Mate me - 6. Rocky Road

My eyes sprung open from a restful sleep. The sun was streaming in through the blinds and I could hear birds chirping outside the window. I looked around this isn’t my room I mused. Wait a minute, oh my God! This is not my room. Then I registered the other body pressed up against me. Riley. He even smelt good in the morning, spices, rain and evergreens. He was a walking forest. I smiled to myself. His strong arm tightened around my waist pulling me into him. It felt so right, being in his arms like this, but I couldn’t bask in this feeling. I had to leave now. The palpitations in my chest become more pronounced, as I began to panic. My mom will wake me up for breakfast around 7 and I won’t be there. Maybe she’ll call the cops giving my father more reason to hate me.

“Riley, Ry. I have to go now.” He stirred. Moving his arm. I turned around and faced him. He looked so peaceful while he slept. I almost felt bad about waking him up. “Ry please wake up we have to go. I shook him harder.” His cobalt blue eyes snapped open. My heart stopped. His hair lay in casual disarray it looked like it was artfully styled. My fingers itched to stroke his disheveled strands.

“Shit.” He cursed breaking me out of my reverie. “What time is it?” He sat up and rubbed his eyes. I looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table.

“7:10” I was officially screwed.

“Okay let's get you out of here.” He tossed me a sleepy smile. My panic froze then melted. It was hard to ignore his sexiness. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”

“It’s ok, so did I. Do you have a toothbrush I can borrow.”

“The bathroom is the second door on the left down the hall. It’s the purple one in the black cup.” I nodded, I untangled my legs from his and followed his directions. Once there I brushed my teeth as quickly as possible in the tidy but cluttered room. When I finished, I stepped out into the hallway and slammed into something hard.

“Oof!” The collision knocked the wind out of me.

“Whoa there! I’m sorry are you okay?” He steadied me. “Jacs right?” I nodded my face blazing. I knew how this looked even though nothing happened even though I kinda wished something did.

“Good morning… er Mr... Robert” That was how I realized I didn’t know Riley’s last name.

“Robert is fine.” He smiled warmly. There was an awkward pause.

“Uncle Robert do you mind if I just grab my toothbrush.” Riley stepped past him and slipped into the bathroom. Uncle Robert was huge. I’m not usually intimidated by much but Unc-Robert was probably 6 feet of pure solid muscle. This was made evident by the white undershirt and boxer shorts he was wearing. He had the same dark hair and intense blue eyes as Riley. I could definitely see the resemblance. Riley was tall but not as tall as his uncle. He was about 5’10 and he had more of runners build. Riley was out in two seconds. The longest two seconds of my life. I felt awkward and for some reason I felt that Robert was completely content just watching me wallow in the awkwardness.

“Jacs, why don’t you go get your stuff I’ll meet you downstairs.” Riley’s voice was gentle like a soft caress. I nodded, grateful for an out. Riley turned to Robert, they seemed to be having some sort weird non verbal face off. Eventually Robert smiled it was friendly.

“Always a pleasure Jacqueline.” He tipped an invisible hat and walked into the bathroom. I couldn’t help smiling back.

*** 

Once we were in the car I drove as fast as I could allow myself. I had to get her home.

“I think your uncle thinks we hooked up last night. Is that weird? I mean nothing happened but he is your relative even though you're an adult who lives in his house.”

“It’s a little weird.” I confessed. I paused before continuing. “I mean I’ve never brought anyone home before...you’re the first.” The silence was deafening almost uncomfortably so. I threw a glance in her direction. She was looking out the window. I swallowed. Fuck did I scare her away?

“Wow that’s…you’re such a catch Riley. It’s hard to believe girls aren’t lining up to date you.” She chuckled awkwardly, no doubt trying to diffuse the tension.

“I-I want to date someone special...Someone like you.” Her eyes stayed glued to the scenery and she failed to speak. I felt like I was sinking into nothingness. My mate doesn’t want me. She wants to date other people. People like Dylan. I was completely shattered. We rode in silence for the rest of the way.

*** 

My stomach churned. I tried to say something reassuring, anything, when I opened my mouth to speak nothing came out. Truth was I wanted him but I just couldn’t. All my relationships up until this point have failed miserably. I didn’t want this whatever it was to end up like that. I didn’t want to ruin things. I just wanted a friend, and there was potential here for a beautiful friendship. When we pulled up to my driveway I turned to him finally. His face was like a granite, sharp angles and contemplative. I was momentarily struck by his beauty. I mentally chided myself, this isn’t the the time for that. I didn’t want to hurt him. Things were moving too fast and I couldn’t handle it. If I didn’t stop it, we would both be worse off. I undid my seatbelt.

