Little Life of Nolan Parks - 20. Just a Push - It's My Life

Nolan's POV

I was lying in my bed... My bed from the old house. Why, why am I here?

The door opened to Paul standing there. Quickly I became scared, I tried to run, and I tried to hide. It was no use; he caught me. He began taking off my clothes; I struggled to get away.

“STOP IT!” I screamed, but I couldn't hear anything. I screamed, I know I did. Where did it go?

Paul pushed my head down, bending me over. “Just be a good boy.” His voice was disoriented; it wasn't his voice. It belonged to a monster, not my brother.

Again I tried to scream. “Liam!” Nothing came out. “LIAM!” Where was Liam? Where was anyone? I NEED HELP!

I struggled under my brother. I kept screaming for someone... Liam, Mom, Leif even, no answer. No matter what I did, I couldn’t hear my voice, and no one would come to my aid.

“Nolan...” That voice... “Nolan wake up.” Liam's voice. The dream dissolved as I woke from my slumber. The bed I was on disappeared, crumbling like sand in your hand. The pressure from Paul instantly vanished as a soft, gentle touch surrounded my body.

My body was wet, I was soaked in sweat. Liam had wrapped his arms around me now, holding me tight to him. My body shook as I held onto Liam tightly. “Liam I'm scared.” I managed to get out.

He rubbed my back and softly spoke. “It was just a dream Nolan, just a dream.” Just a dream... Just a dream. Paul isn't here... Liam is, he'll protect me. I clung to him for what felt like dear life. He's my angel, my protector, my savior.

Liam's POV

Nolan had another nightmare, waking me up in my sleep by kicking my knee. Once I got him awake, he calmed down a little but shook as I held him. Its nights like this that I truly feel sorry for him.

The nightmares started to go away after a while, but now though they are getting more active. The other day Nolan received the date of the trial, and that’s when they restarted. It must be traumatizing just to have the idea you have to see your rapist again.

After awhile, Nolan calmed down and snuggled into my chest. “Thanks, Liam...” He whispered.

“Anytime Nolly.” In private I call him Nolly. It helps him, sort of. As time passed, Nolan relaxed more and more, eventually falling asleep.

I was awake, and my knee hurt too much to fall back to sleep. I plugged in earphones and turned on some music. That was interrupted by the door to my room opening. “Yes?” I asked whoever was there.

“I had a bad dream...” Leif. “Can I snuggle?” He might be eleven, but he's still a little baby sometimes. I love him to death though.

“Sure.” He quickly moved under the covers and snuggled up to me.

I felt Leif's hand reach over until he made contact with Nolan. “Nolan is snuggling you too?” Leif asked.

“Ya, he had a bad dream too.” Nolan laid so soundly against my chest. I couldn't see his eyes; his hair had grown to cover them.

Leif looked over to Nolan. “Does he always snuggle you when he has a bad dream?” How do I explain Nolan's bad dreams to my little brother? Okay lets... lets just try.

“Nolan's bad dreams are different than regular bad dreams.” Leif looked over at me questioningly. “His dreams aren't like normal nightmares. They are things he has experienced that he doesn't want to happen to him again. But he's afraid they will, and so he dreams of them.”

"But you won't let those things happen again, right?” I guess I've set the example for Leif... not my dad.

I nodded. “Right. I'll protect Nolan just as much as I will protect you.”

Leif snuggled into me again. “You're the best big brother.” See this is why I love my brother. “When are we going to have another 'brother's day'?”

Oh my god, shit! We've been here for months and not a single brother's day has happened! Once a week, usually, we have a brother's day just for the two of us. It could be anything from board games to mini-golf and everything in between. Now I feel really bad.

“I completely forgot about those days; I'm sorry Leif. We'll have one this week okay?”

“What will we do if Nolan has another bad dream? Or maybe he has a meltdown, and you have to go and calm him down.” Leif cares for Nolan as much as I do, but he really wants some brother time. It must be tearing him apart.

