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    Finn
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Verse - 1. Chapter 1

Soren grimaced and shut his eyes tightly as a metal clang rippled through the air. Within moments, the crowd that lined the bleachers around him erupted into loud cheers, the people rising to their feet. Soren himself grinned widely, as his eyes opened to reveal his teammate, Cody, midway to first base. It was an empty gesture, however, as the baseball flew out of the field.

“Way to go, Cody!” Soren shouted excitedly, cupping his hands around his mouth. “Woo!”

“You’re up, Soren,” said the coach, standing beside the dugout door, a slight smirk the only expression on his middle-aged face.

With a nod, Soren raced away from his team and gracefully slid the battered, metal bat off the dirt. The pitcher across from him watched him intently, sweat running freely down his face despite the white cap that shielded it. They watched one another carefully, Soren’s fingers squeezing the leather strap that wrapped around his team’s bat.

It happened in an instant; the boy propelling the ball forward, Soren’s eyes quickly identifying it, and his instincts rapidly taking over.

The ball blasted into the outfield, dodging an attempted-catch as it went. The boy ran after it, as Soren crossed first base and slowed towards second. He stopped there, as the ball landed in the pitcher’s hands.

He glanced skyward, where the sun stood proudly overhead, its blinding, white glow balancing the cool midday winds. In the distance, a pair of twin crescent moons guided themselves across the sky, ghosts slowly crossing the ether.

The seventeen-year-old broke into a run, as another metallic clank resonated through the baseball field.

“Good going,” the coach said, patting Soren’s shoulder as the latter jogged back into the dugout. His teammates slapped hands with him, congratulating him on his run, while simultaneously shouting encouragements to the boys on field.

Soren simply took his seat, slumping down beside Cody. The boy’s auburn-brown eyes looked at him, smiling with his pink lips, his chestnut hair pressed tightly beneath his Lions cap. Soren returned the smile, his shoulder brushing against the second boy’s as the crowd blew into another cheer. They both joined in, as another teammate scored their second homerun.

 

“That’ll be twenty-two,” a boy said, smiling gleefully as the cute girl across his counter dug in her pockets—giving him a nice view of her jiggling chest. Cody and Soren’s questioning looks brought him back to his senses, however, and the boy quickly turned around, grabbing a pair of pizzas from the heater and dropping them beside the register. He left the station again to grab four plastic bottles of pop and planted them by the boxes. Only then did he take the girl’s money and stuff it into the machine. His cheeks caught up with him, glowing red as he ignored the two boys’ glares.

Soren smirked to himself, grabbing the pizza boxes and following his friends out of the parlor. They took a seat right outside on a stone table sitting beneath the late afternoon sun, one of many within the small, fenced-in garden.

Within moments, a box lay open, Cody and Soren ravaging slices as the two girls—Evelyn and Raquel—watched, shock spread over their faces. All of them broke into laughter simultaneously.

“So,” Cody began, twisting open his drink, “what comes after?”

Soren glanced at his watch; it was six in the afternoon. “My house?” he suggested. “I got the new Battlegrounds last night.” He took another, slower, bite of his pizza, eyeing each of his friends cautiously. Evelyn and Raquel were seated across him, side-by-side—as girls tended to. They were cute, which made the cashier’s staring a forgivable offense. Raquel was a short girl—at least compared to the two boys—with light brown hair curling down to her shoulders, her blue eyes always smiling with the rest of her. She was excitable, never remaining still for too long. It was evident, as she shifted restlessly in her seat, leaning to and fro every few moments.

Evelyn was nearly her opposite, with light blond hair cupping her small face, which was nearly always coated with an amused, questioning look. Her eyes were green, and always glistered excitedly around her three closest friends. She was shorter than Raquel, and tended to serve as the pack’s source of wisdom. She giggled and squirmed, edging away from Raquel and her elbowing.

“Is it always war games with you two?” Raquel asked, giggling with Evelyn.

“Pretty much, yeah,” Soren replied, sticking his tongue out playfully.

“So juvenile!” Evelyn exclaimed, her thin frame shaking slightly as she laughed.

“What?” Soren asked innocently between bites.

