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    Kitt
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To Quiet the Little Voice - 4. Zombie Diets

Prompt 244 Zombie apocalypse

Note: Zombies are not really my thing, but after reading the other responses and a conversation with Sasha the little voice in my head started in again so here I go. I swear the little voice is actually writing the responses and I am simply the typist!

 

Prompt 244

              

 

Why do the living think we want to be like this? We don’t. I don’t tell them they should not be eating steak do I?

 

It is really a matter of survival. We exist. If want to keep existing, we have to feed. It’s not my fault a cow’s brains just don’t cut it for zombie nutrition. Ordering a batch from the local butchers shop like you live ones would buy a side of beef to fill your freezer would be soooooooo much easier!

 

Ok, let me start at the beginning. I’m obviously a zombie. There are lots of bad things about that, and very few good things.

 

The human trait to carry on, to survive, to do what you have to in order to keep going gets way stronger after you die. We’ve been there, and don’t want to do it again. If you end up like me this trait gets all the stronger.

 

For us, surviving means the regular consumption of human brains. Cow or pig brains may sustain us for a short time, but only long enough to find a human donor. Most of us don’t like the idea of where our meals come from. I mean – we used to be exactly like you. But survival is survival ya know? We try and stick to the already recently departed. Like any food, fresh is always best. Frozen is a decent second place. In a pinch we could dig up someone from the local cemetery but that is just, well, too ghoulish for my tastes. And like any carnivorous based diet there comes a time when decomposition renders something inedible.

 

The black market has helped to reduce the number of feeding deprived crazed zombies. We can get what we need by making a deal with a well-informed coroner or funeral director. The “donors” are no longer using what we need and no one is truly hurt by this. Immoral? Maybe, but to my mind it’s better than eating the guy next door. And as long as we feed properly you would never know us from any one of the still fully living.

 

It’s only the ones who have resisted feeding properly for too long who snap. The lack of sustenance is what causes the decay. Our brains go first. This is why poorly fed zombies shuffle and have such poor bodily control. Sort of like a zombie version of a stroke. The decomp messes up the vocal patterns too. Once the decay has started it really cannot be reversed. Feeding properly will slow it but …..

 

The so called “feeding frenzy” of a group of zombies isn’t quite what you think either. The lack of brain activity drives the poor dumb shits to band together to feed. It’s the only way. Sort of like pooling the remaining functioning brain matter to get it together enough to feed.

 

Once a zombie has snapped it’s like their own brains never existed. Feeding is their only priority. And at that point only a fresh kill will do. No thought process at all to curb the temptations. Lunch walks by in the form of some hot young twink and they go for it. No, it has nothing to do with if we had been gay or straight before we changed. Another of the other things that sucks about this state is a lack of sexual desire. None, zero, zilch. We remember, and miss it, but the hormones simply are not there. For some silly reason gay guys taste better. Don’t ask me why that is, it just is.

 
Copyright © 2013 Kitt; All Rights Reserved.
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Haha, glad I read this BEFORE I ate breakfast! lol

 

Never got into zombies myself...now I know why. ;)

 

Great job, Kitt putting your little voice to work. It should be doing something besides watching TV in your head. lol J/K

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Omg I can see a zombie dressed in a three piece suit in front of a college class discussing the dietary habits of zombies. so very cut and dried. It is hilarious but I love the last comment the best about gay guys just tasting better. That was perfect!!

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On 08/22/2013 01:58 AM, Lisa said:
Haha, glad I read this BEFORE I ate breakfast! lol

 

Never got into zombies myself...now I know why. ;)

 

Great job, Kitt putting your little voice to work. It should be doing something besides watching TV in your head. lol J/K

He can be an annoying little bugger! Glad you enjoyed.
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On 08/22/2013 03:35 AM, Daithi said:
Omg I can see a zombie dressed in a three piece suit in front of a college class discussing the dietary habits of zombies. so very cut and dried. It is hilarious but I love the last comment the best about gay guys just tasting better. That was perfect!!
Thank you. I love the imagery you set with my text!
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On 08/22/2013 09:19 AM, Stephen said:
Yes, they're out there, and I've met them. They are everywhere...

Run Kitt, -Run!

LOL are you sure you are not the one needs to be running?
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I imagine the zombie who wrote this using a big toddler's crayon on wrinkled paper and moaning in displeasure at his discrimination before sending it off to the reader editorial department at the local newspaper. While reading, I was reminded of vegans, though I couldn't tell you why. This musing on zombie society is amusing with many smile-inducing ideas, including a great first sentence, but the best part is the great laugh it ends on. I can just imagine the conversation at the zombie dinner table, "Wow, mom, this tastes great! Must've been gay! Can you pass the salt, Uncle Gwooooargh?"

Your ideas remind of Warm Bodies, the Nicholas Hoult movie adapted from a novel, wherein a zombie falls in love with a human. In that story, there are two types of zombies, ones who have a vague memory of what it's like to be human and are more moral and try not to be so bad about eating humans, and a second type that has lost all memory of being human and are like feral undead animals. I'm not saying you jigged anything from that one, it's just a recommendation for anyone who wants to see a story with some similarities to the zombie society Kitt thought up.

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On 08/24/2013 01:03 PM, thebrinkoftime said:
I imagine the zombie who wrote this using a big toddler's crayon on wrinkled paper and moaning in displeasure at his discrimination before sending it off to the reader editorial department at the local newspaper. While reading, I was reminded of vegans, though I couldn't tell you why. This musing on zombie society is amusing with many smile-inducing ideas, including a great first sentence, but the best part is the great laugh it ends on. I can just imagine the conversation at the zombie dinner table, "Wow, mom, this tastes great! Must've been gay! Can you pass the salt, Uncle Gwooooargh?"

Your ideas remind of Warm Bodies, the Nicholas Hoult movie adapted from a novel, wherein a zombie falls in love with a human. In that story, there are two types of zombies, ones who have a vague memory of what it's like to be human and are more moral and try not to be so bad about eating humans, and a second type that has lost all memory of being human and are like feral undead animals. I'm not saying you jigged anything from that one, it's just a recommendation for anyone who wants to see a story with some similarities to the zombie society Kitt thought up.

My apologies for the similarities to a movie i have ever seen or even heard of. If you read the chapter blurb, zombies are not usually my thing, so there must be a host of movies I could have inadvertent similarities to.
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