“You didn't have a nightmare, did you?” Leif remained quiet. It was no nightmare; it was part jealousy, mostly feeling removed from my life. I couldn't blame him; I haven't been the best big brother. “I'm sorry Nolan has gotten so much of my attention lately, but I promise things will start getting back to normal with us.”

“When? When will things get back to normal?” Leif sounded like he was getting ready to cry. “I miss my brother, I get that Nolan needs you, but I miss you.” Fuck my life... from Nolan to Leif; I'm not going to get any rest tonight. Good guy Liam saving the day, one sleepless night at a time.

“Leif, this Friday it'll be a brother's day. If Nolan needs me...” I don't know, I can't think that far ahead. Fuck what do I do?

“I'll go to Henry's that day.” Nolan surprised us both. “I'm sorry I've been hogging your brother Leif.” Okay, why do these kids have such large hearts for each other?

Leif shook his head before speaking. “I know it's not your fault you have those moments, and I'm sorry for being jealous of you two spending so much time together.”

Nolan reached over and ruffled his hair. “On Friday I will find a way to make sure you can have your day with Liam. It's your turn to have time with your brother.”

“Thanks, Nolan.” Leif sounded delighted. Leif then yawned, which cause all of us to yawn. “Time for bed!” I got two of the best family member I could ask for snuggling up to me right now... I am too nice of a big brother, way way way too nice.

Henry's POV

“Off to the mall!!” Liam had planned a day with his little brother. So Nolan is hanging out with the twins and I. Luckily it was on one of my days off, so I get to hang out all day with them!

“Are we honestly walking?” Richie asked. “It's so far away from here...” Richie can be lazy sometimes, and this was one of those times.

“Yes, come on!” Randy pulled his brother along. “It's three against one on the vote. Now stop complaining and get matching!” With a groan from Richie, we were on our way.

The mall was only a thirty-minute walk from my place. We played around like boys do; Nolan remained quiet most of the time. It was good just to be with him, even if he was quiet.

When we got to the mall, Randy and Richie quickly looked at each other. “We're going to go to the hair cutters. Mom is complaining about how long our hair is. We'll text you when we're done!” And like that they were off, giggling to themselves. It's true though, they do need a haircut.

"I guess that leaves you and me,” I spoke kind of awkwardly. I mean, when you both know you like each other how are you not awkward!?

Nolan nodded. “Guess so...” Nolan seems sort of awkward about it too. We roamed around the mall a bit just window shopping, not saying much. Nolan broke the silence. “What do you want to do? We've been wandering around for a while now.”

I shrugged. “I don't know, what do you want to do?”

He looked around the mall for something. “I'm not used to this... going out and about and hanging out like this. This is your expertise.” Nolan offered a shy smile and looked away.

“Follow me then!” I took his hand and led him off to the other end of the mall. We even passed by the twins getting their haircut. I brought him to the HMV. “Welcome to HMV!”

“HMV?” Nolan looked around the shop. “What does HMV stand for?”

“Umm... I don't know.” I looked over to a store clerk. “Excuse me what does HMV stand for?”

The guy looked at me for a moment. “Ummm... Honestly, I don't know I'm pretty new.”

“His Master's Voice!” Yelled another employee across the store. She came up to us and continued to speak. “It's a title of a painting by Francis Barraud.”

“Thanks!” I looked over at Nolan. “There you go!”

Nolan hid behind his hair, blushing. “You didn't need to make the whole store stop for me.”

“It really isn't a problem young man. Is there anything I can help you with?” She smiled as she offered her assistance.

“No, we're just going to take a look around. Thank you though.” I brought Nolan over to the music section. “So what kind of music do you like?”

“Umm... I like Three Days Grace and Good Charlotte.” That makes more sense than it should. “I already have all their CDs though.”

“Let's take a look around then, see if anything comes to mind.” We took a look around the store just looking around at all the stuff in the store. Nolan had lots of questions about a bunch of shirts and some bands. His latest one, Green Lantern, specifically what the symbol on the shirt meant. “It's Green Lantern, a character from DC comics.”

“And so he made a sideways H with a circle in the middle?”

I took another look at the shirt, can't help but agree. “Ya, I guess... It's just the symbol that they went with, I don't know why.”