“Nah,” Cody interjected, finally answering the original question. “I’m not really in the mood for noobs. How ‘bout tomorrow?” He set his drink down, reaching for pepperoni-showered pizza slice.

Soren mulled over it, watching his friend lightly. The boy had shed the hat and uniform, letting his hair wave with the wind. Like the rest of them, Cody held a light golden-white, pale complexion, though his was presently coated in goose bumps, as the warm summer air gave way to the cooler evening breeze. Soren had told him to bring a sweater, but the taller boy had refused, citing his “natural warmth”. Bet he regretted it now.

“I can’t tomorrow,” Soren answered, grabbing his orange pop. “My dad wants me to help him fix the car, or something, I dunno.” He took a drink, downing a good portion of the bottle, before wiping his lips dry. “The day after?”

“Maybe,” Cody answered.

With a nod, Soren stretched for another slice and looked at the girls. “What do you guys wanna do?” he questioned.

Evelyn shrugged. “I need to go home after this, actually,” she answered, taking a drink from her own orange pop. “Had to twist father’s hand, just to eat with you guys.”

Soren grinned at the thought—the “fun-sized” Evelyn roughing up her father. Of course, she’d meant verbally arguing with the man, rather than physically beating him. “Oh,” he whispered. “That sucks.”

“Is he letting me sleep over?” Raquel asked, meeting Evelyn’s eyes.

The girl nodded with a giggle. “Yeah! Mama would’ve slapped him silly if he’d refused.”

All of them laughed for a few moments, before Cody interjected. “Well, Soren, it looks like Evelyn and Raquel are gonna leave us after this.”

“Yeah,” Soren returned. “How mean of them, huh? Leaving us all alone.” He laughed, as the girls rolled their eyes in unison.

“Very!” Cody exclaimed. “Why don’t we just go to my house tonight?”

Soren beamed almost instantly, replying, “Sure! Doubt my dad will wake up before noon anyway.”

“I don’t think you will either,” Cody returning, grinning widely—almost wickedly.

His friend cracked up almost immediately, laughing excited as his cheeks flushed. “Oh gosh!” he exclaimed, nearly falling off the stone bench. “You’re hilarious, Cody!” He reached for his soda wildly, laughter still escaping him, and drunk exaggeratedly, before slamming the bottle back onto the table.

The two girls had laughed as well, and were now staring intently at their friends. “Oh my gosh!” Raquel declared. “That’s the most obvious you two have ever made it!”

Grinning, Cody finished his soda. “Maybe. Just couldn’t resist.” He smiled sheepishly towards Soren, who was returning the packed grin Cody had shot him moments earlier.

“You won’t be able to resist later either,” he snickered.

“Believe me,” Cody shot back, smirking, “I won’t even try.”

Before any of them could reply, a shadow walked up to them, and all four faces turned to it immediately. In front of them was Luka, dressed in a solid black jacket—the letters “GIS” spread across the chest in bold, white letters being the only decoration—and black jeans that hugged his twig-like legs. His hood hid the boy’s jet-black hair from the now-crimson sun, though his bright, blue eyes were the highlight of his face, smiling with the rest of his undeniably cute face. “Is this a bad time?” he asked, his words flowing out of his rosy lips easily.

“Not at all,” Soren answered, returning the shy smile. “What’s up, Luka?”

The two had been friends once, for a few weeks on the primary-school playground. Luka had moved away shortly after school began, however, breaking contact between the two. Only recently did the two start running into one another on the city streets.

 

“Hi,” a shorter Luka began, his chubby cheeks breaking into a wide smile mid-word. He stood across Soren, both dressed in black polyester shorts and navy blue cotton shirts. They two might’ve passed for twins.

“Hi,” the younger Soren replied, returning the childish grin.

It had been an awkward, childish greeting, though that hadn’t stopped them from immediately launching at one another, before chasing their classmates across the playground in a large game of tag. No one really knew who was “it” until it was far too late, and multiple people were somehow “it” simultaneously.

“I’m Luka,” Luka said, as the bell marking the end of break resonated in the background.

“Soren,” Soren returned. The two managed to shake hands like adults, and smiled proudly that they did so.