“Riley let’s be friends.” He blinked a few times then looked straight ahead.

“I want more Jacs.” His voice was rough. “It’s okay, I want you to be happy…” A somber smile graced his lips.

“Riley…” He was hurting, it made my heart ache. Without thinking, I reached out and wrapped my hand around the back of his neck pulling him towards me. He undid his seatbelt as he drew near, and gracefully climbed on top of me. His scent and this intense chemistry... like pheromones, his car was saturated with it, with our desire. This was something else, this was new and the novelty was intoxicating. I was no longer in control. My desire and lust where wholly in charge and my mind was too busy melting to care. When our lips touched it was pure ecstasy just like before but better. I hadn’t realized how desperate I was for his lips. My entire body was on fire as lust coursed through my veins. He took control of the kiss languidly moving his tongue as if we had all the time in the world. I simply followed and held on for the ride. He broke the kiss but kept his forehead connected to mine. He opened his eyes and looked at me like I was translucent. I shuddered, feeling exposed.

“I can see that you want me…” He brought his hand to my chin, cupped it and led me to his lips. The kiss was light and feathery and left me wanting more. Then he traced my bottom lip with his tongue and bit triggering a moan. “I know that you want me.” He was heaving we both were. I writhed beneath him. It was a reflex. He bit my bottom lip harder this time. “You smell so good.” He breathed into my neck. “I want you Jacs.” He undid my coat and kissed along my collarbone.

“Riley.” I choked out. Arching into him. It was too much. I felt like I was being turned inside out. The heat was all consuming.

“I want to taste you, all of you.” Something sharp brushed the base of my neck. I moaned, squirming. The thought of him tasting me...a surge of pleasure hit me straight between the thighs. I wanted friction I wanted him.

“Riley I-I want…”

“I know what you want baby.” He cooed. “It’s okay, I’ll wait for you.” He returned to my lips and kissed me with such passion I turned to mush. I was breathless. I was disintegrating. He nibbled on my lip one last time before moving back over to the driver's seat. It took me a minute to gather my wits. I couldn’t think and I didn’t want him to stop but he did stop. My body throbbed. When I finally opened my eyes he was staring at me. His eyes were dark and his expression was pure sex. I sucked in a breath.

“Thanks for the ride and for listening.” I was having trouble focusing. “I um... fuck Riley I just can’t...I’m a mess right now...I’m just not looking for something serious.” My heart was pounding in my chest. He simply studied me as I spoke. Finally he opened his mouth.

“I’ll wait.” Goosebumps materialized on my skin. He watched me then licked his lips. I almost groaned. I fought the urge to reach out and touch him. That’s what started this mess. My body was betraying me.

“I have to go.”

“I know. Do up your coat.” He blushed. More hickies. I did as he suggested. I didn’t want to leave.

“Bye Riley.” I gave him a quick peck on the cheek before I could stop myself,then I fled.

*** 

I was in pain. It hurt to think, to remember, to breath, even just to be. It was unbearable. Somehow I made it home through the haze. I discarded my clothes as I crawled up to my room and I shifted halfway there. I hopped up onto the bed. Her scent still lingered. I took it in knowing it would fade and then I would be left with nothing. Usually my wolf gave me comfort and strength, but now my wolf was uncertain and scared. The uncertainty was eating at me. She wanted me yet she won’t have me. It made my head spin. She was human, denying me wouldn’t kill her spirit. She could move on and be happy with someone else. Whereas I… I don’t even know what happened to wolves whose mate denied them. I shivered and I curled up in a ball on the bed and fell into a deep sleep.

 ***

“Honey are you okay? Where have you been?” A quick look at my phone revealed it was 8:00 and I had five missed calls from my mom and one from my dad. My mom pulled me into a fierce hug.

“She was out all night with that boy.” He glared at me neck. Right that. I had been waking up early to put on full coverage makeup. The ones that he could see were mostly faded anyway. “Well I’m late for work. Thanks for that.” He spat, slamming the door as he left.

“Honey are you alright?” I stared listlessly at her.