“And people wear those kinds of shirts?”

“Ya, all the time. There is a show called Big Bang Theory that has brought a lot more attention to the geeky scene.” Nolan took another look at the shirts. “Is there any of them that you like?”

“Well, there is that one...” He pointed towards a Game of Thrones shirt. It had the Targaryen family symbol that was a triple-headed dragon. “I like the dragon on it.”

“It's from a show called Game of Thrones. It's based on a book series called 'Songs of Fire and Ice.' It has five books out that you can read.”

"Books?” He looked over at me. “What are they about?”

I shrugged. “I haven't seen anything from Game of Thrones, but it's middle aged stuff with dragons.” That's the best I got for an explanation.” Honestly don't know much else.

“Is there a bookstore in the mall?”

“Ya, Chapters, it's close by actually. You want to go?”

“Please, I want to read the back covers of these books.”

I couldn't help but smile. “Okay, let's go!” I grabbed his hand again. This time though his fingers entwined with him. He looked away from me, hiding behind his hair again. It was cute. I couldn't resist smiling as we walked out of the store.

It only took a few minutes to get to Chapters, and then like a bazillion years to find the books. He was deep into the text on the back of the book. Nolan looks so cute when he's in deep thought.

“I really want this book now.” He looked up at me with a huge smile, and then it suddenly faded. “Can we go now?”

He grabbed the first three books and went to walk to the front until. “What's wrong Nolan?”

He shook his head. “Nothing...”

I grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. “Nolan!”

Nolan's eyes glazed through me like he was staring at someone else. His body began to shake a little. “Please, can we go?” He looked as if he was going to cry.

“Hey, guys!” Randy yelled as him, and Richie walked in the store. “What’s up with Nolan?

Nolan turned around again and rushed over to the counter. Richie took a look at me. “Seriously, what's up with him?”

“I don't know...” I turned around and just saw a bunch of people in the store. There wasn't anyone who stood out to me. “We should just go, it'll help Nolan.” I went up to Nolan and rubbed his shoulder to help him calm down. What happened?

Nolan seemed to calm as I stayed by his side. “Thanks, Henry...” He whispered as we waited in line.

I smiled to myself. “Anytime Nolly, I'll be here for you.” He leaned back into me a bit. God, I wanted to kiss him then, but now is not the time. Now I have to calm him down, not potentially make things worse.

Randy's POV

Richie and I took a look around Chapters as Henry got Nolan out. Richie shrugged. “I don't know; I'm going to go see how Nolan is doing.”

My brother walked off. I stayed to take another look around. All of a sudden Tracy, a grade 11 walked into view. So out of anyone here, Tracy is the only one that Nolan could have known...

I might be 14, and two years younger than him, but I walked up to him anyways. “Hey, you're Tracy right?”

He looked at me for a moment. “Yes, you're a member of the swim team right?”

“Ya, Randy Campbell. Do you know Nolan Parks?” Tracy fidgeted a moment before looking away. “I'll take that as a yes. Is there any reason he would be scared of you?”

“I... I don't see why... why he would be.” He couldn't keep eye contact with me. What is he not telling me? “I got to go; I told my Dad I would only be a few minutes. See ya.”

He turned and walked away, turning around twice before going out the main doors of the store. Not the ones that go into the mall, they have their own doors to outside the mall. “Tracy!” I called to him. He turned around and looked directly at me. The look on his face, it was so similar to Nolan's when I first saw him freak out. “I'm not done talking to you, I hope you know that.”

He shook his head and continued his way out. If I learned one thing it's that Tracy knows something about Nolan that we don't. I want to find out what.

Richie came up behind me, knocking me out of my fixation. “What did you find out?”

“I don't know yet...”

“We're about to go; Nolan is better now.” I stayed looking towards the door. “Coming goofball?”

“Oh shut up Mr. 'I want short hair, but still able to do stuff with it',” I smirked at him.

He rolled his eyes. “At least I know what I want!” Oh, brother of mine.

What's up with Tracy though? His behavior is too suspicious for it not to have something to do with it... I need to find out something; I'm too curious.

Chapter End.