They’d played together daily afterwards, before Luka suddenly stopped going to school one week. Soren met Raquel shortly afterwards, and Evelyn a little thereafter. Cody had entered significantly later, during middle school. Though, neither really kept Soren from thinking back, remembering his first real—albeit juvenile—crush. He realized that piece a few weeks after meeting Cody.

 

“Nothing, really,” Luka replied, waking Soren from his reminiscing. “I was just passing through.” He smiled lightly, his hand juggling something in his jacket pockets. “Saw your game earlier… It was, exciting.”

Soren’s blue eyes widened momentarily, though quickly reverted to normal. “Thanks, I guess?”

Luka gave a small smirk, though turned as Raquel’s voice entered his ears, “How you doing, Luka? Haven’t seen you in a while.” She—as well as Cody and Evelyn—had met Luka relatively recently, the lot running into one another on the city streets a few months prior. Even then, Luka had been as enigmatic and shy as he seemed now.

“Hello, Raquel,” Luka replied. “I’ve been fine, just a tad busy.”

Raquel nodded, wondering. “You don’t go to our school, right?”

It was for the hundredth time, though Luka didn’t seem to mind, shaking his head as he answered, “No, I don’t; I’m homeschooled.” He smiled slightly, almost regretfully.

The four kids nodded, and Cody stepped up with, “What are you doing in the area, then?” Far as they knew, the boy could’ve lived in a few cities over.

Nonetheless, his question earned him a glare from Soren, as Luka merely continued smiling, a slight twist growing at the edge of his small, curvy lips. “Can’t I visit friends?”

Cody returned the smirk, answering, “You can, but…” He stopped suddenly, noticing the aggressive look overtaking Soren’s face.

Missing it himself, Luka leaned forward, blocking Cody’s view of the girls and angling his own face out of Soren’s eyesight. “Remember, Cody, I’ve known some of them longer than you have,” he whispered, eyeing Soren in particular.

“Indeed,” Cody replied, scowling slightly. “I was just asking, is all.”

Luka stepped back and stretched an arm into the air. “And I was just answering.” It was then he noticed the pizza lying on the table and looked at Raquel. “Can I have a slice?”

“Yeah,” she answered, slightly taken aback by the short show, “of course.”

The boy bowed slightly and snatched the last slice, whispering a short thank you. He ripped the point off almost violently and chewed, noticing the four pairs of eyes watching him steadily. “What?” he asked, blushing slightly and taking it slower.

“Nothing,” Evelyn answered, her friends realizing their situation and diverting their eyes; they tended to stare at him a lot. “We’re just, surprised to see you.”

Luka nodded, “Oh,” and took another bite. “I don’t come around often, do I?”

“Nope,” Soren answered for them. “We miss you; you should come more often.”

“Thanks…” Luka took another bite, using it to hide the regretful smile that nearly forced its way onto his lips. “I enjoy coming around,” he sighed after a moment. “It’s quieter here.”

Soren nodded slowly glanced at Cody, whose eyes were focused aggressively on Luka. Despite this, Soren shot Luka a wide smile, “How come? Little siblings?”

“Something like that,” Luka answered, giggling. He finished the slice as he surveyed the table, before pointing to Soren’s drink, “Can I have a bit, please?”

“Yeah, sure.”

Nodding, Luka took a small drink, before settling the bottle back with barely a tap. “Thanks,” he replied, to no one in particular. “I’m starving, for some reason.”

“Welcomes,” replied Soren, for all of them.

Luka bit his lower lip, before surveying each one of them. He smiled, noticing Cody’s tight glare. “Well,” he began, “it was nice talking to you guys again. I really should get home, though… My parents might come looking for me if I’m not home soon.” Or so he wished, at times.

Nonetheless, the four nodded, though only Raquel spoke, “Okay… It was nice seeing you too, as usual.”

Smiling, Luka backed off slightly. “Same here. Bye.” He turned cautiously, walking off down the street, leaving the four watching his shadow in silence for a couple minutes.

Their silence was only broken when Evelyn’s phone rang and her father’s thick voice came confidently through, “Honey! Baby, when are you coming home?”

Evelyn faced Soren, who looked at his watch and whispered, “It’s almost seven.”

“I’ll head home now, daddy,” the girl spoke into her phone, disheartened.

