wanted me, just like I wanted him. He glanced at my lips, we both smiled slightly, and I moved in slowly. I didn't know how I was making myself do this, but I was, and as my lips brushed across his, it became instinctive.

I reached for him, cupping the back of his head with my hand, running my fingers through the back of his hair. Tilting my head, we began kissing, and when he rested his hand on my chest, and making me shudder with delight. Pushing myself closer to Chris, I brushed my other hand along his cheek. His lips were so soft, yet his kiss was firm, full of sexual energy and force, and I could feel that he wanted to go further. He was sliding his hand along my chest, appreciating it when I tensed and relaxed the muscles below. I put everything into it, all the stress I'd felt hiding my sexuality, all the repressed sexual energy. The kiss was becoming even fiercer, and I pulled back at his hair, pulling him from me and biting his bottom lip. His moaning only enticed me; I again began kissing him, sliding my tongue over his once more.

It was amazing, feeling so close to someone; after being upset for the past two days, it felt totally worth it. Then "Brandon". His face came into my mind, and I pulled back, panting. We were both breathing heavily, and he was smiling shyly at me again. God, I had enjoyed that kiss, not just because it was amazing, but also because it was with Chris. He was so beautiful, but I'd let Brand come to mind. Why?

We both laughed, and I pushed Brandon out of my mind, moving back in, and pressed pressing my lips to his again. Instead of kissing passionately, I kissed him softly on the lips to reaffirm that indeed I did like him.

"So, shall we go back in?" Chris giggled as I pulled back.

"Yeah," I smiled across at him.

Jane and Lukas didn't seem too worried about us, and in fact they were back to flirting. As we sat down, however, they both knew something had happened.

"You made my brother a man then?" Lukas said, cracking up, which earned him a slap on the thigh from Jane.

"So everything's cool?" Jane asked, softening her glare as she turned from Lukas.

"Yeah," we both replied together.

"So you've got yourself a double date sorted..." I informed Jane, then addressing everyone, I asked, "Shall we do it now? Coffee? Then movie?"

"Cool," everyone replied.

As I placed my hand on Chris' thigh, under the table still trying to be discrete, we all relaxed for perhaps the first time that evening. Even though I had stuff to think about, I was enjoying myself and felt happier than I had lately, so I was going to enjoy myself