“I’m gonna go upstairs and take a nap.” I was crippled by the weight of my sadness. It hit as soon as he drove away. He said he would wait but he couldn’t wait forever. I didn’t think I would ever be ready. This is what I wanted, to be single. Fuck, then why does it feel like my heart was gouged out with an ice cream scoop.

“Honey talk to me, is everything alright do we need to go to the hospital?” The panic in her voice was rising.

“No mom.” I tried to smile but it was more like a grimace. I didn’t even feel this way when I broke up with my first ex and I always considered him the great love of my life. “It’s been a long night. I just need my bed.”

“Honey if you don’t tell me what’s going on right now we are going to the hospital and getting a rape kit.” She was hysterical. I shook my head.

“Mom that’s not necessary. Nothing like that happened. I-I think I just broke up with someone. That’s all, so if you’ll excuse me I’m going to bed.” She nodded pulling me in for another hug before letting me go.

*** 

It had been about a week. A full seven days and I still hadn’t heard from her. It was over. Even after that blistering kiss. Maybe I was wrong, maybe she didn’t want me. I tucked my head further into my body. I was still in my wolf fur. It felt almost bearable in this form. I only shifted back to my human skin to slip out to the bathroom a few times a day. My uncle brought me food and water. And everyday he tried to coax me out of my pelt so we could talk. I couldn’t talk about my humiliation. I moved too fast and I scared her away. The knowledge killed me, I ruined things. I lifted my head and howled. Pouring all my sorrow into my mourning cry. My uncle pushed the door open. He looked like a madman. His eyes were wild.

“Riley this has to stop. I’ve called the Alpha.” I ignored him. Snuggling into an even tighter ball. “We can feel it, we can feel your pain.” His voice was soft. “It’s overwhelming but we are all connected to you now.” I searched his face. He was telling the truth; his eyes were sincere and pleading. “I’m sorry things didn’t go well with your mate I wish it did. She seemed sweet but...”

“Your soul will die Riley.” The Alpha’s booming voice came through the dim. I already knew that. “Now shift so we can have a proper conversation.” I bowed my head in respect, but I made no move to shift. “Don’t make me make you.” He said calmly. A few minutes passed and my position remained unchanged. Then I felt it. ‘Shift.’ Reverberated deep within me. I was forced up on all fours. I wailed as my bones cracked and my fur fell away. It was unnatural it was like something ugly was twisting me inside out. I was being invaded and I felt vulnerable. When it stopped I collapsed. I didn’t bother covering myself.

“Nice to see you too Alpha.” My voice was raw and laced with venom. I tried to call on my wolf but he was being suppressed. It only made me angrier. But I was weak, too weak to fight. He chuckled.

“Stop fighting, I’m here to help you.” I sighed. Finally I let go and he released my wolf. My body shuddered in relief. He walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. “It’s okay Riley, we’ll get you through this.”

“You just said my soul will die.” I wiped away a stray tear that had fallen.

“If you retreat in your wolf. If you wallow in sadness, then yes. You have to choose to keep going.”

“I’m a wolf whose mate doesn’t want me, I think it’s okay for me to wallow.”

“We can all feel your sadness Riley, the whole pack. It’s affecting us. It’s draining. Your stronger than you realize.” I sighed. “You're allowed to be sad but now it’s time to keep busy. Occupy your mind with other things, over time the sadness will fade-”

“But it will always be there.”

“Perhaps.” He admitted. “But maybe in time she’ll come around.” My uncle and the Alpha exchanged a look.

“What?”

“Your bond is still intact. Can’t you feel it, can’t you feel her.”

“We aren’t mated.” I said flatly.

“You still smell like her. Push past the pain can you feel her.” I closed my eyes and did as I was told. I thought of her. I felt her lips on mine. I thought of her long dark eyelashes that framed her amber eyes. The same amber eyes I could get lost in. Then I felt something else entirely, it was a sadness so deep it was endless but it wasn’t my own it was hers. My eyes flew open. The Alpha grinned.

“Give it some time it will work out.”

“How do you know?”

“You’ve been feeding off each other’s pain. It’s clear you can feel her. If the connection was broken there’d be nothing. The fact that there’s still a connection means there is hope.” Hope, the word bounced around my brain. The tightness in my chest loosened. I’ll give her space and wait like I promised and maybe she’ll come around. One can only hope.