“Good!” the man replied excitedly. “I’m waiting right across the street.”

Evelyn’s face grew agape, and a quick glance upward revealed her father’s statement to be true; the man’s SUV was parked directly across the street. Her father even waved at her through the glass. “I’m on my way, daddy.” Evelyn returned a cautious wave, doing her best to keep a frown from her face. “We’ll be there in three.”

“Alright, honey. Bye.”

Evelyn slipped the phone back into her pocket and laughed weakly before standing up. “Well,” she began, “I guess I better go home. Coming, Raquel?”

Her friend nodded and stood up as well. “Yeah,” she stated, “of course. Bye, guys.”

Both Cody and Soren stood as well, and exchanged hugs with the two girls before they made their way across the street. The two boys sat back down, and quietly watched one another for an eternity.

Finally, Soren broke it. “Did you have to be so rude to Luka?”

Cody sighed deeply, letting his head hang. He knew it would be pointless to argue with Soren; the boy was unbelievably stubborn. “I’m sorry,” he muttered instead. “I just don’t like it when he talks to you that way.”

“Like what?” Soren demanded. “Like a friend?”

Cody cringed, shaking his head. “No… When he… when he flirts with you.” A blush worked its way onto his cheeks, though the boy kept his eyes as far from Soren’s as possible.

Soren’s anger broke immediately, as he erupted into light laughter. “You don’t have to be jealous, Cody,” he whispered. “I love you, not him.”

“I know,” Cody stressed. “It just gets to me how easily you flirt back.”

Soren’s smile vanished, replaced by a slight frown. “Come on,” he changed topics, “let’s go to your place.”

Cody nodded, stood, and grabbed the two empty boxes. The girls had taken their drinks, and Soren finished his as he reached his feet. Cody stuffed the boxes into a nearby bin, finishing his own soda before dropping it into a different bin, along with Soren’s. The two bottles hit with a dull thunk, as the two boys turned and left the garden.

It was growing dark, the only light coming from the dim white streetlights overhead. As they walked, Soren slipped his hand into Cody’s and smiled as he felt the latter’s tightening around his.

As I said, feel free to give me heat.
Copyright © 2013 Finn; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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Hi Finn, good for you for posting! I found a few things to question when reading this ... twin moons? Is it an alternate world? Futuristic? What's up with that girl's dad? And the strange boy that was flirting... So there are things that would make me want to read more. However, a few things also caught my eye you can work on. First, indents in online reading are really hard on the eyes. You might consider taking those out, it isn't standard to use them actually. The other things relate to your writing. I found the mix of characters to be confusing and I couldn't remember their names and they didn't stand out. Especially when working with the teen genre you need to make your characters stand out because there are so many of those stories here you have to set yourself apart from them to avoid sharing a story we feel like we've read a bunch of times. So work on making each character fully realized and unique by adding in small details-not just their looks but maybe habits too.

 

You have a habit of using a speech tag with every line of dialogue when that isn't necessary and is actually frowned up by most experienced writers. Google 'use of speech tags' or 'use of said-bookisms'. It is far better to use action or an emotion from a character to relate how they are talking/to whom/in what setting. That creates a better visual for the reader.

 

Check out the Writer's Corner here, and some of the past blogs. There have been quite a few tip blogs written up about teen stories, speech tags, and creating unique and fully realized characters. Whatever you do, keep writing!

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On 02/05/2013 03:50 AM, Cia said:
Hi Finn, good for you for posting! I found a few things to question when reading this ... twin moons? Is it an alternate world? Futuristic? What's up with that girl's dad? And the strange boy that was flirting... So there are things that would make me want to read more. However, a few things also caught my eye you can work on. First, indents in online reading are really hard on the eyes. You might consider taking those out, it isn't standard to use them actually. The other things relate to your writing. I found the mix of characters to be confusing and I couldn't remember their names and they didn't stand out. Especially when working with the teen genre you need to make your characters stand out because there are so many of those stories here you have to set yourself apart from them to avoid sharing a story we feel like we've read a bunch of times. So work on making each character fully realized and unique by adding in small details-not just their looks but maybe habits too.

 

You have a habit of using a speech tag with every line of dialogue when that isn't necessary and is actually frowned up by most experienced writers. Google 'use of speech tags' or 'use of said-bookisms'. It is far better to use action or an emotion from a character to relate how they are talking/to whom/in what setting. That creates a better visual for the reader.

 

Check out the Writer's Corner here, and some of the past blogs. There have been quite a few tip blogs written up about teen stories, speech tags, and creating unique and fully realized characters. Whatever you do, keep writing!

Danks, ma'am!! For the,helpful words. My hands are a bit tied at the moment (phones are crap for web-surfacing...) But I'll check out that stuff ASAP. I did notice the horrible indenting, but it was late and I was being barked at, so couldn't fix... Intended to do so today, but l I can't get much of anything done on this phone.
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I quite like Luka's character, this is intriguing! I did notice several typos so I would suggest additional revision before posting, but I think it's a good chapter. Also, I'd consider revising your synopsis as well -- a more descriptive summary will attract more readers. Anyways, I am looking forward to the next installment :P

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On 02/05/2013 06:20 PM, Luc Rosen said:
I quite like Luka's character, this is intriguing! I did notice several typos so I would suggest additional revision before posting, but I think it's a good chapter. Also, I'd consider revising your synopsis as well -- a more descriptive summary will attract more readers. Anyways, I am looking forward to the next installment :P
Huh. Thought I'd replied to this. But, anyway, yes, I do intend to make some fixes. Lots of fixes. Now that I got a web-connected computer again, well... it's only a matter of time.

 

Few hours, most likely/hopefully... Updated the, description just now... Tis any better?

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You wrote this story on a phone?! I can't even stand TEXTING on a phone; it's too slow! I couldn't imagine writing a whole story on it! lol

 

Anyway....I ran out of likes; I'm sorry. I really, really like this story so far.

 

What's with Evelyn's dad? She's a teenager? And he's like creeper/stalking her? And he's so excited she's coming home? What gives? lol But poor Evelyn; I would have been mortified! I think my kids would kill me if I did that!

 

Love Cody's insecurities regarding Soren and Luka's flirting. I'd feel the same way as Cody.

 

Ok, on to chapter two! =)

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On 02/14/2013 03:39 PM, Lisa said:
You wrote this story on a phone?! I can't even stand TEXTING on a phone; it's too slow! I couldn't imagine writing a whole story on it! lol

 

Anyway....I ran out of likes; I'm sorry. I really, really like this story so far.

 

What's with Evelyn's dad? She's a teenager? And he's like creeper/stalking her? And he's so excited she's coming home? What gives? lol But poor Evelyn; I would have been mortified! I think my kids would kill me if I did that!

 

Love Cody's insecurities regarding Soren and Luka's flirting. I'd feel the same way as Cody.

 

Ok, on to chapter two! =)

Thanks! Glad to hear it's actually being enjoyed, aha.

 

I shouldn't really say much as to Evelyn and her dad, though, for fear of spoiling things. ;P

 

But, yes, even I think it's a bit much. It's part of the story though. All these not-so-little boys and girls will have their share of headaches, even though it revolves mostly around a certain pair of boys...

 

Apologies for the misunderstanding, though. I was stuck with a phone as my only net access for last week, but I posted the chapters from my computer; the first right before, and the second right after.

 

I'd die if I tried to type this out on a phone. I could barely type a single paragraph without making a crapton of errors.

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Hi Finn,

I think you did a good job introducing the cast of the story here. There were nice attention to details too.

For me though, I think as a first chapter it would benefit from a sense of direction and purpose. That would make it much more focused give it a stronger sense of progression.

Keep it up :)

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On 04/27/2013 10:12 AM, Circle said:
Hi Finn,

I think you did a good job introducing the cast of the story here. There were nice attention to details too.

For me though, I think as a first chapter it would benefit from a sense of direction and purpose. That would make it much more focused give it a stronger sense of progression.

Keep it up :)

Ehhehheh... Heyya Circle,

 

Thanks. I can agree that direction and purpose would be a plus, but.... Aha, you know, I wrote that like... a forever ago. Bit late, aha. xD

 

Danks for the review, bro. Hopefully, I'll start off with more purpose in later things I write. I honestly just opened Word and let the thing write itself. :(

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